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wide_eyed

This is a Story of a Girl: Part 2

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The Beginning

I never thought I would be here again. Well, I guess I just hoped I wouldn't. But I am back for a second round of Accutane, and as with the first I plan on keeping a log to document my experience, mainly as an outlet for myself to vent, but also to communicate with other org kids. ;)

At first Accutane appeared to have been the "cure" to my bad skin problems that I had been hoping for. I was on a course for five or six months last year, and by last November I was clear except for red marks. The old red marks have since disappeared, and I was clear for six months post-tane. However my skin has flared up again in the past few months, and I can't stand it any longer. It is a lot milder then the first time around, but I don't want anymore scars, and I am now 25. It's beyond a joke.

I called my old derm for an appointment. Turns out that he has retired. FML. So I had to go back to the GP and get a new referral. I did this yesterday, called the new derm straight away and was told the earliest was the first week of December. Not ideal, but I took it, and was added onto the cancellation list. And low and behold, I get a call a few hours later saying that they had had a cancellation, and could I come in tomorrow (being today). Of course I took it! I was ecstatic.

As for expectations, I thought I might be put on 20mg of Accutane for three or four months. My new derm however said that my old derm had stuffed up my course, and that I need to start fresh. Apparently my new derm's method is one box of pills per 10kg body weight, plus a couple for extra luck. I am currently 64kg, so that would mean 8 boxes, and last course I only had six boxes. With each box roughly a months dosage, I am now stuck in this nightmare for the next 8 months or so, on 60mg a day.

He asked whether I was pregnant: negative. He asked if my blood tests were okay last time: yep. He asked what my side-effects were: I listed them, all the usual, nothing out of the ordinary. He wrote me a prescription then and there. No blood tests, no waiting time. I asked if I should work my way up to 60mg like last time to avoid an I.B, and he said that there was no need. I started whinging jokingly about how I wasn't looking forward to the aching joints and dry lips, and he pretty much said "No pain, no gain". And he is totally right.

So tomorrow, even though I am on the pill I am going to do a pregnancy test, just to be sure. Then I will pop my first two pills of the second round of treatment. I am going to Europe to travel next June, and then to the UK to live, so I am hoping to be done with the meds by then. I just want this to be over with once and for all. I am so desperate.

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im on a second course too!! and my first one ended last november as well! except i never cleared the first time and it just kept getting worse. (although its still not as bad as before the first course) but like u i didn't want any more scars or redmarks.

good luck on ur course!!.

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wide_eyed: I know how u feel.

Accutane cleared me for a few months and i enjoyed having a pimple free skin.

Now i think my acne is returning for good. Not as bad as the last time, but it is enough to make me feel demoralised and bad about myself.

Hope your 2nd course would do you good. Take care!

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Day 1

I popped the first two pills this morning. I am scared, but I'm feeling prepared to face whatever may happen. I went to the pharmacy and bought Lucas paw paw ointment for when my lips crack, eye drops for when they get dry, Cetaphil moisturiser for my face, and I have a stack of different moisturisers for my body.

As I walked to the station on my way to work I was already imagining how much my joints are going to ache. I just have to keep telling myself that it is a means to the end.

This course is going to be a lot different to the last one:

- I'm starting straight on 60mg/day rather than building up to it;

- It is summer rather than winter in Australia, so I will need to be wary of the sun and watch how much water and alcohol I drink;

- I didn't have any blood tests prior to commencing the treatment, so I will be quite paranoid about my cholesterol and such, so will go back to having porridge for breakfast. *sigh*;

- I am a lot more active than I used to be, so I will probably notice my joint pain quite a lot;

- I am no longer studying (as of next week) so hopefully the back pain won't be as much of an issue;

- I am not going to tell my friends. I want to go this alone. My parents know, and a lady from work. Plus you kids of the org. ;)

I am concerned about having an IB. Last time I had break-outs on my cheeks and forehead, when I had only ever had problems with my chin and around my mouth. It was uber depressing to see the blemish-free parts of my face red and horrible, but it has all since cleared, so I am feeling confident that if it occurs again, it won't leave permanent marks.

Current mood: Hopeful

Side effects: Nil

Listening to: Coldplay- Clocks

________________________________________________________________________________

faithinhim: Thanks very much for the well wishes. I hope so too!

X3Kell3X: Good luck for your course. I hope that a second round is what the both of us needs to give us permanent clear skin.

fel_han: Don't feel demoralised. With all of the success stories out there you just need to keep persisting until you find something that works for you. Have you been back to a derm? Would you consider a second course of 'tane?

