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Words cannot even begin to describe how upset I am...And now I'm locked indoors terrfied of seeing anyone with my scab-filled face.

I hate my skin...I hate my skin so much. Just when I think it's over it takes one big spot to take me back to square one. And what do I do?...Pick it until it's left a huge bloody hole behind that is double the size of the spot! And takes double the amount of time to heal with the added risk of possible scarring...

All the days that I've lost because of this stupid acne and all the days that I continue losing because I'm sick of feeling like an ugly freak...Life is bad enough without having my skin as my enemy as well...

Sometimes I just feel like giving up... If I have to live with this rubbish skin the rest of my life then it just doesn't seem worth it... sad.gif

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I just feel awful because I can't stop picking and I'm on Roaccutane so not really the best combination.

I wish I knew a way to stop the urge to try and nuke every small bump on my face with disastrous effects! Life is too short to be locked up in my flat worrying about how bad my skin looks to other people...(but that's easier said than done...)

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just let accutane do its job, be patient, and in the end everything will be so much better you'll forget all about the times you spent alone and how many times you wished it would all be over.....

The more time you dwell on it the more worrisome you'll become. just relax and see it through until your 100% clear....

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yea , i agree. i think that you should get out of the house. stop worrying about what people think about you.

To be honest with you when i was in high scholl i was really worryed about what people thought about me. in fact a couple of people even told me about it. so i told them to get a spoon and eat my ass! look ther e will always be people in the world who are to narrow minded that they cant see past there own self indulged image of perfection that they can't see there own flaws. Now you can't either sit around and cry about it or you can't just have a fuck you attitude like me.

or you can buy a wieght set and bulk up

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Thanks guys for the response!

I just can't bear seeing any bumps or spots emerging so I pick the hell out of them hoping that they'll go sooner. Problem is I just make matters worse and then have to wait a week or more for the scabs to heal.

lionheart, your post made me laugh smile.gif ...There are times when I have a "fuck-you" attitude to the world and think, to hell with this acne bullshit. But since I've been 99% clear for almost 5 months now it was devastating to see my skin just slip back into it's problematic phase.

I was so angry with myself for picking and it's good to hear that other people do it as well. I have a small compact mirror in my handbag which I carry around with me when I'm out and I think it's time to just get rid of it...Reduce the temptation to check myself out (which I have been doing almost every 20minutes!!!)

Screw the world...If people are going to judge me for my skin then they're not even worth knowing. Plus I have a job interview tomorrow and I really hope that they don't end up staring at the scab on my chin for too long!! ohmy.gif

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are you a guy or a girl/ becuase if you are a girl instead of bulking up you could just get breast implants. really really big ones. that way you can atleast get guys to stop looking at your face ( or if you want to attract black guys like me just get the implants put in your butt)

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blink.gif I'm a girl lionheart... And I like the breast implant idea...Problem is my interview's tomorrow unless I get an extra padded bra (which still won't work as it's a female interviewer)! Any other tricks to distract their attention from my skin..?

Honestly...I look like I've been in a fight! I'm already nervous and I want this job badly... I don't think make-up will cover a scab very well...Arrrrgh!!!

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I dunno but reading posts like these pisses me off. Just dont fucking pick your gotdamn face, you will save yourself alot of heartache.

Ive been there but its not worth picking and prodding.

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Thanks for the sympathy White bb_eusa_clap.gif

That's what these forums are for...To rant! Which probably means that you'll be reading quite alot of similar posts that "piss you off"...

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Guest Captain Chaos

Hi Persephone

I did the same last night, now the 3 spots on my forehead look so red and angry...which is a shame because they are some of the last ones (dans regimen seems to be working well at the moment) but I'll just put some coverup stick on and hopefully noone will notice today..

I'm sure you're not ugly, good luck with your interview smile.gif

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Thanks so much Captain Chaos!

I had the interview this morning and luckily I didn't catch her giving any fleeting glimpses towards my chin (which was the area I picked)! It's funny how alot of my problems is how I see myself and that is totally distorted in my mind. Outside I was expecting people to stare at me in horror, as if I'm some circus freak-show elephant woman. But I left the house for the first time in 5 days today and I only got complimentary (I hope!) looks or just general indifference. I suppose people are too caught up in their own lives and their own insecurities about their looks to be bothered by me.

I just wish I could keep that thought in mind the next time I pick and then refuse to leave the house smile.gif

Is there anyway I could just stop picking?! It really is about 90% of my skin problems, plus all the added stress about the possibility that I've scarred myself... I sometimes just get caught in a loop and once I start picking that's it...I won't stop until every pore has been nuked!

Does anyone else find this infuriating as well as embarrassing?! (I once lied to work that I was in a car crash to explain the scabs that I had when I'd badly picked...No joking!)

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Guest Captain Chaos

Hi again Persephone

Glad that you went to your interview and weren't housebound....why not try putting concealer on, so it doesn't even look like u have bad skin, then you might not feel as compelled to pick at it.

Or just stop looking in the mirror as often...

I don't usually 'pick' per se it's usually more 'squeezing' for me, but I treat them quite aggressively because I really do want to punish the acne lol! That's what leaves the marks on me...

I always feel like such an idiot when I've made my face worse, through my own fault...but I just try to think 'oh well, it should heal up soon'

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honestly , its hard for me to see physical uglyness( unless you are rose' o'donald , im sorry but she just looks way to manly- although i would never , EVER say that to her face, i really think that if she wanted to she could knock out mike tyson). Attitude and personality is what i base my relationships with people on.Now im not saying that i wouldn't date halle berry even if she was the meanest person in the world. I'm a nice guy but im not gay. What im saying is that somethimes you have to look past the physical and go a litle deeper, who knows you might just find that special someone.

anyway, if you are really that self concisius about your looks , and you truly belive that your acne has gooten to a point that you need surgury to correcdt it. look around the internet. There are plenty of Government funded programs for just such things. Anyway its not how you look on the outside , its how big your penis/breast are!

when in rome do as the romans do . When in Iraq , kiss your ass goodbye.

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