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Hi!

I am 16 and a girl, my acne is probably moderate, problem is that it's so persistent and stubborn that I finally gave up and told my mom to get an appointment. I got really lucky and because of a call-back I got an appointment within a few days with a good derm.

Problem with this is that when I have either of my parents with me, I get so embarassed, but my mother does not understand that I do not want her in that room with me, I've begged her several times but she is standing firm.

I've told her that if she goes with me, I will automatically shut up, feel faint and get cold. Yet she does not take my feeling into consideration and says "then I'll do the talking".

Problem is, I'm afraid that the derm. will ask me emotional questions, like this one;

"Have you felt depressed because of your acne?"

I will answer no... because my mother is in the room, I will lie. I hate to admit it, but this is how it will go what ever anyone says.

I am getting so stressed out, I have explained to my mother that I do not feel comfortable, but she thinks that she has to follow all the steps, she wants to know what the derm. will give me. Even though I have told her that she will not understand what any of the stuff will do. Even when I told her that salicylic acid is out of the questions because it doesn't work, she kept insisting that we hear what the derm. says.

I'm afraid that I will have to settle because I'm afraid to speak up when anyone "close to me" is around. I don't want her to go in with me.

I need help, I don't know how to keep my head up when I go in because I hate my skin so much, and I thought that a serious talk with a professional would help, but if I can't speak... what will I do?

______________________________________________

The problem is that I don't want my parents this close to me, this is why I don't tell them stuff, because I need my space. I am a person who let people in, but I have my boundaries at my deep feelings.

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if the derm is good he will make you feel at ease. i was like you as well. when i had acne (i cured mine about 6 years ago) i went with my mother. she was in the room with me, but i went to a pretty large clinic and i felt pretty comfortable being there, since i had been there many times. the derm wasnt the greatest of fall, he prescribe stuff that did little to nothing, but he was easy to talk with and understood my predicament even though my mom was there. after your mom says a couple of things like why she brought you in he totally just ignored her and asked me the questions only and she wasnt part of the conversation, he asked me if i was depressed and i just said who wouldnt be, then he said yeah i get that a lot.

Edited by freeliving

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if the derm is good he will make you feel at ease. i was like you as well. when i had acne (i cured mine about 6 years ago) i went with my mother. she was in the room with me, but i went to a pretty large clinic and i felt pretty comfortable being there, since i had been there many times. the derm wasnt the greatest of fall, he prescribe stuff that did little to nothing, but he was easy to talk with and understood my predicament even though my mom was there. after your mom says a couple of things like why she brought you in he totally just ignored her and asked me the questions only and she wasnt part of the conversation, he asked me if i was depressed and i just said who wouldnt be, then he said yeah i get that a lot.

Your answer made my teary, I feel so bad about my acne. I really hope that this derm will be able to clear it up because if my acne get any worse I'm not sure what I'd do.

Feels good to know that other people have been in my place and that I'm not totally alone (even though I'd never wish acne on anyone).

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I'm so sorry you're struggling with having your mother go to your appointment with you. My situation is kind of the opposite; I asked my mother to go with me (even though I'm 20 years old!) because when I'm at the doctor's alone I tend to get nervous and not say all that I need to say. Having my mother there helps because she will talk when she notices I can't, and she will be quiet and listen when I am talking. But I have a really good relationship with my mother and I realize it's not the same for everyone.

However, part of the reason I wanted my mother to come with me was because I felt that I would be taken more seriously if she was there to support what I was saying. So you could look at that as a positive. You may feel awkward having your mother there, but it may help the dermatologist to understand how important it is for you to get treatment... if that makes any sense? In my experience with doctors, they tend to view the involvement of parents as a motivating thing and pay more attention because of it.

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if the derm is good he will make you feel at ease. i was like you as well. when i had acne (i cured mine about 6 years ago) i went with my mother. she was in the room with me, but i went to a pretty large clinic and i felt pretty comfortable being there, since i had been there many times. the derm wasnt the greatest of fall, he prescribe stuff that did little to nothing, but he was easy to talk with and understood my predicament even though my mom was there. after your mom says a couple of things like why she brought you in he totally just ignored her and asked me the questions only and she wasnt part of the conversation, he asked me if i was depressed and i just said who wouldnt be, then he said yeah i get that a lot.