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hey

how bad is your skin this time around? Did you suggest accutane, or did the new derm? I'm around 6-month post, and i'm getting mild acne pretty frequently, was thinking about heading back to the derm, i thought they might want to try topicals or something though.

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wow he put you straight on 60 mg with not tests? That is the complete opposite of my experience! My derm is SOO paranoid and cautious. Im starting on 10 mg.And I had to wait 2 months to get my first prescription. I feel like if I dont get an upped dosage that Im just gonna get it back like you and lots of others did. I would obv rather get this done with on the first try!

I hope this time around works for you and that the side effects arent too bad.

Where you moving to in Europe? Im living in Italy and love it! Im American, but ive lived here for a little over a year and a half.

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Day 3

So far, so good. It is Spring here and I suffer from hayfever, so my headache and sore eyes could be the hayfever or tane. Unsure as yet. I went out last night and had a few beers and I felt fine, but I think that I will take it easy on the alcohol throughout the course. I've been trying to drink as much water as I can.

Currently my skin has no actives. Just two areas either side of my chin that had break outs a couple of weeks ago and are still clearing up.

That's it for now. I will update once I have something to report.

Current mood: Insecure

Side effects: Nil

Listening to: Children Collide- Loveless

_____________________________________________________________________________

brandish: My skin is pretty mild, but it is persistent. At first I just had small papules, but they have started getting deeper and leaving scars, and appearing in clusters on my chin like they did before my first course of tane. Topicals never helped with my skin. I have tried a range of treatments and Accutane was the only thing that delivered results, so I was keen to go back on it. I told my new derm this, and he didn't hesitate in prescribing it to me. He took a good look at my skin first, so he must've decided that it would be beneficial.

sperenza: This time around was a lot different. I think it was because I went to the derm knowing that I wanted to be back on it. I know what I'm in for, and my body handled it fairly well last time. My derm explained that it is all about the accumulative doseage, so the higher the dose the sooner I will finish the course. It also depends on how much you weigh. But 10mg if pretty small! The pills here are 20mg each! I'm going to travel in Europe from June-September, then settle down in London hopefully! Where in Italy are you?

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sperenza: This time around was a lot different. I think it was because I went to the derm knowing that I wanted to be back on it. I know what I'm in for, and my body handled it fairly well last time. My derm explained that it is all about the accumulative doseage, so the higher the dose the sooner I will finish the course. It also depends on how much you weigh. But 10mg if pretty small! The pills here are 20mg each! I'm going to travel in Europe from June-September, then settle down in London hopefully! Where in Italy are you?

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Guest DireStraits

Hey wide_eyed.

I actually remember you. Last year this time I was reading your first log, tossing up whether i should go on accutane in the new year, which I did this year.

Its a bummer you had to go on a second course. Still, good luck, hopefully second times a charm, all the best!

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Day 5

I just ate a massive piece of chocolate cake, and now I feel ill. I considered vomitting it up, but I am fairly sure that it was such binging & purging behaviour that resulted in my need to Accutane last year. So I am going to suck it up and learn from it. Next time I feel like eating something disgusting like that... don't! Hahaha.

Today when I walked up the stairs at home my knees hurt. *sigh* It couldn't possibly be having an affect after 5 days, could it? Although I started gradually last time, so possibly it is. I have a constant headache, even though I have been drinking a lot of water. And I am extremely tired. I have been having a nap before dinner the past few days. This could be because my hayfever tablets aren't the non-drowsy kind.

I have something about to erupt just next to the left of my mouth. It feels painful, so the next week or so will be interesting. I'm wondering if it the start of an IB, or whether it would have emerged even if I wasn't on tane.

I don't have a set routine skin care wise. I am trying to keep it simple. If I have some dry skin on my face I will use a facial scrub in the morning, then Cetaphil moisturiser with SPF. At night I'm using a QV wash and Clinque moisturiser. My nose has been flaking, and my hands and legs have been quite dry. But in the case of my legs at least I think it is because I burnt them in Bali a couple of weeks ago and they are yet to fully recover.

Current mood: Anxious

Side effects: Headache, slight joint pain, potential start of IB

Listening to: Angus & Julia Stone: Big Jet Plane

____________________________________________________________

sperenza: If you are really concerned you could always get a second opinion. It's good to know that she has your best interests at heart though. I was quite surprised at how laid back both of my derms have been at prescribing Accutane. My last derm didn't feel the need to see me after the fourth month or so- just gave me a prescription and sent me on my merry way. It was to save me money on the consult, but it meant no more blood tests or a debriefing at the end of the course to let me know what to expect once the treatment was over, and what course of action we'd take if I relapsed.

