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omarcomin

Acne destroying you're relationship abilities

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Apoloigies for the long post lol. . .

Does anyone feel that acne has destroyed their ability to be in a relationship?

I don't mean in the sense that you acne comes between you or you're parnter or that it holds you back from a relationship (which are topics that come up quiet a lot on the board) but that because of acne you don't know how to have a relationship.

A lot of adults here that still have acne started to get it in their teens, which is the most important part of you're life for developing social skills. One of the side effects of acne is that some people like me shut their self away and kind of went into suspended animation. Everyone around you did what teenagers did and progressed but you just hid yourself away. One of the very few benefits of acne is that it taught me how to enjoy my own company. I would hate to be one of those people who would go with a person they didn't have any real feelings for just to say they had a partner. I've had male and female friends who have gone with people who didn't really love them and who have cheated on them and basically treated them like scum, yet my friends stick by them because they're so afraid of being alone. I'm thankful to acne in that respect, that i can tolerate being on my own and sometimes even really enjoy it.

Unfortanetly one of the many drawbacks of acne is that i'm in my mid twentes but because of the effect i have let acne have on me i have never had a relationship. When other teenagers were going out and learning how to form relationships i was hiding myself away and didn't learn the nessceary realtionship experience that other people my age have. If i was to enter into a relationship now i would feel like a fish out of water, going from being alone but being able to do what you wanted, when you wanted to suddenley having to share yourself and your time with another person would be completley alien to me. Obviously everyone who is single and then has had a relationship has had to face this adjustment, but it would feel a lot more harder to deal with when you have been alone you're entire life and adjusted to being alone and learned to live like that.

So does anyone else have the apprehension that if they did start going out with someone, they would find it hard to handle because of being so used to being alone and not having the developed social and relationship skills that you should have acquired as part of growing up.

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I think we're twins. That sounds like my life story you just wrote. I can totally relate with your feeling that a relationship would be difficult. It will be more difficult for you than your average guy, but for the average guy, its not that hard to begin with. You have it in your head that I'm twenty-whatever, and I should have done this and this and this, and I should be comftorable doing that and that and that. But the reality is, that you havn't done this, and your not comftorable doing that. I'm 26 and I just recently started my first relationship. Like you, acne kept me inside through my teenage years and beyond, and I never developed those social skills. Well, let me just tell you from what Im experiencing.. it comes natural. Once we got past that initial awkward phase, things just began to flow really easy. She would make me feel really good about myself, and in return I would make her feel really special. Thats the trick, making each other feel good about themself when your around each other. You dont have to be the most attractive, or social, or smart person to achieve that. If she makes you feel good about yourself then you'l want to do the same for her. As for the physical stuff.. kissing, touching, sex.. your probably really stressed out about that. Don't be. If you havn't dated in the past, and you havn't experienced these things, then your brain is going to be spinning a million miles an hour thinking about all of the possible scenarios, all the possible ways of going about doing these things. Am I touching her the right way, do my lips make weird sounds when I kiss, (lol, that was probably just me) etc. etc. Don't Let this stuff consume you. If you want to watch a few videos on "kino" or read a few mens forums (sosuave.com) thats fine, but you don't need to take a course on this subject, because this too, comes natural.

Like you, I am very comftorable being alone. Having lived in solitude for so long, with very few friends, you can't help but become that way. I'm still that way. I can be perfectly happy watching a movie, or surfing the web, etc.. by myself. In all likelyhood, you will never be needy, or clingy, which is probably a good thing. But you are definitely capable of wanting to spend time with somebody, thinking about them often, and enjoying that time you spend with that person you care about.

Apologies for a long reply.. but I just wanted you to hear from a guy whos walked in your shoes, and let you know that its not as difficult as your making yourself believe.

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I could write an essay on this but I'd only be repeating what you said, omarcomin and Scott. Plus, I have a huge number of posts in this forum which cover it already. You both summed things up brilliantly and I am exactly the same, with the same thoughts, in the same position, and for the same reasons.

Personally, I found that all these thoughts and the focus on my lack of experience really hit home and started to become a problem after my skin started to clear up. Mentally, I've had a really tough time this year because I got to the point where I was finally in control of my skin more and was happy with how it looked.

I always thought that things would be fixed once my skin started to clear - that I'd be happy and have confidence and be out there doing all the things everyone seems to do and has been doing since the start of their teens. Of course, they're all the things I didn't do in my teens and have no experience of at all because I spent most of that time hiding away in my room.

So I reached the point where I thought everything would suddenly be alright, and then the realisation hits... 'Oh crap, I have no idea how to do any of these things everyone else seems to be doing an I've been left so far behind!'

:confused:

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One thing i've been suprised at since joining this site is the amount of people that post that even once they had clear skin, they still had a lot of emotional problems to overcome with regard to worrying about acne breaking out again and the emotional problems acne has caused. It seems that physically getting rid of acne is only half the battle.

I've always lived in the hope of one day having clear skin and lived in, i guess . . .a kind of fantasy world where things would be alright when i had clear skin. Over the past few years i've slowly come to the realization that isn't so.,When i look in the mirror and finally have clear skin i won't just suddenley walk out the door with no problem and suddenley become really popular and chat up loads of women with complete confidence. There's no doubt that if i do ever have clear skin it will be the weight of a world off my shoulders but i will still have other effects of acne left over, so i guess it's best to try and work on that now while i'm still finding a way to get rid of acne, two birds with one stone . . . .easier said than done though.

In relation to relationships, I think Scott made a good point in his post that if you're with the right person then it dosen't matter what else has come before, If it's right and you really want it then you find a way to work through it. We suffer from acne but we want to get rid of it so we put up with all the bull shit and work through it all, if we can do that with acne then we can certainly do it with a relationship.

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i couldn't agree more with this...i've always been the shy kid, but at least had a group I fit in with. in the past year, my acne has gotten worse and almost simultaneously so have my social skills. when i'm with people my own age i become so awkward, i can feel myself tense up and just be....awkward! i get annoyed with myself, i make things too difficult. i find myself getting so self conscious around people and feel that i'm inferior because of my skin. I compare my skin with those I know and my self esteem and socialness just plummets.

But I also agree that I do enjoy my time alone. I love the fact that I don't have to feel needy and be the type of person who has to be chasing after the crowd 24/7. I feel time alone doing something I enjoy is time well spent compared to hanging out with people I don't really care too much for. However, there needs to be a balance; I shouldnt spend all my time alone. I have just become so awkward around people, it really sucks.

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YES! Acne has affected all other aspects of my appearance. Now I focus on every non-acne related flaw because my acne and scarring has worsened my insecurities and self-perception.

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