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Nelo18

Acne Ruined My Teenage Years. Depression, School, Friends

Long story short...I started getting acne at 14 (9th grade). In the middle of 10th grade it got worse with neck and back acne and i started scarring which made everything worse (I did see a derm, he prescribed me tetraclycline, which helped very little).

Summer of 2008 i literally stayed home hoping my face would clear for my junior year. It didnt. I sucked it up and went to school anyway. Although no one made fun of me I didnt feel like myself. I had pretty good friends, there were some that tried to be funny and point out my pimples, i laughed but it really pissed me off. Make fun of my height all u want (im 5'6) but DONT TALK ABOUT MY PIMPLES. I hated going to school the way my face looked. Sitting in class knowing people were staring at my neck. I only made it till the 3rd week of my junior year and started going to continuation/home school, thats how bad i felt. That was the last time i saw my friends, August 2008. I remember they would come to visit and i'd beg my mom to tell them i wasnt here. They knew i wasnt going out because my face. It was embarrassing to let them see i was still breaking out but also that they knew i wasnt going out because of something called ACNE. So i stopped talking to all of them.(I never really had a best friend-ish type of person i could talk to like that, acne was always a sensitive subject, so i was all alone).

My plan was to get clear and return my senior year clear. Senior year came, and i didnt go.

I ended up graduating (i chose not to walk on stage) at my continuation school, 2010.

It was time to go to college and look for a job. Which i didnt do. My parents were upset and heard from them everyday.

We relocated in early 2011, which was great. I was hoping to start fresh, but i still didnt go out either. My mom kinda has a big mouth and has to tell everyone (neighbor/family member) im unemployed and dont go out cause of my face, which just makes me not want to see them or anyone even more.

Fast forward to October.

19 years old I hit rock bottom, never had a job, no college, no friends, and not going out, I told my mom i wanted to go on accutane. I told her what it was and she agreed to pay (our insurance wasnt gonna cover) only if i start going out.

One month after taking accutane i was 90% clear. No oily skin, no back and neck acne.

(I had to stop this month because my cholesterol was high and my kidneys were acting up).

Im slowly going out again. I just got my first tattoo and been applying. I still am a little self concious because of my scarring/craters and dark marks tho.

We all want great smooth skin (dont lie, u kno u do). I dont kno why i let it get in the way and ruin everything. (Not to be cocky here, but I was always the funny, talkative guy, and would like to think that im somewhat attractive, so maybe thats why i cared so much. I also like to look nice, lol).

Its been 3 years since ive seen friends from high school. I thought about giving them a call (i recently made a facebook and found some of them) but dont want to see them till im 100%. I just dont want them to see that im still struggling with acne, i kno its dumb.

Not a day goes by when i dont think about Prom, Grad Night, the girls i could of been with and all the high school experiences. I beat myself everyday asking why didnt i take this drug sooner.

I would do anything to relive high school, i kno that sounds dumb, but its true.

(this ended up kinda long, sorry)

Edited by Nelo18

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I can't agree more.

I was so insecure about my face it ended up ruining a lot of things in my life.

But, then I was texting my friend to once again ditch them because I was worried about how I looked & realised my life was passing me by.

& that no one actually cared quite as much I do about my skin.

It's awesome to hear you're getting more confidence and going out!

I would love to go back to high-school to, but tbh, I think you will find college much more rewarding!

Just don't let your scars get in the way of anything.

It will take a while to build your confidence back up, just don't give up.

Talkative & being funny shines through & can be very very sexy tongue.png

Just don't let life pass you by anymore!

Oh - this ended up a little long to xD

Edited by Kittyx3

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Not to sound harsh, but you can't do anything about that now. It's in the past, you'll never be in highschool again and you can't turn back time and be 16 again. So yeah, it's a shame you missed things, but unfortunately it happened, and you just have to live with that.

I'm happy your skin is clearing up and the best you can do, I think, is to just start living now and try not to look back so much.

