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how do i deal with people gawking at me

I think my face is pretty repulsive. I don't think I'm that attractive even if I had great skin, but with the combination of both people seem repulsed by me. Everywhere I go someone is starring at me, and when I notice them, they turn away. I remember one time I was on a boat, and this lady in her 50s or 60s just stared at me the whole time, the whole ride. Made me really self-conscious. And when I was with a friend at an ATM machine, this lady down the sidewalk just stared at me and walked away when I noticed her. I went back to my friend, looked back 5 minutes later, exact same result from her. And when I'm in class, it seems no matter where I sit or who sits next to me, theres always at least one person who just stares me down during the entire lecture. He or she will pretend they are fixing theyre hair, or they'll block their face and look through their fingers and just look at me. I pretend I don't notice, but deep inside its distracting me and just making me feel self-conscious. Sometimes I can't hold back the anger, and I'll look their way or I'll cover my face with the side theyre looking from subtly giving them the finger pretending im scratching my head.

I dont know how to stay resiliant to being stared at, literally all the time. The reactions from everyone who passes me by, I've seen and heard everything, believe me. Now I can't go anywhere unless I'm riding a bike or walking with someone else, but even then its hard. If I tell them off, I'll look angry and unfriendly and will have trouble drawing people to me. If I objectify them and stare them down, then I'll look like a madman.

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I say this paragraph when people do that to me helps me alot:

"this is why acne sufferers have a high sucide rate, i am happy for them they dont have to live in this horrible sad world... they werent strong like i am.. i hope they are at peace.. I will not give up like they did, I will keep going... I cannot change what happens around me, but I can change my reaction to it.."

usually distracts me and brings me to a serenity of my own.

hope you get through this like i have..

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i can't even find the words to let you know that their opinions don't matter.

in the end all you have is You.

in the meantime, what are you doing for your skin?

did accutane in high school. use a lot of creams, now im just using CRS and occasionally epiduo of I break out. My face is just really red, considering co2 laser at a cheap price for the ice pick, rolling scars.

and i understand that philosophy, and i try not to care, but its not so much my self-consciousness as much as reacting to their consciousness of me.

saw this documentary the other day:


completely sympathized with the guy who wore glasses. I dont think i look good in shade others id probably do the same. Just cause i dont know what to do with my eyes. But the difference between me and them is they have fabricated their fears, my fears have strung from what I see around me. If everyone ignored me, I would be comfortable in my skin, however bad it may be.

Everyone tells me its confidence. But why would i go out of my way to get people to like me if theyre the same people who would stare me down otherwise? Im just afraid that things are going to get psychologically worse for me. I can remember the last time I walked outside during the harsh sunset lighting.

Edited by wasteofpaint

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My biggest issue is acceptance. Because I still try and walk around as a normal person when im not. With the reactions ive seen, its clear I am not a normal person, yet no one has been upfront about it with me, so i guess ive just felt confused about it. I look in the mirror and I dont think its that bad, but the reactions suggest otherwise.

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I know how u feel. I never thought that much of my acne/scarring, until ppl started pointing it out or commenting on it. I mean really it's not bad at ALL but the more ppl do things like that the more self conscience I become!!

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