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omarcomin

Does having a partner make you feel better or worse about you're acne?

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I've never had a serious relationship so i wouldn't know but i was just wondering if having a partner makes you feel worse or better about you're acne. In my current frame of mind having a partner is out of the question, what with going out, them seeing my skin when it's at it's worst, and especially if there was any face touching. Does having a partner make you forget about you're acne or does it just highlight it for you even more?

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I think it makes you feel better. Really, there are only a handfull of people that are going to even notice and/or be bothered by your acne. Most people may just notice it and then accept it as part of your face and not really think much of it.

In our minds, we think it makes us so unattrative but really it is just a flaw, everyone has something. I think being in a relationship, a good one, where your partner just cares about you for who you are to them and not just how you look to them reminds you that it's just one part of you. Like a mole or something. They will get used to it and then at least there is one person who you know isn't really looking at it thinking anything. It's refreshing to be able to just be you around someone else and a good relationship provides that.

That's just my opinion, for what its worth.

p.s. I have always had acne and now have really bad red marks and scars. Being with my fiance is the only time I can not have makeup on and not even think about it. He knows its there, he'd probably prefer it wasnt, but we're over it. It's a huge help for my self esteem.

I hope you can find that too. : ) Let yourself, and you will.

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Hey, I think that having a relationship will make most people feel good about their acne.

I started this thread to talk about how I feel about my acne in relation to my boyfriend, lots of people have responded with a plethora of heart warming, uplifting stories about their partners and their support of battling acne. My Thread

Ideally it would be nice to be self contained, being happy with yourself despite acne. But that's a bit far fetched really. Personally, having my boyfriend in my life helps my self esteem and makes me feel wanted. He never comments about my acne apart from to say things like "your skin is looking really good" etc when I'm having a good day. He puts up with my ridiculously long facial regime, understands when I ask him not to touch my face or kiss me until my BP is dry, he sees me without makeup nearly every day. I can't remember the last time I wore makeup around him... Having that is really liberating. After all, what is a boyfriend/girlfriend other than a best friend who you share mutual love and attraction for.

What I have noticed is that people on this forum talk about being single and lonely but it doesn't have to be that way. People let acne be their prison (I know I've let it get that way at times), shutting themselves off from relationships and social situations. It doesn't need to be that way. Confidence - fake it til you make it :)

Sorry about the essay! x

Edited by abigailwheeler
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Abigail - That was a really great post. A lot of people are so consumed by their acne that it holds them back in life. It's great you have confidence and a partner where you can be so open and comfortable with.

Omarcomin,

I think for a lot of new relationships, yes, acne may make you feel worse about yourself. Why? You barely know the other person, you're still getting to know each other, and you feel a little nervous around each other - so the acne doesn't help any of that. But, as the above posters said, confidence is key. Acne shouldn't imprison you. It's a flaw, sure, but we all have them. I believe that a deep, meaningful relationship can surely overlook a bout of acne.

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My boyfriend always makes me feel better. If I complain about my skin he always says the same thing, "You mean you're human?!" It makes me laugh and feel a little better.

I think we often forget that we're not the only ones out there with acne. When I see other people with it I never give it a second thought, but if I see a guy looking at me I get nervous and wonder if he is checking out my skin.

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I think it all depends on what your frame of mind is to begin with. I got so used to being bullied in school because of my acne that I became constantly defence about it. To those people, my acne defined who I was. Eventually, I started to believe that as well and started to think everyone I met would make fun of me. I've never quite managed to shake that feeling. That goes back to my school days and I think it's different when we're adults - people are usually too busy going about their business to be bothered about how people look - but I still find that I have that insecurity.

If I didn't have that and found myself able to interact with people or approach girls without giving my skin much thought, I imagine I'd be in a very different position right now as far as my social situation and relationship experiences are concerned. Seems like the only way to get over that insecurity is to be around people, but it was being around people which kicked it off to begin with, so there are reservations there. Feels like a vicious cycle.

But even with all that in my head, I still reckon that having a partner can only be a good thing in terms of how you feel about yourself because simply being with that person and knowing they want to be with you is special and it's going to make you feel good, regardless of whatever insecurities there may be. Plus, it's not going to be in that persons nature to be mean about things. I guess they'll notice certain things, of course, but they would be cancelled out by whatever else they like about you.

