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Hi guys,

I've been a member here since this year, March of 2010. I joined in a frantic distress over my skin spontaneously scarring. At the time I was using Benzyl Peroxide Creamy Wash x2 as a cleanser, University Medical w/ Hyaluronic Acid as a moisturizer, Retin-A Micro .04% as a topical treatment, and Ampicillin 500mg per day as an oral antibotic. This was my regemin for 1-2 years. I had moderate-severe acne since I was 13ish, and have been on a lot of facial routines, but this is what finally cleared me up. My face was flawless, yet I was still so insecure. I wish I never took my looks for granted, because now that's all been taken away from me.

March I started getting scars out of nowhere. I remember like it was yesterday, sitting up on my bathroom sink counter and plucking my eyebrows. I noticed a dented scar on my right (your left) forehead. I studied it for a few minutes and then started to panic. I had and still have an anxiety disorder, so that didn't help. I then remember being depressed over that one scar, not wanting to go to school, only seeing that scar and nothing else when I looked in the mirror, always being paranoid that someone else was looking at it, etc. If only now I could have just that one scar back.

Easter break had come and I was relieved to get some time off from school. One night coming back from the movies, I looked in the car mirror to see another dented scar on my right cheek near my nose. It was bigger and deeper. I started to panic and bawl and felt confused and hopeless. Over the next few days, new pitted scar(s) kept coming.

I stopped eating. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't watch TV. I didn't get hungry and always felt restless. Scars were the ONLY thing on my mind. I felt like I was going crazy. My boyfriend pretended he didn't see them or that some were already there, though I know he noticed them and I know they weren't there before. He was trying to keep me calm, but nothing worked. I lost 10 lbs in 1-2 weeks. I became pale, sick-looking, weak, scarred. Food made me feel sick and wouldn't stay down. I was losing my hair. I considered myself dead. I didn't know who I was anymore. When I looked in the mirror, it was like I was in somebody else's body, my soul was just looking back at me. I planned suicide and there were so many times where I almost went through with it. I ended up in an emergency room, then a mental facility for depression for a total of two months.

When I got out, I went to 5 different dermatologists and described my dilemma to all of them, but they all didn't believe me/talked or looked at me like I was crazy or dumb. They kept telling me they were acne scars, then of course they offered me scar treatment. I've lost my faith in dermatologists. They don't know anything 'out of the ordinary'. My family doctor was the only one who took me seriously, probably because he knew me through when my skin cleared up and was flawless, but he just didn't know what to do for me about it. My blood work was normal, except my thyroid was a little 'hyper' and I had antinuclear antibodies in my blood. I went to a radiologist to get thyroid scans and what not checked out, but all was normal. I went to a rheumotologist to see if I had an immune disease (like Lupus; a condition that also creates antinuclear antibodies in the blood), but he looked at me, asked me questions and told me I didn't have an issue that he could treat. I've gotten cut off my health insurance since then.

Fast forward to now and I still slip into SEVERE depression, I have horrible anxiety, I've lost all of my friends, I was kicked out of school, I still want to sleep all day, I feel like I'm losing my boyfriend of 4 years. I'm still scarring. I just don't know what to do anymore. This is all to say the leastof how I'm feeling. This year seemed to go by so fast, mainly because I slept it all away.

Since this started happening, I've stopped my whole regimen one-by-one, and the big spontaneous scars had stopped. But like I said, I still get scars. I will scar from something a simple as a clogged pore. If things keep going like this, soon there will be no healthy skin on my face. I even got a pitted scar from a cat scratch on my arm. I don't know what's going on.

I get my health insurance back next month, Janurary of 2011, I want to do something about this. I just don't know what. I don't want to scar anymore, and I want to fix my existing scars. My scarring is moderate, but as a girl it's severe. I have all types of scarring- scarred pores, icepick, boxcar, rolling. I can't even do something as simple as a light chemical peel because my skin and its healing is so unpredictable. I want my life back in 2011. Please help. :cry:

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P.S. I'm begging YOU to take a little of your precious time to help me, give advice, or anything. Y'all are really all I have to turn to for this. If y'all have any further questions, I will gladly answer. I'm putting the little pride that I have aside to say that I'm desperate.

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Firs thing that would come to most people's minds is pictures? I know youre desperate and selfconcious but if youre more desperate then adding a couple clear pictures of your scars would help us out a lot. I remember you posting a couple pics a while ago and from what I remember, your scars were very moderate and nothing beyond that but as you said, the way you see yourself is a lot harsher then what most other people would this coming from personal experience.

I too remember when I had 'flawless' skin and was completely unaware of it. When I started getting bad acne (mild acne never bothered me when I was young), I started getting self concious then came all the drastic facial products and regimes and whatever but what killed me was the severe scarring I suffered. I have mild scarring all over butt he patches of severe scarring destroyed me and then I realised what I had before. I know exactly where youre coming from.

