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I have been on accutane for 4 1/2 months yeah thats right 4 1/2 months. My face was looking fucking great about a month ago while I was on vacation and now my face is fucking worse than when I started. When I went on accutane my chin was the only part that needed to be cleared up. Now after fucking this amount of time my temples have at least 7 red marks on right side and 3 on the left. My cheeks which pretty much had 0 pimples on them are covered in red marks or zits. I can't even see any normal skin on my cheeks at all. I am not even sure how many zits are still on my chin. It is a mix of fucking dry skin, lumps, and itchiness. My lips are cracked to shit, and ripping in fucking half. I really have no idea why this has happened to me at all. In face I don't even fucking care why this shit has happened to me at all.

Let me get back to the the title of the post. Today right now it is a friday night at my first week of college. Every single normal person who wants to make friends and meet girls or boys are out right now. They are out drinking and having fun mingling with people to have relationships with for the next 4 years. I was even invited to one of these fucking frat parties by this guy I met that seemed pretty damn cool. I mean this guy was one of those guys who could get girls, and not to brag but I would be like this guy too with clear skin. I told him yeah dude I will probably go tonight. Fuck that shit man I can't even look at anything with out thinking of my face. Every single time a person looks at me they are fucking staring at my zitty face. I was so sad, and depressed that my stomach actually hurt. I am literally fucking dead on the inside. I seriously couldn't give 2 shits about the college classes I am about to take, and what kind of grades I am going to get. I hate every single thing in life right now.

Shit I still haven't even gotten to the point yet. The point of this post is to tell you that I want to die. I actually have a greater yearning to die right now than to have clear skin. Yesterday, as my mom said goodbye to me as she left to go home she cried. She cried her eyes out and it looked as though it was the last time she was going to see me again. Seeing that moment made me realize one thing. No matter how much I wanted to die and no matter how much acne ruins my life I could never kill myself. If I killed myself I can't even imagine wtf that would do to my mother. Everytime I think about killing myself I just keep seeing my moms face. Not only would my life be gone, but I would at least ruin my mom's life for a long time. I am not even living for myself anymore. I needed to say this and I really don't give a fucking if you say I'm bluffing or a chicken or whatever. I'll keep popping these fucking accutane pills even though it doesn't work for me. Don't even say acne doesn't turn you into a different person. Acne does kill and needs to be paid more attention too. I should be an example to all. Don't get your hopes too high, because you can't go into space when you aren't an astronaut.

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bb_eusa_clap.gif glad that you're still going through with this. u still have what, 2 and a half months to go? I'm sorry that its really bad right now but it will probably start clearing up soon within the next few months. u said your face is at its worse, but remember it's probably only going to get better from now on. good luck

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I totally commend you for being so unselfish and thinking of your mom. Think of it this way when you feel life is at it's lowest point ever, there's no where else to go but up.

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My first week of college was similar; I couldn't go one day without crying and wanting to say "fuck it" to everything. But then you'll find friends who'll accept you for who you are. It'll get better.

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Dude from what I've read, it sounds like now that youre working with a more knowledgable derm, you should start clearing up shortly... didnt he just up your dose? This is like your initial breakout, the one that EVERYONE gets. You should start clearing up and be done by the end of the year, theres going to be a million parties man, i can guarantee youll be all clear and ready to go by the new years ones at the very latest.

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Whenever I think of suicide, I always think what my family will turn out to be too.

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man. i respect all the words you just said whole heartedly. that shit hurt my chest to read. man that shit hurts to know that you are hurting the way you are over this shit. there are no words that anyone can say v weve been saying it for months but damn that shit hurt my chest to read and when i think of this time for the rest of my life i will always remember the people like you that suffered with me man.

the love for your mom is what pulls you through and that is the most admirable thing a man could do,,, give up his actions that would end his own angst to save anothers heart.

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Hey Enter the dragon,

just hang in there! you never one day it will all stop and you will be as happy as ever! Just keep hanging in there.

