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Espinilla12

NO SUPPORT (from husband)

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Thanks to everyone here that has given me advice. With all your help, I am now looking at things form a different perspective. I just wanted to share with everyone that I had my 2nd appointment with the dermatoligist last week. My husband said he wanted to go with me, which was really nice of him. When they called my name to go in, thinking that he was going to stay in the waiting area, I told him that I would be right back. They took me back and as I sat there waitng for the dermatologist to come, the door opend and it was my husband. He said he didn't come to just be in the waiting area, he wanted to hear what the doc had to say. The dermatolgist came in and was just a tad suprised to see him there. But anyways, the derm. upped my dose and insisted that I use the atralin gel every night, someting I wasn't faithfuly doing fearing a terrible breakout. Hubby said to the doctor "I'll make sure she follows the regime to the T". OMG!! That day he genuinly showed his support and love for me during this difficult time. I'm glad he didn't listen to me when I told sit in the waiting area!!LOL

By the way, my acne has gotton a lot better within this past week!!!!! Thanks for all your support and prayers.

So wonderful. :)

I am glad that you could look at it from a different perspective and see that he really does support and care about you a lot. Amen! Haha.

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Okay, this sounds like a typical male response. I hate to tell you - well no, I love to tell you - but your husband sounds like he loves you. He desparately wants to say the right thing and your reactions are causing him severe anxiety which in turn is causing even dumber crap to come out of his mouth. Listen, if I know two things about men it is A) they are babies and B) that they cannot communicate. I'm sure that he SEES the acne on your face but the fact is it sounds like he doesn't think its that bad and that he thinks you are beautiful just the way you are, just like he said! I would not go to your husband for consolation about anything involving your appearance because your are not going to get the answer you want. Instead, go to a dermatologist or alternatively look around on the forums and message boards of this site. We are here for you while our husbands - bumbling, lovestruck cavemen that they are - are dumbfounded that we find anything wrong with our appearance. Emotional support that you can expect from your husband will be more along the lines of fixing the broken ______ or helping you lift _____ and giving you a hug when you ask for one. ;)

Took the words out of my mouth! I think if he had acne now, to the same degree, he'd be able to relate. Anything less than that and he's not going to see where you're coming from, so if he's totally clear, he really isn't going to have a clue. That's nothing against his specifically, I think most guys would be that way. It must be how we're wired or something.

I swear to you, if I didn't have acne and didn't know better, I'd probably end up saying the same stupid stuff, and trying to correct and find the right words would only result in more stupid stuff.

He probably does understand but doesn't know how to articulate it without making things worse. In fact, if you were to say to him, "I have a feeling that you understand and want to support me, but the way you say it means it doesn't always sound like you do", I bet something will click and he'd find the right words.

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Guest mariacne

I've never had a boyfriend because the acne conversation is just not one I'm willing to have - I don't know how you all do it, I'd be constantly insecure, not feeling worthy and worried he'd leave for someone clear. Men dont mind a bit of weight, but greasiness and cysts is just like a no go area I find.

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I've never had a boyfriend because the acne conversation is just not one I'm willing to have - I don't know how you all do it, I'd be constantly insecure, not feeling worthy and worried he'd leave for someone clear. Men dont mind a bit of weight, but greasiness and cysts is just like a no go area I find.

Snap. It's the other way though of course, as I'm a bloke, but I get where you're coming from.

I guess I automatically assume that it would be women who would see acne as a "no go area". No particular reason, I probably need to give people way more credit than I do. I guess it just comes down to my own insecurities.

Personally, I honestly believe that I would look past acne and see what people really look like, but that may well be because I understand. By the same token, I'm not sure if people who don't have acne automatically don't understand, because I've never given anyone the chance and never let anyone in.

This kind of thing's really been on my mind lately because I met a girl who I like. She's shown an interest back and it's the first time it's ever happened. I've no idea how all this stuff works because it's totally new to me, and it's not like people I know are in the same position now, like they all were back in school. They've all left me way behind.

I totally understand what you're saying about not feeling worthy, and that whatever negative vibes and insecurities we project could ultimately be the downfall of any potential relationship. The girl I met has already told me I need to stop putting myself down and being negative about stuff. It must be blatantly obvious what the reason is, because it was literally looking right at her, yet she never mentioned it. Makes me wonder if she's seen it, taken it at face value (no pun intended) and moved straight past it without giving it a second thought. Of course, I can't ask if that's the case because then it brings it all to her attention again! :lol:

Would be really nice to read peoples' minds and see what they're thinking; find out how they see us and what their impression of us is. The only realistic alternative to that is for us to try and learn to be a bit more daring, and more open. Mmmm...