Edited by dreamer003

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Yeah, dreamer's right. I've let 13 years pass by because of my battles with my skin and the realisation that I'd wasted all that time has really brought me down in recent months. I'm pretty much back where I was years ago with nothing going on - unemployed, no social circle, etc - but it doesn't have to be all bad. If I want to turn things around, it's up to me to go ahead and do it. Same for you. Work on your inner self and try to find the strength to do the things you want to do and be who you want to be, regardless of your skin. If you're at rock bottom, the only way is up my friend! smile.png

Edited by PaulH85

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I can't agree more.

I was so insecure about my face it ended up ruining a lot of things in my life.

But, then I was texting my friend to once again ditch them because I was worried about how I looked & realised my life was passing me by.

& that no one actually cared quite as much I do about my skin.

It's awesome to hear you're getting more confidence and going out!

I would love to go back to high-school to, but tbh, I think you will find college much more rewarding!

Just don't let your scars get in the way of anything.

It will take a while to build your confidence back up, just don't give up.

Talkative & being funny shines through & can be very very sexy tongue.png

Just don't let life pass you by anymore!

Oh - this ended up a little long to xD

Not to sound harsh, but you can't do anything about that now. It's in the past, you'll never be in highschool again and you can't turn back time and be 16 again. So yeah, it's a shame you missed things, but unfortunately it happened, and you just have to live with that.

I'm happy your skin is clearing up and the best you can do, I think, is to just start living now and try not to look back so much.

I dont know why but its hard not to look back. I stay up at night thinking about all the fun i could of had. its kinda of depressing to be honest...

hopefully they invent a time machine soon tho, ill be the first in line.

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I know exactly where your're coming from. I've just turned 25 and suddenley the realisation has hit me in recent months about how much i have missed out on and how much i have let pass me by, particularly my teenage years. Sometimes i feel like i'm a 13 year old in a 25 year olds body. I've missed out on things like holiday's, girls, going out etc and i've been dwelling on it in recent months.

Recently i started a thread on here asking others on here how they dealt with the time they lost and i made comments about how your teenage years are the best of your life and i was basically shot down in flames (not in a nasty or horrible way) by other members for that statement . . . .and they were absolutely right. Obvioulsy if we miss out on these years then we're going to look back on them and over romanticize them because we never had them the way we would have liked and we think about all the things that we would of done. I don't know about you but if i'm honest with myself, even if i did have clear skin during my teenage years it probably would of been something else holding me back. You've got you're whole life ahead of you and your teenage years are not the best years of your life, the years when you are happiest are the best years, whether it be at the age of 15, 30 or 50. Yes teenage years are a very importnat part of your life but they are gone now . . .for all of us. Teenage years are just a very small part of your life, you can either dwell on 7 years that are gone forever or you can work towards making the time you've got in front of you the best of your life. When you find something that makes you truly happy it will put 'then' and 'now' into perspective for you.

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I know exactly where your're coming from. I've just turned 25 and suddenley the realisation has hit me in recent months about how much i have missed out on and how much i have let pass me by, particularly my teenage years. Sometimes i feel like i'm a 13 year old in a 25 year olds body. I've missed out on things like holiday's, girls, going out etc and i've been dwelling on it in recent months.

Recently i started a thread on here asking others on here how they dealt with the time they lost and i made comments about how your teenage years are the best of your life and i was basically shot down in flames (not in a nasty or horrible way) by other members for that statement . . . .and they were absolutely right. Obvioulsy if we miss out on these years then we're going to look back on them and over romanticize them because we never had them the way we would have liked and we think about all the things that we would of done. I don't know about you but if i'm honest with myself, even if i did have clear skin during my teenage years it probably would of been something else holding me back. You've got you're whole life ahead of you and your teenage years are not the best years of your life, the years when you are happiest are the best years, whether it be at the age of 15, 30 or 50. Yes teenage years are a very importnat part of your life but they are gone now . . .for all of us. Teenage years are just a very small part of your life, you can either dwell on 7 years that are gone forever or you can work towards making the time you've got in front of you the best of your life. When you find something that makes you truly happy it will put 'then' and 'now' into perspective for you.

