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tblaze04

How can you hide from what never goes away?

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My life is a draining-repulsive cycle. I'm hoping things will look up, and right when they do, there's always something to fuck it up, and I'm back at square one. I have been battling and suffering from acne for what seems like forever, it has been forever. Growing up I never allowed my skin to bother me, but there came a point where i just couldn't continue hoping things would look up because it hurt to much to hold on anymore. This point, or "moment", happened on spring break in March 2010. I vacationed in Florida with my family and broke out extremely bad. For the following months, i hid at home avoiding everyone and everything. I went through several laser treatments and antibiotics to control my skin, but with little success. In may, my dermatologist offered me the chance to go onto accutane following summer in october. I saw this as my last chance in being happy with myself, without hesitation i agreed. During the summer, just as when i was younger, i tried to not allow my skin to affect me because i was going on accutane in the fall.

My life is a roller coaster. Being on accutane its very hard to remain sane because i am experiencing a lot of up's and down's. These up's and down's are completely due to wether my skin looks good... or simply doesn't look good. Acne does control my mood and behavior. I experienced clear skin, due to accutane, for a month, and just when i thought my life was coming together, i realized it was just slowly starting to fall apart once again. I never know when i wake up, if all will be good, or if i'll be back in that dark place, again to feel the pain. Its a struggle everyday motivating myself. Im having more and more of a difficult time going to school and out with friends and my girlfriend. Im just tired of acting, acting like everything is okay... when I'm falling apart inside. And i try to let go once and awhile, i try to move on because sometimes there's nothing else i can do. But acting all day, isn't how it's supposed to be, I'm hurting so bad inside.. I'm struggling to be someone that isn't even close to me. Sometimes when i catch myself smiling i dont know if i'm getting better or just use to the pain. Some people (therapist, parents, friends) try to understand but they don't know what living like this is like. I don't wanna be an inconvenience or a bother anymore. There's nothing more depressing than having it all and still feeling sad. I just want a day to go by... when I'm not pretending to be happy. And on top of feeling sad, i also feel guilty for not going to school, canceling appointments, ditching friends; all to hide at home. I tend to push myself once in awhile into going out, but it hurts more smiling in front of everyone than crying alone.

I'm tired, I'm tired of getting up every morning and putting on a fake smile, telling myself "today will be better". I've tried hiding my sorrows and covering the sadness in my eyes and its tiring, and breaking me down. Accutane still gives me hope for better days, but that hope is slowly fading away each day.

How can you hide from what never goes away?

Accutane: Currently on month 4

Edited by tblaze04
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Guest Timehealsall

I know exactly how you feel. My happiness is determined by how my skin looks.

I stay home most of the time to, and i used to cry but i dont anymore. I try to think of all the people who have it worse (greg popovich, others with scars etc) but i still come back to square one, thinking WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with my skin.

Unfortunately, i dont think theres anyway around it. Either your one of those people who dont let their skin bother them or your the one it does. If it does bother you, NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, if you have acne or anything related to doit, your gonna be bothered. Just ask me..

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Your post is very very sad. I felt the pain in the post...deep....very very deep.

I feel your pain...kinda. I go to school all the time but I'm always wondering if people think I'm weird or they don't want to know be just cause I have acne. I still make plans with my friends because when I'm with friends it makes myself feel good about myself knowing that they want me with they and that they care. You just need to forget about all the bad in the world and focus on the good! Try doing the things you love to do...I'm sure it will make you feel a little better about yourself.

I hope you feel better!!!! :)

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Like many people on this site, my happiness and mood depends largely on my skin. In recent times I've let my skin go and, as a result, my acne has gotten worse. The fucked up thing is, I know exactly what to do to prevent acne on my skin and improve my skin but recently I've just kinda stopped caring. I've been binging on unhealthy, acne causing food and I've been half-assingly washing my face. Although my face has gotten worse and has left even more scars and red/dark marks on my face which last for weeks and months I've kind of just become numb to it all. I go outside even less now. I find peace in avoiding my situation, in hiding from the world, not facing myself in the mirror. I just don't care anymore. All I want to do now is eat, sleep, and go on the internet. That's the only thing that keeps me half-sane, yet at the same time it continues to slowly drive me more and more crazy...