Edited by PaulH85
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Thanks to everyone here that has given me advice. With all your help, I am now looking at things form a different perspective. I just wanted to share with everyone that I had my 2nd appointment with the dermatoligist last week. My husband said he wanted to go with me, which was really nice of him. When they called my name to go in, thinking that he was going to stay in the waiting area, I told him that I would be right back. They took me back and as I sat there waitng for the dermatologist to come, the door opend and it was my husband. He said he didn't come to just be in the waiting area, he wanted to hear what the doc had to say. The dermatolgist came in and was just a tad suprised to see him there. But anyways, the derm. upped my dose and insisted that I use the atralin gel every night, someting I wasn't faithfuly doing fearing a terrible breakout. Hubby said to the doctor "I'll make sure she follows the regime to the T". OMG!! That day he genuinly showed his support and love for me during this difficult time. I'm glad he didn't listen to me when I told sit in the waiting area!!LOL

By the way, my acne has gotton a lot better within this past week!!!!! Thanks for all your support and prayers.

:Siava: What a wonderful update.

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Thanks to everyone here that has given me advice. With all your help, I am now looking at things form a different perspective. I just wanted to share with everyone that I had my 2nd appointment with the dermatoligist last week. My husband said he wanted to go with me, which was really nice of him. When they called my name to go in, thinking that he was going to stay in the waiting area, I told him that I would be right back. They took me back and as I sat there waitng for the dermatologist to come, the door opend and it was my husband. He said he didn't come to just be in the waiting area, he wanted to hear what the doc had to say. The dermatolgist came in and was just a tad suprised to see him there. But anyways, the derm. upped my dose and insisted that I use the atralin gel every night, someting I wasn't faithfuly doing fearing a terrible breakout. Hubby said to the doctor "I'll make sure she follows the regime to the T". OMG!! That day he genuinly showed his support and love for me during this difficult time. I'm glad he didn't listen to me when I told sit in the waiting area!!LOL

By the way, my acne has gotton a lot better within this past week!!!!! Thanks for all your support and prayers.

Good man! See, I said he'd get it together. ;)

Although, rather than finding the right words, I guess he found the rights actions too, which in this case seems even better! :D

Edited by PaulH85
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Easier said than done huh? It's difficult I know. I'm always thinking to myself "I wonder what my husband really thinks of my acne". Although I know he's always says that doesnt' matter. My own insecurities sometimes make me doubt what he's saying to me, which I shouldn't because he's shown his love and support in so many different ways. I guess we have to get past our insecurities and allow ourselves to enjoy the wonderful things life offers us. My husband already accpets me for who I am. I am the one that doesn't. Don't want to sound vain, but without the acne, I think I would consider myself a pretty gal. I don't know, I guess might be crazy, but I guess what I desire is to leave my husband in "awe" one of these days. Even if I feel I've dressed or feel sexy, I don't get that reaction from him. You know like when a guy sees a drop dead gorgeous woman. I don't know it's just someday I wish I could look like insanely beautiful for him and leave him "drooling" over me. Acne causes such an emotinal rollarcoaster. God gives me couarge to keep moving forward and I guess acne has tought me to be a more humble person. Of course acne affects me, but I TRY not to let it dictate my life, but It's hard journey at times. I thank God for all those people that value the inner beauty of people and see beyond the exterior.

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Guest mariacne
I've never had a boyfriend because the acne conversation is just not one I'm willing to have - I don't know how you all do it, I'd be constantly insecure, not feeling worthy and worried he'd leave for someone clear. Men dont mind a bit of weight, but greasiness and cysts is just like a no go area I find.

Snap. It's the other way though of course, as I'm a bloke, but I get where you're coming from.

I guess I automatically assume that it would be women who would see acne as a "no go area". No particular reason, I probably need to give people way more credit than I do. I guess it just comes down to my own insecurities.

Personally, I honestly believe that I would look past acne and see what people really look like, but that may well be because I understand. By the same token, I'm not sure if people who don't have acne automatically don't understand, because I've never given anyone the chance and never let anyone in.