thanks. ur post really got me thinking. me and u are exactly the same

Edited by Nelo18

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I actually think it's funny that people often refer to teenage years as "the best years of your life." I've met very few people who've actually felt that way - it's just that teenage years often look great only in retrospect because they're really the only time in your life (for Western culture, anyway) you can live at home with the live-in maid service that is your parents and (if you're like "most" people) just bum around time without having to worry about making money just yet. But teenagers often go through so much angst, acne included. It's only when you get older that you learn the cognitive and psychological "skills" to handle the type of angst you faced as a teenager much better, and so your "teenage problems" feel/become so much more trivial in retrospect... but that doesn't erase the fact that at the time, you probably really were miserable that your boyfriend slept with your best friend behind your back or that your parents were fighting all the time and kept trying to put you in the middle (or whatever).

Don't focus on the past. You literally cannot change a thing about it (unless you want to pull some Eternal Sunshine shit and have a team of weird scientists replace all your old memories with new ones...). You have so much of your life ahead of you, I promise. I think the college years are often truly many people's happiest ones - you normaly still get to live on your parents' dime (for most, at least) but you also get to live in res and party all the time, meet interesting new people, learn fascinating new things, and have plenty of wonderful new experiences.

Edited by hotburrito

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Teenage years are just a very small part of your life, you can either dwell on 7 years that are gone forever or you can work towards making the time you've got in front of you the best of your life. When you find something that makes you truly happy it will put 'then' and 'now' into perspective for you.

Indeed. With things like this, suffering is optional. The only barriers it really creates are the ones we allow it to create because it doesn't actually prevent us from doing all those things we might first do in our teenage years. So the key thing then is what we do given the lack of those experiences and how we approach things going forward.

It's very easy - and logical - to feel behind or inferior compared to people maybe eight years your junior who have experienced things and done so with ease; all those things we may describe as "formative". It comes down to not dwelling on it or focusing on those negatives, and instead learning new ways and fresh approaches. Personally, I wish it wasn't so hard to do that and also so incredibly easy for me to withdraw when my skin breaks out even just a little because of how insecure I am in general and how paranoid I am about what people will see, think or say. So the new approach I have to learn is one whereby I don't think so much about the perceptions of others and instead just focus on being the best person I can be so that those people see me in a positive light.

I found a stack of diaries yesterday which I'd stored away in a cupboard, piles of notebooks going back to 2003. Reading through them, I was shocked to realise how little I've done in that time, as far as "formative" things are concerned. Page after page of complaints about my skin, fears, insecurities, lack of experiences, friendships and relationships. Trivial, I suppose, but it seemed to matter at the time. Fast-forward eight years and I could just as easily be writing the same words on those pages today because I've seriously not progressed any further at all. But I've only myself to blame for that because I'm the only one who has held me back from even giving the most basic of things a try for fear of failing or being laughed at, or something. I don't even think that's acne related, but perhaps due to a lack of self esteem which was contributed to by the presence of acne. So again, that's about my choice of (incorrect) response at the time and my decision to let that carry on for all these years. The response now has has to be to break that habit and put a new one in place. I guess that's what we all have to do, rather than looking back for those years we feel we may have missed out on. I don't think you can truly miss what you haven't experienced and there's no reason why we can't experience them at a later time so we might as well be positive and work towards that. smile.png

Edited by PaulH85

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High School isn't your whole life. You have the rest of your life to enjoy clear skin. I didn't go to prom or ANY dances and I also went to a continuation school. People in south Africa don't even know what a prom is and they still live a happy life.

You don't have to go to prom, have a big fancy wedding, celebrate christmas to have a good life. These are all things that society tells us we HAVE to do in order to live life to the fullest. What matters is your relationships with your family, QUALITY of friends you have, and your HEALTH (cough cough *acne*).

I didn't have the "normal" high school life you see on t.v.'s either but, it doesn't matter because no one has a "normal" life, we are all different and all have something unique about us and how we grew up. Every hard ship will only make you stronger.