There have been times when my skin has been bad and to a point I've been glad that I didn't have a partner. You know, if you're going through a short period where you just don't want to be seen. I've read posts on here where people have said they've been feeling like that and it's putting their relationship at risk because their partner is viewing it as a degree of rejection and taking it personally, which I guess is a natural conclusion to arrive. In that respect, I suppose communication would be the key. Just to say, "This is who I am" right from the start, then if that person doesn't accept what they see, it's their loss. Of course, I wish I was able to shrug it off that easily, but then I've never been too good at taking my own advice.

It certainly opened my eyes when I started to see that many people here have partners and enjoy whatever they do despite acne. They shrug it off and just carry on, making the most of their time. That's the way it should be, without doubt, and it made me realise how I'd fallen into the trap of being consumed by and defined by my skin. That is the worst thing you could ever do in response to it because you miss out on so much and let a huge amount of time pass by unless you break that cycle.

Edited by PaulH85
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Abigail - That was a really great post. A lot of people are so consumed by their acne that it holds them back in life. It's great you have confidence and a partner where you can be so open and comfortable with.

Thank you! I do know how hard it is to get to that confidence level. I've looked in the mirror and hated what I saw so much that I don't want to go outside! And that trust and comfort with Rob wasn't there from the start, the confidence I faked until I genuinely felt it.

I think for a lot of new relationships, yes, acne may make you feel worse about yourself. Why? You barely know the other person, you're still getting to know each other, and you feel a little nervous around each other - so the acne doesn't help any of that. But, as the above posters said, confidence is key. Acne shouldn't imprison you. It's a flaw, sure, but we all have them. I believe that a deep, meaningful relationship can surely overlook a bout of acne.

I find that some people see strangers and those they don't know as being judgemental and hateful. EVERYONE has insecurities, most people are so busy worrying about themselves that they don't notice what you might see as a flaw. At the end of the day, everyone wants someone to love and to be loved. Those 'strangers' are just normal human beings. I like calling 'strangers' future friends :)

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I feel worse about it, to be honest. I have pretty bad purple scarring on my face and since my acne has become moderate over the last year, it has obliterated my self esteem. I am constantly afraid my boyfriend will leave me because of the purple marks all over my face, or that he is emberrassed to be seen with me out in public. Im now afraid of being alone or not having him around to contradict my negative self image and tell me Im beautiful.

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I feel worse about it, to be honest. I have pretty bad purple scarring on my face and since my acne has become moderate over the last year, it has obliterated my self esteem. I am constantly afraid my boyfriend will leave me because of the purple marks all over my face, or that he is emberrassed to be seen with me out in public. Im now afraid of being alone or not having him around to contradict my negative self image and tell me Im beautiful.

I felt the same way. I still do. I can not be in any relationship until I'm happy with my skin. It sounds so retarded and vain but I'd rather be a lone and deal then have to deal with worrying about those thoughts and acne. When I'm clear I'm a totally different person, almost like a kid, I just have no worries and the free spirit that I know I am just flows out of me. In my most serious relat8onship I had, my first real love, I felt handicapped compared to him. I was jealous of his confidence and zest for life because I so desperately wanted and knew I could be like that if I just had manageable skin. I swear if I had the skin I do now I would of been a completely different person. It sounds so lame. I don't know the best way to describe it is when I'm clear I feel invisible.

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I feel worse about it, to be honest. I have pretty bad purple scarring on my face and since my acne has become moderate over the last year, it has obliterated my self esteem. I am constantly afraid my boyfriend will leave me because of the purple marks all over my face, or that he is emberrassed to be seen with me out in public. Im now afraid of being alone or not having him around to contradict my negative self image and tell me Im beautiful.

I felt the same way. I still do. I can not be in any relationship until I'm happy with my skin. It sounds so retarded and vain but I'd rather be a lone and deal then have to deal with worrying about those thoughts and acne. When I'm clear I'm a totally different person, almost like a kid, I just have no worries and the free spirit that I know I am just flows out of me. In my most serious relat8onship I had, my first real love, I felt handicapped compared to him. I was jealous of his confidence and zest for life because I so desperately wanted and knew I could be like that if I just had manageable skin. I swear if I had the skin I do now I would of been a completely different person. It sounds so lame. I don't know the best way to describe it is when I'm clear I feel invisible.