Ive had several fraxel restores, 2 vbeams and subcision. VBEAM DOES help for scar redness. Redness was what bothered me a great deal and after two intense treatments, the redness has calmed down significantly. My scars were red for a whole red and were only getting worse before my year long fraxel restore journey. Fraxel has left me with hyperpigmentaiton now on skin that was non scarred. It fucked me over even more and I feel like burning the cocksucker's house down the doctor who did it because i told him and asked him a million times nott o go over my non scarred skin but he did. I know what it feels like to keep fighting an uphull battle.

Rolling scars - subcision + fillers

Boxcar scars - subcision, derma stamping, dermal rolling, fillers

Ice pick scars - tca cross, punch excision followed by multiple LIGHT laser treatments

Scarred pores - I have MANY myself and these are the least of my issues so I havent really researched treatments for these. I keep going on about mild and moderate issues not bothering me because im not a really superficial or like that sort of person. I never was. My life changed when I got severe acne scarring everything changed then. I had acne before, I had scarred pores, I had mild acne scarring and I never wanted to do any treatments but then I got on differin and it broke me out liek crazy and i didnt have a proper skin regime nor did i have any idea and the derms and docs i went to didnt advise me to do SHIT. Fucking wankers were so expensive too. I cant help but KNOW if i was the man I was then I would have avoided much of my severe scarring and been a happier person but we all learn when the lesson is hardest and most painful.

I'm planning on doing subcision in feb and then going to do the rest of the year with weekly derma stamping and see how my scars are this time next year. If stamping doesnt give me results by mid year I will try fillers.

Ive been on this damn site for over 3 years and a member for over 2 years. I've heard a million stories here and most havent ended in overriding success. Most users fade into the 'real world' never to be heard of again and only their posts from 2003 and so forth tell us that we're not the first to fight this battle. I often feel very uneasy when I think about the scar sufferers of the past who didnt even have simple dermal rollers or subcision or a chance at a few months of relief with fillers.

Peace Sapph :)

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hi sapphire,

we have talked via PM's so as you know i can relate to some of what you are going through and my heart truly goes out to you. however, i feel the need to say this. please dont take it wrong but your threads often receive a good amount of responses from people offering helpful advice. and as far as i know you still havent tried anything invasive/less invasive yet.its getting to be repetitive. you've tried a lot of topicals but never seem to stick with them long. you have spent a lot of time researching things. and trust me i know its scary and that there are risks involved but if you are really serious about improving your scarring maybe its time to bite the bullet and try your luck with something.after almost a year on this board, im sure you know of the various options available. so it really boils down to either taking the plunge or trying to learn how to live with your scars and keep hoping that in the near future more options will become available. personally, theres nothing at this time that im willing to try for my indents so im just sticking with temporary fixes like makeup, primers, hyaluronic products/supplement,lifting masks etc. please know that this is coming from a good place and i hope i dont sound too harsh. i truly wish you the best and i'll be cheering the loudest if you have success with something :)

Edited by almost pretty

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I'm so sorry you went through all of that. My scars are pretty bad. They're worse than yours are, and they look much BETTER than they did two or three years ago. I guess it could be worse? You're still a beautiful girl, and I wish you wouldn't let this get you down. After you try some treatments and you notice that your scars are improving, even if they don't disappear overnight, it will still boost your confidence and possibly lower your anxiety.

I scar easily as well. My pet rabbit's scratch left a keloid scar on the outside of my wrist, and I get stretch marks from very small weight fluctuations. I don't know what to tell you other than it being genetic. It's quite possible that the retin-a caused your skin to thin, too.

I also went to an allergy specialist that can eliminate allergies (NAET) and found out I was allergic to vitamin C and vitamin B. I know that vitamin C, at least, is really important for collagen production in the skin. Maybe you have an allergy to an essential vitamin, or maybe an autoimmune reaction that is affecting your skin.

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Also, besides checking your histamine levels, you may want to get your hormones checked. Pregnant women are more at risk for stretch marks, not only because of weight gain, but also because of hormone fluctuations (progestone and estrogen). Since you seem to have a lot of anxiety, maybe even have your cortisol levels checked. Depleted adrenals definitely have an affected on the body's ability to heal itself.

I hope this helps.

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You know I'm sending you nothing but mad-love. I too have shared in the same struggles that you've gone through this year. Severe anxiety, depression, rapid weight loss, ect. I did seek out counseling to help me deal w/ these issues w/ out the quick fix of prescription medication, though I believe that meds have helped millions out there. I just didn't want to go down that path for personal reasons.

I have both dermarollers and 100% TCA sitting safely packed away underneath my bathroom vanity. Too chicken to use them both! However, as I know you're aware, I'm doing the whole "eMatrix" route. I'm not here to sell any particular procedure, but just to encourage you to take a leap of faith and be proactive in your scar healing journey.

