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deletethisshit

How to deal with the negative thoughts

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Hey, been awhile since I posted

I'm just looking for some feedback. I have some red marks on my face that cause me a great deal of anxiety (feeling inferior, disfigured at times, etc) and usually cover them very lightly with make up (yes, I'm a guy) before I go out or even to school. But it's exhausting living this "lie", having to wash it off when I get home etc, and starting tomorrow I'm just not doing it anymore. I'm tired of this shit.

It's going to be a struggle and an adjustment but it's something I have to do in order to get better, I feel. For anyone who has done this, or is doing it, do you have any tips for me? How do you "psych yourself up" to go to school or out and not give a crap about your skin, even if it less then perfect. I know it sounds irrational, but I just feel everyone will treat me worse once they see my red marks.

Is there anything I can do mentally to brace for this?

Any thoughts are welcome

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I did the same thing mate. I was wearing coverup for like a couple years when I was at skool becoz i was extremely self conscious about my skin, yet it only really served to make me more paranoid beccozz i was worrying even more about people finding out I wore makeup. Yeep, it was hard to give up, but one day I I just said I don't give a fuck. Why should it be so important to us what passing strangers or other people think? If you have a good bunch of friends, they will accept you for who you are and not what your skin looks like. Jus rememba, we think a whole lot more about our own imperfections than other people do. In my opinion, your better off dropping that shit now and gradually you may become more comfortable in your own skin. It has helped me a lot to stop listening so much to my own negative feelings about my skin (and label them as unfair and incorrect) and rather focus on something which you fell good about, so you can take confidence from that and implement it more in yo life. I know it's hard thooo, trust me. Good luck ;)

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well, i flirted with makeup very briefly. The main reason I stopped was just the amount of time and effort it took to wear, and the constant worry that someone would notice (a few friends did but were nice about it). I now wear tinted moistruiser if I'm going 'out out' (IE a night out) and this helps my confidence but is far lighter than makeup. In terms of getting psyched up, it really takes time; I remember the first time i went out without makeup on (even though I'd only worn it for 4-5 months) I felt naked and horrible. Everyone has their flaws, some visible some not so. I dunno it could carry on coming out with cliches but I don't really think it's going to help anyone, for me if I know if I am doing everything I can in order to better myself (including the appearance of my red marks, and within reason) then I'm happy :).

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It's not irrational at all. If you've used the makeup to try and cover blemishes and create an appearance you're happy with, that's fair enough. But if you feel like that's actually a lot of effort and it's causing you stress, it's also natural that you might want to stop using it and have a go at presenting yourself exactly as you are. I'd say that's quite brave, and it's bold of you to go cold turkey, so to speak. As far as that aspect of things is concerned, perhaps you could do it in small step and gradually decrease the amount you use, the time spent on application, etc..

Coincidentally, I was reading about makeup for guys after I read a topic about it on these boards. I was looking at The Men Pen website as it was one of the ranges that were suggested, and got to thinking that it would be good to be able to just cover up a few marks, here and there. I'd never even considered it before, that I could take that approach as a guy, or that there would be products like this specifically aimed at guys.

There may well have been a time when men would have been laughed at constantly for wearing makeup, but these days I think pretty much anything goes. I know guys who paint their nails black or wear eye liner. Nobody thinks anything of it, it's just a form of expression. Women use makeup to conceal things on a daily basis, it's perfectly reasonable that men would want to do this as well. So yeah, I'm going to take a look and see if I fancy giving any of these products a go and see if they might come in handy as and when I could do with concealing something.

Having never used makeup, each morning is a battle, staring into the mirror before going to work. I'm getting better and spending less time, but the thought that it would be great to mask it - or indeed just wear a mask! - comes to mind. So, as far as psyching myself up to go out with bare skin is concerned, I just try and look at the positives. Assuming my skin will look the same by the time I get up for work in the morning, I'll have an obvious pimple on my chin and a bigger one to the right of my mouth. Usual redness and a bit of scarring as well of course, but that's always there so, yeah, whatever... but I'll probably stand there for a couple of minutes focusing on these two pimples, from various angles, until I step back and see that my forehead, nose and the left side are pretty much clear, and that overall the good points outweigh the bad. In that instance, I just focus on the good points. On the odd occasion when it's all broken out like crazy, I suffer through every minute of every day. The upset and stress it causes, mentally, is just so bad. That's because I've let it be my main focus and it's consumed me. Just need to learnt to relax about it I guess. I suppose in those instances, it would be cool to have makeup to hand in order to conceal some of it and reduce that stress and upset.