This kind of thing's really been on my mind lately because I met a girl who I like. She's shown an interest back and it's the first time it's ever happened. I've no idea how all this stuff works because it's totally new to me, and it's not like people I know are in the same position now, like they all were back in school. They've all left me way behind.

I totally understand what you're saying about not feeling worthy, and that whatever negative vibes and insecurities we project could ultimately be the downfall of any potential relationship. The girl I met has already told me I need to stop putting myself down and being negative about stuff. It must be blatantly obvious what the reason is, because it was literally looking right at her, yet she never mentioned it. Makes me wonder if she's seen it, taken it at face value (no pun intended) and moved straight past it without giving it a second thought. Of course, I can't ask if that's the case because then it brings it all to her attention again! :lol:

Would be really nice to read peoples' minds and see what they're thinking; find out how they see us and what their impression of us is. The only realistic alternative to that is for us to try and learn to be a bit more daring, and more open. Mmmm...

Hello, I was just reading another post by you actually, you were saying about a 52 year old with acne... has she ever gotten a food allergy test? Cz it's probs a reaction to something she's eating I mean it can't be hormonal at that age can it? Especially if it's painful... just a suggestion.

Well seems we both feel the same, I don't go out or socialise or anything, I've lost lots of friends because they think I don't want to spend time with them, I just dont want them to see how worse Ive got since the last time I saw them. But I wd never have a boyfriend, if I think acne is gross then I can guarantee others feel the same way, more so cz when you're clear you can't even imagine having acne. Kids look at me scared so... the fact that people have husbands and boyfriends.... wow, that would be a lot of extra stress to me.

Regards :)

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Hello, I was just reading another post by you actually, you were saying about a 52 year old with acne... has she ever gotten a food allergy test? Cz it's probs a reaction to something she's eating I mean it can't be hormonal at that age can it? Especially if it's painful... just a suggestion.

Well seems we both feel the same, I don't go out or socialise or anything, I've lost lots of friends because they think I don't want to spend time with them, I just dont want them to see how worse Ive got since the last time I saw them. But I wd never have a boyfriend, if I think acne is gross then I can guarantee others feel the same way, more so cz when you're clear you can't even imagine having acne. Kids look at me scared so... the fact that people have husbands and boyfriends.... wow, that would be a lot of extra stress to me.

Regards :)

Hey, thanks for the tip. I don't know if she'd any allergy tests to be honest, but I'll find out. I'm curious too, now that I think of it. Because like you say, it surely wouldn't be totally down to hormones some thirty-odd years after it started. Never know, asking her may well open up a new avenue she can explore towards managing it better.

With all due respect to Sue (my colleague) I hope I don't end up in the same position, still trying out different medications and trying to find out what works, in 25 years time.

I guess she's a good example of what you can still do in life if you don't let acne get the better of you: she's married, raised a family, has three grown up children and is soon to become and grandmother. I know one her sons and have met her immediate family, and none of them have or have seemingly ever had acne. None of Sue's brothers or sisters had it either. Neither did her parents. For some reason still unknown, it suddenly took over when she was 13 and it's been there since.

Again, although I feel bad for her, I can surely take something positive from the fact that she's been able to achieve these things. And if I were to think bigger picture, it's not something that her children have inherited, which I guess is a relief for her and a bonus for them.

With regards to being in a relationship and so on, I really do think it would be possible. Even if we might benefit mostly if our skin improved, I still do think our approaches towards how we see ourselves as people - and ultimately the image we project of ourselves to other people - carry a huge amount of weight and have a massive influence.

No doubt that you'll have read of the girl I mentioned in my other post, who I met a little while ago. She has issues with her weight and doesn't seem to like her image very much. These feelings have been re-enforced by comments people have made in the past. Granted, I could stand her next to another girl and she may well be bigger than them, but I could also stand her next to someone else and she'd be the slimmest. It's all relative. Besides which, I actually really like her shape and the way she looks. It's natural and it's who she is. But, even if I did think she was overweight or whatever and it was something of a negative, I know for sure that I can see past that and it would be totally cancelled out by her character, her laugh, her smile... whatever... all those little things that can appear cute and attractive.

I just wish I could find it as easy to see past my own image issues.

Maybe I have my own equivalent "little things" that make me stand out to girls. Maybe I need to converse with her about what it is she sees in me. What attracts her. Whatever attributes she picks would essentially be the strengths I could play to.

