Jump to content
Acne.org
Search In
Find results that contain...
Find results in...
all in 87

Anybody here been alone their entire life?

Recommended Posts

Anybody here been alone their entire life?

:think:

If so how do you cope with this and does it effect you mentally to know that the oppsite sex finds you unattractive and nobody ever gave you a chance because of your acne. :think:

Also any tips on making life as good as possible alone? :think:

THANKS ALL

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No secret. You just live life as best you can. The idea that another person is going to make you happy when you are otherwise unhappy is another society-perpetuated myth.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Anybody here been alone their entire life?

:think:

If so how do you cope with this and does it effect you mentally to know that the oppsite sex finds you unattractive and nobody ever gave you a chance because of your acne. :think:

Also any tips on making life as good as possible alone? :think:

THANKS ALL

If you think to yourself the part of your post I made bold you'd be making a mistake as this is not a reality. I'm sure there a lot of people who find you attractive and who don't care about your acne.

I'm single too and I can "cope" very well. As I don't expect too much from (my) life in the first place anymore. I don't mean to be a downer :boohoo: but that's just the way it is.

I don't have acne. I have a scar due to an accident which many people react negatively to. Someone on here said the other day that people never look in horror and disgust at her. People do do that to me sometimes. And you know what? There are women who still want to be with me regardless. So thinking that nobody wants to be with you would be a mistake. I mean if I can get a girlfriend so can you. ;)

You should try to let go of your negative thoughts and just open youself up (if you haven't yet). Chances are you'll run into someone you'll hit it off with.

As for making life as good as possible alone... I dunno, I'll get back to you on that one.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
No secret. You just live life as best you can. The idea that another person is going to make you happy when you are otherwise unhappy is another society-perpetuated myth.

I agree that thinking a relationship is a requisite for a happy life is basically a mistake. Yet I think that if a person has a normal life they end up in one 99.9% of the time. As it's normal. It happens naturally. Unless there are things holding a person back or someone has psychological issues or someone is somehow in a situation where they just can't be themselves if you will they'll have a relationship (or two lol).

But I agree that if you can't be happy when you don't have a relationship (which is also something which occurs naturally from time to time in my opinion) then that's not healthy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Personally I'm hoping to be with somebody with acne or acne scars. ;-) It's something that I'm deeply passionate about. And I hope to one day find somebody who can empathize with me and or share that passion.

Perfection on men is seriously a turn off. I think men with some scarring look rugged and manly. Like chris pine ;-) Yum.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I went on a big rant the other day about how I've always been single. ;) It's been bothering me but I think I'm just lonely at the moment. It'll pass, I'm sure.

I'm 25, never had a girlfriend. I don't really know what it is I'm missing out on as I don't have anything to base it on, and don't feel that I need it, as such. I would like it though. I think if I were hoping that the presence of a partner would make me happy, or that I am unhappy purely because I don't have a partner, I'd be wrong.

As for why I've never been in a relationship, I'm not entirely sure. For all my lack of self esteem and confidence, I've never thought as myself as ugly. The acne, maybe, but not myself. And certainly not in terms of what's on the inside. I'd like to think that it's what's on the inside which matters most, but of course, people see what's outside first, which can be a problem if you're dealing with things like acne and don't really want people to see what's on the outside.

My main problem has been the vibes I've given off, with the lack of confidence and all. People perhaps interpret it as an attitude problem. And if I appear awkward and shy or whatever, they're not necessarily going to take that as an invitation to approach me. All these years I've been able to use the acne as a reason to justify this, as an alternative to actually dealing with my issues around confidence. Now that my acne's starting to improve, I guess I am actually having fewer reasons to justify my behaviour, to the point where I realise the confidence/self esteem thing is a separate issue that I really do have to deal with and re-program the way I think, how I see myself, and how I think others see me.

I genuinely believe that good things happen to good people. And when the right time comes and we're in the right place, the whole relationship thing could kind of creep up on us when we're not actively looking.

:)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
My main problem has been the vibes I've given off, with the lack of confidence and all. People perhaps interpret it as an attitude problem. And if I appear awkward and shy or whatever, they're not necessarily going to take that as an invitation to approach me.

Same here.

