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Rachel's Accutane Log :)

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I know what you mean!

At work my colleague (60 year old woman) came up to me, stared at my face and said 'Wow, your skin is really terrible." THANKS I DO HAVE A MIRROR! I don't understand why people think it's ok to say something like that, isn't it just like going up to someone and saying "Wow, you are really fat." or "Wow, you are really old."

And I hate it when people try and give you advice when they have NO CLUE. For example; "You should go on the tanning beds, that will clear up your face".

My boss keeps telling me that I'm making my skin worse by going to the gym wearing make up but I told her there is no way around that and she was like 'well there is!' and it's like don't you understand? I can't go without make up! LEAVE ME ALONE!

Sorry about the rant! xxx

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Wow, unbelievable! The things people say. I truly believe there is no difference between commenting on acne versus being fat.

This is what I am going to say the next time, "You really have no idea what your talking about. If you did then you would know that acne is a disease and can affect anyone at anytime in their life, so let's hope it never happens to you." :)'

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@Trixy - The gall of people constantly amazes me! I just can't imagine how anyone thinks that saying these things is okay!! How is it possibly any of their business??? I'm sorry you've had your fair share of it too. For me, its just the worst to have to discuss some of my deepest insecurities with people I barely know. I don't even like talking about it with the people I love!! Also, don't apologize for your rant :) I totally enjoyed it - my favorite part of this website is realizing how many people encounter the same issues!

@Again! - I love that statement!!!!!! I am definitely going to have to break it out next time someone says something to me! And you're right - but maybe these are the type of people who tell random strangers on the street how to loose weight? People are just unbelievable!

@Vampireninja09 - Thanks :) I feel like it mostly ends up a rant about silly things....

@Polyspat - Thanks for the encouragement! I was feeling so down about everything the past couple of days and you guys all made me feel so much better!

Day 23

I can't believe that I've reached my "crazy week" as I've begun to call it. My blood test is Saturday morning and then my dermatologist appointment is Tuesday. I kind of can't wait to go! I just feel like I've been spending too much time examining my face and I've just stopped being an impartial judge. Half the time, one minute I'm convinced its actually working and the next I'm convinced its worse. So I'm hoping that my doctor will be able to tell me what's going on...

I've been wondering a lot if I'm going to have my dosage increased. I've experienced almost no side effects and it just seems like at this point I could handle a higher dosage. I guess the results of my blood test will probably be the biggest indicator of this. This may sound silly - but I'm paranoid that the three sips of wine I had two weeks ago is going to come back and haunt me. The last thing I want is my moment of stupidity to risk either my health or my future on this medication.

All in all though, nothing new to report. Although my aunt and uncle, people who I'm actually super close to and are ALLOWED to comment, told me that my face looked clearer from the time that they saw me over the weekend to yesterday. It was lovely to hear, but ever the pessimist, I tend to believe it has more to do with the fact that they love me.

My doctor, who definitely doesn't love me, is probably the only one i trust at the moment. Does anyone else have an odd dermatologist? He came super recommended and over the years he's always confident in what he says and is usually correct. But the guy rarely, if ever, crosses the room to actually be near me during an appointment. I'm not even kidding - he diagnoses me from three feet away. He has a total lack of bedside manner and it kind of unnerves me. And yet I trust him...

Maybe that says something about me? :wall:

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I just love reading your log! Very funny.

I am the same way! One minute, I'm thinking that my face is fine and all the marks are going to go away and then the next minute I'm crying because I feel my face is ruined.

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DAY 30

Month one done! Five to go!

For a while there, I felt like I wasn't making any process. I thought I'd be stuck in month one purgatory forever. But low and behold I've made it to the other side! And with a perfect blood test despite my three sips of wine. I'll admit for a second there I thought hey, maybe I can drink after all, but the goody two shoes side of me won out. Also, I don't think I can handle the stress of wondering if somethings going to show up, if my doctor will confront me in front of my mom, if my doctor will pull me off, blah blah blah. All very dramatic, I'm sure.

So my appointment went well. It was probably the shortest appointment ever. There was a whole debacle where everything was running behind schedule and I had to get to another appointment and I wasn't sure if I'd be able to get the prescription in time. So I mildly freaked out on them, they let me in and I was in and out of there in ten minutes. I don't know why but doctors offices and I never get along. Something always goes wrong. Its like my luck with public transportation - even if I leave forty-five minutes early, I'll still be there fifteen minutes late. Digression, sorry.

So, I'm staying on 30 mg for this month which I was kind of tentative about. I'm still experiencing no side effects except for dry lips, and even those aren't out of control. But - he seems to think that my face is starting to clear and predicted that I should be mostly clear by the end of month two. It was an optimistic thought but I'm trying to not let myself get carried away - I'm just too worried that I'll be setting myself up for disappointment.

I'm heading back to school in a week and I'm not quite sure how I feel about it at the moment. I'm not quite as clear as I'd hoped I'd be and I'm becoming increasingly anxious about the whole drinking thing. Which is just so silly! I didn't even really start drinking until I turned 19 and even then, I'm not a heavy drinker. One, maybe two, is it for the most part. But since starting this drug I've become increasingly aware of how much alcohol plays a part in my life. My staff at camp wants to go for drinks, everyone is planning for the first happy hour of the year, my uncle made his famous sangria for a dinner. I just don't know how to say no. I'm already sick of having to tell people I can't drink because I'm on medication and I really have no intention of going into details about it. Anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with this? A good response? You guys have been so helpful in the past :)

On a side note, I was saying good-bye to my mom this morning and she just looked at me and was like "I think your face is clearer. I mean, even more than it was yesterday. It looks great." She's my biggest cheerleader so it's hard to totally believe her, but it was a nice boost.

Oh - and I finally took pictures of my face. I've been debating whether I was going to or not but I finally realized that it's going to really be the only way for me to see if things are happening. So I'm going to try and upload them in the next few days. I figure I let the whole world see my face everyday but I refuse to talk about my acne with anyone, so if I'm telling you guys everything about it - I might as well let you guys see what I'm talking about. :wub:

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I'm right there with you on the drinking thing- still. I'm also not a big drinker, I wasn't in college, I went out on the weekends, maybe even every other weekend. Now that I can't drink, It's all around me! Haha. And you have clearly been better about it than I have. I had TWO bachelorette parties to go to last weekend, and I hate to say this, but I was "peer pressured" into drinking. At 23. Haha. Only a few drinks, but still. I also feel weird telling people I can't drink because of medication because I don't want every single person I'm out with to know what I'm taking and all the details of it. I will tell you this though, both mornings after having a few drinks, I woke up with a headache and super dehydrated. It's really not worth the stress and worrying that goes on afterwards. We can be good kids together!! :)

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