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i want to try to help you get over the "why me" stage and show you how its sort of related to a sense of entitlement which is also a form of denial. denying a state of reality is not a virtue, because you are not in a state of empowerment, but enter into either despair or denial or both. its hard to make progress and imrpove anything you deny really exists, or that you are really experiancing.

sometimes the why me response, can be a sign of entitlement or in other words, a sense that you do not "deserve" this, equally implying that you "deserve" some sort of special treatment in life. And you would be right in that no one "deserves" this type of experiance, its not a good one at all. but here is where it gets good, as long as you are thinking you dont "deserve" this, you kind of create the perception that somehow, you are being singled out by god and the game is unfair, which is not entirely true, because the truth is, no matter how much money anyone has there will be a time in everyones life where they do not get something their way, or something tragic has happened to them, in fact, im not aware of anyone who has ever recieved everything they have ever wanted, precisely when they wanted it, for the duration of their entire life, so it is unrealistic and unhealthy for you to do so within your own lifeIM positive that has never happened, ever, therefore you are not being singled out. NO ONE is immune to lifes unexpected challenges, in that regards, life is totally fair, we all live by the same rules, when it comes it comes and it can happen to anybody, no one is special or spared, not even you. We all have our time to deal with challenges, yours is now.

so by saying why me, you may also be implying that their is this group of people somewhere, that just gets everything they want precisely when they want it, ummmm, those people do not exist. BUT, some people do have it easier,even you have it easier then say perhaps, a quadraplegic, compared to them you are truly blessed. BUT no one is ENTIRELY having all there desires fullfilled instantaneously, nor immune to lifes curveballs. so of course NEVER expect instant gratification or automatic compliance of the world to your "demands", remind that to yourself.

Also, as long as you are saying why me and have a sense that you are entitled to better treatment then others, which you may already possess anyways (quadrapalegic) and theoretically think you are special and somehow immune to lifes challenges, you are going to deny the challenge that you are facing and delay action towards its resolution, and say that you are not willing to work as hard as everyone else or even at all, because you are special or you deny you are even going through this!!! A sense of entitlment/desire for special treatment is going to be the worst thing you could ever have, its narcissistic, as if you are "above" those types of things, and narcissitsts are obsessed with rank and heirarchy, and if you are sooo above it, you deny reality and do not deal with what is happenening to you right now, you cannot accept it,and that is unhealthy and bad for you. the longer you say its not happening to me, it cant happen to me, or it wont happen to me, not only do you deny the problems you have, you may not even prepare for the future and therefore make yourself susceptible to dangerous situations.maybe you are a smoker and tell yourself, "oh, lung cancer? thats for "other" people", haha you see how special treatment can destroy your mind?

now the next time you say to yourself, in response to the why me question, answer back to yourself BECAUSE I AM NOT SPECIAL nor am i above everyone else and have to work just as hard, and now i am more then willing to do so.. and you know you are now ready and willing to deal with events that are happening to you right now, and willing to prepare for possible bad events that can happen to YOU, yes YOU!!! in the future. It can happen here, in your town, in your house, to your life, so watch for it and be prepared, or acknowledge it now and take care of it.

now that you see how the desire for special treatment can disarm your personal effectiveness by helping you deny the true honest state of your life, which is the ONLY road to success in life, that of, through the means of reality, and not wishful thinking or praying, you can say to yourself you are in a really shitty situation here, and then ask, with a strong sense of determination, what can do about this right now? or is there anything That i can do about this? or even tomorrow or during next week? ever? the sooner you get past why me, and can feel empowered about accepting your situation, the more likely you are to find a way out of it, and put yourself in a resourceful and empowered frame of mind.

you do not want to stay in the why me stage for more then a second, and hopefully, by absorbing these concepts, you can avoid it alltogether in the future, and please please avoid people that try to put you on a pedestal and encourage a narcicissitic sense of entitlement, or make you feel you are in a special group for only special people who dont have "those problems", or even overly inflate your self image, they will be setting you up for failure. its kind of like the tortoise and the hare, where the hare was so sure he was going to win the race he didnt have to put forth as much effort as anyone else, right? he got a little arrogant and cocky and LAZY!!! same lesson man its very similar.

its good to be average, normal,and just like everybody else. the promotion of the narcissistic mentality will eventually destroy the community, when everyone wants to be above everyone else, and no one can identify with one another, people lose touch with reality and become LAZY.

Edited by AutonomousOne1980

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It could have been anything. It could have been obesity. Crooked teeth. Baldness. A weak heart. Poverty. Cancer. The wheels of chance landed on acne. I accept who I am. I will not follow anyone else. I will lead myself. I will live my life according to my body, my circumstances. I will no longer look to others in jealousy or dependence. I accept my fate.

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This is an amazing post that I've favourited.

It's very introspective and I can see how I fell into that line of thinking.

Is this positive psychology or where did you get these ideas?

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This is an amazing post that I've favourited.

It's very introspective and I can see how I fell into that line of thinking.