I really do think that's how it all works: We all have something about us that can attract another. Once we establish that, we have to play up to it and show ourselves off as best we can.

In the first instance - when initial impressions are based on looks before you can really see those "little things" in details - I guess we just have to be brave and put ourselves out there. Easier said than done, but there's no real harm in trying. Small steps, building confidence.

And to add to that, you certainly shouldn't let the very idea of it stress you out. If you're not ready or don't feel able, for whatever reason, that's fair enough. I mean, having said all this, I don't think it's essential that people be in a relationship. It isn't a given that everyone in a relationship is happy, or that we need them specifically to make us happy, or that every single person is automatically unhappy.

Personally, I do now feel like I want to share things with someone and experience that side of life. However, I need to work on my confidence issues and how I feel about my image first. I just hope the girl I like is patient enough to wait a little while until I sort myself out a bit. I hope she thinks I'd be worth it, because I'd at least try and see what might happen. Be a shame to let it pass by.

Quite how I'm going to work on them and fix them, I'm not too sure. First step is to talk to my doctor and see where it goes from there. Perhaps he'll suggest therapy or something, with a view to building self-esteem and confidence. As a bloke, that's not really something that appeals a great deal. We're not always great at expressing our feelings! :lol:

But, I do think this aspect of things might need a "no pain, no gain" approach. I'll see what happens.

:)

Edited by PaulH85
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Paul, isn't it ironic how you (well, all of us) see the beauty in others and wish they'd see themselves the way we do, yet we can't do that for ourselves? I'm glad that you see your galfriend as a beautiful human being although she struggles with her own issues.

Espinilla, I'm glad that your husband sees the beauty in you even though you don't see or believe in it within yourself.

One day.

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Paul, isn't it ironic how you (well, all of us) see the beauty in others and wish they'd see themselves the way we do, yet we can't do that for ourselves? I'm glad that you see your galfriend as a beautiful human being although she struggles with her own issues.

Yeah, it's crazy. I dunno, I'm sure I can figure it out eventually. It would be great if we could just look at ourselves through other peoples' eyes for a moment. I bet if we could step out of ourselves and take a look, we probably look nothing like we think we do. We're probably not seen by the majority in the bad way we think they see us either. We're probably way too hard on ourselves...

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Guest mariacne
Hello, I was just reading another post by you actually, you were saying about a 52 year old with acne... has she ever gotten a food allergy test? Cz it's probs a reaction to something she's eating I mean it can't be hormonal at that age can it? Especially if it's painful... just a suggestion.

Well seems we both feel the same, I don't go out or socialise or anything, I've lost lots of friends because they think I don't want to spend time with them, I just dont want them to see how worse Ive got since the last time I saw them. But I wd never have a boyfriend, if I think acne is gross then I can guarantee others feel the same way, more so cz when you're clear you can't even imagine having acne. Kids look at me scared so... the fact that people have husbands and boyfriends.... wow, that would be a lot of extra stress to me.

Regards :)

Hey, thanks for the tip. I don't know if she'd any allergy tests to be honest, but I'll find out. I'm curious too, now that I think of it. Because like you say, it surely wouldn't be totally down to hormones some thirty-odd years after it started. Never know, asking her may well open up a new avenue she can explore towards managing it better.

With all due respect to Sue (my colleague) I hope I don't end up in the same position, still trying out different medications and trying to find out what works, in 25 years time.

I guess she's a good example of what you can still do in life if you don't let acne get the better of you: she's married, raised a family, has three grown up children and is soon to become and grandmother. I know one her sons and have met her immediate family, and none of them have or have seemingly ever had acne. None of Sue's brothers or sisters had it either. Neither did her parents. For some reason still unknown, it suddenly took over when she was 13 and it's been there since.

Again, although I feel bad for her, I can surely take something positive from the fact that she's been able to achieve these things. And if I were to think bigger picture, it's not something that her children have inherited, which I guess is a relief for her and a bonus for them.

With regards to being in a relationship and so on, I really do think it would be possible. Even if we might benefit mostly if our skin improved, I still do think our approaches towards how we see ourselves as people - and ultimately the image we project of ourselves to other people - carry a huge amount of weight and have a massive influence.