DireStraits: Thanks for the well wishes! Are you happy with the results from your course? I will have to check out your blog.

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Day 7

I started putting BP onto the small cyst that was coming up to the left of my mouth, in preparation for when it rears it's ugly head. However I think it caused me to break out elsewhere on my chin which sucks. Or it could be the IB. Not sure yet. My lips are starting to dry out, I am constantly thirsty and my left knee is quite sore. Otherwise things are going along pretty smoothly.

On another note, I submitted my final report, so if I pass I have finished my Masters! :D

Current mood: Ecstatic

Side effects: Dry lips, possible IB, sore joints

Listening to: The Beatles- Hey Jude

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Heeey honey, I just came on the boards feeling so desperate, in order to search "accutane second course", because I am breaking out again, as well. And then I see you started your second course and, as much as I felt bad for I know how awful it must feel, I also felt relieved, and all of a sudden me considering a second course (which was a disaster just a moment ago) seemed so easy and normal.

Keep up the spirit and the courage to continue fighting, this surely is inspirational for me to book an appointment with my derm and go on Accutane the second time.

It seems that derms are becoming more experienced with Accutane and they are no longer so strict prescribing it. For instance, I did blood tests for 5-6 months last time I was on it, but none of the values ever went up, not the slightest. I guess I could just have gone through the course without ever doing them, or just the first few months.

As for me, I was also clear for six months, the summer was great, although the oil came back and I was pissed about it. But now, I am getting more and more breakouts and the oil is unbearable. The acne is different though, not as bad or as cystic as before, but in different places! Now I have them along my hair line and my hair is oily as hell. On top of that I started working on a very demanding job and all the stress must be contributing. I am again feeling depressed many times and again I refuse to go out or do stuff outside in daylight, I use heavy makeup and all that...

Anyway, best of luck on your second course, I hope I will join you soon!

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Heeey honey, I just came on the boards feeling so desperate, in order to search "accutane second course", because I am breaking out again, as well. And then I see you started your second course and, as much as I felt bad for I know how awful it must feel, I also felt relieved, and all of a sudden me considering a second course (which was a disaster just a moment ago) seemed so easy and normal.

Keep up the spirit and the courage to continue fighting, this surely is inspirational for me to book an appointment with my derm and go on Accutane the second time.

It seems that derms are becoming more experienced with Accutane and they are no longer so strict prescribing it. For instance, I did blood tests for 5-6 months last time I was on it, but none of the values ever went up, not the slightest. I guess I could just have gone through the course without ever doing them, or just the first few months.

As for me, I was also clear for six months, the summer was great, although the oil came back and I was pissed about it. But now, I am getting more and more breakouts and the oil is unbearable. The acne is different though, not as bad or as cystic as before, but in different places! Now I have them along my hair line and my hair is oily as hell. On top of that I started working on a very demanding job and all the stress must be contributing. I am again feeling depressed many times and again I refuse to go out or do stuff outside in daylight, I use heavy makeup and all that...

Anyway, best of luck on your second course, I hope I will join you soon!

I just started my second course - did my first course last year, was clear for about 7 1/2 months then slowly started to breakout again, oil came back, etc. Hopefully we get better results this time because the confidence I had during the summer without any acne was unbelievable!

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Day 20

I can't believe that I am finishing my first box of Accutane today. Incredible. The time is flying by with very minimal side-effects thus far, all that are very manageable. My lips are dry, my skin is flakey, and I have been getting mild back pain at work. My earring have irritated my ear lobes which are now dry, so I have stopped wearing them. My scalp is dry too, so I will have to go back to using the Neutrogena T-Gel: it worked a treat last time.

If I am being honest, my skin is looking the best that it has in months. I don't have any actives, only the cyst that is slowly receding. I get tingling feelings on my chin that makes me think that I am going to break out, but it doesn't happen. I am still getting prepared for an IB, but I am praying that it is not as severe as last time. I only ever break out on my chin and around my mouth, and last time I was on tane the IB made me break out on my forehead and my cheeks, and the red marks were there for months. It was very depressing.

It is tough doing the course through summer. I am staying inside more than I would like, and as I work in an office, the only time I am outside is the 20minutes walk to and from the station every morning. I haven't been wearing foundation at work, only on the weekends when I go out. However it is frustrating when I go out because my skin starts flaking under my make-up, mainly around my nose, but it's bareable and I just patch it up. I've been eating lots of porridge to try and keep cholesterol down etc, but I need to drink more water. My eyes aren't dry yet, but I do get slight joint pain. I truly think that my hay fever is more of a nuisance than being back on tane!