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It never gets better. Life is a downhill cycle. There's nothing to gain by trying except a false sense of self-satisfaction. That self-satisfaction does nothing. There's no point in money, no point in eating, no point in succeeding in academics or sports. No sense in girls. What, it feels good to get our rocks off? That's never a lasting benefit. No reason to put yourself through more pain again and again. Nothing out there. Nothing changes. You've felt all you can feel. Even going back in time wouldn't make you happier. Everyone just cares about themselves, and there's not a human on earth who feels for you. No one wants to understand. They only feel the obligation to. Putting a nice fuzzy filter on everything doesn't change it. What we interpret as friends are just useless social constructs that will never serve a purpose. Everyone lives for themselves the exact same way. There's a void in all our hearts that will only ultimately lead to all our destruction.

Why motivate yourself to do what someone you don't care about wants you to do? What happened to "be what we want to be"? A set of circumstances and rules controls where that can lead us. It's never our choice. There's only one option in life and only one way to live it. The illusion is enough to convince insects, crustaceans, and bird-brained people. Don't be fooled.

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Guest Timehealsall
It never gets better. Life is a downhill cycle. There's nothing to gain by trying except a false sense of self-satisfaction. That self-satisfaction does nothing. There's no point in money, no point in eating, no point in succeeding in academics or sports. No sense in girls. What, it feels good to get our rocks off? That's never a lasting benefit. No reason to put yourself through more pain again and again. Nothing out there. Nothing changes. You've felt all you can feel. Even going back in time wouldn't make you happier. Everyone just cares about themselves, and there's not a human on earth who feels for you. No one wants to understand. They only feel the obligation to. Putting a nice fuzzy filter on everything doesn't change it. What we interpret as friends are just useless social constructs that will never serve a purpose. Everyone lives for themselves the exact same way. There's a void in all our hearts that will only ultimately lead to all our destruction.

Why motivate yourself to do what someone you don't care about wants you to do? What happened to "be what we want to be"? A set of circumstances and rules controls where that can lead us. It's never our choice. There's only one option in life and only one way to live it. The illusion is enough to convince insects, crustaceans, and bird-brained people. Don't be fooled.

great response. But dood, your skin looks fking amazing from pictures ive seen of you, and you have awesome features (no homo).

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great response. But dood, your skin looks fking amazing from pictures ive seen of you, and you have awesome features (no homo).

Thanks dood. You think there’s some kind of dramatic contrastive change that happens as soon as you have no zits on your face, or you’ve lost a few extra pounds, or you get a great haircut? You get more perspective when you realize that even when you look better, life still isn’t any different. Wouldn’t it be great if life were all about appearance? Unfortunately, I’m not a surface thinker.

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My life is a draining-repulsive cycle. I'm hoping things will look up, and right when they do, there's always something to fuck it up, and I'm back at square one. I have been battling and suffering from acne for what seems like forever, it has been forever. Growing up I never allowed my skin to bother me, but there came a point where i just couldn't continue hoping things would look up because it hurt to much to hold on anymore. This point, or "moment", happened on spring break in March 2010. I vacationed in Florida with my family and broke out extremely bad. For the following months, i hid at home avoiding everyone and everything. I went through several laser treatments and antibiotics to control my skin, but with little success. In may, my dermatologist offered me the chance to go onto accutane following summer in october. I saw this as my last chance in being happy with myself, without hesitation i agreed. During the summer, just as when i was younger, i tried to not allow my skin to affect me because i was going on accutane in the fall.

My life is a roller coaster. Being on accutane its very hard to remain sane because i am experiencing a lot of up's and down's. These up's and down's are completely due to wether my skin looks good... or simply doesn't look good. Acne does control my mood and behavior. I experienced clear skin, due to accutane, for a month, and just when i thought my life was coming together, i realized it was just slowly starting to fall apart once again. I never know when i wake up, if all will be good, or if i'll be back in that dark place, again to feel the pain. Its a struggle everyday motivating myself. Im having more and more of a difficult time going to school and out with friends and my girlfriend. Im just tired of acting, acting like everything is okay... when I'm falling apart inside. And i try to let go once and awhile, i try to move on because sometimes there's nothing else i can do. But acting all day, isn't how it's supposed to be, I'm hurting so bad inside.. I'm struggling to be someone that isn't even close to me. Sometimes when i catch myself smiling i dont know if i'm getting better or just use to the pain. Some people (therapist, parents, friends) try to understand but they don't know what living like this is like. I don't wanna be an inconvenience or a bother anymore. There's nothing more depressing than having it all and still feeling sad. I just want a day to go by... when I'm not pretending to be happy. And on top of feeling sad, i also feel guilty for not going to school, canceling appointments, ditching friends; all to hide at home. I tend to push myself once in awhile into going out, but it hurts more smiling in front of everyone than crying alone.

