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I don't even know how to begin to describe the pain acne brings me. I started having acne when I was SEVEN years old. I remember a girl in my class asked me what the thing on my nose was. Since then, things just escalated. I've had everything you can think of as far as blemishes. I try every cream, gel, wipe, cleanser, and pill, save for Accutane because I wear contacts. Recently been told I have some sort of imbalance and I have to get blood taken from me for testing. I don't talk much, I hate it when someone opens the window, I hate light, I wear hats, I take two hours to get ready in the morning because of all the washing I have to do and all the different kinds of makeup I have to put on. And no matter what I do, it just doesn't stop. It can be slightly good for a day, and go back to severe. And whats good for me would be absoulte hell for someone else. My best friend is perfect, everything falls in place for her. The most she can complain about is how her eyelashes dont curl in a 45 degree angle. She'll look in the mirror and say "Oh God! Look at that blackhead!" like the girls in the Clean & Clear commercials... nothing's frigging there. I don't think anyone can beat this situation and I don't think anyone understands what kind of suffering I will be going through at the doctors office tomorrow.

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I wear contacts and I am on accutane... is that the only thing holding you back? So many people say no to accutane just assuming they can't take it when they really can.

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I don't know the derm said that it would dry out everything and I would have to stop wearing them and I could never go back to them. Also told that I have to get blood tests every month, needles make me pass out lol and I read somewhere that Accutane makes you suicidal.. I don't think this is true for everyone but for me it's definitely very possible.

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Your dermatologist needs to do his research then, and so do you. Hardly anyone can't wear contacts after accutane, and suicidal thoughts are like .01% chance and they haven't even confirmed that the suicide attempts are directly related to accutane.

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i dont know what to say. im exhausted. as time goes on the more my heads fucked up, the more i feel spiritual dead, and the more phsyically worn out i am. problems i didnt have as a teen dealing with this. im 22 and its been a long battle that just seems to fuck me up more and more. i cant lie either, im too pussy to take my own life even though i hate it and everything in it. all i feel like doing is laying down to die and ive tried that. i do it every so often, it never gets me far. but sometimes i feel like thats all i can do. who knows what will happen or how long i can go on. i honestly cant say.

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the feelings of shame and guilt, the lies you have to tell to avoid certain shit, avoiding certain shit than beating yourself up about it, never accomplishing shit, the anger, the obsession, the fear, depression, anxiety, not knowing who you are or how to act anymore, the low self esteem. its not just breaking out, its all the bullshit that goes with it thats become my life and everything thats broken me down. its just too much to deal with. what type of fucking life is that to live?

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I dont knwo about the contacts thing but if that is the only thing holding you back from Tane then I think you should reconsider. I mean If you had to wear glasses instead and your acne cleared then I am sure that is quite a good trade-off.

I know I would rather get rid of the acne and wear glasses then still have acne but be able to wear contacts.

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I know what you mean about that bloody clean and clear advert. My boyfriend is getting fed up with me shouting at the TV

'That girl's never had a spot in her whole life!!!'

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thanks for everyone's posts, i've decided my dermatologist isn't one of the better ones i've had lol. well it's nice to know a lot of other people are like me.. smile.gif and just to note, although i am feeling extreme amounts of depression, as some of you guys are, suicide may not be the answer. I don't want anyone to kill themselves because maybe if we stay alive, then it will get better on some level. for now my problem stays but with any luck (although i swear i have none) my problem will go away.

so today it's off to the doctors, to arrange that whole blood-taking thing. Oh boy, is this shit-filled day ever going to be fun! bb_doubt.gif

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There is a way that you can avoid the blood tests and serious side effects of accutane if you are concerned about them. My derm. only prescribed me 30 pills for 10 weeks - 3 pills a week, 40mg. By taking these low dosage, he said there is no need to take blood tests. Also, it will help me avoid any serious direct side effects(depression, suicidal thoughts, and severe dryness) from accutane. This is the European Derms. method of prescribing accutane he said. He said, American Derms. method is to cram patients with Two pills a day so patients can see faster results. European method is to give out low dosage, which means of course not seeing a faster result. But, the plus side is avoiding serious side effects, no need for blood tests(which costs $$), and fewer visits to the Derms. (which also costs $$) I'm preety sure mostly everyone here can agree that there can be serious side effects from accutane and that it costs a grip!

I'm sorry if I'm babbling on with something that is not answering your topic about Suicid. I'm still new here and this is my first post. But I can relate to everything that you are feeling and I hope you realize there is more to life than what other plp think of you.

P.S.

Forgot to say Hi to everyone and I hope to get to know Yalls!!!

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FUCKING SHOOT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've been up at this all night long

I've been drowning in my sleep

I've prayed for your safe place

And its time for us to leave

Time is running on empty and the gas is running out

I've decided that tonight is the night

That I set love aside

Full speed ahead this seems to be the place

I've seen this once before

Planned perfection sought in my dreams

Hoping this would take you home

My knuckles have turned to white

There's no turning back tonight

So kiss me one last time

Around this turn where the cross will cast your shadow

The people will all gather

To remember such a day where the flames grew as high

As trees

And the world stopped for you and me

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suicidal? whats that? in all seriousness it is tottaly ridic to take your life away over a thing called acne, i mean common it has 4 letters in it. Would you kill yourself if you had lips on you? that has 4 letters to it. What im trying to say is its dumb you see people in prison for the rest of their life who dont even kill themselves, id rather have acne than be in prison the rest of my life ill tell you that much.

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I dont feel suicidal but just down most of the time. I try to stay positive and do some hobbies to take my mind of things. But I know how you guys feel, I feel you pain. sad.gif

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Well Aids, HIV, and Tumor are all short words also. I'm not saying acne is worse than any of those but shit man someone killing themselves happens everyday for worsens a lot stupider than acne. Your skin isn't that bad so you can't understand as deeply as others do.

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suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

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Haha im afraid its more complicated than that though..you see acne is a unique disease,unlike aids etc you dont know what the future holds.In case of aids.etc you know you have like 2-10 years or whatever but with acne tommorow can be good or TERRIBLY BAD,that fear of the future is what actually makes u suicidal.

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