I just checked out your pictures and to tell you the proof, your face has improved ALOT and i am not saying this to suck up to you or be nice, i actually mean this, i mean take a look at the 1st page compared to the 4th page of pictures, extremely noticible difference, whenever you feel down, compare your old pictures to the ones on the 4th page smile.gif

I understand your feelings man, you just don't want to face people, if someone talks to you, you just shy away or get the feeling they are starring at your face. I work 5 days a week for next week only which means i gotta travel on the cramped trains to get to work everyday, damn! that will suck! people everywhere bb_sad.gif

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Waking up today and walking to the bathroom I encounter this guy I met. He goes and tells me of this fucking crazy night he had at this party that I could have gone too. Yada yada yada he ended up with some broad in his room this morning. I mean I don't want my acne gone to have sex. I would just like it gone to have th epossibility of girl liking me. Hearing that story and having the kid be like man you gotta come out with me tongiht is just so depressing. I know my acne hasn't gotten any better from yesterday and hell it may be worse. I don't even know what to do. I just want to sit in my room the last 2 days until school starts. Hey tomorrow is my birthday and isn't it supposes to be happy? I got acne at 13 and never in my life did I think it would be at it's very worst at 18 years of age. End pain end

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Waking up today and walking to the bathroom I encounter this guy I met. He goes and tells me of this fucking crazy night he had at this party that I could have gone too. Yada yada yada he ended up with some broad in his room this morning. I mean I don't want my acne gone to have sex. I would just like it gone to have th epossibility of girl liking me. Hearing that story and having the kid be like man you gotta come out with me tongiht is just so depressing. I know my acne hasn't gotten any better from yesterday and hell it may be worse. I don't even know what to do. I just want to sit in my room the last 2 days until school starts. Hey tomorrow is my birthday and isn't it supposes to be happy? I got acne at 13 and never in my life did I think it would be at it's very worst at 18 years of age. End pain end

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Enter_The_Dragon:

I completely understand the level of depression you are feeling. With time, and "talking it out", you will feel better. Keep thinking of your family the way you are, though. A member of my family committed suicide a couple years ago and she didn't even have acne, it was an emotional/drug thing. She changed our family forever for the worse - I still am angry at her. I think it was the most horrible, selfish thing she could have done and I will never excuse it. Suicide is a lot easier for the person who does it - and whether they realize it at the time or not, a lot harder for their family to deal with. You know, her emotional troubles at the time may have been bad, but she would have eventually worked through them. Whereas we will have horrible, traumatic emotional scars for the rest of our lives because of what she did. Please, I know it's hard, but please no matter how bad you're feeling, recognize that somehow, someway, IT WILL PASS. Don't ruin your loved ones by giving up.

I wish you all the best and will continue to follow your progress.

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I completely understand how you're feeling... Your will to live a normal social life dives out the window when you feel like you can't look at anyone, or even be in a room with other people, without being aware of your face... It's a terrible, terrible feeling, and I have lapsed into complete and total misery over it many many times...

As hard as it is to hear this, and as much as you're just probably going to want to tell me to F off, don't give up hope... I do think that there is an answer for everyone, but also that the answer isn't the same for everyone. One day you will find something that works for you, same as I think some day I'll find something that works for me.

I know there are times when falling into despair can seem easier than clinging to hope, but its important you keep holding on! Goodluck with all your classes and happy birthday. smile.gif

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As all these posts make clear, you are not alone. When you think of your mother, think also of that. I don't know why but somehow that helps.

I'm 23 and this spring began experiencing an onslaught of acne and subsequent depression that I never thought possible. I was caught completely off guard and have since struggled to maintain any sense of hope or perspective. I guess we easily think we're insulated from certain kinds of suffering and think "that wouldn't happen to me." I never thought I would want to sleep all the time just so I could escape my thoughts. I never thought I would cry at the sight of my own face. I never thought I would become so selfish and care so little about other people's lives because of the condition of my own. I never thought I would be one of those people who needed counseling or who couldn't see past the moment or the pain.