I'm tired, I'm tired of getting up every morning and putting on a fake smile, telling myself "today will be better". I've tried hiding my sorrows and covering the sadness in my eyes and its tiring, and breaking me down. Accutane still gives me hope for better days, but that hope is slowly fading away each day.

How can you hide from what never goes away?

Accutane: Currently on month 4

What was your course like before and now this time around?

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Thanks for the responses - I feel like nobody understands how i feel in my life. Just how much acne affects my mood, even when i tell them. Its getting harder and harder to push myself into simply facing each day. I do hold myself to high standards, but i've always been like that in every way - shape - and form. Im not expecting clear skin to bring me complete happiness, but it will bring me just enough satisfaction to want to get out of bed in the morning. But until then all i can do is wait. And waiting sucks... especially when nobody understands my situation.

Edited by tblaze04
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It never gets better. Life is a downhill cycle. There's nothing to gain by trying except a false sense of self-satisfaction. That self-satisfaction does nothing. There's no point in money, no point in eating, no point in succeeding in academics or sports. No sense in girls. What, it feels good to get our rocks off? That's never a lasting benefit. No reason to put yourself through more pain again and again. Nothing out there. Nothing changes. You've felt all you can feel. Even going back in time wouldn't make you happier. Everyone just cares about themselves, and there's not a human on earth who feels for you. No one wants to understand. They only feel the obligation to. Putting a nice fuzzy filter on everything doesn't change it. What we interpret as friends are just useless social constructs that will never serve a purpose. Everyone lives for themselves the exact same way. There's a void in all our hearts that will only ultimately lead to all our destruction.

Why motivate yourself to do what someone you don't care about wants you to do? What happened to "be what we want to be"? A set of circumstances and rules controls where that can lead us. It's never our choice. There's only one option in life and only one way to live it. The illusion is enough to convince insects, crustaceans, and bird-brained people. Don't be fooled.

That is a very cynical view of the world, and mostly spot on. All forms of entertainment are ultimately pointless. It is our life's work which defines who we are, and in turn gives meaning to our lives, based on the positive impact we can make on the things most important to us.

There are a ordinary people who do extraordinary things for the good of others. This in turn gives those people a well-deserved sense of happiness and self worth. Everyone is capable of doing great things if they set aside fear and laze. Everyone has the capability to help others and in doing so, help themselves at the same time.

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Haha its easier to say "if they set aside fear and laze" than to actually set aside the fear.

Recently im getting more and more comfortable with myself by getting aware of my paranoia, depression, anxiety (through therapy). By making myself aware i feel like i can somewhat understand it and therefore control it.

Everyone (Therapist, Parents, Siblings Friends) feels my skin is great-gorgeous-fabulous and whatever. I have a hard time accepting this. After having a serious problem with my skin for years its hard to accept that its getting better or has gotten much better, if that makes sense? Its almost as though I'm in denial and not agreeing with reality. Slowly, I'm trying to become okay with my skin. But every time i have a small break out i feel like its the end of the world for some reason. Its a long and hard process to comfortable with oneself, but I'm finally on my way to understanding.

Edited by tblaze04
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I promise there's always light at the end of the tunnel.

Personally, as a girl, I never notice acne on guys.

really you dont ?

and im trying to believe that "theres light at the end of the tunnel" but its hard. did you get over something like this?

Edited by tblaze04
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My life is a draining-repulsive cycle. I'm hoping things will look up, and right when they do, there's always something to fuck it up, and I'm back at square one. I have been battling and suffering from acne for what seems like forever, it has been forever. Growing up I never allowed my skin to bother me, but there came a point where i just couldn't continue hoping things would look up because it hurt to much to hold on anymore. This point, or "moment", happened on spring break in March 2010. I vacationed in Florida with my family and broke out extremely bad. For the following months, i hid at home avoiding everyone and everything. I went through several laser treatments and antibiotics to control my skin, but with little success. In may, my dermatologist offered me the chance to go onto accutane following summer in october. I saw this as my last chance in being happy with myself, without hesitation i agreed. During the summer, just as when i was younger, i tried to not allow my skin to affect me because i was going on accutane in the fall.