Is this positive psychology or where did you get these ideas?

for the most part, i have just analyzed the nature of my own mind, but im sure alot i have read has also contributed, but the main technique was to base everything off of first hand observation of my own mind, with very little outside input or of people telling me what my mind was like, the effort was to avoid false impressions of the nature of my own mind, i tried to be as "scientific" as possible, even though it cannot exactly be regarded as fully objective, because nobody can really observe my mind like i am in position to observe it to verify this is what is "going on", so you would still have to "trust" my testimony. but at least i tried to eliminate my own bias, when observing my own mind, which takes ultimate humility and self honesty. it may apply to other people, or it may not.

Edited by AutonomousOne1980

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I disagree with your reasoning. A lot of people don't realize that the roller coaster of hope and despair has a direct correlation with new breakouts and that it is that constant high and low which causes much of the emotional anguish. Not to re-use an old post of mine, but I posted the below entry on a thread about a week ago that dealt with a man who suffered from tetra-amelia:

"One thing I understand about the psychology of the mind is its power to accept oneself. This guy has an amazing amount of spirit for sure, but regardless of what poisons your spirit the greatest catalyst is the one that the mind cannot keep up with.

Acne is constantly changing our appearance and the mind can never settle. If I could freeze your face right now and say you would never get another pimple again, but you would also never heal what you currently have, that over time your mind will come to terms with who you are. The emotional distress would diminish and you would become more self confident; however, you will more than likely still be a little self conscious (That is just unavoidable as it's human nature).

I also believe this is why most acne sufferers more or less have identity crisis."

I do believe his condition is more unfortunate than having acne, but ours is harder for the mind to adapt to.

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"sometimes the why me response, can be a sign of entitlement or in other words, a sense that you do not "deserve" this, equally implying that you "deserve" some sort of special treatment in life"

The reason the English language has the word "deserve" is because it's accepted that good people deserve good things and bad people deserve bad things. When people say stuff like 'I don't deserve this,' they're not asking for any special treatment. They are just applying the definition of "deserve." Good people who did nothing wrong in life, deserve a good life, such as one with great skin. Bad people, like murderers and rapists, are the ones who deserve curses like acne.

"so by saying why me, you may also be implying that their is this group of people somewhere, that just gets everything they want precisely when they want it"

No. When I say 'why me,' it's because I'm a freak. There's no group somewhere. There's nobody getting what they ask for.

99% of every person I have seen:

-clear skin, average height or taller, no acne scars, no oily skin

Just me:

-cystic acne, 5'6 male, keloid scars all over my chest and shoulders, red marks all over my back, disgusting OPEC oily skin

So yeah, if someone's only problem is acne, they may not have a good case for using the 'why me' question. But for someone like me, who is really fucking weird for no reason at all, the question applies. And that's assuming I believe in god.

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"sometimes the why me response, can be a sign of entitlement or in other words, a sense that you do not "deserve" this, equally implying that you "deserve" some sort of special treatment in life"

The reason the English language has the word "deserve" is because it's accepted that good people deserve good things and bad people deserve bad things. When people say stuff like 'I don't deserve this,' they're not asking for any special treatment. They are just applying the definition of "deserve." Good people who did nothing wrong in life, deserve a good life, such as one with great skin. Bad people, like murderers and rapists, are the ones who deserve curses like acne.

"so by saying why me, you may also be implying that their is this group of people somewhere, that just gets everything they want precisely when they want it"

No. When I say 'why me,' it's because I'm a freak. There's no group somewhere. There's nobody getting what they ask for.

99% of every person I have seen:

-clear skin, average height or taller, no acne scars, no oily skin

Just me:

-cystic acne, 5'6 male, keloid scars all over my chest and shoulders, red marks all over my back, disgusting OPEC oily skin

So yeah, if someone's only problem is acne, they may not have a good case for using the 'why me' question. But for someone like me, who is really fucking weird for no reason at all, the question applies. And that's assuming I believe in god.

so you see it as, undeserved punishment? like why are you punished for no reason at all?

this is the perception im trying to eat away at and dismantle, where you see it as being unfair, i wanted to see it as perfectly fair according to the REAL rules of life, not of the rules of some imagined catholic/christian god, but the real god, the one who imposes real limits to things and who only grants mercy to those who work within his/hers/its framework.

it is only within this human world where we get this idea and sense of equality, that the real god knows nothing about, you are still seeing god as a human being, which we cannot verify, so how could you ask for mercy?

these concepts and these mental guidance maps are merely, to get you to do something, anything, thinking in this way is not meant to magically make your acne disappear. or get you to do anything else but feel singled out.

another thing with asking for mercy is, do you really feel like asking for mercy from a supposed human like god, when some ones is sittiing beside you without eyes ears and legs? if we are on this level of human equality, what did they do to deserve having it worse then you? and what do you think of your human like god now? what an asshole hey?? yea thats why you need to squash that old religion way of thinking, its going to cause you more pain. god is not a human being. you will never accept your challenges if you think they are given unfairly. i want you top think that it is perfectly fair, but you do not have to like it or do nothing about it, i just do not want people to waste time in despair.