:( This is sad, but I understand how you feel completely!

Sometimes I feel so vain, but I just can't be happy when I don't look good. I'm get so jealous of others as well.

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I have been dating the same guy for about 2 years now. I had mild acne, moderate around my period, and very mild acne scars when we first started dating and he never noticed or said anything. We broke up briefly for a few months and got back together. By this time my acne progressively got worse but it was still mild-moderate acne, never moderately severe, severe anything. I was sick of having acne though, and spending weekends at his house and wearing my makeup to bed because I was afraid of him noticing my hyper-pigmentation marks that added up over the years. I got clear after a couple months into the relationship by using doxycycline and he never looked or acted any different towards me even though I had clearer skin. He was happy that I was happier about my skin, that's it. Now, my acne has come back and I would say it's still mild-moderate. Some weeks are better then others and I have some scarring back. However, he still looks at me the same. I have to say, he's the best guy when it comes to acne. Throughout our entire relationship he's never noticed my pimples. Even when I am feeling down because of my acne he tells me I am beautiful no matter what. He's never looked at me weird, or stared at my pimples and he still looks at me with genuine love. I honestly think he sees me, and not my imperfections and he just wants me to be happy. So to answer the question in the thread, I think having a partner makes me feel a lot better about my skin. However, it really depends on the supportiveness of the person. I know my boyfriend loves me as a person. Unfortunately there are individuals out there who are shallow and focus on looks a lot more and notice imperfections more as well. There was a guy in my class who was extremely shallow. He even said that he would never date a girl with acne, even though he has acne himself! Basically to this day he still does not have a girlfriend and has never had a girlfriend, and it will probably stay that way. Basically you need to find the right person and once you do, it's amazing.

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Well, as a disclaimer my boyfriend is from this website, so our situation is a bit different than most. But I feel more beautiful than ever now. It helped that my state of mind upon starting our relationship was one where I was fine with myself, and he is completely comfortable with his physical appearance as well. Of course he makes me feel more attractive, but if a person finds you as amazing as you find them, what else would the result be?

As for touching my face, he does a LOT and I don't mind in the least. That simple intimacy is really important in my eyes.

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I can't really say since I hide it too much for him to even notice. I'm pretty sure he doesn't even know the severity of my scarring or acne since I cover it literally all the time. It does make me feel bad though because here I am, acne ridden all over, and there's my boyfriend beside me with clear skin. Makes me feel inadequate, or less than. I wear makeup to bed every night, it's just not an option, but honestly I don't think my boyfriend would care at all, but I do. That's just how I am. The entire universe can tell me my skin is fine, but if I think it looks hideous, it looks hideous. However, I am thankful that I have someone in my life who loves and appreciates me regardless. It is refreshing.

The only thing that keeps my spirits up is knowing that once I get a job and save some money I can correct this. If it weren't for that, I would have given up a long time ago.

EDIT: I just discovered that not only is my boyfriend breaking out, he also seems to have bacne and chest acne. Very mild, but still! What the hell!?!? And here I was thinking I was alone! I didn't notice it till I looked at his shoulders when he switched into a tank top and felt the bumps and saw the red marks. I couldn't believe it, but I felt so good at that moment, lol. At least I don't feel alone in this, and have someone who will understand what I'm talking about.

Edited by Renegade Angel
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I highly doubt anyone would want to date me with my face looking so hideous

You have to give it a chance. You don't know until you try. I'm talking as someone who once had a horrible dating experience with a vile person who made it quite clear that she thought my skin was horrible. That was years ago now and, although it still stays with me, I have managed to at least have a few more positive dating experiences since then. So yes, maybe there are people who are too narrow-minded to look further than things like acne, but that's their loss.

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QUOTE (Ivy. @ Jul 20 2011, 11:26 AM)

I feel worse about it, to be honest. I have pretty bad purple scarring on my face and since my acne has become moderate over the last year, it has obliterated my self esteem. I am constantly afraid my boyfriend will leave me because of the purple marks all over my face, or that he is emberrassed to be seen with me out in public. Im now afraid of being alone or not having him around to contradict my negative self image and tell me Im beautiful.