Tomorrow, I suggest that you hold your head up high and be proud of what you're trying to do. Go for it! :)

Edited by PaulH85
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LOL thats so funny, I came here today for that same reason. Im a guy with a few acne red marks and I use make-up to conceal them. I came here to talk about this issue. Honestly I hate having to wear the make-up and it makes the acne worse and feels bad for your skin when you put it on. Its actally made my skin worse, but I dont rely on it to hide some of the inperfections. Im going to gradully reduce the amount I wear and try to fix the problem of red marks instead of convering them up, but I know its a tough thing to deal with being a guy.

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I won't wear makeup to school if you don't! :) Well, maybe haha. I'm a girl and I have a decent amount of red marks left from my acne so they can't be completely covered by makeup but if I don't use makeup I feel like they're too red to go outside with, like I'm not presentable (which I posted about a week ago). It is extremely hard to not care what you look like and I don't think that will ever completely go away for me. You just kind of have to say "screw everything else", walk with your head high and ignore people's comments. It's the "I hate people" mentality that gets me through the day and not care what other people think during the day. When I get home it's a different story because I'm most critical of myself and think very low of myself when I see the acne and hyperpigmentation. And I imagine that not wearing makeup every day will make you feel better in the long run because you'll be able to be more comfortable in your own skin. I just don't know if I'm ready for that step yet!

Edited by woah21
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I've entertained the idea of wearing make up. Thing though is, I'm a guy, and it would be weird if people found out I was wearing it. And I have no clue what concealers to use and how to put it on. And going into walgreens and buying cover girl isn't exactly tops on my list for favorite things to do.

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Also, if I were in your position, for me and my mental state, I would just pretend the acne marks were caused from a recent break out. And then go from there.. as far as people treating you differently, you may perceive it that way, but I rarely treat people with acne poorly, infact, I sort of like people with acne more, cause I know they can relate to the struggles. And I remember when I didn't have it, I didn't even notice it on people. And if I did, it was for like a second. But people are different, and there might be some who will. Anyway, good luck man, try not to think about it, you don't want to pysch yourself into having a bad day.

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well i have some red marks on my right cheek, some small pimples on my forehead but i just go on in my life, if you show to the rest of the world that you don´t care what they got to say about your acne than they will treat you with more respect. trust me it happened to me. i still have acne, i do care about my skin but when i have to go out i don´t wear any makeup i just hang out with my friends and sometimes i see people staring at me and telling me how cute i´m and how pretty my hair is (i´m not cocky or anything like that) but that´s just how it is, you can´t let others see your biggest insecurity because then it would be a target and they would bully you.

people who are smart and well educated would never say something about your acne so you just have to relax, enjoy life, show to the people that you have better qualities than your skin. where i live i just get tired of seeing people with acne, and they all laugh, go to the mall, buy clothes etc. we have to live our life we can´t let acne control our life do you understand what i´m saying? and by the way you shouldn´t even feel disfigurated because acne is very normal EVERYBODY HAS ACNE OR HAD ACNE IN THEIR LIFE acne does have a solution why would you feel bad about something that you can solve? technology and science is very advanced now this days and anything to repair your skin is possible.

i´ve met a girl who is totally disfigurated she burned 60% of her body and face. she is almost blind, she doesn´t have a nose, no lips, no hair, no fingers,no ears,no eyelids and she just lives her life to the fullest. now compare yourself to this girl, you have everything that a human should have ears,lips ,nose, hair, fingers etc. you do have that but this girl doesn´t. and she hopes she will have a face transplant now why do i say this? well is because humans who have everything never feel good about themselves, they just want more and more. and imperfections is what makes a human perfect.

always remember that! nobody has perfect skin. just because you see people with clear skin doesn´t mean they never had acne. you have a problem that has a solution but this girl doesn´t. how do you think she lives her life around people? she goes to the supermarket and some people stare at her, or even children cry and say monster. but she just goes on because that´s how life is! if you are not strong and brave there´s no way you can survive in this cruel world. but don´t worry about those people who say mean things to you they are not worth a penny and believe in karma.

just be with people who won´t treat you any different and make you smile everyday because you are not different. you are a human like anybody else. and i bet you are handsome too, the thing is that you just don´t know it yet.

