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Hi, im new to this website, just thought I could share my experiences with acne and whatnot...

So basically, i'm sick of my fucking life and everything that revolves around it. Right now I'm a uni student, with no particular interest, and don't really know what I want to do with my life. I don't know why I traveled miles away from my home to come to a university so far away, just so that I could study. I really have no idea why I did this, but I guess it was because of the money offered to me.

Anyways, I have struggled with acne since day 1. I think it started when I was in 8th grade. I remember getting this one cyst, and from there it just spread like wildfire throughout high school. Now, my condition is unbearable. I have cystic patches all over my cheeks and face, deep scars, etc. It's just horrible, I feel like a monster everyday, and other students give me the looks whenever I go outside. It really does break my heart and I try not to cry, because I dealt with this condition for almost all my life. But now it's coming to the point of being senseless and I don't have a fucking clue what I want to do with my life.

And to top it off, there aren't any positive characteristics that I have, or can think of. I don't get the best of grades, I'm a short guy(5'8), can't talk well with other people due to my acne and quiet speaking skills, don't talk to girls fearing I might scare them off, never had a girlfriend in my life, I'm an ectomorph(I was skinny all my life), I always look like some malnourished retard who has really bad acne, I'm not good looking(even though older people and my parents tell me that I am, I really don't know how others view me), people don't take me seriously and they always give me that awkward look, and alot of people tend to avoid me when I try to be friends with them. I feel like I've been endowed with the most cruelest genes a teen could ask for, and sometimes I feel like blaming my parents for making me into a monster.

It also sucks seeing other people who made fun of me and my qualities, enjoying their lives to the fullest. They all have girlfriends/boyfriends, commit crimes, drink, smoke, etc. And even through all of this, their face is clear and they don't need to deal with this bullshit. I really feel like shit whenever I see this, even though I have never drank alcohol, smoked, or committed any crimes.

I don't know why I am writing this, as I have never relied on the internet for problem-seeking solutions. So I just decided, what the hell, might as well release some of my emotions to others, or to those that actually care. I'm just so sick of my life right now, I have all of these negative qualities, have absolutely no friends from highschool or college, my family doesn't understand the pain I'm going through, and I really can't picture what my future would be like.

P.S. I'm currently taking this pill called accutane, and no I do not think I am being depressed because of this drug. I have been suffering depression ever since high school, and slowly dealt with it.

Edited by sopdebottom

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Some of the things you don't like about yourself are fixable. Obviously, you're on the way to achieving this, as you're taking accutane, which you have to KEEP taking. I owe my life to that drug.

I noticed how you said that you're an ectomorph, so that's the reason you look skinny (not true). Seriously, this is easily fixed by EATING MORE and weightlifting. You might want to get into that, because it's really a lot of fun to keep progressing on that stuff.

Also, you can not think that things like alcohol, cigarettes etc. are what should be causing acne, because it's simply irrelevant.

I (almost) know how you feel (been there), and I really wish you the best of luck in your life. What's stated above are just some things that I think could help you, especially working on your body image, as it can greatly distract you from your negative feelings.

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Hey. I feel your pain and can relate. Please, consider some counseling. It's not an admission of anything, just that you need a new set of coping mechanisms. Everyone can benefit in that way as no one is perfect. Check with your college's services; they will be able to point you in the right direction. Don't let this fester and ruin your experiences in college. Untreated depression can have serious consequences, including shrinking of the hippocampus. Get it treated!

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I echo Wynne's advice. Counseling can do wonders if you have the means to get some. Even posting your thoughts here is great. *hug* I wish you the very best on your course and hope you will finish it on a positive note. It has helped so many - hopefully you as well.

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