Your answer made my teary, I feel so bad about my acne. I really hope that this derm will be able to clear it up because if my acne get any worse I'm not sure what I'd do.

Feels good to know that other people have been in my place and that I'm not totally alone (even though I'd never wish acne on anyone).

we all feel really bad about acne, i know it sucks. the thing you need to realize though is you need to be strong with this and fight all you can, be as OPEN and TRUTHFUL as you can no matter who is in the room. if you lie and dont say anything then you are cheating only yourself. i bet your mother already knows how you feel without even talking to you. it is present in your body language and everything else, parents are especially keen on these types of things. so my advice is this, forget about whos in the room and feel comfortable with the doctor they are there to help you and the only way they can do that is if they know what you are going through. its time to stand up for yourself (mother or no mother), speak your mind with your doctor. one thing you need to understand is that most dermatologist arent a saving grace, they do try to help and have more knowledge than any other doctor but that does not mean by any stretch of the imagination that they are guaranteed to clear you up, it might work or it might not, its a chance, but its a better chance then fighting it on your own with over the counter topicals.

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I'm so sorry you're struggling with having your mother go to your appointment with you. My situation is kind of the opposite; I asked my mother to go with me (even though I'm 20 years old!) because when I'm at the doctor's alone I tend to get nervous and not say all that I need to say. Having my mother there helps because she will talk when she notices I can't, and she will be quiet and listen when I am talking. But I have a really good relationship with my mother and I realize it's not the same for everyone.

However, part of the reason I wanted my mother to come with me was because I felt that I would be taken more seriously if she was there to support what I was saying. So you could look at that as a positive. You may feel awkward having your mother there, but it may help the dermatologist to understand how important it is for you to get treatment... if that makes any sense? In my experience with doctors, they tend to view the involvement of parents as a motivating thing and pay more attention because of it.

I guess I could look at it like that, this made me feel a little better :) Did your mother go with you to your dermatologist?

if the derm is good he will make you feel at ease. i was like you as well. when i had acne (i cured mine about 6 years ago) i went with my mother. she was in the room with me, but i went to a pretty large clinic and i felt pretty comfortable being there, since i had been there many times. the derm wasnt the greatest of fall, he prescribe stuff that did little to nothing, but he was easy to talk with and understood my predicament even though my mom was there. after your mom says a couple of things like why she brought you in he totally just ignored her and asked me the questions only and she wasnt part of the conversation, he asked me if i was depressed and i just said who wouldnt be, then he said yeah i get that a lot.

Your answer made my teary, I feel so bad about my acne. I really hope that this derm will be able to clear it up because if my acne get any worse I'm not sure what I'd do.

Feels good to know that other people have been in my place and that I'm not totally alone (even though I'd never wish acne on anyone).

we all feel really bad about acne, i know it sucks. the thing you need to realize though is you need to be strong with this and fight all you can, be as OPEN and TRUTHFUL as you can no matter who is in the room. if you lie and dont say anything then you are cheating only yourself. i bet your mother already knows how you feel without even talking to you. it is present in your body language and everything else, parents are especially keen on these types of things. so my advice is this, forget about whos in the room and feel comfortable with the doctor they are there to help you and the only way they can do that is if they know what you are going through. its time to stand up for yourself (mother or no mother), speak your mind with your doctor. one thing you need to understand is that most dermatologist arent a saving grace, they do try to help and have more knowledge than any other doctor but that does not mean by any stretch of the imagination that they are guaranteed to clear you up, it might work or it might not, its a chance, but its a better chance then fighting it on your own with over the counter topicals.

I want to be strong so badly, but I feel as if nothing works and I might start crying. And I hate crying in front och people :/

Your answer also made me feel better, when I'm on Acne.org it feels as if people are backing me up :)!

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