My parents know that I'm back on it, and so do a couple of girls from work. I sort of like knowing that it's on the down low this time. I'm not going to be posting pictures because I found that last time it just made my skin look worse and it made me really upset.

Current mood: Content

Side effects: The usual suspects: dry lips, dry skin, dry scalp, back and joint pain

Listening to: Band of Horses: No-ones gonna love you

__________________________________________________

arwena: Good to hear from you hun. I am sorry that you have relapsed too, but know that I am really glad to be on tane for a second course, and that it hasn't been anywhere near as difficult as the first time around. It's easier when you know what you're in for. The little things don't get to you and it's a lot more manageable. I'm only 20 days in, but already I feel better knowing that I'm being proactive and not sitting around feeling sorry for myself. No pain, no gain So I hope you go for it. Don't let it ruin your life. Make time for yourself once you've finished work. Run a bath, read a book, go for a run. Destress. Look after yourself. x

halifax: I totally agree with you: once you've experienced how amazing life is with clear skin, it makes you do almost anything to get it back! I'm hoping that a second course will knock it out of my system for good. All the best to you.

i saw the sign: Thanks for the well wishes. I have my fingers crossed that the side effects stay mild. Good luck with your second round!

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Day 23

I lost my prescription. Fark. It was so frustrating. Luckily the derm didn't mind giving me another one, but because I work full time I had to ask my sister to collect it and it was a hassle. And I was so annoyed because I didn't lose it at all during the first course. Anyway...

My skin started itching at work yesterday, and I couldn't help but scratch and rub. All I had on was moisturiser, so I wasn't sure what it was. I put it down to hayfever, but I went to the bathroom and noticed that my skin seeped to be weeping, and there was a yellowish dried crap on my skin. This morning I looked in the mirror and it looks like there are tiny blisters on my cheeks and chin. When I rub, they seem to pop and my skin feels wet, and when it dries it is yellow.

When I was overseas a month ago I got sunburnt and a similar thing happened on my back. But it was the first time it had ever happened. Now it's happening on my face, but I'm Accutane now and I've been careful to avoid the sun. So I have no idea what's going on. Moisturising only makes it burn, and my face looks angry and red. I don't know if it's related to Accutane, or if it's something else altogether. But it's frustrating. My skin is dry, itchy, and tight.

On a positive not, I still have no actives...

Current mood: Frustrated

Side effects: The usual, plus blisters on my face (potentially)

Listening to: Michelle Branch: Are you happy now?

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Hiya hon,

Ugh, I'm so sorry you have to go through this again. :( But what worked once will work again, and most likely will work for good the 2nd time around.

Just wanted to let you know that while we were on our 1st accutane courses together I loved reading your posts. They were always so dang positive. You stayed so active and outgoing while you were on your course, swimming, playing sports, "pashing" (still not sure I got the terminology right!) boys. Meanwhile I was curled up in my apartment hibernating. You were/are an inspiration! I feel really confident you're gonna be just fine, skin and all.

Oh and p.s. can I just say, your photos always used to make me a lil jealous! I wanted my skin to clear up as fast as yours, and even when you did have acne, you're just so pretty!!

XOXO

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Day 71... roughly

I haven't been on in a while. It is insane how easy this course has been in comparison to the first time. I've had two spots. The blisters that I reported last post disappeared after a couple of days and I haven't had a repeat since thank goodness! I put moisturiser on every morning and night, use Lucas paw paw on my lips, and they haven't been a problem. The only thing worth mentioning is my back pain. It's been really sore this past week, but that might be because I'm doing more exercise. But it's bareable.

My next derm appointment is the 2nd of Feb, so we'll see what happens after that. Oh! And one day on the way home from work I started scratching on a tiny bump next to my left eye. I absentmindedly scratched, and scratched, and it was fleshy and gross the next day. It scabbed over and was red for weeks. It's faded now thought.

I never wear foundation to work. It's been fine. I don't think about my skin. I drink lots of water. Sometimes I get headaches at work, but if I feel one coming on then I just scull a bottle. I hope it continues like that.

Current mood: Positive

Side effects: Sore back, headaches

Listening to: Dog: Andy Bull ft. Lisa Mitchell

______________________________________________________

nikkia: Thanks Nikki. I miss not having you around the boards! I'm going to be fine though. I'm glad to hear that everything in your world is amazing. x

Edited by wide_eyed

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Ah you haven't posted here in almost a year! I hope you still check this. I think you may remember me...? Like a few others(nikki included) we started tane logs around the same time. Back though :(((((( hit me up!

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