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ihatemynose

What Others See Vs Your Mind

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This is a thread for those who are really self conscious, who have "normal" skin or skin isn't severe but in the past due to the negative experiences of acne which scarred them forever.

1. Don't take pictures to compare your acne because the camera captures a 3D world into a 2 dimensional picture. So naturally, the way the light bounces and different angles are completely different than what appears to the human eye.

2. If you really want to see what your skin appear to others, you should record yourself with a video camera. It's the most accurate way because images are not "still" but moving.

3. Mirrors... Yep we look at those where ever we go, but sometimes we appear differently in different mirrors, different places? Why? Again it's because the way the light bounces off which can make your skin look 3 times worse, or flawless. The way you see yourself is different what other people see you. One huge example is people who suffers from anorexia, they will always see themselves over weight even they are actually under weight. If you keep on thinking that your skin looks like a pizza, chances are your mind will create this negative image of yourself making you "making" yourself look ugly; when it isn't even that noticeable.

I'm pretty sure that most of us has heard the something like" Your skin isn't even that bad" or something close to that. That's because it's not that bad as we think. We are so focused and self conscious about our skin that we see even the tiniest flaw. For example, if you have a zit or pimple on your face, you are always thinking "I'm so ugly I have those zits on my face" so that's the only thing you can focus your attention to, therefore seeing only acne on your face and nothing else. Another example is when you lie, only you know your lying, only you are blushing and getting nervous when other people don't.

When other people see you, they see your entire face not only just your acne. They still notice how handsome you are and how cute you are. Most of us are creating this negative image of ourself which leads to all these self conscious issues.

Try looking for another person with acne, are they as "ugly" as your mind is tell you how ugly you are?

Hope it helps some of you to be less self conscious.

Edited by ihatemynose

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i don't get your third point. if i'm in the light that makes my skin 3 times worse, then others see my skin as 3 times worse. if i'm in the light that makes my skin flawless, then others see my skin as flawless. what do you mean by the way you see yourself is different what other people see you?

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Almost every mirror - or even just a reflective surface if I'm being totally paranoid - shows something slightly different. I can even dictate what I want to see when I'm at home as I can choose an open space with good lighting or I can go and stand in front of the bathroom mirror where it's really harsh. If I'm feeling bad, I always beat myself up - visually speaking - and stupidly end up in front of the bathroom mirror and that never ends well.

I'd love to step outside of myself and see what I actually look like. I hope I'd give myself the same level of understanding and naturally look straight past it as I do with everyone else.

Edited by PaulH85

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This is a nice post. When I first developed acne, I found that avoiding mirrors at all costs was a pretty effective way of not feeling massive amounts of self-loathing 24/7.

I'm probably the worst person to give this type of advice (plus I feel like a hypocrite for saying this because I definitely don't always stick to my own rules), but I've found that one thing that has helped me deal with acne better is just trying to get over my vanity best I can. In a way, knowing and accepting that I'm no longer "pretty" has sort of taken a load off my shoulders - I'm less self-conscious because I already recognize that I'm basically awful-looking at the moment. Even if somebody were to slather a ton of makeup on my face and put me under really good lighting, the real me - the undeniable me - would still be the one with all the acne and scarring and red/dark marks. At the end of the day, you still have to come face to face with yourself, and that's the hardest part - which is why that's the part of the battle you have to try your utmost to win. Not by trying to cover yourself up, not by worrying about how you're going to look under different lighting to different people, but just by eventually working yourself up to a place where you can look in the mirror and say "I look f*cking awful and you know what? That's okay. It's not great, but I will survive this anyway."

Edited by hotburrito

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Did you know.. out of all the light spectrum that reaches our eyes, only 1% is turned into the images we call our vision. The rest; 99% is filtered out through our optical nerves and the visual cortex part of our brains.

So that means everything we think we see with our eyes we are only seeing 1% of the possible detail, so every time you look in the mirror you are only seeing 1% of yourself. eusa_think.gif

For me that means if I see what I think is the worlds ugliest man, the worlds biggest pimple, or the worlds deepest scaring I realise that I am only seeing but 1% of it, so how can I judge something (negatively or positively) from a mere 1%, I cannot! I simply accept that I see 1% and pass no judgment.

