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mrjarjarbinks77

How do you guys remain confident?

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I guess the best way I can describe scarring is a nightmare. I just want to wake up and find that this was all a really bad dream. I am trying to work on confidence and work on raising myself esteem. Its just been difficult. I watch how girls pass up opportunities for dating or like the "good looking guy," the one without scars, and its frustrating. I am naturally confident but, this has definitely taken me down a fair bit. Its depressing but, I am looking for inspirational stories who are by passing this shit. Anyone? Please share a inspirational story. I could use one.

What gives me faith is hearing about Seal, the UK artist, R&B singer, married model Hedi Klum, has a beautiful family, voice, kids, and living an awesome life despite awful scarring from lupus as a child.

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Oh my, if my uncle posted on these boards then he would definitely have a story for you. My uncle never had breakouts as a child but as a young adult, he started developing red, itchy bumps on his scalp. It was eczema. However, the bumps also migrated to his jawline. He thought it was his shaving products; that wasn't it. He changed everything about his lifestyle but these bumps still persisted. He has scarring right now that is evident. I hardly noticed it until I myself starting going through skin troubles as a pre-teen and made the connection. He no longer has acne on his face because of antibiotics. We go to the same dermatologist. She is the best dermatologist in the Midwest. She really knows her stuff. However, his acne has moved to his chest now. He gets really hard, painful cysts that remain there for a really long time. However, my uncle is very intelligent and articulates well. His job requires him to be confident. He works in a jewelry store and knows several people throughout the Missouri and Kansas area. Nobody notices his scars. He is very confident and is always vibrant and upbeat. I know he went through a difficult struggle because of the scarring on his face. Eventually, you learn to look past it. You are not alone. My uncle is in his 40's and is successful. He has a beautiful house that he built from the ground up. He loves going to work. Trust me, it will be okay! :)

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I'd recommend trying to go a while without looking at yourself. You genuinely start forgetting about what your skin looks like after 2-3 weeks, and you do start feeling better. And if you still have acne, it might help clear up your skin a bit because you won't be prone to picking or focusing negatively on specific issues.

This is great advice. I used to spend a lot of time looking in the mirror - first thing in a morning, getting ready for work, before I left the house, several times during the working day, as soon as I got home from work, then again in the evening, and before going to bed - the whole thing was so draining. I'd probably stand there for maybe 10 minutes at a time. Call it an hour each day, so roughly 365 hours per year. That's about 15 days per year. 15 days out of every year, just standing in front of a mirror, creating this mental map of what was going on with my face before I felt ready to go out each morning and face people. Pure madness!

I managed to get control of my acne recently and the weekly breakouts have now stopped. Now I'm down to just the odd pimple now and then. Because there was very little to look at, I started spending less and less time in front of the mirror. Now it's almost down to simply checking to see if I look OK, as we all may casually do before we head out the door. I found that once I started letting go of my so-called "mental map", I started forgetting about what was going on with my skin and just felt better about it. Feeling better about that means less stress. Less stress means less picking. Less picking means better skin. Result!

I don't have any experiences that I can share of dating when my acne was bad because I don't have any. On the odd occasion when I did go out, I'm sure I gave off a vibe which basically said to everyone, "stay away from me". It's like a defence - if I don't let them anywhere near me, there's no chance that they could see me up close or judge me. Not that that would always happen, but my lack of confidence and borderline paranoia on the matter made me think that way.

I met a girl recently on a night out and the whole experience was amazing. Nothing's going to happen there, she's since met another guy and she's going out with him, but that's another story. :mad:

Despite the fact she met someone else before we had chance to get together, I honestly feel it was no reflection on me in terms how she might have viewed my skin. I never thought I'd find myself saying that about someone, given my insecurities where my skin is concerned.

Although it hasn't worked out, the initial experience of meeting her and introducing myself, and her positive response at the time, was great because it showed me that it all comes down to confidence. I had the confidence to walk up to her when she was with all her friends, tell her she looked nice and ask if I could buy her a drink. No idea where the confidence came from to be honest because I've never ever done that before! :lol: But anyway, I really do believe that confidence was what got me as far as I did, and I also believe that the confidence I displayed pretty much masked my skin problems. The personality and the confidence which came though meant she looked right past any potential physical imperfections.