Although there have been times where I was outgoing and all, which attracted women and then they noticed my physical imperfection, if you will, and it was a dealbreaker regardless of my personality. lol But other times when I was like you said, awkward and shy, women tried to get through to me as they were interested in me despite my scar but my insecurities and fears would get in the way. Bad memories.

Edited by Lapis lazuli

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As to the OP question, i did grow up pretty much on my own, "alone" during my child hood, family issues caused my mom to be very occupied. Sometimes you just have to be your won bestfriend as sad as that sounds. No one will ever be able to complete you (exceptions being your child) so you need to find that inner peace where you find balance with everything in life and trust me it's not easy. If it's not one thing it's usually another but i mean one thing that always got me through shit in life was the saying "No matter how bad you have it, there is always someone out there who has it worse" I like to think about that saying when I'm having a pity party for myself. Just remember there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sometimes its hard for me. It used to be alot worse but its getting easier.

I understand the replys about being alone and happy and not letting a relationship determine your happiness but it would be nice to know somebody has my back for a change. Most of the people that are stuck-up and walk around like nothing can touch them have a ton of support thats why they act that way. It's easy to be happy when someone loves you this is the TRUTH no matter what anyone says! :snooty:

Edited by all in 87

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Anybody here been alone their entire life?

:think:

If so how do you cope with this and does it effect you mentally to know that the oppsite sex finds you unattractive and nobody ever gave you a chance because of your acne. :think:

Also any tips on making life as good as possible alone? :think:

THANKS ALL

If you think to yourself the part of your post I made bold you'd be making a mistake as this is not a reality. I'm sure there a lot of people who find you attractive and who don't care about your acne.

I'm single too and I can "cope" very well. As I don't expect too much from (my) life in the first place anymore. I don't mean to be a downer :boohoo: but that's just the way it is.

I don't have acne. I have a scar due to an accident which many people react negatively to. Someone on here said the other day that people never look in horror and disgust at her. People do do that to me sometimes. And you know what? There are women who still want to be with me regardless. So thinking that nobody wants to be with you would be a mistake. I mean if I can get a girlfriend so can you. ;)

You should try to let go of your negative thoughts and just open youself up (if you haven't yet). Chances are you'll run into someone you'll hit it off with.

As for making life as good as possible alone... I dunno, I'll get back to you on that one.

aww! :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Im 31 never had a girlfriend, but ive dated couple of women for couple of months... I just look at everyone around me and the way they act towards me, just makes me want to be alone for the rest of my life... why would i want to go on vacation with one of them, and have the girl im with be embarrassed to be with me?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've been alone, maybe not my entire life but most of my life. In particular, I'd say I've been desperately, pathetically alone for the past 5 or 6 years. Ever since 8th grade I have been the quintessential loner. I'm 19 now. Before the decline that started when I was about 13 years old, I was a very outgoing, happy person. In fact, I was extroverted to the point that I could be considered arrogant, even cruel. But starting 8th grade things started to fall apart. I began to develop mental problems like obsessive compulsive disorder and intense social and generalized anxiety. I ceased all interaction with my friends and acquaintances and become a total recluse and hermit. When I started to develop acne on my face come the start of high school, it only made my situation that much worse.

Now at 19, almost 20, things have still not changed. I still have fairly severe acne. I still have zero friends. I am still a social outcast. I still have very bad anxiety and rarely go outside. I've been pushed to my breaking point time and time again and have come dangerously close many times to snapping and doing something that would be very rash and foolish. But by a miracle I have been able to contain and control myself so many times when I was sure that I could not go on any longer. And now, I suppose, the only direction I have left to go is up. Up from this grave that I have entombed myself in and into a world of normalcy -- dare I say even into a world filled with flourishing success and happiness. From here there is only one way to reach this goal: one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. One second at a time. One positive thought at a time. One purposeful action at a time. That is the only way.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I've been alone, maybe not my entire life but most of my life. In particular, I'd say I've been desperately, pathetically alone for the past 5 or 6 years. Ever since 8th grade I have been the quintessential loner. I'm 19 now. Before the decline that started when I was about 13 years old, I was a very outgoing, happy person. In fact, I was extroverted to the point that I could be considered arrogant, even cruel. But starting 8th grade things started to fall apart. I began to develop mental problems like obsessive compulsive disorder and intense social and generalized anxiety. I ceased all interaction with my friends and acquaintances and become a total recluse and hermit. When I started to develop acne on my face come the start of high school, it only made my situation that much worse.

