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well, after seven years or so, it seems my acne is finally giving up and starting to fade away (apart from one spot near my lip, which seems to have sucked out the pigment from the rest of my scars like some kind of black hole on my face)

im unsure as to whether this is to do with the regimen, or the fact that as im 20 ive started to grow out of it at last, but its probably a bit of both.

its weird, i dont have any pictures of how my skin was two or three years ago to use as comparison, but my parents comment on how my skin is looking better, but to my eyes i really havent noticed that much improvement. does anybody else find this? i guess that its the same as not noticing your hair grow - you dont suddenly wake up one day and think "my god, my hair is long" so i suppose its the same with acne. it takes a fucking long time to fade away. but the weird thing is, and i dont mean to sound ungrateful here, but as my active acne became less, well, active, and my scars began to fade, i found myself raising my standards of what i would call good and bad skin. i reckon three years ago, i would have traded my left hand to have such improvement, but nowadays i still think its the end of the world to get a spot or two. i guess its all relative.

but, getting to the point of this post, looking back on having acne its weird how having something that you are so self concious of makes you so obsessed with image, or more to the point, your own image. it seems that i will always have to examine my face in the mirror everytime i see one, just to make sure my skin hasnt betrayed my while i wasnt looking, and it will take a long time to break this habit. also, i find myself thinking two things about any person that i meet - 1, that they are looking for flaws in my skin, and 2 that they will think less of my if they find them. for all people say about acne having made them a more compassionate person and given them many positive traits, i think it also breeds a sort of unconventional image-obsession within the sufferer. i always think "how am I looking" or "what do other people think of ME?" and i also find myself looking at other people to try and pick fault with their appearance, as if to say "well at least i dont look that bad."

can anybody who has had acne for five years or so think that they will be able to wake up one morning, and acne is not the first thing on their mind, or the last thing they think of before going to sleep? i cant imagine ever having a day where i dont think of my skin at least a dozen time.

i think acne caused some behavioural changes in me that will take longer to fade than the scars on my cheeks.

p.s. sorry for length of post, just wanted to get these thoughts down

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I find myself examing peoples skin as a result of acne.

I will also probably be obsessed with my skin until I'm very old, even when it is clear.

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