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what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. it is what you make out of it. if it affects you, then it affects you, doesn't matter if it's voluntarily or involuntarily.

see those homeless people living on the streets? they are homeless for some reason and if they don't find some ways to get out of it, they are gonna stay homeless. sympathetic or not, they still homeless.

world is cruel, you don't need none to tell you that. survival of the fittest is all, peace.

Edited by beentheredonethat1

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I can pretty much relate to you in every way, so I'm not going to re post what everyone said. However...You mentioned that you had to stop accutane because your kidneys were acting up and your cholesterol was high and that was when you're 19. It's a good thing you didn't take accutane when you were younger because if your body is being harmed because of it, chances are the negative affects would be much greater when you were younger, and it may be irreversible.

I'm super glad that you regained some of your confidence.

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I can pretty much relate to you in every way, so I'm not going to re post what everyone said. However...You mentioned that you had to stop accutane because your kidneys were acting up and your cholesterol was high and that was when you're 19. It's a good thing you didn't take accutane when you were younger because if your body is being harmed because of it, chances are the negative affects would be much greater when you were younger, and it may be irreversible.

I'm super glad that you regained some of your confidence.

i think its because i literally have been doing nothing for the past 3 years. i dont run or walk. i just sit all day on the couch and watch TV/movies/Xbox and go on the computer. i also have trouble sleeping, so yea. im not gonna lie i do get depressed but was never been suicidal. i loved life before acne. slowly loving it again.

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i think its because i literally have been doing nothing for the past 3 years. i dont run or walk. i just sit all day on the couch and watch TV/movies/Xbox and go on the computer. i also have trouble sleeping, so yea. im not gonna lie i do get depressed but was never been suicidal. i loved life before acne. slowly loving it again.

Not going to lie man, I'm actually pretty jealous of you for this. At least count yourself lucky that you can just at home all day on the couch watching TV/movies and playing video games/going on your computer. I for one don't have that particular luxury :(

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i think its because i literally have been doing nothing for the past 3 years. i dont run or walk. i just sit all day on the couch and watch TV/movies/Xbox and go on the computer. i also have trouble sleeping, so yea. im not gonna lie i do get depressed but was never been suicidal. i loved life before acne. slowly loving it again.

Not going to lie man, I'm actually pretty jealous of you for this. At least count yourself lucky that you can just at home all day on the couch watching TV/movies and playing video games/going on your computer. I for one don't have that particular luxury :(

I hear it from my parents everyday. Telling me to get a job and how i wasted my life. Id rather be outside than at home.

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i think its because i literally have been doing nothing for the past 3 years. i dont run or walk. i just sit all day on the couch and watch TV/movies/Xbox and go on the computer. i also have trouble sleeping, so yea. im not gonna lie i do get depressed but was never been suicidal. i loved life before acne. slowly loving it again.

Not going to lie man, I'm actually pretty jealous of you for this. At least count yourself lucky that you can just at home all day on the couch watching TV/movies and playing video games/going on your computer. I for one don't have that particular luxury sad.png

I hear it from my parents everyday. Telling me to get a job and how i wasted my life. Id rather be outside than at home.

Forgive me for pointing out the obvious, but if that's really the case then couldn't you just... go outside then?

My concern isn't really my parents. My Mother actually said I should just quit my job yesterday because just being in public for extended periods of time gives me so much anxiety now. But I have financial (as well as office) responsibilities. I may take about two to three crying breaks every day I go to work (in the washroom, of course), but I need the money and I'd feel bad about quitting when we're short-staffed enough as is. Trust me, I fantasize all the goddamn time about quitting but I know I have to push through this.

Edited by hotburrito

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i think its because i literally have been doing nothing for the past 3 years. i dont run or walk. i just sit all day on the couch and watch TV/movies/Xbox and go on the computer. i also have trouble sleeping, so yea. im not gonna lie i do get depressed but was never been suicidal. i loved life before acne. slowly loving it again.