From seeing older pictures that you've posted, I'd say our scarring is quite similar. You're also a good bit younger than me (I'm an old fart at 36) and I honestly believe you would have better success w/ any procedure or treatment you try based on your age and healing potential.

I know how depressing it can be for us ladies to look in the mirror only to see something less than perfect staring back at us. I know on certain days I get a touch of OCD that will drive me bonkers, trying to look at my skin/scarring in every conceivable light and angle.

I will say, as my scarring has lessened (not disappeared) , so has my insecurity, anxiety, depression, ect. around it. I encourage you whole heartedly to seek out something to help you. I know it's frustrating not having the money, but maybe your health insurance will help you with the expense of treatment, or you can brave the waters and try something simpler at home.

I just want to continue to encourage your spirit and take the suggestions offered to you by all of us whose desire is to truly help you.

Best of luck to you and let us know what you decide!

God Bless :)

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@Teach Me How to Dougie- My other pictures were from my webcam and not good quality, besides that my scars have multiplied since then. All the red marks in my old pictures have pitted. I have a new digital camera though, so when I get new batteries and find the courage to take pictures in different lighting, I will.

I'm glad (in a twisted way) to see a guy here that I can relate to. Thanks for the suggestions on the lasers, though I'm deathly afraid of even the less invasive ones. I talk to a lady on here that has had laser damage from Fraxel Re:store. Her story is very disheartening and I actually made a promise to her that I wouldn't try them. Not only because of her story, but because my skin's healing ability is almost non-existent, so I think some lasers would really be overkill. Like I don't even know how that Dudley guy took all those Fraxel Re:pairs on high levels. Who knows what that'd to to your skin long-term wise :think: And from what I heard, 95% of lasers for acne scars aren't worth it. The Vbeam I would take your word for and be less afraid of going for that, but really all of my redness is gone.

My scarred pores wouldn't bother me if they weren't covering my whole face, and to think how they might get worse when my skin starts to sag, depresses me. I think my complexion would look a lot better without them. My actual scars would appear better. I wouldn't mind having only a couple. I actually wanted to try Differin but I don't want to break out like you did.. maybe I won't since I went through my IB with Tazorac..

Thanks for your reply, and I really wish you the best with your scar treatment. You deserve it :) Btw it'd be nice if you replied to our PM, lol.

@almost pretty- I didn't take it wrong at all, but I feel the need to explain myself in some of the things you said. The reason why I don't stick with some topicals for too long is because my skin is very difficult to please and if it doesn't like something, it'll let me know within a week by either getting a bunch of clogged pores, breaking me out, enlarging my pores 'cause it's irritated, make my face burn, etc. I have really sensitive, normal/dry, acne + very clog-prone skin. So even if a topical does help my scars look better temporarily, if my skin doesn't like it otherwise, I have to stop using it and go on to the next one. I know I have received helpful advice from this site, and I love the people on it, but I haven't posted a thread about my skin in awhile.. especially explaining my whole story together like I did this one for that purpose. It's almost the beginning of the new year, and like I've told you through PM, I plan on getting down to the bottom of my problems. The reason why I haven't tried something invasive for my scarring is because like I've stated, my healing ability is very unpredictable and almost non-existent most of the time. But when I find out why my healing is so poor, I do plan on doing something invasive about my scars. I can't just jump at it or else I could possibly end up making my scars worse. I wish I only had four small scars like you, but unfortunately I don't :( Thanks for your wishes though :) and your helpful messages.

@frannymae- lol air hug <3 You're the only chick that knows exactlywhat I'm going through. Thanks for always being there for me :comfort:

@Lapis lazuli- Alrighty, thanks :)

@Starlite- Awh, do your scars really look much better than they did before? That's great news to hear though! Usually I hear people saying scars get worse as time goes by. Have you been doing anything for them?? I know once I find a treatment that starts making them look better instead of worse, I will definitely be the most happiest girl on Earth (not really, but you know what I mean)! That's a nice thought.

I get stretch marks very easily as well :doubt: I have to stay at a constant weight because if I lose a little weight, I get some.. and if I gain a little weight, I get some more. It sucks. I will definitely take your advice and see an allergy specialist as well as a gyno when I get my health insurance to get my levels checked. That must suck having an allergy to Vitamin C. I take Vit. C tablets every day.

Thanks a lot for your reply, and I hope your skin continues to get better!

@o_Adam_o- I do. Multiple times a day.

@sassy74- I plan on getting some counseling as well for this. I think it'd help tremendously. I'm already on the medicine, but you're right, it's like a bandaid fix. I hope I can find a counselor that I'm fully comfortable with though. Just wondering, was yours a male or female?