My life is a roller coaster. Being on accutane its very hard to remain sane because i am experiencing a lot of up's and down's. These up's and down's are completely due to wether my skin looks good... or simply doesn't look good. Acne does control my mood and behavior. I experienced clear skin, due to accutane, for a month, and just when i thought my life was coming together, i realized it was just slowly starting to fall apart once again. I never know when i wake up, if all will be good, or if i'll be back in that dark place, again to feel the pain. Its a struggle everyday motivating myself. Im having more and more of a difficult time going to school and out with friends and my girlfriend. Im just tired of acting, acting like everything is okay... when I'm falling apart inside. And i try to let go once and awhile, i try to move on because sometimes there's nothing else i can do. But acting all day, isn't how it's supposed to be, I'm hurting so bad inside.. I'm struggling to be someone that isn't even close to me. Sometimes when i catch myself smiling i dont know if i'm getting better or just use to the pain. Some people (therapist, parents, friends) try to understand but they don't know what living like this is like. I don't wanna be an inconvenience or a bother anymore. There's nothing more depressing than having it all and still feeling sad. I just want a day to go by... when I'm not pretending to be happy. And on top of feeling sad, i also feel guilty for not going to school, canceling appointments, ditching friends; all to hide at home. I tend to push myself once in awhile into going out, but it hurts more smiling in front of everyone than crying alone.

I'm tired, I'm tired of getting up every morning and putting on a fake smile, telling myself "today will be better". I've tried hiding my sorrows and covering the sadness in my eyes and its tiring, and breaking me down. Accutane still gives me hope for better days, but that hope is slowly fading away each day.

How can you hide from what never goes away?

bro trust me,i legit feel the EXACT same way. some days are worse than others (based on how my acne looks) somedays im so down i can hardly force myself to get through the most simple tasks (school,gym,gf).. and just when shit starts looking good..bam more pimples appear. i get so close to freedom and then im sucked back down into this hell that is taking over my every thought. every day its the same shit with my acne and i can feel the patience waring off. you really stuck a cord with me with this post man.. finally somebody who feels the exact pain im feeling.. keep your head up bro

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bro trust me,i legit feel the EXACT same way. some days are worse than others (based on how my acne looks) somedays im so down i can hardly force myself to get through the most simple tasks (school,gym,gf).. and just when shit starts looking good..bam more pimples appear. i get so close to freedom and then im sucked back down into this hell that is taking over my every thought. every day its the same shit with my acne and i can feel the patience waring off. you really stuck a cord with me with this post man.. finally somebody who feels the exact pain im feeling.. keep your head up bro

im glad i finally found someone that feels the same way. i made it through school this week i geuss thats an accomplishment, but now its my birthday weekend and im to drained out and tired from school/being around friends that i canceled all my plans... plus i broke out pretty bad.

this is sad. its getting harder and harder to push myself

i shouldnt be crying on my birthday. this isnt how it should be

Edited by tblaze04
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First off, I wish you a happy birthday!

Secondly, I for one think life is what you make of it. Honestly, if you think life sucks, and you're determined to think that it sucks, then it will suck. You're right, having it all won't make you happy, it's how you look at what you have. In my opinion, happiness is all about perspective of what you have, not what you do or don't have itself. What I'm saying has been tossed around beyond the point of being cliche, so I won't waste my time throwing it at you in ten different ways. Instead, I'd like to try and look at it from your point of view.

Let's say that you do think there's no point in life. You keep on thinking negatively, and it gets worse day by day. If all we are is truly just a causal chain of events, and you continue to feel negative, and in the case of acne you experience something like the nocebo effect, and you just keep on feeling negative. Even reading this post now is starting to make me feel gloomy. So let's assume this is true, that we are just causal determinations, the sum of all our products.

If this is true, then why don't you start trying to see things in a positive light? Don't just tell yourself that when you wake up, it's much different to say something than to truly believe it. When you have the time, look up Carl Rogers. He's largely credited as the founding father of humanistic psychology, things like self actualization, believing that people were good by nature. You have to start surrounding yourself in positivity, even if things might feel bad in the beginning. Now I'm not saying you have to buy into that law of attraction stuff, no. But you can turn things around, believe it or not.