I've got to believe the suffering has purpose. I think we have to believe that to see how deep a pit and dark a life man can have on this earth is somehow going to make life more meaningful in the future. Somehow it gives us something other people don't have, something they can't have because they haven't been here.

You're not suffering alone. Hold on to that.

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Hey ETD...man, that post got me a little choked up!

I'm glad that you aren't giving up...that is the spirit. I feel the same way, if I would ever think about commiting suicide, which I won't, I would always see my mom's face...and think what would happen to her if I did that.

And it WILL get better. You still have a while to go... And remember, we are all in this together. We're here for a reason, and that is to support eachother. NEVER give up, NEVER.

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seriosuly vince... wtf u make me loose hope and all the other accutane user saying shit like dotn get ur hopes up n stuff. Your face prolly isnt even that bad. i remember u fucken complain aboutt aht 1 pic and it was GOOD seriosuly man. ur not the only person who matters whenever u complain about accutane or say how bad it sucks it makes me thing FUCK. they do suck and i wont be clear.

ya i would never do shit to myself cause of my parents also. like i told you that 1 night when you had thoughts.

hang in there ull be clear soon bro

thnx

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Hey Vince....I know how u feel. I actually started Accutane during college in my freshman year. Yeah, it sucked ass going to class with these huge ass whiteheads on your face, peeling skin, superchapped lips, and those damn nose bleeds that don't want to stop. Somehow I managed to make it through that horrible period. If the problem is still only acne I think you shouldn't give up hope. Stick to what the derm recommends and you'll see improvement. After I finished my 6 months of Accutane my face was free of acne and had little oil production for about another 6-7 months. On the other hand, while I no longer breakout, I have tons of red marks and scars from Accutane and the acne before I went on Accutane. What I've found to be helpful to take my mind off my face is to stay busy. When I'm involved in stuff it's hard to find time to think about my acne. And while my face is still red and scarred, I feel like I can get through the day a little better. Try it....you don't want acne to ruin your college experience like it did for me for my first three years. I'm hoping when classes resume in September I'll have a better year....

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Hi ETD, I feel like you alot, I think about how much better my life would have been if I never had skin problems. However, it happened and just about everyone has some bad break in life and at least chances are our skin will get better. Till then just go out and enjoy life as much as you can. You made a choice to live so why not decide to just live the best you can instead of be miserable. I won't allow myself to feel tortured by my skin anymore because I think I deserve to just forget it and be happy. You have to get over the anger of it all because it is only hurting you. Hope this doesn't sound to condescending, just think when you are more stress free you will get alot better too!

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hey enter the dragon..i know this is gonna sound like rhetoric..but man from your pics, youve improved amazingly, and even though i dont know you, and ive only been a member of this site for a little while, it was really awesome to see you smile in one of the more recent ones. honestly, what a sign of hope for all of us, to smile when youre so haunted everyday by the demons of acne. on that note..know that youre not alone. we're all going through what you are, we're all plagued by demons of the same nature. this is a fuckin horrible disease..and yes i say disease, because it is. its easy for people who dont suffer with acne to deny it and discount the effect that it has on a person's self esteem and emotional wellbeing, but in doing so they just prove how short sighted, insensitive, and ignorant they are. in short, if you come across these kinds of people: dont listen to those fuckers! they know shit all, point blank. but anyways sweetheart, youre on your way out. honestly you are. accutane is a very, very powerful drug, and even though you may be so pissed because after over four months it still seems the same, in a few more youre gonna look back on all this with a different frame of mind, because things WILL have improved. in the meantime, dont give up. take one day at a time. dont look back, and dont look past the day. try to live in the present all you can, and make of it what you can, and whenever you start to lose hope, remind yourself that the accutane is kicking the shit out of the acne 24 hours a day, 7 days a week even though it may not seem like it, that youre doing everything in your power to clear your skin, AND that in the near future things are going to be looking infinitely better. at the moment, IM waiting to get on accutane. i have persistent acne that fluctuates between mild-moderate, and ive just recovered from a case of mono, so my doctor is making me wait until around mid september before i start taking any systemic drugs. the waiting fuckin sucks, i completely understand how you feel. but honestly, ive learned that the best thing i can do is just live one day at a time, and try to do something worthwhile in each in the interim. same with you. honestly, you have talents, strengths, and skills just like everyone else. granted, if i knew you id definitly be pointing these things out because id want to make you feel better, but since im not familiar with you, ill just say: you know what youre good at, i know you do. so do what you love to do, do what makes you happy. distract yourself from thinking about your skin, and try to get on with things as best as you can. yea, some days when you could be going out, you could look in the mirror and decide you really dont wanna. and thats okay. i believe that everybodys allowed to lay low and to take time out. if going out stresses you out on a pariticular day, take some down time. and if youre having a good day, go with it. go out, do something, dont spend it looking in the mirror cause thatll just get you down on yourself again. ultimatley, this can help you to pass the time faster, and at the same time youll be doing something thats meaningful to YOU. but yea, this has gotten really really long, i apologize. but your post really evoked some huge feelings in me, cause i know your pain, and even now i dont feel like ive said all i want to say. so anyways, take care, and if you feel up to it, give some of that^ a try. and lastly, whenever you feel most alone, know that we're all here riding this one out with you.

