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HiImMatt

What has acne caused you physically and mentally?

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I used to be a baby doll for everyone. Many people adored me, wanted to adopt me so they could dress me up like a barbie, admired me and wish that when I grew up I will look more beautiful, I also dreamed myself I'll turn into one of VS angels, some saw the potential that I can go on auditions to do commercials or anything with media. Unfortunately when I turned 14, I started having pimples. Pimples starts to heal then one pops out on the same spot, on the forehead, on the left cheek, on the right cheek, on the chin until those pimples covered my poor face and when it's all done ruining my face it left an utterly awful remembrance - acne scars. Highschool days are the worst days of my life (for my face actually) because that's the time pimples were mad on my face. I will never ever forget the very first time that I felt like the bombing of Pearl Harbor is happening right on my face. That was 2 weeks before our Prom Night. And my partner that time is my super crush. It's soooo unfortunate for me really. And also those times I felt like I don't belong, I am not a normal highschool girl who's into teeny-booper or tweetums thing or any for that matter. I felt like I'm the only girl in school who doesn't carry a handy mirror in her bag. Heck, even the lesbians in our school have their mirror. Mirror -- my enemy, my biggest downfall. I super hate seeing my face in the mirror and I am not ashamed to tell my good friends that I hate mirror because it makes me see my effin' awful face, it makes me feel I'm the ugliest girl in the world. They said I'm so grave for telling that to myself. I've thrown all the curses on my face. Because I really hate it. I cannot count the nights that I've cried myself to sleep, the days I cried while taking a bath, the times when I just wanted to punch my face because of feeling awful, of feeling ugly. I even told myself, my parents,my friends that I think I needed to undergo PLASTIC SURGERY because of it. I'm so insecure about my face that I vowed I will never date or have boyfriend until I met "the one".

College - the best days of my life. I don't know what really happened to me, but I started feeling good about me 3 years ago. Despite of my face, I have a lot of classmates that really admire me and see me as one of the prettiest girls in class, some dubbed me as the "ideal girl". Or maybe it's because of my academic performances and personality I gained respect. I guess those people who admired me and see beauty in me beyond my imperfections helped me realized that I should LOVE MYSELF, I should APPRECIATE me. And to see things differently. Not that those admiration totally got into my head, (because I still know I have the scars) it just inspired me to love myself.

Then there's my boyfriend, he's the guy who has an ex that every guy would go ga-ga for. (I'm insecure to her at some point). He's somewhat not ordinary man. But at some unexpected point, he has this look on his face (biggrin.png) and obviously he's thinking I am beautiful. Because of his admiration to me, it is enough to make me feel the most gorgeous woman in the world. And he said that there are a lot of things I did to him that he had never experienced ever with any of his ex's. And that makes me stand above them (even to that guy-getter ex).

I realized that no matter how many people will admire/appreciate me, if I don't help myself to get up on that dirt, I will forever live my life in depression, misery, insecurity and full of hatred. And I don't want that to happen to me. I don't want to waste my potentials just because I feel I am physically-detoriated. There are people who would rather embrace that crate-face than being crippled, incomplete/no hands, blind, deaf or mute just to be normal, just to experience LIFE. If no one likes you (eliminate friends and family because they love you even you will have a face of monster) for who you are, what you have then at least be a friend to yourself. Learn to love yourself. Because by learning to love yourself, you will learn how to downplay this physical problem you have. You will learn to walk your head up and have that confidence coming from within -- that kind of confidence is better than feeling confident because of being pretty/handsome. Have some self-respect for yourself. And there will come a time you will meet the person you wanted to be with.

Know to thy self that you could offer MORE compare to a person who just have pretty face but ugly personality. Personality makes you AMAZING. I am continuing my battle to achieve clear skin but I am more concentrated on being a loving person, friend, daughter, relative and a girlfriend. Sure, physical beauty makes a person to be noticed and gain admirers but if that person has an awful personality that changes everything. Even some of the most handsome and most alluring person you see, if you stare at them (take note: stare is the word) for a long time you will see that their face isn't that special or perfect at all, their physical beauty fades at that instant. You will get tired of their pretty face too. I swear to that. And you know those people can't afford seeing their face ugly. Hahaha! They might stab themselves. These people with perfect beauty were also trying hard to keep it that way as much as we do to find a solution for acne.

Relationships are not created based on physical appearance of a person. So don't shy away yourself from those people who love you. Don't think about your face too much because it will only make you more miserable. Don't let any chance to spend time with people you love get away just because of the face.

Some heartless people would even make fun of you and sometimes they feel grossed by seeing your face bombarded with acne. I truly believe having acne is one of the hardest battle any one has to face if they have it. I have gained some self-confidence knowing that I am a "cool" girl and there is someone who sees beauty beyond my imperfections. I still feel insecure sometimes you know, but staying positive and knowing I am not alone makes me forget my acne scars. smile.png

Love yourself. Love everything around you. Love surprises you unexpectedly. wink.png

"There's MORE than meets the eye"

Edited by jkitty03
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Severe social anxiety, eating disorders, fear of food, depression, suicidal thoughts and actions, lost friendships, lost desire to eat, loss of sleep (insomnia), I spend every day at home. Not attending class, dropping out of school, not going outside in daylight. Fear of people and social interaction.

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I constantly think about how I look. Especially if I'm somewhere in public in harsh lights! I'm always so nervous because I know people judge you before they even talk to you :(.

But sometimes a different feeling kicks in. On rare occasions I think "Yeah look at my bad skin! I don't like you anyway so I don't care." I wish I had more feelings like that lol

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