Jump to content
Acne.org
Search In
Find results that contain...
Find results in...
Gutterflower

Still feeling grim when my skin looks fine.

Recommended Posts

I feel really lame.

I've managed to clear myself up for the most part with supplements, a good diet and exercise with a bit of help from BP. My skin, while not perfect, is 110% better than it was before and I can go without makeup (sort of) confidently. It's been better for almost a month now.

The reason I feel lame is that I feel like I can't even appreciate it! This is probably going to annoy people, but there has to be at least one person who sort of understands, I guess. It's like, I see how much better it looks, and instead of being happy, I'm just terror-stricken that it's all going to cave in on itself and it's going to come back.

So I guess there's no escaping it even when I escape it.

:boohoo:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I totally feel you on this. It's like all you can think about when you look in the mirror is...I wonder when my face is going to break out again or all you see are really small flaws, except that's ALL you see and you feel like you have a face full of acne. I know it is only a way of self defeat but damn, when you have suffered from acne you know what I'm talking about.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Snap. I changed very little in terms of taking drastic action, although I started taking supplements and stopped picking my acne so much. Also tried not to spend so much time in front of the mirror so that I wasn't getting stressed about it all the time.

These three changes alone gave me an almost clear complexion for the first time in 12 years and it lasted for nearly 4 weeks straight. Although I was so happy about it, and probably the happiest I had been about my skin during that 12 year period, you wouldn't really have known in terms of how I approached the day. I didn't get out there and make the most of it. I still felt low and couldn't bring myself to really do much most of the time.

During this time, I did however meet a girl and arrange a date, although she cancelled on me and told me she had met someone else. None of this was related to my skin problems of course, but getting shot down like that just helped reaffirm how I feel about myself and what I believe others think of me - that I'm not really worth a great deal and that it's easy for people to disregard my feelings as a result. Like I said, this wasn't related to my acne and didn't affect the state of my skin at that point, but it did highlight to me how low I was feeling and that having clear skin won't change that on its own.

As far as my skin was concerned, because it wasn't broken out and I couldn't feel depressed about it, instead I began to feel anxious that it was going to break out. The whole time, I was essentially thinking, 'This won't last. This is too good to be true. It will break out again soon and it will be twice as bad because that's what is normal for me". When it did start to break out, that again reinforced the ideas that I have that, for me, clear skin is too good to be true. In reality, I started spending time in front of the mirror again and started picking again. That is what caused it. I curbed it and now I'm getting back to where I was.

The biggest realisation after it started to break out recently because of what I'd done was that I can actually influence it in that way. I can pretty much make it break out if I want to. That would be stupid, of course, but it's like part of me has forgotten what it's like to not have acne. On my own accord, I have made acne part of my identity and the habits that come with it have become part of my routine. Clearly, these are issues I need to address.

So, if applicable to you, I would suggest trying your best to stay away from any old habits that may encourage your skin to break out. Also stick with the supplements and so on because it's clear that it works well. And, although perhaps easier said than done, just try and let it go a bit at a time.

:)

Edited by PaulH85

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can relate to you SOOO much. When doxy initially cleared me up a couple months ago and I had at most 1 breakout and my scars were fading, I still felt just as bad at times when I had multiple breakouts, this is horrible though because I think it is due to it being programmed into our heads that we still look the same even if we don't. I look back now (cause I have multiple breakouts at the moment) and feel so stupid for not appreciating how clear my skin was, just know clear skin or not you are you, you are fine the way you are and be grateful you have cleared skin even if it is just for the moment! I know it’s easier said than done because our minds are pretty powerful things but try as best as you can to love your skin in this moment and be as confident as you can.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know what you mean. It's like someone who's in remission from cancer. The cancer isn't showing up anymore, but it's as if it's always lurking behind your shoulder, waiting to just pop up again.

And while I complete understand that feeling (and feel it myself all the time) you have to really just stop living in fear. They say ignorance is bliss, and it's true. If you are ignorant to any problems in the world (say, the fact that you may get acne at any moment) then you'll have nothing to worry about and you'll live life to the fullest.

Don't waste your life worrying about the fact that your acne might flare up again. Don't waste your life worrying that other people judge you on the condition of your skin, how fat or skinny you are, the clothes you wear, how funny you are. Don't waste your life worrying about anything. Just go out and enjoy life.