Is the world all rainbows and sunshine? Certainly not. But is the world all gloom, tears, and terror? Of course not. We all go through down phases in life, some worse than others. I HATED going out once I started getting cystic acne, it seemed like things would never get better with my skin, but that's because I was fixating on the now. About 9 months later, my acne is largely under control, and improving. I wrote in a journal almost daily, encouraged myself daily, and focused on being optimistic. I started taking care of myself, going to sleep and waking up the same time, eating healthy, and continued to try and find a topical that worked for me.

People often say that stress isn't that big of a factor in acne, and perhaps it isn't. But stress itself, which can be amplified by acne, can create a plethora of problems and diseases beyond acne. Your happiness cannot hinge on something as fluctuating as the status of your skin, or else you might not ever be happy. A slight breakout that might have cleared up could have been prolonged by your stress, and you might be less likely to take care of yourself like you would normally.

YOU DESERVE to be happy in your life. You can't let your world be based on your skin. Of course, we all want clearer, healthier skin. But there's so much more to life than that. I know plenty of pretty people who aren't happy with their lives, and people with cystic acne who are happy. No, you aren't them, and you don't have to be them in order to be happy. You just have to start working on the way you see things, figure out what it is that makes you truly happy in life, the things that are worth living for. I live for my dear friends, nieces and nephews, education, comedy, and they might seem like simple things.

TLDR version: If life is just how you look at it, and that's all there is to life's meaning, then why not enjoy yourself and look at things positively?

Good luck with your accutane treatment man, try to keep your head up. Spend time with your friends and family more, and your girlfriend. Try to avoid mirrors, and encourage yourself daily. You will get through this phase of your life, and you still have so much to live for that you don't even know about!

Edited by tim12
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Aw your still depressed :(

Its your birthday! So....HAAAPPY BIIRRRTHHDAY!! Also since its your birthday you should make a wish and hope it comes true ;)

I really hope you get better soon!!!

Just out of curiosity is that you tblaze04 on your profile picture??

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First off, I wish you a happy birthday!

Secondly, I for one think life is what you make of it. Honestly, if you think life sucks, and you're determined to think that it sucks, then it will suck. You're right, having it all won't make you happy, it's how you look at what you have. In my opinion, happiness is all about perspective of what you have, not what you do or don't have itself. What I'm saying has been tossed around beyond the point of being cliche, so I won't waste my time throwing it at you in ten different ways. Instead, I'd like to try and look at it from your point of view.

Let's say that you do think there's no point in life. You keep on thinking negatively, and it gets worse day by day. If all we are is truly just a causal chain of events, and you continue to feel negative, and in the case of acne you experience something like the nocebo effect, and you just keep on feeling negative. Even reading this post now is starting to make me feel gloomy. So let's assume this is true, that we are just causal determinations, the sum of all our products.

If this is true, then why don't you start trying to see things in a positive light? Don't just tell yourself that when you wake up, it's much different to say something than to truly believe it. When you have the time, look up Carl Rogers. He's largely credited as the founding father of humanistic psychology, things like self actualization, believing that people were good by nature. You have to start surrounding yourself in positivity, even if things might feel bad in the beginning. Now I'm not saying you have to buy into that law of attraction stuff, no. But you can turn things around, believe it or not.

Is the world all rainbows and sunshine? Certainly not. But is the world all gloom, tears, and terror? Of course not. We all go through down phases in life, some worse than others. I HATED going out once I started getting cystic acne, it seemed like things would never get better with my skin, but that's because I was fixating on the now. About 9 months later, my acne is largely under control, and improving. I wrote in a journal almost daily, encouraged myself daily, and focused on being optimistic. I started taking care of myself, going to sleep and waking up the same time, eating healthy, and continued to try and find a topical that worked for me.

People often say that stress isn't that big of a factor in acne, and perhaps it isn't. But stress itself, which can be amplified by acne, can create a plethora of problems and diseases beyond acne. Your happiness cannot hinge on something as fluctuating as the status of your skin, or else you might not ever be happy. A slight breakout that might have cleared up could have been prolonged by your stress, and you might be less likely to take care of yourself like you would normally.

YOU DESERVE to be happy in your life. You can't let your world be based on your skin. Of course, we all want clearer, healthier skin. But there's so much more to life than that. I know plenty of pretty people who aren't happy with their lives, and people with cystic acne who are happy. No, you aren't them, and you don't have to be them in order to be happy. You just have to start working on the way you see things, figure out what it is that makes you truly happy in life, the things that are worth living for. I live for my dear friends, nieces and nephews, education, comedy, and they might seem like simple things.