Now at 19, almost 20, things have still not changed. I still have fairly severe acne. I still have zero friends. I am still a social outcast. I still have very bad anxiety and rarely go outside. I've been pushed to my breaking point time and time again and have come dangerously close many times to snapping and doing something that would be very rash and foolish. But by a miracle I have been able to contain and control myself so many times when I was sure that I could not go on any longer. And now, I suppose, the only direction I have left to go is up. Up from this grave that I have entombed myself in and into a world of normalcy -- dare I say even into a world filled with flourishing success and happiness. From here there is only one way to reach this goal: one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. One second at a time. One positive thought at a time. One purposeful action at a time. That is the only way.

Your story is very touching so is mine because it's the same as yours pain,hurt and anger. and trying to do better after years of failures and setbacks.

I fill you from the bottom of my broken and scarred heart! :snooty:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
All these years I've been able to use the acne as a reason to justify this, as an alternative to actually dealing with my issues around confidence. Now that my acne's starting to improve, I guess I am actually having fewer reasons to justify my behaviour, to the point where I realise the confidence/self esteem thing is a separate issue that I really do have to deal with and re-program the way I think, how I see myself, and how I think others see me.

I genuinely believe that good things happen to good people. And when the right time comes and we're in the right place, the whole relationship thing could kind of creep up on us when we're not actively looking.

:)

Well said sir! It is easy to justify a lot of things in life because of our physical "ailments", but when they disappear due to diet or other regimens and eventually heal, we are left with emotional and mental scars. It's a rude awakening when one day you realize the crutch isn't there to blame and you feel lost. All you can do is move on, learn, educate yourself and become a better man. What goes around comes around.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
It's a rude awakening when one day you realize the crutch isn't there to blame and you feel lost.

That's the word I was looking for - crutch. :clap:

Personally, I have a few other family issues to deal with at the moment so that needs my attention. But once that's sorted and I can take time for myself, I'll be looking at seeking some professional advice on this. For the most part, I can articulate it pretty well and I know what it is I want to deal with, so I don't think it will be too hard to start fixing it. Just that I think I need some help to get there. A bit of a long road perhaps, given that the mentality I mentioned before goes back half my life, but it can be done. It needs to be done. Then, once I'm happy being me, who knows what could happen. :)

Edited by PaulH85

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
It's a rude awakening when one day you realize the crutch isn't there to blame and you feel lost.

That's the word I was looking for - crutch. :clap:

Personally, I have a few other family issues to deal with at the moment so that needs my attention. But once that's sorted and I can take time for myself, I'll be looking at seeking some professional advice on this. For the most part, I can articulate it pretty well and I know what it is I want to deal with, so I don't think it will be too hard to start fixing it. Just that I think I need some help to get there. A bit of a long road perhaps, given that the mentality I mentioned before goes back half my life, but it can be done. It needs to be done. Then, once I'm happy being me, who knows what could happen. :)

I wish you the very best. Failure is not an option. :cool:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Let me tell you, you are not alone in this. I'm 24 soon to be 25 this Friday. I've never had a boyfriend or even been kissed by a guy. I have mild to moderate acne, though to me it always looks awful. I have no self confidence and when I do go out I only seem to see people with clear skin, which is bloody annoying.

I mean right now I'm visiting my sister and it's her boyfriends day off work so I'm stuck in a flat in my bedroom feeling hungry and scared to go out of the room in case he sees me. How sad is that!

I've no patience left for this! As soon as I get back home I'm seeing my doctor about it. Probably should've done a long time ago. But was always hopefull that the next skincare product would somehow be the miracle one that would turn me into a radiant clear skinned beauty.

And we should organise get togethers of people from the forums. I'd love to meet a number of these people who I've read posts from, they sound like people I could actually talk to, without feeling completey shy or stupid. Guys and even girls that have always had clear skin, just don't know how it feels for us. Even when I do hopefully get clear I think I will still be the same personality, as i'm so used to being this way. But thats another problem for another time. Anyway all I can say is, try everything you can to get clear and in the mean time try and do something each day that makes you feel better about yourself. And what that other post said is true. No matter how bad you think your life is, there is always someone worse off. Hope you find happiness in your life.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You're not missing out on much, Emma, guys are yucky anyway! ;)

Good on you for wanting to sort it out. It can only get better from here.

