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I came to this site by random chance as I was browsing through google looking for more acne treatments I can try(It never ends right? Even if you want to just give up...you can't.) I figured since I have tried(and still am trying) everything to cure my acne and none of it is working, I really just need emotional support in all this.

I've had acne since I was 14. I am now 19 and instead of it fading as I got older it progressively got worse.

I feel as if I am wearing a permanent mask. It seems the only thing people see when they look at me is my acne. I act like its not there and that it doesn't bother me but inside all I want to do is cry when a good looking guy walks by. I feel like he is thinking "Psh, shes ugly. Look at that skin!" I know this may not be realistic, but its how I feel.

It also is hard because I am in theatre so being in front of people is a daily thing for me. If a director says "put this on" you dont argue. However, I am constantly fighting the urge to run away and hide when I step out in a dress thats strapless with no back that puts my chest and back acne on display along with my face. Its humiliating. The designers are snapping shots of it and I just want to break the cameras. I see a photo of myself on the play website and all the red dots covering my face stick out horribly. A boy in a play I was just in came up to me with a photo-shopped picture of myself. He smiled and said, "I edited out your pimples to make it look better!" I plastered on a smile since he was just a kid and thanked him. He was so happy that he could "fix what was wrong with my face".

I dont go swimming: too much skin showing.

I dont wear low cut shirts: chest acne shows.

I dont wear my hair up: my hair is blonde and curly and is a slight distraction from my face. It draws attention away from it. Without my hair its just: HELLO. I'M ACNE FACE. :)

I'm tired of this. I'm so tired of this. This acne covered person isn't me. I feel like breaking every mirror I see because sometimes I forget its there until I look at a reflection of myself. Then I walk out of the bathroom with my head down in shame and insecurity. I dont want to be like that anymore. I hate feeling this negative. I am typically a positive, outgoing, cheerful person. So having this barrier thats keeping me in a shell of unhappy is KILLING me.

Some people say I am pretty and I want to believe them but I just cant. That sounds horrible but I cant. Until my acne is gone I will never feel beautiful....but...

I want you to know. That even though I have no idea who you are and we may never acutally meet: I see through your acne to YOU. I SEE YOU. You are beautiful. So very beautiful and don't let the mirror and the acne lie to you. I understand, I let it lie to me too.

I sat at the dinner table tonight and started crying when I tried talking about this website to my parents. I felt horrible for crying, I never let it show how much it bothers me because I know it upsets them.

YET. DESPITE ALL THIS. It has only made my determination stronger. I will not let it control me. I will pretend I dont have it.

I WILL BEAT THIS!!!!

.........

won't I? :C

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