TLDR version: If life is just how you look at it, and that's all there is to life's meaning, then why not enjoy yourself and look at things positively?

Good luck with your accutane treatment man, try to keep your head up. Spend time with your friends and family more, and your girlfriend. Try to avoid mirrors, and encourage yourself daily. You will get through this phase of your life, and you still have so much to live for that you don't even know about!

Great post BTW! Wish I had that type of mentality!

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First off, I wish you a happy birthday!

Secondly, I for one think life is what you make of it. Honestly, if you think life sucks, and you're determined to think that it sucks, then it will suck. You're right, having it all won't make you happy, it's how you look at what you have. In my opinion, happiness is all about perspective of what you have, not what you do or don't have itself. What I'm saying has been tossed around beyond the point of being cliche, so I won't waste my time throwing it at you in ten different ways. Instead, I'd like to try and look at it from your point of view.

Let's say that you do think there's no point in life. You keep on thinking negatively, and it gets worse day by day. If all we are is truly just a causal chain of events, and you continue to feel negative, and in the case of acne you experience something like the nocebo effect, and you just keep on feeling negative. Even reading this post now is starting to make me feel gloomy. So let's assume this is true, that we are just causal determinations, the sum of all our products.

If this is true, then why don't you start trying to see things in a positive light? Don't just tell yourself that when you wake up, it's much different to say something than to truly believe it. When you have the time, look up Carl Rogers. He's largely credited as the founding father of humanistic psychology, things like self actualization, believing that people were good by nature. You have to start surrounding yourself in positivity, even if things might feel bad in the beginning. Now I'm not saying you have to buy into that law of attraction stuff, no. But you can turn things around, believe it or not.

Is the world all rainbows and sunshine? Certainly not. But is the world all gloom, tears, and terror? Of course not. We all go through down phases in life, some worse than others. I HATED going out once I started getting cystic acne, it seemed like things would never get better with my skin, but that's because I was fixating on the now. About 9 months later, my acne is largely under control, and improving. I wrote in a journal almost daily, encouraged myself daily, and focused on being optimistic. I started taking care of myself, going to sleep and waking up the same time, eating healthy, and continued to try and find a topical that worked for me.

People often say that stress isn't that big of a factor in acne, and perhaps it isn't. But stress itself, which can be amplified by acne, can create a plethora of problems and diseases beyond acne. Your happiness cannot hinge on something as fluctuating as the status of your skin, or else you might not ever be happy. A slight breakout that might have cleared up could have been prolonged by your stress, and you might be less likely to take care of yourself like you would normally.

YOU DESERVE to be happy in your life. You can't let your world be based on your skin. Of course, we all want clearer, healthier skin. But there's so much more to life than that. I know plenty of pretty people who aren't happy with their lives, and people with cystic acne who are happy. No, you aren't them, and you don't have to be them in order to be happy. You just have to start working on the way you see things, figure out what it is that makes you truly happy in life, the things that are worth living for. I live for my dear friends, nieces and nephews, education, comedy, and they might seem like simple things.

TLDR version: If life is just how you look at it, and that's all there is to life's meaning, then why not enjoy yourself and look at things positively?

Good luck with your accutane treatment man, try to keep your head up. Spend time with your friends and family more, and your girlfriend. Try to avoid mirrors, and encourage yourself daily. You will get through this phase of your life, and you still have so much to live for that you don't even know about!

AWESOME post..seriously inspirational :)

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I completely understand how you feel, I'm feeling the exact same way. I almost want to make my mom read your post so she can see that I'm not the only one. She always makes me feel guilty for the way I respond to the 'bad days' (skipping school, etc.), and I feel like that's the worst of it all; being punished for being punished. I desperately want to approach life with enthusiasm, not just with what I choke up to get by.

But just know that you're not alone and better days are ahead of us.

And. Happy birthday :)

Edited by HereComesTheSun:)
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- little kid. yeah thats me on a good day.

- herecomesthesun. you should show her the post... im about to show my parents/therpaist too if this gets worse. my parents also make me feel guilty for the way i respond to the "bad days". but makes me feel somewhat better knowing I'm not alone.