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Wow, thanks for all the replies guys.

As promised, I am going to school today without covering up my red marks. I am nervous, but I think it's the better decision in the long run. It's amazing how skin can affect our moods, perceptions, and life. I hope that over time I become accustomed to this new decision, and grow from there.

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Hey, just an update: today is day 3 that I go without covering my red marks in public.

I have to go to see my psychiatrist today, and then go to school afterward. Honestly, nothing has changed... going to school feels exactly the same in terms of peoples reactions towards me. I admit though, I haven't really had to talk to many people, but yeah, I mean I doubt anyone was going to verbally say: "Hey, you have red marks" but I wish I could know what people are actually thinking.

It's somewhat liberating and debilitating at the same time. On the one hand, not going through the effort of covering my marks with make up, and washing it off when I get home, and adopting a somewhat "fuck it" attitude is very freeing. I feel like I'm working on myself which is good. On the other hand, it's removing my safety blanket and exposing myself to the world with all my flaws.

When you actually think about it, skin is skin and we can try our best but ultimately we are not to be blamed for imperfect skin. If we could have it, we would, but nature is not an exact science and neither is the human body. It's just that we live in a society that demands perfection and deems anything less as flawed and "wrong".

Sometimes you just have to go out with a "fuck the world" attitude, not in a violent sense, but just in a "accept me for what I am or I don't need you" kind of way.

I hope this inspires others to take bold steps out into the world, feel free to come back here and share your experiences with me, I promise I'll write back.

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Hey, just an update: today is day 3 that I go without covering my red marks in public.

I have to go to see my psychiatrist today, and then go to school afterward. Honestly, nothing has changed... going to school feels exactly the same in terms of peoples reactions towards me. I admit though, I haven't really had to talk to many people, but yeah, I mean I doubt anyone was going to verbally say: "Hey, you have red marks" but I wish I could know what people are actually thinking.

It's somewhat liberating and debilitating at the same time. On the one hand, not going through the effort of covering my marks with make up, and washing it off when I get home, and adopting a somewhat "fuck it" attitude is very freeing. I feel like I'm working on myself which is good. On the other hand, it's removing my safety blanket and exposing myself to the world with all my flaws.

When you actually think about it, skin is skin and we can try our best but ultimately we are not to be blamed for imperfect skin. If we could have it, we would, but nature is not an exact science and neither is the human body. It's just that we live in a society that demands perfection and deems anything less as flawed and "wrong".

Sometimes you just have to go out with a "fuck the world" attitude, not in a violent sense, but just in a "accept me for what I am or I don't need you" kind of way.

I hope this inspires others to take bold steps out into the world, feel free to come back here and share your experiences with me, I promise I'll write back.

(PLEASE READ IT I KNOW IS LONG BUT I HOPE IT CAN HELP YOU AND OTHER PEOPLE)

you just said it, it´s not about the world, the nature or the history of the human body. is the society that makes people think and believe that having a pretty face is the best thing in the world. that´s why i don´t hang out with stereotype people. in this world if you don´t have the attitude to say ´´fuck the world, fuck the people if they don´t accept me for who i´m then they are not worse a penny´´ and it´s true. you need to have that concept in your head so people would respect you more. i´ll tell you this, i have acne since i was 10 years old i have so much personality, full of happiness, i love helping others and i have a very high self esteem (not in a cocky way) people always respect me. never heard somebody say something about my acne. in fact some girls want to be like me, they say i look cute, they love my hair etc.

