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lyssgirl

What do you think? AM I CRAZY? need opinions..

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I have been debating for months now whether or not to vent on here my feelings...but i finally gave in and am curious as to what you guys think? Am I crazy? Do I need professional help? Do I have body dismorphic disorder?

Well, let me summarize this up as short as possible... I have NEVER had skin problems (aside from the normal occasional zit) up until I turned 20. I have always been confident, and happy and social! I was called smiley a lot because I just always smiled! Then literally the day I turned 20, my skin battle began. At first it was no big deal as it was just on my forehead. As time went on, and my forehead wasnt clearing up I decided to go to a derm. He said to get a chemical peel. After the chemical peel my face slowly started breaking out in other places. I dont think it was due from the peel, but then again it could have been purging. By now it has been a few months, and the stress from it all on top of being a college student and pre school teacher made it a lot worse! So I returned back to the derm, this time a bit worse, he prescribed spiro. By this point I was angry! angry at letting my skin get like this! I started to exclude myself from the social scene with the thought of immediately coming home to wash my face and make it better. I then started developing severe depression and anxiety attacks. It was a struggle getting up in the morning knowing I had to get ready for the day and look in the mirror. Washing my face hurt, makeup looked horrible, and I felt like my face was being taken away from me, and the pretty girl I use to be was being ripped away. I had panic attacks every morning, where my mom had to call the dr. and contemplated putting me in a psych ward. I cried all day. Had to be sent home from work because I couldnt interact with kids being a mess. My boyfriend of 3 years started getting distant, because I only wanted to hang out in the dark. Our sex life diminished. My confidence diminished. My happiness diminished. I couldnt watch tv because I hated seeing perfect skin. I couldnt hang out with friends because I felt horrible. I barely hung on at work. I spent my day praying, and talking to my 3 sisters on the phone and mom for hours crying. (bless their souls) I felt CRAZY,but couldnt control it. I met with a psychologist once, but didnt want to go back. I have been wearing hats every day for the last year. Even if my forehead is clear, I still wear one as i feel it hides my face.

Now let me fill you in on what my acne was like. It started on my forehead, and ventured down around my mouth and jaw. never severe, but in my mind it was. Its been 9 months on spiro, and I have come ALONG ways. I learned to control my anxiety better, and am gaining confidence back..What i get now is about 2-3 persistint whiteheads on my face a week. I know that is nothing to some of you, but I still hide behind a hat. Still prefer the dark. Still do my makeup in the dark as well as wash my face. In my mind, the less I see the better I feel. I know I have blotchy skin now. And have been to an esthiticion for a few months to help...but I still dont look in the mirror unless I have foundation on. At any sign of a bump, my anxiety creeps in. As I fear it will return to what it was in the summer. I obsessively ask my mom or bf how I look. Even though I know theyll say "beautiful" because they wouldnt say anything else..

I obsessively research this site, and any other site for ppl going through the same thing. Like hours and hours a day.

My question to you guys is do I need help? Is this normal? I am pretty much under control, but the few persistent non inflamed whiteheads make me still want to hide from the world, and I live in fear that it will return. I want flawless even tone skin like I use to have..and am afraid I will be like this until I have it! How do I not obsess? How do I not compare myself to others? or care what others think of me? How do I feel sane again!? and do you think that the few non inflamed bumps are worth this anxiety? or does it sound like body dismorphic disorder.

I do admit in the last month I have slowly started to meet up with friends again. and go out with my boyfriend who has stayed with me through this all! but its so hard to feel confident even with a few bumps! :(

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I would guess the way you're feeling is down to wanting your skin to look like it used to, and perhaps you're also ultimately asking your family and boyfriend how it looks now compared to how it used to look. The thing is, the people who love you for who you are won't notice or think anything bad of you. Of course, I know that about myself with regards to my own family, but I still have a hard time believing it. Whether I had a face covered in bad acne or just a couple of pimples as I do now, I'd still look at myself and feel inferior to others. That's not BDD, it's down to my lack of confidence.

Of course, if you had nothing at all to worry about in terms of acne, pimples or skin problems, but still thought that theory were there or that you were "ugly" as a result of things which simply weren't there, perhaps that would be classed as BDD. Either way, I think we are too quick sometimes to try and label things. After all, it may be that you could solve it by accepting your skin by working out what you need to do to fix it.

For example, the picture of me in my posts is totally unedited. It was taken about 13 months ago and my skin was almost clear. For almost a year after that when my skin was bad, I never once stopped to focus on how I could fix it. Instead, I spent the whole time hating myself, trying to hide, wanting to sleep the days away so that I didn't have to face being me. Then there was a point when I saw that picture and thought, 'There surely isn't anything stopping me from getting my skin back to how it was. It must be possible.'

I started thinking about how I used to treat my skin prior to having acne. There was never anything to pick at or pop, I didn't use loads of products and chemicals ion my skin and I didn't over-wash. So, I went back to doing that. I also stopped stressing about it because it does no good at all. The result is that I now look almost as I did in that picture, other than one pimple of my right cheek at the moment.

I assume that's you in the picture? If you don't mind me saying so, from what I can see you seem like an attractive girl and I doubt very much that problem skin can take those attributes away from you in the eyes of other people. And clearly your boyfriend thinks you're amazing and he must be a great guy to stick with you. I mean, there are people out there who might bail at the first sign that someone was behaving in a way they didn't consider "normal". The term normal is relative of course, as we're all different. But what I mean is, some people would rather not have to deal with other peoples' issues, but I guess your boyfriend love you enough to stick around, want to help and try to understand. That's brilliant and it sounds like the rest of your support network is pretty solid too. You're very lucky.