Not going to lie man, I'm actually pretty jealous of you for this. At least count yourself lucky that you can just at home all day on the couch watching TV/movies and playing video games/going on your computer. I for one don't have that particular luxury sad.png

I hear it from my parents everyday. Telling me to get a job and how i wasted my life. Id rather be outside than at home.

Forgive me for pointing out the obvious, but if that's really the case then couldn't you just... go outside then?

My concern isn't really my parents. My Mother actually said I should just quit my job yesterday because just being in public for extended periods of time gives me so much anxiety now. But I have financial (as well as office) responsibilities. I may take about two to three crying breaks every day I go to work (in the washroom, of course), but I need the money and I'd feel bad about quitting when we're short-staffed enough as is. Trust me, I fantasize all the goddamn time about quitting but I know I have to push through this.

i am going outside, slowly tho. its been 3 weeks since i stopped taking accutane and im breaking out again, so i feel like crap...

but u need to stay strong. the point of sharing my story was not to say go out and deal with it, but to get help. acne wont get away by itself.

Edited by Nelo18

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i am going outside, slowly tho. its been 3 weeks since i stopped taking accutane and im breaking out again, so i feel like crap...

but u need to stay strong. the point of sharing my story was not to say go out and deal with it, but to get help. acne wont get away by itself.

I'm glad to hear you're back out there again. It must be nice, albeit obviously a little daunting. Sorry to hear you're breaking out post-Accutane... I think that would be my worst nightmare, honestly :( Is it a big breakout?

I'm taking Accutane as well and my derma is probably referring me to a psychiatrist soon because I'm not coping very well with acne at all. So hopefully I'll be able to get help soon, thank you.

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i am going outside, slowly tho. its been 3 weeks since i stopped taking accutane and im breaking out again, so i feel like crap...

but u need to stay strong. the point of sharing my story was not to say go out and deal with it, but to get help. acne wont get away by itself.

I'm glad to hear you're back out there again. It must be nice, albeit obviously a little daunting. Sorry to hear you're breaking out post-Accutane... I think that would be my worst nightmare, honestly sad.png Is it a big breakout?

I'm taking Accutane as well and my derma is probably referring me to a psychiatrist soon because I'm not coping very well with acne at all. So hopefully I'll be able to get help soon, thank you.

it is great to be going out, but all i keep thinking about is the past 3 years of doing nothing, im trying my best to move forward tho.

just 2 cysts, 1 on my nose and 1 on my neck. ive been exercising hoping my cholesterol would go down and continue with tane.

i saw a therapist once, and she told me what my parents tell me everyday, just go out and dont think about it.

to be honest theres nothing a therapist/psychiatrist/counselor/friend could have told me to go outside. the only way i was gonna go outside was if i was clear (i kno thats sad). but what happen. i went on accutane, was clear in a month and started going outside.

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it is great to be going out, but all i keep thinking about is the past 3 years of doing nothing, im trying my best to move forward tho.

just 2 cysts, 1 on my nose and 1 on my neck. ive been exercising hoping my cholesterol would go down and continue with tane.

i saw a therapist once, and she told me what my parents tell me everyday, just go out and dont think about it.

to be honest theres nothing a therapist/psychiatrist/counselor/friend could have told me to go outside. the only way i was gonna go outside was if i was clear (i kno thats sad). but what happen. i went on accutane, was clear in a month and started going outside.

Clear in a month? Damn. That's really quick. I'm finishing my second and definitely still breaking out.

Two cysts isn't too awful! So long as they don't spread, right?

Hopefully the memories of you being held back by your acne become much less paralyzing in the long run. Rehabilitation takes time, right? I'm also very nervous that even post-Accutane/lasers/peels I won't be able to go back to my old self, but I guess it's a learning curve and you have to have faith in it/yourself.

I'm seeing a psychiatrist not precisely because I don't go out (I do, just out of necessity more than personal desire) but because my emotions are pretty much fucked. I've been crying several times a day pretty much every single day for the past not-quite-three months and have recurring thoughts of serious self-harm. Given that I was a very happy/cheerful/confident/emotionally unflappable person in this past, this is a giant 180 for me so I'm not at all surprised (actually very relieved) that my derma thinks I need professional help.