No doubt that you'll have read of the girl I mentioned in my other post, who I met a little while ago. She has issues with her weight and doesn't seem to like her image very much. These feelings have been re-enforced by comments people have made in the past. Granted, I could stand her next to another girl and she may well be bigger than them, but I could also stand her next to someone else and she'd be the slimmest. It's all relative. Besides which, I actually really like her shape and the way she looks. It's natural and it's who she is. But, even if I did think she was overweight or whatever and it was something of a negative, I know for sure that I can see past that and it would be totally cancelled out by her character, her laugh, her smile... whatever... all those little things that can appear cute and attractive.

I just wish I could find it as easy to see past my own image issues.

Maybe I have my own equivalent "little things" that make me stand out to girls. Maybe I need to converse with her about what it is she sees in me. What attracts her. Whatever attributes she picks would essentially be the strengths I could play to.

I really do think that's how it all works: We all have something about us that can attract another. Once we establish that, we have to play up to it and show ourselves off as best we can.

In the first instance - when initial impressions are based on looks before you can really see those "little things" in details - I guess we just have to be brave and put ourselves out there. Easier said than done, but there's no real harm in trying. Small steps, building confidence.

And to add to that, you certainly shouldn't let the very idea of it stress you out. If you're not ready or don't feel able, for whatever reason, that's fair enough. I mean, having said all this, I don't think it's essential that people be in a relationship. It isn't a given that everyone in a relationship is happy, or that we need them specifically to make us happy, or that every single person is automatically unhappy.

Personally, I do now feel like I want to share things with someone and experience that side of life. However, I need to work on my confidence issues and how I feel about my image first. I just hope the girl I like is patient enough to wait a little while until I sort myself out a bit. I hope she thinks I'd be worth it, because I'd at least try and see what might happen. Be a shame to let it pass by.

Quite how I'm going to work on them and fix them, I'm not too sure. First step is to talk to my doctor and see where it goes from there. Perhaps he'll suggest therapy or something, with a view to building self-esteem and confidence. As a bloke, that's not really something that appeals a great deal. We're not always great at expressing our feelings! :lol:

But, I do think this aspect of things might need a "no pain, no gain" approach. I'll see what happens.

:)

I don't believe in meds, they've done nothing for me, but that's just me - I realise Ive really offended some people on here saying they're a load of crap, I dont know if it's because they dont want to admit they're bad or dont work long term or what... but if you have tried meds and they're not working maybe you could try and think of an underlying cause.

I'd get routine blood tests done (thyroid, diabetes) at the Dr's including hormonal ones, if they all come back normal it could be something as simple as a food intolerance. Imagine all you had to do was cut out wheat or something and your acne went...

So... you seem like a nice guy and you deserve to have clear skin, we all do, but I honestly believe that meds mask symptoms instead of curing the underlying problem that's causing it and often that problem gets worse hence why meds wear off. No one should have acne had 52, that's pure inflammation and is definitely a reaction to something gone wrong in the body, but like you said she may have been down every route possible already - I hope not! Because when you've tried everything and there seems to be no cause it's like omg, God has actually just cursed me with it - for no reason!

Sometimes something as simple as an omega 3 deficiency can cause acne, it's crazy, but I dont know, people on here seem really 'med loyal', try helping ppl but I just upset them somehow.

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I didn't get chance to speak to my friend today about allergy tests so don’t know if that’s something she has tried. I’ll speak to her next week. I would assume that at some point her doctor must have surely suggested something like that. If not, I hope it could provide an answer. Like you say, would hate to think that she has tried stuff like that already, gone round and round in circles taking all the available medications, only for none of it to solve the problem. Would hate to feel like you had run out of options and literally had no further options.

Thinking of things like that make me say to myself, "We put man on the moon for goodness sake, surely we must be able to do something comparatively straight forward and cure acne!" :lol:

After what you posted about allergy tests, I looked it up and a lot of what I read - backed up by your last post - made great sense. Got me thinking that there may well be something that I'm allergic to. That could be why the medication has ultimately stopped working, because the underlying cause is still there untreated. As you said, simply masked by medication.

My first thought was, 'Yeah, but I don't eat or do anything that's really bad for me', but it doesn't actually have to be something that's obviously bad or unhealthy. It could simply be something ordinary that just doesn't agree with me. The idea that there may even be the slightest chance that eliminating something from my diet could go a long way to solving this makes me smile. Thanks!

Won't get my hopes up of course, but it's a new avenue to explore and I can do so in a positive way. I can feel like I-m being pro-active about this, and that's just what I need right now. I'm going to see my doctor in the morning so the timing of all this couldn't be better.