Of course, her telling me that she had met someone else and wanted to see where that goes has pretty much crushed me this week and I'm finding it hard to get over and I can't stop thinking of what might have been, but that will pass in time I'm sure. And maybe after that, I will go back out there and see if anyone catches my eye. If I can make the approach once and learn from that experience in a positive way, no real reason why I won't be able to do it in the future.

That's what it's all about I guess - taking small steps, and having just that initial bit of confidence to make the first move. It's the hardest part of course, but it is possible.

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Best thing to remember: Anyone who passes up getting to know you in any way, be it romantic or not, is not worth getting to know yourself. I mean, do you think that those people would stick with you if something happened that caused other changes in your appearance that they didn't like? Probably not.

But also, do you think that your confidence is causing them to turn away? I have no idea what your scarring is like, but most people don't really care about skin issues and are mostly nice to others. So with my lack of self-esteem from all my redmarks is what causes me to kind of push others away. So maybe you are in the same boat, interpreting their disinterest as being a reflection on your skin as opposed to being a reflection on your confidence and self-esteem. I guess I can be happy abuot the fact that my scarring is mostly temporary, so if yours aren't I can't imagine how hard it must be. But I'd recommend trying to go a while without looking at yourself. You genuinely start forgetting about what your skin looks like after 2-3 weeks, and you do start feeling better. And if you still have acne, it might help clear up your skin a bit because you won't be prone to picking or focusing negatively on specific issues.

Not sure how this helps, but hopefully it gives you another perspective on the whole thing right?

Thanks for your response. Its been hard. I probably should have got help a long time ago. One of my original threads was on organics, holistic nutrition, healthy eating, supplements, etc but, I had to give that up or else. Despite all that, it made little difference. I don't want to imagine if I didn't eat healthy. With what I have now, some days are awful, and nightmare like. I just want to wake up and trying to coop with everything now.

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Oh my, if my uncle posted on these boards then he would definitely have a story for you. My uncle never had breakouts as a child but as a young adult, he started developing red, itchy bumps on his scalp. It was eczema. However, the bumps also migrated to his jawline. He thought it was his shaving products; that wasn't it. He changed everything about his lifestyle but these bumps still persisted. He has scarring right now that is evident. I hardly noticed it until I myself starting going through skin troubles as a pre-teen and made the connection. He no longer has acne on his face because of antibiotics. We go to the same dermatologist. She is the best dermatologist in the Midwest. She really knows her stuff. However, his acne has moved to his chest now. He gets really hard, painful cysts that remain there for a really long time. However, my uncle is very intelligent and articulates well. His job requires him to be confident. He works in a jewelry store and knows several people throughout the Missouri and Kansas area. Nobody notices his scars. He is very confident and is always vibrant and upbeat. I know he went through a difficult struggle because of the scarring on his face. Eventually, you learn to look past it. You are not alone. My uncle is in his 40's and is successful. He has a beautiful house that he built from the ground up. He loves going to work. Trust me, it will be okay! :)

Thanks for the response. I am so sorry about your uncle. That is awful. I am glad he and you have both come through.

I must say, i was so insecure about acne, and I was embarrassed as a guy to use cover up. It would be a week and it would fade though, it would be irritated afterward which sucks. I tried epsom salts, supplements (vitamins, msm, zinc, digestive enzymes, fish oil, variety of others etc), healthy eating, and so much other stuff. Sugar/sucrose free diet, gluten free, diet, lots of citrus fruit, and still little to no success.

I had to give up the whole natural thing, go with topical, and antibiotics for any success. Over the counter and tv products were a joke. I had little to no success. My fear of course is cancer causing stuff but, what is a low self esteem, no confidence, dating, gf life is that? I don't think that is living so, I gave up on it though, I eat healthy still. Skin is 99% better but, a shallow scar has me very insecure. Considering treatment, using differin but, its difficult. Everyday is a battle. I feel better and see it in the mirror or in the reflection of a tinted window of a car. Its just an awful feeling.

I hope to find some success someday for this. Thank you again for responding.

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I'd recommend trying to go a while without looking at yourself. You genuinely start forgetting about what your skin looks like after 2-3 weeks, and you do start feeling better. And if you still have acne, it might help clear up your skin a bit because you won't be prone to picking or focusing negatively on specific issues.