I will look into eMatrix for after I find out what's wrong with my skin, but I'd be more scared to take that route than to do dermaroller /dermastamp or TCA Cross. Not only that but I'm very low on money and will be for a long time. I may be younger than you, but I could bet that your healing ability is better than mine :P

I'm VERY glad to hear your skin is improving and you're gaining confidence. Thanks so much for your reply. You've always been so kind and helpful to me. I wish you the best of luck as well, because I know you're very deserving of it!

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Lily,

I also scar easily, like you. Basically every blemish leaves an indented scar. The right side of my face is constantly scarring, and has been for about 5 years...

I think the first thing you need to treat is your depression, then move on the scar treatments. I was crippled with depression for about 6 months of 2010, but now I am on some medications and starting to get better. It can come on strong and out of nowhere, and can cause obsessive thought patterns.

It is not convenient to have both depression and acne/scarring. One basically amplifies the other. Even now looking in the mirror is still a painful part of my daily routine, but it is now more bearable.

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Sapphire Lily--I have acne scars, and scarred pores, and redmarks and active acne too. My scarred pores bother me the worst, because they're front and center on my face (on either side of my nose). And I really get that you don't want to try anything invasive without being sure, because I wouldn't want to take that risk either and have been sticking to the most risk-free scar 'treatments' myself, including Vit C serum, taking my vitamins, etc. The harshest of my scar treatment routine is the Microdelivery Peel by Philosophy. I have scars, pores, marks, spots..trust me, I get how you're feeling. Its exhausting just to look at myself sometimes. There's just so much going on on my face. And sometimes, I feel to blame for it: maybe I shouldn't have worn make-up that day, maybe I picked at that one, maybe I should have started taking Vit C sooner.

My advice isn't related to fixing your scars at all. I think you need to get out there, and stop equating your scars to who you are as a person. Scars aren't 'you' and you aren't your 'scars'. There's much, much more to you than your scars, or the way you look. I know that scars hurt, but the more you go out, the more you'll realize that people a) aren't looking at your scars and b) think you're much more than that and care so much more about who you are as a person and not what you look like.

Try this for just one week and see if it helps:

1) Have your SO change your acne.org password so you can't log in. No researching scar treatments, no lurking around.

2) Take away mirrors, except one that you need. Get your hands in some lotion and cover the mirror in fingerprints.

3) Volunteer; find a soup kitchen, a museum, a homeless shelter, a tutoring center for kids..anywhere you can help out.

4) Plan a date night with your SO. Candles, dinner and a movie. Buy a new outfit, do your hair.

5) On your downtime, read something new.

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I kind of agree with 'almost pretty'. I've seen you here for a while now asking for advice for your scars, but rarely see you take it. It's time to just bite the bullet and do something about it. You say your healing ability is low, so why not try something low risk, like a 0.5mm derma stamp on just part of your face. When it comes to needling, the hardest step is simply doing that first treatment, but once you do it you'll realise it's not that bad.

Take my advice, buy a 0.5mm derma stamp/roller and just go for it. The risk factor is non-existant.

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To the original poster,

I was once very similar to you in that I used to read this board quite religiously and obsess over my scars. Over time I tried many things and while it is hard to be objective about whether or not it helped I did learn to be happier with myself. It doesn't mean I still don't try to improve my skin and scars but that it is not an end on to itself and just a part of journey.

What I mean by this is that since the time I started reading this board my life has changed quite drastically, I moved far away, I'm studying for a graduate degree in a profession totally different than what I thought I'd grew to be. I've met wonderful people and had amazing experiences.

Don't get me wrong there were days I felt I looked horrible, where I was tempted to just stay in my room. But if I had done so I would have missed out on a lot of living. And likewise there were days where I thought I looked great and could do anything.

One of the things you have to realize about this board is that there are many people that leave the board to never come back, perhaps they had the perfect treatment and got the results they wanted or they learned to love themselves as they are.

I know what it feels like to search the board hoping you'll find the perfect treatment or the next big thing to come, maybe there is a perfect treatment that will cure your scars but every treatment here will affect everyone differently and you should take ever story with a grain of salt. Ultimately if you want to take the risk that's up to you, as long as you understand that there is the legitimate chance it could do nothing or even make things worse.

Something you should really think about is if tomorrow all your scars magically vanished, would you be entirely happy with your life? Would you want to be in better shape, have a better job etc? There's nothing wrong with that of course but what I want you to realize is that there are a lot of things you can still change about yourself and your life to be happier and you might as well get cracking on those things too in the meantime.

To put it bluntly, time stops for nobody. I have no regrets about spending the last few minutes to write something that may help another person. But this is your life and your youth and ultimately you need to decide if you're going to live it or spend it obsessing over scars.

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Hey Sapphire Lily... it's me... if you remember. :)

I have a feeling that you're not particularly looking for just scar treatments -- if you were, you would've listened to the dermatologists that you went to. Moreover, you would have tried something by now. Instead, it seems that you are looking for somebody else with easily scarring or spontaneously scarring skin as yourself to share experiences with. Well I don't know if you'll be successful in doing that, but all I can say is that I agree with the posters above that you should take the dive and start treating your skin.