as a matter of fact if you do not first accept who you are than who else is gonna do it? always ask yourself in your mind. if we want people to accept us than we first need to accept who we are and how we look. nobody is perfect. people who criticize others by their looks is because they have a miserable life and psychologically they are not well. what i mean is that if you are happy with your life, the way you look etc you wouldn´t criticize nobody. it´s like the bullies, bullies who bully other people is because they are not happy with their life. this is the same thing that happens when you see people saying nasty comments about how you look is because they are not happy with themselves. that is just sad. that´s why i feel sorry for them.

like i said before, you need to show the entire world that you are strong and perfection doesn´t exist in a human being! IMPERFECTIONS IS WHAT MAKES A HUMAN BEING PERFECT. always remember that. i´ll tell you a short story. i met a long time ago a girl who used to make fun of people with disabilities, people with acne etc. she had super clear skin, her skin was so flawless that it looked like a doll´s skin. one time i was with a friend and my friend had terrible acne, severe with postules, white heads everything that you could think of. and this girl came and start it to say nasty things are her skin like ´´oh my god look at your face, is so ugly full of pimples is so disgusting who would want to have a girlfriend like you with that nasty oily face!´´ it was so cruel that my friend went running to the bathroon (at school) and start it to cry. after 2 years a boy told me that this girl suffered a tragic accident she is alive but she is completely disfigurated, she burned 60% of her body and face (this is a different girl not the same one that i told you before in a previous post) her super clear skin melt away by the fire. i saw this girl after 2 years and i was completely in shock, she used to laugh at my friend because of her acne and now she is in a worse place than her, and she would never be the same. but people with acne do have a solution.

and the less you think about acne the less acne you will have. i don´t want to sound unrealistic i do believe in science but i also believe in the power of the mind. i bet you look beautiful with or without acne or red marks. what do you prefer have super clear skin, but have cancer and then have only 6 months of life? or do you want a face with red marks but full of a healthy body? i dont´want to be hard on you but this is how it is, people who have everything a human would love to have they always want more and more. you never known what you had until is gone. take this advice from me a girl who has acne who takes care of her skin but not 24/7. YOU SHOULDN´T CARE ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE GOT TO SAY ABOUT YOUR ACNE. ONLY CARE ABOUT THOSE WHO WOULD SAY NICE THINGS TO YOU. we can´t live in this world depending on what people got to say about you.

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Hey, just an update: today is day 3 that I go without covering my red marks in public.

I have to go to see my psychiatrist today, and then go to school afterward. Honestly, nothing has changed... going to school feels exactly the same in terms of peoples reactions towards me. I admit though, I haven't really had to talk to many people, but yeah, I mean I doubt anyone was going to verbally say: "Hey, you have red marks" but I wish I could know what people are actually thinking.

It's somewhat liberating and debilitating at the same time. On the one hand, not going through the effort of covering my marks with make up, and washing it off when I get home, and adopting a somewhat "fuck it" attitude is very freeing. I feel like I'm working on myself which is good. On the other hand, it's removing my safety blanket and exposing myself to the world with all my flaws.

When you actually think about it, skin is skin and we can try our best but ultimately we are not to be blamed for imperfect skin. If we could have it, we would, but nature is not an exact science and neither is the human body. It's just that we live in a society that demands perfection and deems anything less as flawed and "wrong".

Sometimes you just have to go out with a "fuck the world" attitude, not in a violent sense, but just in a "accept me for what I am or I don't need you" kind of way.

I hope this inspires others to take bold steps out into the world, feel free to come back here and share your experiences with me, I promise I'll write back.

i think that was really well written, and awesome.

the reason i won't stop wearing makeup to cover up my skin (for now) is because i spent SOOO many years feeling bad about acne, hyper-pigmentation, and everything else that comes with it. powder makes me feel better about it, and i have no apologies for that. i don't feel like i'm doing myself a disservice. my self-worth has nothing to do with my appearance, but if wearing something to cover my skin helps me feel less worse about all those years agonizing over acne, i'm gonna wear it. dern skippy. lol

i would never choose to have acne, but i can choose to cover it. people can tell me that i'm being fake, alright, well if that's what you want to call me, then fine. i'm quite a fan of the "fuck the world" attitude when it comes to some situations, just like you are. and i am very much aware people will approach wearing makeup differently, but that's just the way i see it.

anyway, i'm glad you're doing what ultimately makes you feel better about your red marks.