Having thought about this, I just remembered there's a place literally a couple of minutes away from my house that may also be worth visiting. It's run by a Chinese doctor who left his position in a hospital to follow up on his experiences with traditional Chinese medicine. He deals in Acupuncture, Chinese massage, medicines and Reflexology, various other similar things. Also conducts allergy tests too.

I'm guessing my doctor would prefer to refer me to the hospital for those, or do them himself (not sure what the procedure is for these things as it's new to me) but I could also pop along to the other place after seeing my doctor and see what help and advice they can offer too.

As for what other people may think about what you have to say, or what their conflicting views they may have regarding medication - I guess we all have different approaches.

After all, it could be the case that for some people, a course of medication is enough to solve it, in which case it's logical that based on their experience, they will deem medication to be the answer.

For me, medication has been a starting point. I've always felt uneasy about it, for a couple of reasons.

Firstly, the stuff that's inside these capsules on Lymecycline that I take, when it's cracked open, smells and tastes absolutely vile. Don't really like the fact that I've been putting that very thing into my body on a daily basis for the last seven months.

But, I'm open-minded enough - rather than saying that this stuff's horrible and doesn't work longer term - to say, "By all means give it a go, but it wasn't the answer for me."

The second reason, the medication seems like a temporary fix, or a long term thing with no end. If it kept the acne at bay, I'd be taking it forever and living in fear that stopping would mess my skin up again. That's just not right.

The second thought was strengthened recently by the fact that, after a medication review, my doctor renewed the Lymecycline prescription for twelve months. That means they're happy for me to just carry on taking this stuff for another year - 19 months in total - regardless. Again, that surely is not right.

With regards to taking information on board and hearing what people have to say, I'm like a sponge. I'll soak it all up, see what bits work that I should retain, see what bits don't which I can then discard. Either way, it's all good because it gets you to where you want to be.

Thank you very much for the advice! :)

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Paul, isn't it ironic how you (well, all of us) see the beauty in others and wish they'd see themselves the way we do, yet we can't do that for ourselves? I'm glad that you see your galfriend as a beautiful human being although she struggles with her own issues.

Espinilla, I'm glad that your husband sees the beauty in you even though you don't see or believe in it within yourself.

One day.

Yes one day. I'm really really trying-a spiritual journey for me. I guess it all comes down to loving myself for who I am.

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I'm so f.#@3 pissed off at my husband!!! So inconsiderate. Over this past month he's made very hurtful comments. I took a picture of my acne w/ my phone and showed it to him. He said that my face was fine and that it didn't look as gross as the pictures. he claimed that the picture made it took worse!!! Damn it i hate feeling this way. Yesterday he asked why I was mad, I said well look at my face. I'm mad and stressed because of my acne. Then he said, "then I guess you'll be mad all your life". What kind of moral support is that!!!!!! The to top it off he said "just forget about you acne" as if to say stop whinning and move on!!!! WTF!!!! With that kind of emotional support I feel so much better. I yelled and said, it's easy for since you don't have to get up each morning, look in the mirror, and all you see is acne!! He did say that he loved me just the way I was, but it's not that....I hear it, but it doesn't make me feel better becasue the acne is not affecting him personally. He just doesn't understand. I feel like crying, some days are ok, but other are just so depressing!!!! I can't talk to nobody, my family is like "just deal" with it" mentality.

I think a lot of the time, guys (especially guys we're intimate with, like boyfriends or husbands) say things like that because they just don't know what else to say. If he's still going to drop insensitive comments like that, then I'd turn to someone else for support -- maybe a sibling or a close friend? Hope he continues to support you!

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I can totally relate to this post...Since my cystic acne started 3 months ago, my marriage as been less than perfect. My husband can't understand why I retreat to the mirror every 5 minutes, why I cancel all my plans, why I've lost my sense of humor...I can't blame him, I've been a miserable...b...he never tells me I look bad, by I almost want him to , to admit how awful I look. I'm finally on my first day of accutane, and he said: I hope you don't go crazy and murder me on that stuff...this is what I'm dealing with.