Just as I did, you should take a step back and focus specifically on what it is you need to do to fix any skin problems you have. You said that as your skin has started to improve and you feel you have more control over it, you've slowly starting seeing friends again. Those two things go hand in hand. It seems to me that if you carry on as you are, you'll get to where you want to be. Take your time because there's no quick fix to acne or indeed to the emotional effects it can cause, but it sounds like you're well on your way.

Any habits you may have picked up - such as the hats - will have helped take some of the pressure off dealing with your skin, but long term any bad habits can get in the way of stuff. You can drop those over time though. I still catch myself every once in a while, doing something that I used to do in order to try and hide my face.

This is all just my opinion of course, but I reckon you're already on your way to getting the better of this, and at the very least, the fact that you've addressed it here means you don't want it to get the better of you.

:)

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Your not crazy your a Human Being and fed up with Acne. I don't blame you for venting holding things in makes it worser! :wacko:

We are all here for each other!

Edited by all in 87

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Am I crazy?

No. I think if you ask a random person if they can relate to your post, they'll say they can. I say that because most people have their "demons" which they're coping with in their own ways. I don't think you're crazy. I think you'd be surprised if you were to hear just how many people have similar stories. People who also aren't crazy. Just what I think.

Hope you keep feeling better as time goes by.

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I would guess the way you're feeling is down to wanting your skin to look like it used to, and perhaps you're also ultimately asking your family and boyfriend how it looks now compared to how it used to look. The thing is, the people who love you for who you are won't notice or think anything bad of you. Of course, I know that about myself with regards to my own family, but I still have a hard time believing it. Whether I had a face covered in bad acne or just a couple of pimples as I do now, I'd still look at myself and feel inferior to others. That's not BDD, it's down to my lack of confidence.

Of course, if you had nothing at all to worry about in terms of acne, pimples or skin problems, but still thought that theory were there or that you were "ugly" as a result of things which simply weren't there, perhaps that would be classed as BDD. Either way, I think we are too quick sometimes to try and label things. After all, it may be that you could solve it by accepting your skin by working out what you need to do to fix it.

For example, the picture of me in my posts is totally unedited. It was taken about 13 months ago and my skin was almost clear. For almost a year after that when my skin was bad, I never once stopped to focus on how I could fix it. Instead, I spent the whole time hating myself, trying to hide, wanting to sleep the days away so that I didn't have to face being me. Then there was a point when I saw that picture and thought, 'There surely isn't anything stopping me from getting my skin back to how it was. It must be possible.'

I started thinking about how I used to treat my skin prior to having acne. There was never anything to pick at or pop, I didn't use loads of products and chemicals ion my skin and I didn't over-wash. So, I went back to doing that. I also stopped stressing about it because it does no good at all. The result is that I now look almost as I did in that picture, other than one pimple of my right cheek at the moment.

I assume that's you in the picture? If you don't mind me saying so, from what I can see you seem like an attractive girl and I doubt very much that problem skin can take those attributes away from you in the eyes of other people. And clearly your boyfriend thinks you're amazing and he must be a great guy to stick with you. I mean, there are people out there who might bail at the first sign that someone was behaving in a way they didn't consider "normal". The term normal is relative of course, as we're all different. But what I mean is, some people would rather not have to deal with other peoples' issues, but I guess your boyfriend love you enough to stick around, want to help and try to understand. That's brilliant and it sounds like the rest of your support network is pretty solid too. You're very lucky.

Just as I did, you should take a step back and focus specifically on what it is you need to do to fix any skin problems you have. You said that as your skin has started to improve and you feel you have more control over it, you've slowly starting seeing friends again. Those two things go hand in hand. It seems to me that if you carry on as you are, you'll get to where you want to be. Take your time because there's no quick fix to acne or indeed to the emotional effects it can cause, but it sounds like you're well on your way.

Any habits you may have picked up - such as the hats - will have helped take some of the pressure off dealing with your skin, but long term any bad habits can get in the way of stuff. You can drop those over time though. I still catch myself every once in a while, doing something that I used to do in order to try and hide my face.

This is all just my opinion of course, but I reckon you're already on your way to getting the better of this, and at the very least, the fact that you've addressed it here means you don't want it to get the better of you.

:)

Thank you for responding to my post! It really helped me to feel that I am not the only one with these feelings...

What you said about sleeping all day so you dont have to face being you literally has been me for the past year. I would try and sleep all day, even take nyquil or pills to knock me out so the days would go by faster. In my mind, the faster the days go the less I have to face the world, and myself. As well as faster to clearer skin?

Yes, that is me in the picture and was taken just 3 weeks ago. I called that day my "come back day" because it was the first time I got dressed up to go out in 5 months. Although, I still didnt feel %100 back to normal :/ My boyfriend has stuck by my side which I appreciate so much, but he also doesnt understand the feelings I have about this whole situation. He too gets a few bumps here and there, as do everyone..but he doesnt care. Which I wish I didnt either...

I think if I didnt go through the worse of it, I wouldnt be fearful of the little bit i get now.

All i know is I have yes come along ways emotionally and physically, but I feel I have now become a perfectionist and developed an obsession because of it all...and that its STILL holding me back from living my life to its fullest! And that is what I need help with :(

I am glad to see that you also got through the worst of it, and are now clear! Its such a hard thing to go through :(

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