It's easy to get addicted to stay on the boards and just read posts and get emotionally in tune with them, sometimes getting a spark of hope from a particularly insightful thread, then immediately brought down afterwards by a horror story. But I think that the more you read, the more you became doubtful of the first step to take.

I also suggest that you start with dermarolling/stamping. Believe me, once you start dermastamping, you will feel better immediately. It has something to do with hearing all those popping noises as the needles excite the scar tissue. You will gain new hope, as you will at least feel that your scars are gradually healing in your sleep or during your daily activities.

We're both young, and I think it would be foolish to waste our youth fretting over our skin rather than finding solutions and then moving on.

Well good luck to you!

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@littleguy- I'm sorry to hear about your scars :( As for my depression, I'm already on medicine for it, but it doesn't take my insecurity about my scars away. It does make it easier to deal with though, but it's still hard. Thanks for your advice, and good luck to you.

@sunshine21- I'm glad someone understands me not wanting to be invasive with my scars, especially with my healing ability. You're right that I need to stop obsessing over my scars. It'd be easier if I didn't get a new one every day. It's like even if I finally accept the way I look, in comes a new one that changes everything. I do get out every once in awhile. I go out at LEAST once a week. I don't have a car so it's hard. I usually can't even enjoy myself because I can't help but think of my skin. It's hard to see people around with perfect skin. I live in a very big, superficial city, and being around young people my age that only care about looks does not help. I do like the idea of volunteering; it's just difficult for me to get around. I love reading though and I am currently reading a new book "How to Heal Your Life" :) I usually get on this board to keep in touch with a couple of people in PMs, and sometimes I'll reply in 'The Lounge' or help someone out. I really don't get on as much as I used to, though I should get on less! Thanks for your advice, and good luck to you.

@Liquid_Ocelot- Honestly, if I had taken advice on treatments any earlier, my face probably could've gotten worse. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if it did. But after I get some doctor checkups done when I get my insurance, I'll finally do something in 2011. Next year I wanted to really do something and that's part of the reason for this new thread. I'm getting my story out there, and in return I only ask for advice, suggestions, guidance whatever because I do appreciate it all and keep it in mind. I know people have given me advice in the past, and I do take it all into consideration. If someone is tired of seeing me around, then my advice is just don't pay attention. I have vented out to this site before I understand, but maybe it's because I have nowhere else to turn. Anyway, starting off with a .5mm dermastamp is a smart suggestion that hasn't crossed my mind and nobody else has suggested. I did plan on dermastamping so I'll most likely start off with that first. Thanks :)

@someoneelse- I'm very glad that you've learned to be happier with yourself and have gotten out there and accomplished something. Your reply is inspirational and is going to help me out a lot. You've put things into a new perspective for me. I know I wouldn't be completely happy with my life if my scars had magically vanished, but hell I know I'd be a lot happier. It sucks that my scars have held me back from so much this year. I know I shouldn't have let it, but it's hard to take my own advice. I really need to start making other aspects of my life better instead of just focusing on my scars. Thanks for your reply, and keep doing what you're doing!

@now.or.never- Of course I remember you. Your scar story success with a dermastamp is my latest hope :) I want to tell you the reason why I didn't listen to the dermatologists was because each one of them told me c02 lasers was the answer and didn't even show concern with my spontaneous scarring. I do plan on dermastamping when I find out what's wrong or not wrong with my skin's ability to heal. I don't want to make matters worse. And you're right about these boards. Thanks for your reply, and good luck to you with the rest of your scar treatment.

Edited by Sapphire Lily

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Guest Timehealsall

Well, i have also spontaneously scarred and i dont know why. Mines probably dont happen as often as yours do, but i do indeed scar. It seems like it happened out of the blue.

From what i have read of your posts, i wonder, after how long of using retin-a did your skin start scarring?

Also, since you mentioned easily getting scars on your arms, my fingers have gotten scars from minor cuts.

I do not think its "genetic" like others have said because you should have started scarring before this year. IMHO, do not go with scar treatments just yet, but instead try to figure out why you are scarring.

I hate when fucking derms dont help you out, it seriously drives me nuts. I went to several derms, and all of them told me that these were "Acne" scars that you did not notice. I never got acne in areas where i got some of my scars (and that photo i had of my linear scar on my cheek, are they telling me my zit was that big?) I have gotten more of those.

I have gone through it all, severe depression, severe anxiety, counseling, suicidal thoughts(too scared to actually do it because what if i dont kill myself?), social hermit, sleeping in most of the day, crying (i am a guy), and worst of all, looking at myself and comparing myself to everyone around me. I swear, what makes me so angry is when i see a persons face with a zit that is all bloody/scabbed up (They popped it) and a few days later or a week later, their skin healed perfectly.

i honestly do not know what to tell you. Hell from what i researched, even if someone spotaneously scars, there is no way to stop it or treat it as its genetics (bullshit imo).