Edited by AutonomousOne1980

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Bloody good post in some aspects mate. Alot of people are concerned with what they deserve and I reckon too many people walk around expecting things to be handed to them.

However I'm a chrisso and I love God and I reckon to speak about it you have to know god. Call me a nut or whatever, God is my saviour and he has blessed me incredibly.

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What I'm taking away from your posts is:

Life's not fair. Reality is the only God.

no, life is perfectly fair. the point is to see that you are not exactly singled out when people all over have hurdles to getting what they want, we are all in the same boat, generally speaking.

Edited by AutonomousOne1980

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What I'm taking away from your posts is:

Life's not fair. Reality is the only God.

no, life is perfectly fair. the point is to see that you are not exactly singled out when people all over have hurdles to getting what they want, we are all in the same boat, generally speaking.

I digress, life is hardly fair. There are many people I consider more unfortunate than myself. Just one of literally endless examples how about people who were born to parents that suffered Agent Orange exposure during the Vietnam War? Hundreds of thousands babies born still born in Vietnam and if you were lucky to survive you were more than likely born with a incapacitating deformity. Kids of US soldiers were commonly born with terrible lesions and asthma that they carried with them for their whole life. Agent Orange was some nasty nasty stuff.

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so you see it as, undeserved punishment? like why are you punished for no reason at all?

this is the perception im trying to eat away at and dismantle, where you see it as being unfair, i wanted to see it as perfectly fair according to the REAL rules of life, not of the rules of some imagined catholic/christian god, but the real god, the one who imposes real limits to things and who only grants mercy to those who work within his/hers/its framework.

it is only within this human world where we get this idea and sense of equality, that the real god knows nothing about, you are still seeing god as a human being, which we cannot verify, so how could you ask for mercy?

these concepts and these mental guidance maps are merely, to get you to do something, anything, thinking in this way is not meant to magically make your acne disappear. or get you to do anything else but feel singled out.

another thing with asking for mercy is, do you really feel like asking for mercy from a supposed human like god, when some ones is sittiing beside you without eyes ears and legs? if we are on this level of human equality, what did they do to deserve having it worse then you? and what do you think of your human like god now? what an asshole hey?? yea thats why you need to squash that old religion way of thinking, its going to cause you more pain. god is not a human being. you will never accept your challenges if you think they are given unfairly. i want you top think that it is perfectly fair, but you do not have to like it or do nothing about it, i just do not want people to waste time in despair.

No offense, but I don't know what the hell you're saying.

I was just trying to explain why people say "why me" and how it relates to the concept of "deserving"

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This is going to sound like your typical victim talk but I think one of the most debilitating aspects about acne is that there is no social acceptance built for it.

If someone has a birthmark, if someone's in a wheelchair, if someone has down syndrome, we are taught from a young age to respect those differences. We are taught it is not fair to single these people out or to draw attention to these differences. There is no such thing for acne. At all.

Look at that video for Firework by Katy Parry. Ouu the gay teen stood up for himself and the slightly over-weight girl got into the pool anyway. Where's the spotty teenager who bravely stood under harsh lighting conditions?

Or even if you recall that Dove 'real beauty' campaign from a while back. I remember walking through a mall where they had this huge promotional going on for it. There were at least 25 wall-sized photos of 'real women'. All races were represented, all ages. Chubby girls, skinny girls, girls with big noses, girls with tons of freckles . . . I kept trying to find the girls with bad skin except there weren't any.

Don't get me wrong, I am in no way saying anyone who fits any of the above criteria somehow has it easier. What I'm trying to say is that despite acne certainly not being the worst thing that could happen, it IS difficult to deal with and sometimes it irritates me when people compare it to horrific problems.

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This is going to sound like your typical victim talk but I think one of the most debilitating aspects about acne is that there is no social acceptance built for it.

If someone has a birthmark, if someone's in a wheelchair, if someone has down syndrome, we are taught from a young age to respect those differences. We are taught it is not fair to single these people out or to draw attention to these differences. There is no such thing for acne. At all.

Look at that video for Firework by Katy Parry. Ouu the gay teen stood up for himself and the slightly over-weight girl got into the pool anyway. Where's the spotty teenager who bravely stood under harsh lighting conditions?

Or even if you recall that Dove 'real beauty' campaign from a while back. I remember walking through a mall where they had this huge promotional going on for it. There were at least 25 wall-sized photos of 'real women'. All races were represented, all ages. Chubby girls, skinny girls, girls with big noses, girls with tons of freckles . . . I kept trying to find the girls with bad skin except there weren't any.

Don't get me wrong, I am in no way saying anyone who fits any of the above criteria somehow has it easier. What I'm trying to say is that despite acne certainly not being the worst thing that could happen, it IS difficult to deal with and sometimes it irritates me when people compare it to horrific problems.

I completely agree with you on everything you said. There are so many things out there that are considered "acceptable" but what about the people with acne or acne scars? Acne/scarring are more common nowadays than people getting cancer or HIV or being born with disabilities yet society especially the media doesn't really acknowledge it.

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