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You know, I have a few pics from a few years back (just hanging out with friends, not specific "acne pics") and I remeber when they were taken I looked at them and was just completley disgusted. I could only see my acne, I only focused on my flaws. But now when I look at them I just feel like "hey, your skin might not have been perfect, but you were soooo much cuter than you allowed yourself to feel back them".

So for me that's a thing that I try to keep in mind when I hang out with people - in ten years noone will remember my acne. Ok, they might, but only in a "poor thing, her acne was bad back then" kind of way. Their persistent memory will be of me as a person, what I did, what I said, what we laughed at.

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the worst mirror to look into is the car mirror
that's just cause of the natural lighting, not really anything to do with that particular mirror

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I'm pretty sure that most of us has heard the something like" Your skin isn't even that bad" or something close to that. That's because it's not that bad as we think. We are so focused and self conscious about our skin that we see even the tiniest flaw. For example, if you have a zit or pimple on your face, you are always thinking "I'm so ugly I have those zits on my face" so that's the only thing you can focus your attention to, therefore seeing only acne on your face and nothing else. Another example is when you lie, only you know your lying, only you are blushing and getting nervous when other people don't.

When other people see you, they see your entire face not only just your acne. They still notice how handsome you are and how cute you are. Most of us are creating this negative image of ourself which leads to all these self conscious issues.

Try looking for another person with acne, are they as "ugly" as your mind is tell you how ugly you are?

You know, I have a few pics from a few years back (just hanging out with friends, not specific "acne pics") and I remeber when they were taken I looked at them and was just completley disgusted. I could only see my acne, I only focused on my flaws. But now when I look at them I just feel like "hey, your skin might not have been perfect, but you were soooo much cuter than you allowed yourself to feel back them".

So for me that's a thing that I try to keep in mind when I hang out with people - in ten years noone will remember my acne. Ok, they might, but only in a "poor thing, her acne was bad back then" kind of way. Their persistent memory will be of me as a person, what I did, what I said, what we laughed at.

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the worst mirror to look into is the car mirror

my skin looks actually flawless in the car mirrors, along with my bathroom at home..but the bathrooms at my work are weird, idk it just brings out all my scars, red marks and redness, while in natural lighting i look just fine..weird.

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ive hated mirrors long enough, theres this clown who lives in my mirror who makes me laugh a lot so i go see him every now and then, he always seems to know how to make my hair look good....

....on a sane level, i spent too long smashing mirrors and calling myself ugly, im not ugly! my friends spent years telling me that i beat myself up too much over my scars, although admittedly the surgery scar on my stomach is hideous, but no one can see it most of the time anyways so im just trying to accept it, theres always gonna be someone who i think is better looking than me, but it doesnt make me ugly ive got so many other good qualities that i can focus on. Life's too short, ive spent more than enough time worrying about this, im just working on building my confidence

Edited by colostomus

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This distorted image of ourselves is one of the main problems when having a bad case of acne. I'm having a hard time fighting each day for what people really see and what I think people sees on me. And it confuses me a lot because i get the 'you are cute' a lot from girls that are regular, and from even some hotties too ! So yeah, us with our crazy brains tend to create always a negative image of what is happening, and it leads to self consciousness problems, shyness, insecurities and other things. I like this thread and I relate to it !

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yeah i hate looking at my skin in the car mirror too. it makes me feel awful and then i get home and look in my bathroom mirror and it looks fine so i need to stop looking in the car mirror. so about a month ago i went to sephora to get some new makeup. so the lady that works there tried some smashbox foundation on me and then took me to the window so i could see how it looked in natural sunlight. i took a look in the mirror and noticed it didnt cover my red marks so i asked the lady about a good concealer for them. she took a look at me and said she didnt see anything so then i pointed them out and she said again that she didnt see any red marks and that how we are all so hard on ourselves. it was so odd though because to me those red marks stand out so much but it made me step back and realize my face isnt nearly as bad as i think it is.