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Guest Timehealsall

i would also like to add that judging from your photos, your lucky that your a very attractive girl (you have nice features). i noticed (IMHO) that people who are fairly attractive and those who have good features, scars usually do not detract from their looks. Just recently i saw one of my girl cousins for christmas and i was incredibly surprised at what i saw. She had icepick scars all over her face (boxcars as well) and before i saw her, her skin was FLAWLESS. however, the awkward thing is that although she had all these scars, shes so gorgeous naturally that it didn't even detract from how she looked. I was also watching a lot of movies recently, and i noticed tons of actors that have moderate acne scarring (brad pitt in his early days had bad scars, ray liotta) and surprisingly one of the james bond actors named timothy dalton. I never realized before, but he has tons of icepick scars on his face but like i mentioned, these people are also naturally attractive so it doesnt detract from their looks. (BTW it seems like daltons scars have vanished, i wonder what he has done?)

The point i amtrying to get across is that although you have scarring, be lucky and thankful that you are also pretty. Others (like me) are scarring AND got hit by the ugly stick.

I know this wont make you feel better, but imho you are a very attractive girl.

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Dear sapphire:

Your story breaks my heart and makes menfeel ashamed of myself. I've been dealing with mild acne for just over 10 months. I have become so depressed and ashamed all I want to do is stay hidden in my room. Nobody understands me.. Not my parents , my bestfriend or my boyfriend

I used to have absolutely flawless beautiful skin that never needed a touch if make up and I so desperately want that back. However every time I get close some sort of disaster occurs. I've been prescribed retin a, differin and do not use any. I'm only using Diane 35 to even out my hormones because they tend to fluctuate and make me break out before I get my period. It seems to be working but my current dilemma is I have a gash on my right cheek Wich is the result of a waxing incident and it's healing horribly. I'm so scared it will leave a scar. I have never scared before only have some darker pigmented marks Wich seem to be going away on there own in time. I just want to let you know your not alone, I lost my bf yesterday night because of this depression and I feel so shitty I want to hide in my room and never ever come out. I know it's hard and nothing seems to help but if there's Any satisfaction in knowing you not alone I hope it helps. I wish you the best of luck. I'm heading to my family doctor soon to hopefully get help.

Take care hunn

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Hi guys,

I've been a member here since this year, March of 2010. I joined in a frantic distress over my skin spontaneously scarring. At the time I was using Benzyl Peroxide Creamy Wash x2 as a cleanser, University Medical w/ Hyaluronic Acid as a moisturizer, Retin-A Micro .04% as a topical treatment, and Ampicillin 500mg per day as an oral antibotic. This was my regemin for 1-2 years. I had moderate-severe acne since I was 13ish, and have been on a lot of facial routines, but this is what finally cleared me up. My face was flawless, yet I was still so insecure. I wish I never took my looks for granted, because now that's all been taken away from me.

March I started getting scars out of nowhere. I remember like it was yesterday, sitting up on my bathroom sink counter and plucking my eyebrows. I noticed a dented scar on my right (your left) forehead. I studied it for a few minutes and then started to panic. I had and still have an anxiety disorder, so that didn't help. I then remember being depressed over that one scar, not wanting to go to school, only seeing that scar and nothing else when I looked in the mirror, always being paranoid that someone else was looking at it, etc. If only now I could have just that one scar back.

Easter break had come and I was relieved to get some time off from school. One night coming back from the movies, I looked in the car mirror to see another dented scar on my right cheek near my nose. It was bigger and deeper. I started to panic and bawl and felt confused and hopeless. Over the next few days, new pitted scar(s) kept coming.

I stopped eating. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't watch TV. I didn't get hungry and always felt restless. Scars were the ONLY thing on my mind. I felt like I was going crazy. My boyfriend pretended he didn't see them or that some were already there, though I know he noticed them and I know they weren't there before. He was trying to keep me calm, but nothing worked. I lost 10 lbs in 1-2 weeks. I became pale, sick-looking, weak, scarred. Food made me feel sick and wouldn't stay down. I was losing my hair. I considered myself dead. I didn't know who I was anymore. When I looked in the mirror, it was like I was in somebody else's body, my soul was just looking back at me. I planned suicide and there were so many times where I almost went through with it. I ended up in an emergency room, then a mental facility for depression for a total of two months.

