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LadyM

Support for the night please

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I know I have a problem and I've known for awhile; and in many ways it has stopped me getting closer with people. I am so embarassed of my acne scars -- I am fearful of what people say of me or think of me without make up but still I can't stop..

Thursday per usual, studying and picking my face. Popped a pimple - semi-success, some results but not enough. Shortly thereafter I go to sleep wake up and the it's back and I pop it this time and more comes out = success. I go back to sleep.

The next day I notice a lump; it seems like the pimple I popped but it's different. It's sizable, it protrudes from my face a little. I dont think much of it. But come Saturday it's much larger and it hurts -- totally not a pimple. I go to the clinic; its a staph infection.

Finally. It happened a pickers worse nightmare -- from picking my pimple I did more than superficial damage to my body.

So now I'm on antibiotics and I am trying to deal with it - tomorrow I'm going to the Doctor to get it drained but I'm not coping well

I just want to get rid of it.

I just want to pop.

It's huge. It hurts and it just needs to be popped. But I can't -- popping it gave me the infection and popping it again will just make it worse and i know the scar from this one will be ridiculous

but i want to.

and i'm obsessing over it. i have taken at least 15 pictures of it and everytime i look at it, it makes me sad.

i cried. i feel so helpless. so out of control.

i keep on imagining what it will be like when it's popped and i wish i could do it, not the doctor.

im just not dealing really well right now

please pray for me. keep me in your thoughts. something. help me get through this until tomorrow at 315pm.

i am afraid to tell anyone how much this bothers me. i am really not coping at all i can't stop crying.

and it's even worse when i look at the pictures of it because it's right next to all the other ugly scars i have from picking and i dont know what i feel the worse about - that i've done all these horrible things to my face or that i want to do more damage to and can't control myself.

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I know I have a problem and I've known for awhile; and in many ways it has stopped me getting closer with people. I am so embarassed of my acne scars -- I am fearful of what people say of me or think of me without make up but still I can't stop..

Thursday per usual, studying and picking my face. Popped a pimple - semi-success, some results but not enough. Shortly thereafter I go to sleep wake up and the it's back and I pop it this time and more comes out = success. I go back to sleep.

The next day I notice a lump; it seems like the pimple I popped but it's different. It's sizable, it protrudes from my face a little. I dont think much of it. But come Saturday it's much larger and it hurts -- totally not a pimple. I go to the clinic; its a staph infection.

Finally. It happened a pickers worse nightmare -- from picking my pimple I did more than superficial damage to my body.

So now I'm on antibiotics and I am trying to deal with it - tomorrow I'm going to the Doctor to get it drained but I'm not coping well

I just want to get rid of it.

I just want to pop.

It's huge. It hurts and it just needs to be popped. But I can't -- popping it gave me the infection and popping it again will just make it worse and i know the scar from this one will be ridiculous

but i want to.

and i'm obsessing over it. i have taken at least 15 pictures of it and everytime i look at it, it makes me sad.

i cried. i feel so helpless. so out of control.

i keep on imagining what it will be like when it's popped and i wish i could do it, not the doctor.

im just not dealing really well right now

please pray for me. keep me in your thoughts. something. help me get through this until tomorrow at 315pm.

i am afraid to tell anyone how much this bothers me. i am really not coping at all i can't stop crying.

and it's even worse when i look at the pictures of it because it's right next to all the other ugly scars i have from picking and i dont know what i feel the worse about - that i've done all these horrible things to my face or that i want to do more damage to and can't control myself.

This must be really hard for you, but remember that few people actually care about your acne. You are your own worst critic, it's probably not half as bad as it seems. I'll be thinking and praying for you.

EDIT: Do not pop it! Resist! Be aware of what your hands are doing at all times. Don't even touch it.

Edited by ThatAnnaGirl

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It may help you not to touch it if it you stick a bandaid on it. Just a plain old bandaid. It can serve as a reminder to keep your fingers off of it.

Remember, it's not your fault that you got an infection; it was a random act of randomness/annoyance. You're getting the treatment you need and the infection will be gone soon. There may NOT be a scar. Ask the doctor what to do after the incision and drainage to avoid the risk of scarring. S/He may have some good suggestions.

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hugs honey. While I haven't had a staph infection (yet?), I know that incredible urge to pick and it can be horrible. I actually just logged in here right now because I have gone after about 5 pimples today and I'm not supposed to be picking :(

I too suggest putting a bandage on it and ignoring it. I know it's hard to do, but with a band-aid it will be protected from more bacteria and from wandering fingers. It's a boo-boo, leave it alone.

MORE hugs!

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