Edited by Karen Howz

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Quick story: I noticed just this morning that one of my coworkers has really bad acne scarring (and I've been working in my office for almost half a year now). I always had some sort of vague impression in the back of my mind that his skin wasn't too great, but it wasn't until I was standing next to him this morning that he had quite a few deep icepicks/boxcars all over his cheeks. It's sort of funny because his mom also works here and when I first broke out, she commented fairly frequently on my skin - not in a mean way, but in a blunt enough way that my oversensitive self had to run to the washroom crying a few times anyway. I don't know, I always felt like she was so well-arranged that she had to be looking down at me every time she made a comment, but now that I've taken a closer look at her son I realize that wasn't the case at all.

For the record, me noticing my coworker's scars has had virtually no effect on the way I view him as a person (or his level of attractiveness, for that matter). I thought he was a pretty average-looking guy before; I think he's no more or less average now. I'm just sort of like meh, big whoop.

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^Why doesn't she back the fuck off nobody likes their flaws to be scrutinized. I don't know what she thinks gives her the right to comment on your skin. There is a way to be sensitive to other people!

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^Why doesn't she back the fuck off nobody likes their flaws to be scrutinized. I don't know what she thinks gives her the right to comment on your skin. There is a way to be sensitive to other people!

Oh, everybody comments on my skin. All the time. I don't know - back when I was on the Accutane it bothered me a lot, but now that I'm off it I'm just like "...that's cool, whatevs." (Accutane fucked with my brain really badly.) In a way I'm actually glad because having everybody just be open about it makes it seem like less of this big deal that needs to be ~hushed up~ and treated ~sensitively~. The thing is, my acne came REALLY suddenly - I had spotless skin one week and then a full face of cystic acne the next (I have rosacea fulminans) so when I got my outbreak, everybody was like "what the hell HAPPENED to you?" I had never had acne in my life before the outbreak, so to suddenly show up to places with a face chock full of it - I would've been weirded out if people didn't ask.

With the lady at my office, I ended up crying twice because she said vaguely trigger-y things without probably meaning to: the first time she said (after about a month had passed since my outbreak) "your acne is still there?" and the second it was "that pimple on your forehead is getting so much bigger," which... yeah, that made me feel awful, I won't lie. But I realize now she didn't mean it in a snide or condescending way - her son's acne had to have been way worse than mine judging by his scars, and I've seen this woman's boyfriend: she's a looker and he's kind of shockingly grubby-looking in comparison, so I probably misjudged her as being really shallow when in truth she's probably just really blunt.

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^Or maybe she is just a bitch. I'm going with that one. Don't be afraid to let people know what you think of them. She doesn't have a problem crossing the line and making you uncomfortable. Tell her to stfu.

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^Or maybe she is just a bitch. I'm going with that one. Don't be afraid to let people know what you think of them. She doesn't have a problem crossing the line and making you uncomfortable. Tell her to stfu.

It honestly doesn't really bother me at all right now. Did while I was on the Accutane, but that seriously changed me into a whole other person... I'm normally very laid-back. If I knew she'd meant it in a nasty way, I would've said something, but because I know she didn't (and because it really doesn't bother this normal incarnation of me) It's really just... no big, I guess.

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^Or maybe she is just a bitch. I'm going with that one. Don't be afraid to let people know what you think of them. She doesn't have a problem crossing the line and making you uncomfortable. Tell her to stfu.

I agree, its obviously a tricky topic, but how would they like it if you did that to them? I understand that you don't really want the hushed up thing, but to just be so blatantly annoying and make you feel uncomfortable ain't called for either. Tell em where to stick it.

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^Or maybe she is just a bitch. I'm going with that one. Don't be afraid to let people know what you think of them. She doesn't have a problem crossing the line and making you uncomfortable. Tell her to stfu.

I agree, its obviously a tricky topic, but how would they like it if you did that to them? I understand that you don't really want the hushed up thing, but to just be so blatantly annoying and make you feel uncomfortable ain't called for either. Tell em where to stick it.