When I got out, I went to 5 different dermatologists and described my dilemma to all of them, but they all didn't believe me/talked or looked at me like I was crazy or dumb. They kept telling me they were acne scars, then of course they offered me scar treatment. I've lost my faith in dermatologists. They don't know anything 'out of the ordinary'. My family doctor was the only one who took me seriously, probably because he knew me through when my skin cleared up and was flawless, but he just didn't know what to do for me about it. My blood work was normal, except my thyroid was a little 'hyper' and I had antinuclear antibodies in my blood. I went to a radiologist to get thyroid scans and what not checked out, but all was normal. I went to a rheumotologist to see if I had an immune disease (like Lupus; a condition that also creates antinuclear antibodies in the blood), but he looked at me, asked me questions and told me I didn't have an issue that he could treat. I've gotten cut off my health insurance since then.

Fast forward to now and I still slip into SEVERE depression, I have horrible anxiety, I've lost all of my friends, I was kicked out of school, I still want to sleep all day, I feel like I'm losing my boyfriend of 4 years. I'm still scarring. I just don't know what to do anymore. This is all to say the leastof how I'm feeling. This year seemed to go by so fast, mainly because I slept it all away.

Since this started happening, I've stopped my whole regimen one-by-one, and the big spontaneous scars had stopped. But like I said, I still get scars. I will scar from something a simple as a clogged pore. If things keep going like this, soon there will be no healthy skin on my face. I even got a pitted scar from a cat scratch on my arm. I don't know what's going on.

I get my health insurance back next month, Janurary of 2011, I want to do something about this. I just don't know what. I don't want to scar anymore, and I want to fix my existing scars. My scarring is moderate, but as a girl it's severe. I have all types of scarring- scarred pores, icepick, boxcar, rolling. I can't even do something as simple as a light chemical peel because my skin and its healing is so unpredictable. I want my life back in 2011. Please help. :cry:

Ok, I said I'd post something so here I go. First off: :comfort: Furthermore, seeing that you are as upset by all of this as you are means that it all runs pretty deep. So it's kind of hard for me to say anything that will make you go "Whoa, that's right!" and then you feel better (if that is even possible in the first place). I mean I read your post I recognized a lot. Being obsessed and depressed... I've been there. And if someone told me back then things like "It's not as bad as you think." or "People don't stare as much as you think they do." that would just go in one ear and out the other. You see it doesn't work that way. If you want to become a happier person, you really need to challenge your thoughts for instance. The official title for this approach is cognitive behavioral therapy I think and it can really help you a bunch. So I'd say look into that. :nod: Also, try to find someone in "real" life who you can talk to about everything... It would be quite a challenge to tackle all of this on your own.

I sincerely hope you find the strength to make the right decisions so you will get through all of this, so that one day you'll go "I can't believe I ever let all those things get to me so much. :think:". I hope you don't forget that things can get better.

All the best.

Edited by Lapis lazuli

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Guest Timehealsall
Dear sapphire:

Your story breaks my heart and makes menfeel ashamed of myself. I've been dealing with mild acne for just over 10 months. I have become so depressed and ashamed all I want to do is stay hidden in my room. Nobody understands me.. Not my parents , my bestfriend or my boyfriend

I used to have absolutely flawless beautiful skin that never needed a touch if make up and I so desperately want that back. However every time I get close some sort of disaster occurs. I've been prescribed retin a, differin and do not use any. I'm only using Diane 35 to even out my hormones because they tend to fluctuate and make me break out before I get my period. It seems to be working but my current dilemma is I have a gash on my right cheek Wich is the result of a waxing incident and it's healing horribly. I'm so scared it will leave a scar. I have never scared before only have some darker pigmented marks Wich seem to be going away on there own in time. I just want to let you know your not alone, I lost my bf yesterday night because of this depression and I feel so shitty I want to hide in my room and never ever come out. I know it's hard and nothing seems to help but if there's Any satisfaction in knowing you not alone I hope it helps. I wish you the best of luck. I'm heading to my family doctor soon to hopefully get help.

Take care hunn

DOOD, posts like this piss me off. If you have MILD ACNE, and you DO NOT HAVE ANY SCARS, why are you so depressed? There are 1000s of treatments out there to use TO GET YOUR ACNE under control BEFORE IT DOES SCAR. I mean, if you get one scar, its not that much of a big deal.

Jeeze..

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Hi Sapphire

I am so sorry that you are feeling so bad lately:(

The one thing that really really helped me was Prozac. It made me feel much more stable. Its not perfect but it made a huge difference for me. Maybe it could help you get out of this funk. I would talk to your dr. It s no way to live in misery.

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Hi guys,

I've been a member here since this year, March of 2010. I joined in a frantic distress over my skin spontaneously scarring. At the time I was using Benzyl Peroxide Creamy Wash x2 as a cleanser, University Medical w/ Hyaluronic Acid as a moisturizer, Retin-A Micro .04% as a topical treatment, and Ampicillin 500mg per day as an oral antibotic. This was my regemin for 1-2 years. I had moderate-severe acne since I was 13ish, and have been on a lot of facial routines, but this is what finally cleared me up. My face was flawless, yet I was still so insecure. I wish I never took my looks for granted, because now that's all been taken away from me.