Or else you'll be sitting on your death bed realizing that this whole acne thing is just a small little issue and you'll be regretting that it got in the way of you living your life to the fullest.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am the same way OP. It truly sucks. It's a never ending cycle of pain and fear. It's a double edged sword. It cramps you in the corner with no escape. But we must learn to overcome the fear, the despair. There is a way out of this madness. We can have consistently clear skin without the fear or reality of relapse. But we must believe in ourselves. We must put forth the effort and the discipline. We must eradicate complacency and laziness from ourselves. We must become a confident, industrious machine. We must do what we have to do maintain quality skin and quality lives and not allow fear or dread to creep in on us. We must shut out all the nonsense and just focus on what we want.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm the exact same way to an extent. My skin is consistently clear now, but anytime a random pimple comes up it just makes me feel horrible like I have a face full of acne again. I thinks it's a psychological response, bringing back bad memories of acne. I notice that even if I have only 1 zit on my face, I can't help but focus on it until it leaves.

Also, I agree it's hard to "get out there and enjoy life" when you've had years of acne suffering. It's not as easy as flipping a switch. While I do feel tons more confident with my clearer complexion, I'm still self conscious.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
:rolleyes: I need to stay out of the emo forum...

:lol::lol: :lol:

I just read your previous reply to this and noticed you referred to it as a fear. I reckon you're totally right. I mentioned something similar in reply to a post Tracy put on The Love Vitamin Facebook page a few days ago. She too mentioned fear.

I've come to realise that there is quite a bit of fear in terms of how I look at things going forward. And also in terms of whether I choose to fight my way through it, be brave and get out there, or whether I use my acne to justify my behaviour. It may well have been the problem initially, but I think now I'm causing most of the problems for myself. :doh:

Edited by PaulH85

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
It may well have been the problem initially, but I think now I'm causing most of the problems for myself. :doh:

BINGO! We have a winner!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yay! :dance: It's not very often that I win things, and I've certainly never won at bingo! :lol:

Your choice of words in your post I mentioned are also very apt for me because my Grandfather passed away on Sunday. He said a few weeks ago, when he knew his time was coming, that he didn't have any regrets because he had enjoyed his whole life.

I can't say the same about myself at this point, having let my acne consume half of my life thus far. I'd be ignorant not to keep his words in mind and I'd be stupid not to make the changes I need to make. So once I have dealt with this, I will be seeking advice on sorting out my own problems which I have carried around with me for far too long now.

I would guess that the longer you leave these things, the harder it gets. The more you get used to them, the more they become your normal way of life. I don't want that anymore. I could sit and talk about it all day - when I get going, I can talk for England! :lol: - but it's time to act.

:)

Edited by PaulH85

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Yay! :dance: It's not very often that I win things, and I've certainly never won at bingo! :lol:

Your choice of words in your post I mentioned are also very apt for me because my Grandfather passed away on Sunday. He said a few weeks ago, when he knew his time was coming, that he didn't have any regrets because he had enjoyed his whole life.

I can't say the same about myself at this point, having let my acne consume half of my life thus far. I'd be ignorant not to keep his words in mind and I'd be stupid not to make the changes I need to make. So once I have dealt with this, I will be seeking advice on sorting out my own problems which I have carried around with me for far too long now.

I would guess that the longer you leave these things, the harder it gets. The more you get used to them, the more they become your normal way of life. I don't want that anymore. I could sit and talk about it all day - when I get going, I can talk for England! :lol: - but it's time to act.

:)

Heck yes it's time to act! :D

I'm sorry for your loss by the way. I don't know if you're religious, but my thoughts/prayers are with you and your family.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

wow..i know exactly how you all feel! few weeks ago i had the worst skin i ever had, now everything is healing, and i actually feel good abt my skin for the first time in a very looong time..i still have red marks, but each day it gets better. for the last year i have been prone to cystic acne, so it always last for so long...now that im healing, im so frkn scared that something is going to pop up..it is so stressful! if i feel the slightest of anything on my face, i get so scared its going to turn into another months of waiting to heal..and now that i found my own "regimen" that seems to be working, if i do something even the least out of the norm, i feel like i gonna break out massively..its so stressing...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Personalized Advice Quiz - All of Acne.org in just a few minutes

×