And as far as the post-acne personality thing goes (hey, coined a new phrase! :D) I can totally relate to that. Kind of sad to think that we could get to used to acne and all that it becomes such a big part of us. Maybe that's where I went wrong in the first place, just accepting it instead of dealing with it. But, it can be done.

Dealing with acne and fixing it can actually be pretty frustrating because these things can take time to get right. But it will be worth it in the end.

If you want to chat any time, more than welcome to send me a message. :)

Let me tell you, you are not alone in this. I'm 24 soon to be 25 this Friday. I've never had a boyfriend or even been kissed by a guy. I have mild to moderate acne, though to me it always looks awful. I have no self confidence and when I do go out I only seem to see people with clear skin, which is bloody annoying.

I mean right now I'm visiting my sister and it's her boyfriends day off work so I'm stuck in a flat in my bedroom feeling hungry and scared to go out of the room in case he sees me. How sad is that!

I've no patience left for this! As soon as I get back home I'm seeing my doctor about it. Probably should've done a long time ago. But was always hopefull that the next skincare product would somehow be the miracle one that would turn me into a radiant clear skinned beauty.

And we should organise get togethers of people from the forums. I'd love to meet a number of these people who I've read posts from, they sound like people I could actually talk to, without feeling completey shy or stupid. Guys and even girls that have always had clear skin, just don't know how it feels for us. Even when I do hopefully get clear I think I will still be the same personality, as i'm so used to being this way. But thats another problem for another time. Anyway all I can say is, try everything you can to get clear and in the mean time try and do something each day that makes you feel better about yourself. And what that other post said is true. No matter how bad you think your life is, there is always someone worse off. Hope you find happiness in your life.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks Paul. Would've done that quote thing but I'm on my IPod touch, where it is twice as hard to do anything and takes twice as long aswell! Anyway for a guy you don't seem yucky at all. ;)

Thanks for the support, it's nice to know that there are people like you out there. I've only started using these forums, but am already finding them helpful. My family just tell me to get over it and that my skin doesn't look that bad, but they don't know how it makes me feel, I've never told them.

Anyway, hopefully the doctor will prescribe me something that will actually work this time. Here's hoping.

Thanks once again. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well I'm almost 15 and never had a bf. Which I guess isn't that extreme :P but since the majority of my friends have gone out before it still makes you feel lonely. I just try to have an independent view. I try to think that all the guys who don't like my looks will never be good enough for me. Basically I just tell myself Im holding on to the right one.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Thanks Paul. Would've done that quote thing but I'm on my IPod touch, where it is twice as hard to do anything and takes twice as long aswell! Anyway for a guy you don't seem yucky at all. ;)

Thanks for the support, it's nice to know that there are people like you out there. I've only started using these forums, but am already finding them helpful. My family just tell me to get over it and that my skin doesn't look that bad, but they don't know how it makes me feel, I've never told them.

Anyway, hopefully the doctor will prescribe me something that will actually work this time. Here's hoping.

Thanks once again. :)

Hi, I am 20 and never had a gf except when i was younger but that was just jokes when I was like 10 :P

It sucks when i go to town and see all these happy couples :'(

I'm from the UK, south of london when I go home from uni.

Just like to add that the same as your last post - one time my aunt payed a surprised visit, I hand't seen her in 4 years or so, she only knew me as the sweet young guy with amazing hair and skin, I locked myself in my room and pretended to be ill/asleep, they knocked onmy door for a good 5 mins before going away. so awkward.

Edited by masg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ok, those of you that are alone, you are alone not becuase of your acne. Have you ever met someone with acne that doesn't care? If you look down upon yourself then so will others. You should go about your lives as if everyone has acne, many, many people do. If not acne then they break out. We all get bumps, don't let bad skin keep you from anything. If the guy/girl you like isn't interested then find someone else. There is someone for each and everyone of us, its our confidence levels/attitudes/vibes we send that attract women/men. You should never lock yourself in your room, not go out becuase you may not like the way your skin looks. Stop worrying what others think, they either will like you or they will not. Do not let acne define you, be yourself, bumps and all. You'll meet the one for you, but you got to get out there. Stop hiding, let girls/guys know your around. You'll meet someone!!

Edited by Robert1980

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Personalized Advice Quiz - All of Acne.org in just a few minutes

×