Edited by rumpshakerjr
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Thanks for your response. I agree that if it makes you feel happy, then keep wearing make up. But as a guy, the idea of wearing make up (to me at least) is extremely embarrassing, so I'm glad I stopped. I've been doing it for over a year though, so everyday is a bit of an adjustment.

I think this has been an effective form of 'exposure therapy' for me, exposing my flaws which I deem hideous and seeing how people react to them/me. So far, no one has said anything or really treated me differently. This has definitely been a big step in recovering from my depression/BDD.

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yes, that's what i mean, too. i think it should be all about someone's preference when it comes to whatever they're putting on their face. i can see why it could make you embarrassed .. i just wish there wasn't so much pressure for a man to be stoic, and possess traits that emphasize all around strength.

i'm glad that you haven't been treated differently after showing your marks. i think showing an insecurity is comparable to revealing a more personal side to you with someone you care about ... and hoping they don't completely write you off .. it is not easy; actually, i think it's scary as hell. i hope you continue your road to recovery, and i'm sure you're not hideous : ) you seem more confident than you think. it takes a lot to be vulnerable. good luck to you.

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Great job! Your experience is really inspirational yet I just can't get over the no-makeup hump completely. I haven't been wearing foundation this week only concealer but even then I feel like it looks awful... I don't enjoy wearing makeup but it is sometimes really hard to let go of it.

Are you still feeling self conscious about your face or is it getting easier? I think I feel the same everyday with just concealer.

Keep it up and best of luck to you!

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To be honest, it gets easier but it depends on the day as well. Some days I feel okay about things and where they are heading, and other times I wonder if I'm crazy for not covering it up. Though at this point, I don't think I will cover it up anymore - it was just too much hassle, and the thought of "living a lie" was becoming too much. Eventually, we have to let go of our crutches and face the world as we are - though we can still strive to improve ourselves along the way.

I really pray things improve in the not so distant future as I've been waiting to live my life for what feels like forever (and I'm sure many of you can relate to that feeling). I find that the right mindset is key to this whole thing, when I look at things positively and change my attitude a bit, things tend to go better.

By the way, reducing your make up is a good step. I'm not really sure what the difference is between make up and concealer but I assume it is less 'heavy'. Now the next step for you would be to gradually reduce that more and more until you don't feel the need to use it anymore.

Update me if you decide to do this, I sort of hope other people jump on board as well.

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I looooove not having to worry about foundation anymore! Haha, I'm still only wearing concealer but only on inflamed pimples or spots where I had picked the night before. I like knowing that I look almost the same throughout the entire day even when I take my makeup off at night. I still cover up my undereye bags and put on mascara, but I've definitely gotten used to wearing less concealer and it's not even providing the fullest coverage which I guess can be both good and bad.

I definitely know how you feel about having both on and off days. I go through that a lot and had a bad day yesterday. My class is preparing for advanced placement exams and one of my teachers said that people are getting sick because they were scared of taking the practice exam that we had to take today (it was soooo stressful and long!). She said "I see people getting breakouts, the nail-biting, and bags under the eyes..." and I'm sitting in my seat thinking "what the fuck." like honestly, she's a psychology and language/rhetoric teacher. You'd think shed be more careful with the words she chooses because she constantly tells her students to do it! I don't see anyone else in my class with more breakouts than usual and mine are actually not as frequent! Plus I thought she said what she did because I haven't been wearing a lot of makeup to cover the redness. I know she was just mainly telling people not to stress out but she pretty much described me. So that ruined my day but now I don't care anymore. That teacher constantly pisses me off anyways and at the time I wasnt sure whether it was okay or not to be pissed off at someone that doesn't know or understand what she's talking about. And she says my class pulls things out of our asses. Well at least this whole situation with our acne will make us all stronger in the end!

I'll let you know if anything else happens! :)

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Guest Timehealsall

hey bro. Sorry that your redmarks are making you feel down, but here is something i can tell you.

I used to be pretty sad about my redmarks, didn't want to go out blah blah blah etc.

Anyways, ever since i noitced my pitted scarring (mild shallow scars), i completely forgot about my redmarks. The reason being? i know that these redmarks will eventually go away.

Hope that helps

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