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Perfect to horrible in 2 years! Help!

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Hi, My name is Britt, I'm 21, and I do believe that I am in fact a picker. I actually don't have acne at all, yet I make myself believe I do. I think it started two years ago and the cause is unknown. I don't know why I began doing it. I had flawless skin in high school and the summer there after. Could it have been the stress of having my first serious relationship ever? I honestly can't say or pinpoint the direct cause. 

 I will go to the bathroom, literally to just use the bathroom, get a shower, wash my hands, whatever I need to do, but I instantly become drawn to the mirror and I will find every possible flaw and pick, it doesn't even have to be a visible pimple or blackhead. I will stay in front of the mirror for hours on end and pick away. The crazy thing is, I never ever blame myself. I say "well if I didn't have pimples to began with then I wouldn't pick." Hello Brittnee!! You DO NOT have pimples. When I'm done picking, I cry for hours. I lay in bed and think of how horrible I'm going to look the next day. Make-up does not cover up these massive scabs I bring upon myself. I don't even bother with it. 

 I tell myself every time I pick, "Ok this is it, no more after today." To my surprise, it works for about a week and lo and behold I do it again. You'd think I'd stop, because during the time I'm not picking I feel great, beautiful even. It's so easy to be able to get a shower and just walk away knowing you look great. You know I used to think a bad hair day was horrible, but now I'd take that bad hair day over a bad skin day any day.

 I've shoveled out hundreds of dollars on products. Drugstore EVERYTHING, Clinique 3-step (70 dollars for that alone), Proactive, and I've even tried doing nothing. The sad thing is, I've spent all this money searching for something that "works" when I don't even have acne at all. If I'd keep my hands off and away from my face and stop obsessing, there'd be nothing but perfect skin. Well mind you, I'm now plagued with scars for the rest of my life.

 I honestly hate myself for the things I put my skin through. I have such a good life with everything I need. Besides perfect skin, all because of my obsession. I know everyone says "the first step is admitting you have a problem." Well for me and probably some of you, that's not true. I've been telling myself that for a year now and I'm still picking!

 So I'm not sure if just being a picker alone and not even having acne qualifies me to use this website, but I need advice and answers. I'm obsessed with something that's not even there. I google people with good skin, I google people with bad skin, I envy my boyfriend for his skin, I envy my friends, I envy strangers for their beautiful skin. I need help. I need help now. I want to be happy and worry free. This problem is ruining my social life, my family life and even my relationship with a guy that's too perfect. Please help!

Sent from my iPhone

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