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it is great to be going out, but all i keep thinking about is the past 3 years of doing nothing, im trying my best to move forward tho.

just 2 cysts, 1 on my nose and 1 on my neck. ive been exercising hoping my cholesterol would go down and continue with tane.

i saw a therapist once, and she told me what my parents tell me everyday, just go out and dont think about it.

to be honest theres nothing a therapist/psychiatrist/counselor/friend could have told me to go outside. the only way i was gonna go outside was if i was clear (i kno thats sad). but what happen. i went on accutane, was clear in a month and started going outside.

Clear in a month? Damn. That's really quick. I'm finishing my second and definitely still breaking out.

Two cysts isn't too awful! So long as they don't spread, right?

Hopefully the memories of you being held back by your acne become much less paralyzing in the long run. Rehabilitation takes time, right? I'm also very nervous that even post-Accutane/lasers/peels I won't be able to go back to my old self, but I guess it's a learning curve and you have to have faith in it/yourself.

I'm seeing a psychiatrist not precisely because I don't go out (I do, just out of necessity more than personal desire) but because my emotions are pretty much fucked. I've been crying several times a day pretty much every single day for the past not-quite-three months and have recurring thoughts of serious self-harm. Given that I was a very happy/cheerful/confident/emotionally unflappable person in this past, this is a giant 180 for me so I'm not at all surprised (actually very relieved) that my derma thinks I need professional help.

i use great products maybe thats why i cleared up so fast. i found out about Paula Begoun just last year (she's a skin specialist and expert). i read her articles/reviews and educated myself.

http://www.cosmetics...care-facts.aspx

if ur having thoughts of harming urself, then u better get help, lol. i was depressed but never suicidal.

Edited by Nelo18

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i use great products maybe thats why i cleared up so fast. i found about Paula Begoun just last year (she's a skin specialist and expert). i read her articles/reviews and educated myself.

http://www.cosmetics...care-facts.aspx

if ur having thoughts of harming urself, then u better get help, lol. i was depressed but never suicidal.

Thanks for the link. I'll definitely check it out! I've been thinking of getting some of the Paula's Choice stuff post-Accutane, but maybe once I finish my current supply of skin products I'll order some of Paula's stuff to test it out.

I'm not suicidal. I don't want to die - I just want to injure myself badly enough that I'll have a "legitimate" excuse to... well, not go out, actually. Because if I quit my job just outright, then I won't even be a regular loser, I'll be an unemployed loser and that'll be even worse. (Not that unemployed people are necessarily losers per se, just that being unemployment by choice on top of already being a loser would be a little much to take.)

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i use great products maybe thats why i cleared up so fast. i found about Paula Begoun just last year (she's a skin specialist and expert). i read her articles/reviews and educated myself.

http://www.cosmetics...care-facts.aspx

if ur having thoughts of harming urself, then u better get help, lol. i was depressed but never suicidal.

Thanks for the link. I'll definitely check it out! I've been thinking of getting some of the Paula's Choice stuff post-Accutane, but maybe once I finish my current supply of skin products I'll order some of Paula's stuff to test it out.

I'm not suicidal. I don't want to die - I just want to injure myself badly enough that I'll have a "legitimate" excuse to... well, not go out, actually. Because if I quit my job just outright, then I won't even be a regular loser, I'll be an unemployed loser and that'll be even worse. (Not that unemployed people are necessarily losers per se, just that being unemployment by choice on top of already being a loser would be a little much to take.)

to be honest u dont have to buy her products. she recommends drugstore products too. imma a guy so i think anything cosmetically over $20 is expensive (i dont know how girls could spend $40-200 on a 1 oz moisturizer)

whenever i see something i wanna try at the drugstore, i read what she has to say about it before i buy.

beautypedia.com

i wouldnt mind working at a warehouse stocking stuff, being alone. but i would feel self conscious working somewhere having to conversate with people. once im 100% clear i woudnt really care where i work tho.

dont quit ur job. u just started accutane so will see improvement.

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