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People who've never suffered from acne will never understand just how much of an effect it can have on someone. The face is the first thing everyone in the world sees and when you have acne you just want to hide. The worst is when you're talking to someone and you can see them looking at your acne. I think the part that makes acne so depressing is that most things in the world that you try really hard in succeeding at you can actually conquer, but with acne sometimes no matter how hard you try nothing seems to work. You just have to keep trying! Try to not focus on your acne as much. (Easier said then done :P) This sounds weird, but when I get a really bad breakout and I'm not wearing makeup I won't look in the mirror closely because I know it will only make me feel bad. And it helps! I don't need to remind myself how bad my face looks, because that just leads to more bad feelings.

Hope this makes you feel a little better? You're not the only one!

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i feel for you.

it is typically perceived to be an invalidating remark to say "get over it", and leaves us feeling that our internal quality of experiance does not matter to another person, who we currently believe cares about us.

if the people we give these jobs to do not want those jobs, or cannot do their jobs, consider replacing them in your life. do not make the role of "being with you" a mandatory slavery position, make it voluntary, and let them go. SO in a nutshell, without realizing it, he pretty much un-volunteered himself for the job he didnt realize he had. OR, he made an innocent mistake and doesnt know how to do his job.

you could try talking to him again and see how it goes, if he will see his mistake. we hope that he wants to do a good job.

Also, they may be incapable of helping you the way you may be expecting them to, because they are not doctors, it might frustrate them for you to go to them with the expectation of them solving a problem that is beyond their scope of expertise. There must be another strategy you could choose, that is more likely to lead to the improvement of your condition.

good luck.

I'm so f.#@3 pissed off at my husband!!! So inconsiderate. Over this past month he's made very hurtful comments. I took a picture of my acne w/ my phone and showed it to him. He said that my face was fine and that it didn't look as gross as the pictures. he claimed that the picture made it took worse!!! Damn it i hate feeling this way. Yesterday he asked why I was mad, I said well look at my face. I'm mad and stressed because of my acne. Then he said, "then I guess you'll be mad all your life". What kind of moral support is that!!!!!! The to top it off he said "just forget about you acne" as if to say stop whinning and move on!!!! WTF!!!! With that kind of emotional support I feel so much better. I yelled and said, it's easy for since you don't have to get up each morning, look in the mirror, and all you see is acne!! He did say that he loved me just the way I was, but it's not that....I hear it, but it doesn't make me feel better becasue the acne is not affecting him personally. He just doesn't understand. I feel like crying, some days are ok, but other are just so depressing!!!! I can't talk to nobody, my family is like "just deal" with it" mentality.
Edited by AutonomousOne1980
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here we go again......Okay guys need your help on this one. My wedding anniversary was this past weekend and my husband forgot about it. I'm giving myself credit here for not going off on him. I infact am doing the opposite. If it wasn't important enough for him to remember, than why should I bring it up. Although am hurt, if it's not important to him, the why should it be important to me. That's how I feel. Don't know if I'm wrong in feeling this way. Should I just wait and see.....eventually he'll realize that he forgot OR should I bring it up?

Side note: We both have been extremely busy this month, but I still don't think there is an excuse for remembering. Earlier this month I even sat down with him and looked at the calendar to write in some appointments we had......and still he didn't mention a thing.

What would you do?

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here we go again......Okay guys need your help on this one. My wedding anniversary was this past weekend and my husband forgot about it. I'm giving myself credit here for not going off on him. I infact am doing the opposite. If it wasn't important enough for him to remember, than why should I bring it up. Although am hurt, if it's not important to him, the why should it be important to me. That's how I feel. Don't know if I'm wrong in feeling this way. Should I just wait and see.....eventually he'll realize that he forgot OR should I bring it up?

Side note: We both have been extremely busy this month, but I still don't think there is an excuse for remembering. Earlier this month I even sat down with him and looked at the calendar to write in some appointments we had......and still he didn't mention a thing.

What would you do?

Be honest. Tell him your pissed off that he forgot and maybe give him a lil slap. At end of the day its just a mistake and im sure he'll want to get back in your good books. :angel:

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It's just a day, don't make such a big deal about it. I'd only be really upset if my Husband forgot, say, my birthday. But anniversaries aren't really that big of a fuss in my opinion.

I've seen so many couples get into it hardcore just over an anniversary. Just tell him you're kind of upset that he forgot, maybe he'll make up for it some way and apologize. But it shouldn't be a huge scene.

And please don't listen to Time Won't Heal This. Hitting is never okay, especially for something as small as that. And there should never be "Good books" and "Bad books" in marriage. You're not keeping mistake points on each other, that's just stupid. Don't be the fight initiator.

Edited by ForQuestions
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