I felt the same way. I still do. I can not be in any relationship until I'm happy with my skin. It sounds so retarded and vain but I'd rather be a lone and deal then have to deal with worrying about those thoughts and acne. When I'm clear I'm a totally different person, almost like a kid, I just have no worries and the free spirit that I know I am just flows out of me. In my most serious relat8onship I had, my first real love, I felt handicapped compared to him. I was jealous of his confidence and zest for life because I so desperately wanted and knew I could be like that if I just had manageable skin. I swear if I had the skin I do now I would of been a completely different person. It sounds so lame. I don't know the best way to describe it is when I'm clear I feel invisible.

It's amazing how much our appearance effects our moods/personalities. I may not have acne now but I have scars and I am not very confident in my looks. But when I was younger I was perfectly fine with my looks and I felt so free - as you say. However, there were times, albeit rare, when I had acne, that I felt free/comfortable/happy around people that I knew were not judging me. So I really just need more people like that in my life. And I would think a gf/bf would/should make you feel that way.

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QUOTE (Ivy. @ Jul 20 2011, 11:26 AM)

I feel worse about it, to be honest. I have pretty bad purple scarring on my face and since my acne has become moderate over the last year, it has obliterated my self esteem. I am constantly afraid my boyfriend will leave me because of the purple marks all over my face, or that he is emberrassed to be seen with me out in public. Im now afraid of being alone or not having him around to contradict my negative self image and tell me Im beautiful.

I felt the same way. I still do. I can not be in any relationship until I'm happy with my skin. It sounds so retarded and vain but I'd rather be a lone and deal then have to deal with worrying about those thoughts and acne. When I'm clear I'm a totally different person, almost like a kid, I just have no worries and the free spirit that I know I am just flows out of me. In my most serious relat8onship I had, my first real love, I felt handicapped compared to him. I was jealous of his confidence and zest for life because I so desperately wanted and knew I could be like that if I just had manageable skin. I swear if I had the skin I do now I would of been a completely different person. It sounds so lame. I don't know the best way to describe it is when I'm clear I feel invisible.

It's amazing how much our appearance effects our moods/personalities. I may not have acne now but I have scars and I am not very confident in my looks. But when I was younger I was perfectly fine with my looks and I felt so free - as you say. However, there were times, albeit rare, when I had acne, that I felt free/comfortable/happy around people that I knew were not judging me. So I really just need more people like that in my life. And I would think a gf/bf would/should make you feel that way.

They do, trust me. If you find the right person they should never judge you. The only people that have seen my skin without makeup is my boyfriend/family and close close friends. It's a good feeling.

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I'm engaged, we've been together 5 years.

First, he (I'm gay) deserves huge kudos for putting up with my skin issues. He's been there through everything: dermatologists, traveling to different cities to see dermatologists and get laser treatments, taking care of me after each procedure, rubbing my back until 3am while I cry about my skin, understanding that I can't just go out and see a movie or be spontaneous, the list goes on and on.

For me, he makes the overall experience better but I don't feel better about my skin because of him. He'll make a hard time easier, and constantly tells me that I must see it (my skin) differently than he does. At the end of the day, I still hate my skin as much I did before he reassures me that my skin isn't bad, if that makes any sense. I'm not going through it alone, but my skin still sucks and I'd have a better life and a better life with him if my skin were better.

I remember being single and thinking no one is going to love me or date me because of my skin. I believed it like I believed the sky was blue.

There have been times I thought if he were to leave me, it would be because of how I am toward my skin, not because of my skin.

Having someone you love and you know loves you makes everything better. Can you derive self-esteem from it? Personally, I don't, can't and wouldn't. It feels good to have someone say something nice, but I would like to look at it myself and think that I look good. It's corny but it's true: it has to come from within. Unfortunately, I don't care about what people think unless it's bad and about my skin. I'm happy to receive compliments, of course, but there have been times when I thought the exact opposite and it made me feel horrible inside, and embarrassed on the outside.

Slightly off topic, but whatever! I haven't posted in a while. LOL

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