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I just emailed my dr another desperate email about my acne for the second time this month. It's pretty embarrassing. I figure she's got way more important things to worry about and I know she screens her emails through a "team." Plus, she's already referred me to someone else for my acne and I'm already scheduled to go on accutane...but I was just feeling so fucking hopeless and desperate that I couldn't seem to stop myself (my skin already seems so fragile and I'm not even on accutane yet!). Do any of you ever do this? I just feel so completely helpless--but I also feel like I should and could be doing something about it, you know? So I can't seem to stop.

Like I don't like to go anywhere anymore unless I absolutely have to--even on good days. It's just too much trouble; the crapload of make-up I now need to hide my face will just end up breaking me out anyways (and that's not even counting what's gonna happen if I have to keep washing my face so I can start over and over again). Anyways, my face looks like a shitfest even with make-up these days. It's getting pretty ridiculous. This month, I've become all obsessive about trying to eat "right," cutting out whole food groups in my never-ending quest to stop the onslaught. It seems like it's actually helping, but I've also lost 7lbs and I was already underweight in the first place... Now my internal dialogue goes something like, "oh shit, is everyone staring at me 'cause they think I'm a crackwhore?!" I just worry that my behavior is finally making me unstable--or worse, that someone will actually notice and decide I shouldn't go on accutane...it's just yet another thing to be paranoid about. Do any of you ever feel like your desperation drives you to do ridiculous things? Are you ever paranoid that someone will notice and decide you're unstable?

Edited by alphabetpony
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They probably made up their opinions about me. Im tired pretending. Im unstable now, I know whats it like sending emails in middle of night.

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I feel strongly that you should continue being strict with your diet. Acne is like a never ending roller coaster until you are able to control it. When you are on this acne roller coaster it seems like no matter what you do a breakout is around the corner. Skin just seems to be sensitive and react to anything and everything. The bad part about acne is that it takes a long time to get rid of the post inflamation and hyperpigmentation. One way that I am able to not lose too much weight is to snack farily constantly with fruit, walnuts etc. You might be able to stop acne in its track by eating strictly. It worked for me. My skin is no longer sensitive to every little thing. Best of luck to you.

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I feel sort of desperate about my acne too. I kept like emailing my dermatologist with questions about my new medications and I guess she got annoyed and basically told me there is no cure for acne so good luck with it! That sort of pissed me off lol. It's like they juts want to throw drugs at you and not here about your acne again for 3 months.

I have been thinking about altering my diet to though. I am going to start taking a multivitamina and fish oil pill daily. I am also thinking about starting a dairy free diet for a month or so, and if that doesn't help I will try a gluten free diet for awhile since I heard that both of those foods can cause acne for some people.

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I know for sure now that my acne kicked off feelings, thoughts and behaviours which made me unstable in the end. It's taken 12 years of acne to reach that point, and in fact those problems now actually outweigh the condition of my skin.

As my skin started to get better, I began to realise I was still having all these feelings even if I didn't really have much to attribute them too. Like before, I might not want to go out when my skin was bad. But then my skin got a lot better, yet I still had those feelings and didn't want to go out. Why? Why did I still feel bad about myself and as though people would think I was ugly if I went out, even though the original cause of such feelings wasn't really there anymore?

I figured at that point that there was a problem I needed to deal with, but in many respects it's been too late. I already lost a lot of my friendships and now I've been fired from my job because I was going about certain things in the wrong way in order to try and cope. Without those things, I don't really have a lot left right now, bit lost really. It's upsetting because under all this is a wonderful person, even if I do say so myself; a friendly person who wants to know people and be sociable, yet I can't bring myself to do it. A dedicated worker who enjoys doing a job well, yet I couldn't recognise I needed to fix things in order to keep my job.

I guess sometimes, you have to reach the bottom before you can eventually make it to the top. Quite how I do that, I'm not sure, and it's certainly going to be a long journey.

Edited by PaulH85
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Yes I do. I obsess a lot about my skin. One big pimple can ruin my day and totally take up my thoughts. Even if my skin is clear, I worry about eating certain things because I'm afraid it'll break me out. It's exhausting.

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I figured at that point that there was a problem I needed to deal with, but in many respects it's been too late. I already lost a lot of my friendships and now I've been fired from my job because I was going about certain things in the wrong way in order to try and cope. Without those things, I don't really have a lot left right now, bit lost really. It's upsetting because under all this is a wonderful person, even if I do say so myself; a friendly person who wants to know people and be sociable, yet I can't bring myself to do it. A dedicated worker who enjoys doing a job well, yet I couldn't recognise I needed to fix things in order to keep my job.

I guess sometimes, you have to reach the bottom before you can eventually make it to the top. Quite how I do that, I'm not sure, and it's certainly going to be a long journey.

I agree, you are a wonderful person. I'm sorry you've been through all that with your job :( Touching bottom is what makes a lot of people start a brand new wonderful life. I went to this 12 step christian group for a while, it was for not spiritual, mental, emotional, and chemical addictions/dependencies, which of course ends up bringing in some people who struggled with alcohol addiction. A lot of times, the only thing that brings an alcoholic to a new life is "hitting bottom" but then they have some amazing stories from the climb up and sometimes people who don't ever seem to hit "the bottom" miss out on living with zest the way recovered alcoholics do. I think the bottom is also what causes a lot of people to come to God and Christ.

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Yes I do. I obsess a lot about my skin. One big pimple can ruin my day and totally take up my thoughts. Even if my skin is clear, I worry about eating certain things because I'm afraid it'll break me out. It's exhausting.

Same here. I really need to get this ocd behavior under control.

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