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Dude....accutane will break you out until the last pill you take, but it will kill, or at least almost kill the damn glands that produce oil in the long run, so even if your acne still comes back, like mine, it's NOTHING compared to what it was before.

You've got more than one reason to live to man. Your family comes first, but what about your friends, or the friends that you're gonna make in college, especilally after you clear up? What about the girl you'll meet someday when you realize how much this shit doens't matter in the long run? What about all the people on this message board who accept you as the person you are and lend you their support?

You've got more going for you than you think; it's ridiculous to think that something as stupid as acne could compromise everything that you care for, even if you don't think you do. oh, and I bet all those people care for you a lot as well.....you said it yourself.

Find something you really like to do too man, like snowboarding. Coolest shit in the world. I promise it will ease your mind, relax it. Or, if your not into snow, play a sport, ride a bike, go swim, or play video games all day. Have Fun.

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Mate try to stay positive (yes i know it's hard). My acne was heaps worse than yours and i tried everything under the sun to fix it. Then i found Ro-accutane (this is what it's called in Australia, or at least it was when i took it) and that cleared me up pretty much totally. I forget how long it took to work but i think it was a fair while (i was only on a low dose from memory). Now it's 5 or so years on and yes i still get the odd pimple but nothing to worry too much about. The main concern for me now is the scars, which i am about to start tackling. The main thing is you have to stay positive, as hard as it is to believe, there IS light at the end of the tunnel, believe me i've been through it. I've come out at the other end and i'm not in too bad shape, although i do lack confidence due to my skin, but i am confident and positive that i will one day be able to reclaim that confidence...

ps. i know this probably doesn't mean much to you, i also had people telling me this when i was going through my worst times and i didn't really believe them either, but everything i've said above is NO BULLSHIT, give it time, stick with it and it will work!

Cheers buddy.

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Dude....accutane will break you out until the last pill you take, but it will kill, or at least almost kill the damn glands that produce oil in the long run, so even if your acne still comes back, like mine, it's NOTHING compared to what it was before.

You've got more than one reason to live to man. Your family comes first, but what about your friends, or the friends that you're gonna make in college, especilally after you clear up? What about the girl you'll meet someday when you realize how much this shit doens't matter in the long run? What about all the people on this message board who accept you as the person you are and lend you their support?

You've got more going for you than you think; it's ridiculous to think that something as stupid as acne could compromise everything that you care for, even if you don't think you do. oh, and I bet all those people care for you a lot as well.....you said it yourself.

Find something you really like to do too man, like snowboarding. Coolest shit in the world. I promise it will ease your mind, relax it. Or, if your not into snow, play a sport, ride a bike, go swim, or play video games all day. Have Fun.

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happy belated birthday ETD ohmy.gifbb_wink.gif

you will be clearing up good in another few months. it may be a mess right now, but just work hard dont let it get you down and it will go away. then you'll have the rest of college with clear skin

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