This is great advice. I used to spend a lot of time looking in the mirror - first thing in a morning, getting ready for work, before I left the house, several times during the working day, as soon as I got home from work, then again in the evening, and before going to bed - the whole thing was so draining. I'd probably stand there for maybe 10 minutes at a time. Call it an hour each day, so roughly 365 hours per year. That's about 15 days per year. 15 days out of every year, just standing in front of a mirror, creating this mental map of what was going on with my face before I felt ready to go out each morning and face people. Pure madness!

I managed to get control of my acne recently and the weekly breakouts have now stopped. Now I'm down to just the odd pimple now and then. Because there was very little to look at, I started spending less and less time in front of the mirror. Now it's almost down to simply checking to see if I look OK, as we all may casually do before we head out the door. I found that once I started letting go of my so-called "mental map", I started forgetting about what was going on with my skin and just felt better about it. Feeling better about that means less stress. Less stress means less picking. Less picking means better skin. Result!

I don't have any experiences that I can share of dating when my acne was bad because I don't have any. On the odd occasion when I did go out, I'm sure I gave off a vibe which basically said to everyone, "stay away from me". It's like a defence - if I don't let them anywhere near me, there's no chance that they could see me up close or judge me. Not that that would always happen, but my lack of confidence and borderline paranoia on the matter made me think that way.

I met a girl recently on a night out and the whole experience was amazing. Nothing's going to happen there, she's since met another guy and she's going out with him, but that's another story. :mad:

Despite the fact she met someone else before we had chance to get together, I honestly feel it was no reflection on me in terms how she might have viewed my skin. I never thought I'd find myself saying that about someone, given my insecurities where my skin is concerned.

Although it hasn't worked out, the initial experience of meeting her and introducing myself, and her positive response at the time, was great because it showed me that it all comes down to confidence. I had the confidence to walk up to her when she was with all her friends, tell her she looked nice and ask if I could buy her a drink. No idea where the confidence came from to be honest because I've never ever done that before! :lol: But anyway, I really do believe that confidence was what got me as far as I did, and I also believe that the confidence I displayed pretty much masked my skin problems. The personality and the confidence which came though meant she looked right past any potential physical imperfections.

Of course, her telling me that she had met someone else and wanted to see where that goes has pretty much crushed me this week and I'm finding it hard to get over and I can't stop thinking of what might have been, but that will pass in time I'm sure. And maybe after that, I will go back out there and see if anyone catches my eye. If I can make the approach once and learn from that experience in a positive way, no real reason why I won't be able to do it in the future.

That's what it's all about I guess - taking small steps, and having just that initial bit of confidence to make the first move. It's the hardest part of course, but it is possible.

Paul, I believe you commented about a previous gf in another thread on this board. It was regarding being remote and distant with a gf resulting in a breakup. Its been ages since I had a gf. I was out dating a bit last year and meeting girls. This year has been a nightmare. I just want to wake up from this. As of now, I am trying to coop with it, and find inspiring stories.

I can relate to your predicament. I found out my crush likes someone else. It sucks. Last year, I would have been okay with it. Acne sucks but, I covered it up with loreal cover up, and would meet another girl. My whole life, I always thought people had these terrible views of me, my skin, and how they see me. In reality, people like me, are very warm, receptive of me, and it was only through my acne/scar that I realize how low myself esteem is. I've been depressed for most of this year. I wont say, I have did anything negative or had really negative thoughts. I will say, things have felt very hopeless. I haven't seen friends in months. It feels like I've been left behind by friends and even those I reach out to seem to disappear. I use to have pleasure leaving my home. Now, it is awful.

I am reading a bunch of self help books. Its still been a horrible burden. I've been a good person in my life like a lot of you and this has really hurt my faith, a belief in a loving god but, I am trying to make something of life despite the shitty circumstances. Worst of all, its meeting girls or putting yourself out there, and being forgotten. I imagine, there isn't a positive nature in me at the moment that is all that appealing. I've hidden away but, I am trying to get out more. It just saddens me at the present moment so, I seek any sort of positive inspirational story like Seal and others. Anything I can use to motivate, give me hope, and have something to believe in still.

I suppose I shouldn't complain cause, some of you are worst off then me. Its just been ages of this battle and its so diminishing to a life. Looking to date and live a happy life. Its been rough but, its good we have a community here.

BX is a inspiration. So are you guys. Thank you for all your kindness. I hope we all find peace and happiness.

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