Its crazy that yesterday, monday, i was satisfied with my skin. It wasn't perfect but i was okay with it... and it probably was the happiest most outgoing I've been in months at school.

Now today, tuesday, my skin broke out again and all i want to do is hide. The night before i knew it was coming and got really bad anxiety. This probably sounds retarded but driving to school this morning i just randomly started crying...and i couldn't hold it back. I sat in the parking lot of the school trying to get myself together. it took awhile, after a quick text to my best friend saying another day of pretending to be happy :), i stepped into the school building and faced everything i wish i could hide from. It was a hard day but i managed to get through it. Obviously everyone asked me whats wrong today.... i had no answer. Its hard to answer "whats wrong" when i feel nothings right.

i can't keep doing this its breaking me down. this isnt how its suppose to be

Edited by tblaze04
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There's nothing wrong with sharing this with your therapist, in fact I'd encourage it! It'd offer them greater insight on how you feel. It's important to be completely open and honest with yourself and if they read something that's personal like this, or a journal, etc, than a skilled therapist would be able to understand you that much better because of it.

And there's nothing to be ashamed of for crying. It's better than keeping it all bottled up inside, you have to let that stuff out and express yourself, when you feel that way, try logging in your journal, especially if you have the time too. Keep surrounding yourself with encouragement as you figure yourself out. If your parents are supportive but misunderstanding you, letting them know how serious this is for you and being completely honest can only help both of you understand each other more.

One time when I had my acne mask on walking around the house, my mom laughed at me, and it honestly hurt. I told her that it's not as if I wear the mask because I enjoy it, or that I'm trying to make some statement, but I'm getting my acne under control and that I didn't appreciate her laughing at me, because it's something I've lived with and been heavily affected by throughout my life. She stopped and had a blank stare, and she then said she was sorry and hugged me. She's a lot more understanding about it now!

Keep encouraging yourself man! There's all those sayings about what makes us who we are, you are what you eat, show me your friends and I'll show you who you are, we're the sum of all our products, etc. etc. So if all that is true, then let's start surrounding ourselves with good things!

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I agree that you should talk to a friend or someone about your pain. Its not good to keep everything bottled up even thats what I do sometimes, HAHA.

Also you look very nice in your profile picture and familiar ;)

I really hope you feel better soon!!!!!! :)

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Thanks for the responses - I feel like nobody understands how i feel in my life. Just how much acne affects my mood, even when i tell them. Its getting harder and harder to push myself into simply facing each day. I do hold myself to high standards, but i've always been like that in every way - shape - and form. Im not expecting clear skin to bring me complete happiness, but it will bring me just enough satisfaction to want to get out of bed in the morning. But until then all i can do is wait. And waiting sucks... especially when nobody understands my situation.

Dude, I totally know how you feel. Every damn morning I realize I still have breakouts on my cheeks and anyone with clear skin has NO IDEA what is in our heads man. It's socially impairing at times. I just say "NO" to my friends when they ask me out because I'll have to glob on makeup to hide my cheeks, it's exhausting as hell! Seriously, unless you have acne then you haven't the slightest clue what a bad mood/depression feels like. I can't smile or wear my hair up like I used to because of the stupid breakouts, and it sucks for girls too. We have to hide our true faces with makeup.

I feel your pain, you took the words outta my mouth. It has to get better dude, it just has to!

Keep truckin'!

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Thanks for the responses - I feel like nobody understands how i feel in my life. Just how much acne affects my mood, even when i tell them. Its getting harder and harder to push myself into simply facing each day. I do hold myself to high standards, but i've always been like that in every way - shape - and form. Im not expecting clear skin to bring me complete happiness, but it will bring me just enough satisfaction to want to get out of bed in the morning. But until then all i can do is wait. And waiting sucks... especially when nobody understands my situation.

Dude, I totally know how you feel. Every damn morning I realize I still have breakouts on my cheeks and anyone with clear skin has NO IDEA what is in our heads man. It's socially impairing at times. I just say "NO" to my friends when they ask me out because I'll have to glob on makeup to hide my cheeks, it's exhausting as hell! Seriously, unless you have acne then you haven't the slightest clue what a bad mood/depression feels like. I can't smile or wear my hair up like I used to because of the stupid breakouts, and it sucks for girls too. We have to hide our true faces with makeup.

I feel your pain, you took the words outta my mouth. It has to get better dude, it just has to!

Keep truckin'!

i hope it gets better it cant get worse.

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