I'm not a measly-mouthed person; if I have a problem with somebody, I always definitely call them out on it. I'm just honestly not bothered by it - I was at the time because I was on a medication that was making me think and feel like a different person, but as a very blunt person myself I really do prefer the honesty. Perhaps I should also mention that both this woman and I are from an Asian background and Asian people (at least Chinese people) are generally a lot less politically correct about things, so it doesn't always constitute as "rudeness" to point something out even if that thing is potentially embarrassing for another person. Something like acne is assumed to be much less of a big deal, so I don't think it would ever have registered in her head that I might be so bothered by it, especially since before I went on the Accutane I was a pretty cheerful/can-roll-with-the-punches person.

To be honest I spent years and years getting used to the Asian bluntness - as a teenager it was pretty devastating because my Mother used to make constant really awful comments about my weight. Even though I now wish she'd worded things a little more nicely, I'm also grateful that she didn't just try to pepper me up with feel-good crap - I feel like I've become a lot more grounded/realistic as a result.

Edited by hotburrito

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^Or maybe she is just a bitch. I'm going with that one. Don't be afraid to let people know what you think of them. She doesn't have a problem crossing the line and making you uncomfortable. Tell her to stfu.

I agree, its obviously a tricky topic, but how would they like it if you did that to them? I understand that you don't really want the hushed up thing, but to just be so blatantly annoying and make you feel uncomfortable ain't called for either. Tell em where to stick it.

I'm not a measly-mouthed person; if I have a problem with somebody, I always definitely call them out on it. I'm just honestly not bothered by it - I was at the time because I was on a medication that was making me think and feel like a different person, but as a very blunt person myself I really do prefer the honesty. Perhaps I should also mention that both this woman and I are from an Asian background and Asian people are a lot less politically correct about things, so it doesn't always constitute as "rudeness" to point something out even if that thing is potentially embarrassing for another person. Something like acne is assumed to be much less of a big deal, so I don't think it would ever have registered in her head that I might be so bothered by it, especially since before I went on the Accutane I was a pretty cheerful/can-roll-with-the-punches person.

I know what you mean by not being bothered by it, I used to be like that too, except I am generally a quiet and reserved person, but I find it really gets to me these days so I end up reacting to it or mulling over it for ages afterwards. I don't want to be angry about it or whatever but I can't seem to brush it off like I used to, any tips? :/

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I know what you mean by not being bothered by it, I used to be like that too, except I am generally a quiet and reserved person, but I find it really gets to me these days so I end up reacting to it or mulling over it for ages afterwards. I don't want to be angry about it or whatever but I can't seem to brush it off like I used to, any tips? :/

If it bothers you, then I actually recommend that you do confront the person on the spot in the least emotionally loaded way that you can. Reacting isn't necessarily a bad thing - all the injustices of the world will never go away if nobody actually addresses them. I'd say take a deep breath, search deep inside yourself to figure out what exactly does bother you about that person's words/behaviour, and then try your best to explain your feelings to the other person in question because they may just be a little blinded to how they might be coming off. Most of the time, I find that people are pretty reasonable/apologetic if you talk to them in a respectful way. For example, I'd never call somebody a racist (unless they were REALLY offensive about something) even if they made a racist statement - I'd just politely ask "do you think that might be a little racist because [insert reason here]?" and hope that they would be able to correct themselves instead.

As for not letting stuff get to you in general... I don't know. I think giving people the benefit of the doubt helps. I figure either whatever they did wrong they did wrong unintentionally, or if they were obviously trying to be an asshole - well, then I wouldn't want to have anything to do with that person anyway, so their opinion just ends up mattering very little to me. I should probably work on that last part though, because I realize it's a little bit elitist just to dismiss people on such a flimsy grounds - but its definitely worked for me so far.

Edited by hotburrito

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I'm pretty sure other people see me as the ugly girl with acne.

judging from yur pic, your def. not ugly. people definetly are too hard on themselves.

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