March I started getting scars out of nowhere. I remember like it was yesterday, sitting up on my bathroom sink counter and plucking my eyebrows. I noticed a dented scar on my right (your left) forehead. I studied it for a few minutes and then started to panic. I had and still have an anxiety disorder, so that didn't help. I then remember being depressed over that one scar, not wanting to go to school, only seeing that scar and nothing else when I looked in the mirror, always being paranoid that someone else was looking at it, etc. If only now I could have just that one scar back.

Easter break had come and I was relieved to get some time off from school. One night coming back from the movies, I looked in the car mirror to see another dented scar on my right cheek near my nose. It was bigger and deeper. I started to panic and bawl and felt confused and hopeless. Over the next few days, new pitted scar(s) kept coming.

I stopped eating. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't watch TV. I didn't get hungry and always felt restless. Scars were the ONLY thing on my mind. I felt like I was going crazy. My boyfriend pretended he didn't see them or that some were already there, though I know he noticed them and I know they weren't there before. He was trying to keep me calm, but nothing worked. I lost 10 lbs in 1-2 weeks. I became pale, sick-looking, weak, scarred. Food made me feel sick and wouldn't stay down. I was losing my hair. I considered myself dead. I didn't know who I was anymore. When I looked in the mirror, it was like I was in somebody else's body, my soul was just looking back at me. I planned suicide and there were so many times where I almost went through with it. I ended up in an emergency room, then a mental facility for depression for a total of two months.

When I got out, I went to 5 different dermatologists and described my dilemma to all of them, but they all didn't believe me/talked or looked at me like I was crazy or dumb. They kept telling me they were acne scars, then of course they offered me scar treatment. I've lost my faith in dermatologists. They don't know anything 'out of the ordinary'. My family doctor was the only one who took me seriously, probably because he knew me through when my skin cleared up and was flawless, but he just didn't know what to do for me about it. My blood work was normal, except my thyroid was a little 'hyper' and I had antinuclear antibodies in my blood. I went to a radiologist to get thyroid scans and what not checked out, but all was normal. I went to a rheumotologist to see if I had an immune disease (like Lupus; a condition that also creates antinuclear antibodies in the blood), but he looked at me, asked me questions and told me I didn't have an issue that he could treat. I've gotten cut off my health insurance since then.

Fast forward to now and I still slip into SEVERE depression, I have horrible anxiety, I've lost all of my friends, I was kicked out of school, I still want to sleep all day, I feel like I'm losing my boyfriend of 4 years. I'm still scarring. I just don't know what to do anymore. This is all to say the leastof how I'm feeling. This year seemed to go by so fast, mainly because I slept it all away.

Since this started happening, I've stopped my whole regimen one-by-one, and the big spontaneous scars had stopped. But like I said, I still get scars. I will scar from something a simple as a clogged pore. If things keep going like this, soon there will be no healthy skin on my face. I even got a pitted scar from a cat scratch on my arm. I don't know what's going on.

I get my health insurance back next month, Janurary of 2011, I want to do something about this. I just don't know what. I don't want to scar anymore, and I want to fix my existing scars. My scarring is moderate, but as a girl it's severe. I have all types of scarring- scarred pores, icepick, boxcar, rolling. I can't even do something as simple as a light chemical peel because my skin and its healing is so unpredictable. I want my life back in 2011. Please help. :cry:

I can relate to you so much.. Probably 90% of what you said I've been dealing with since around.. March of 2010 as well maybe a little earlier. I have broken out on and off all through my teen years, cleared up for a few years, then all of a sudden at the beginning of this year had a mean breakout and was put on Tazorac. Since then, it seems like I woke up one day with a face full of scarred pores! Oh man, was that a mind trip.. Still is actually. I don't see the same person when I look in the mirror, I was kicked out of high school in my last semester of senior year, have had minimal contact with my friends over the last year, and almost lost my girlfriend who I've been with for quite a long time as well. I've contemplated suicide countless times, lost all of my self confidence, everything is a spinning roller coaster ride that I'm stuck on and I can't make up from down anymore. Every day is a struggle with myself. That's just a very, very brief overview of the similarities I see.

I can't say I have any experience with having treatment on scarring-I've done a ton of research though- but I totally understand what you're coming from. I can say that I've noticed its all about your mindset though. You gotta surround yourself with good people and good things that make you happy as much as you can, fight the part of yourself that tells you to hide to the best of your ability, and then you start to find that your scars have a little less control over your life. You start to realize that other people really don't notice/care about your scars as much as you do, and they affect you in a positive way without even realizing it just by accepting you like they always have, with or without scars.

EDIT: Don't know if I mentioned I'm a guy or not, but I am, so its definitely not just a girl thing.

Edited by whatjathink

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