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BF's birthday dinner with his family

I dont have the guts and courage to go to my bf birthday party in nov.

I dont want his mother, family and friends to know he has got such an ugly gf, a gf with ruined face. Lately i just cant stop feeling and thinking i shouldnt ruin or affect his life too. I cant make myself happy to bring him joyful or whatever.

His birthday is coming, spending my limited cash to get him a great gift isnt an issue, but how am i susppose to be happy and smile on his party i dont know how. I jus dont want and got too tired to act all happy and cheerful when inside is killing and miserable. I bet his family will definately questioned about my face, cos his mum and sister did it before few times (which is kinda a lot already).

Plus i heard there might be an overnight, means his mother will definately tell me to remove makeup to sleep, but i cant.

Forcing me to remove makeup to public is like killing my pride and humiliating that i could die and cry. No way. But i really have idea how to go about getting this done?

Someone understanding enough to give me some insights/ advices ?

What should i do?

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i know it will be hard but be confident. confidence is key. i know people with terrible skin with scars and acne but they go out and it seems like they have crystal clear skin because of their confidence. confidence will do wonders.

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But an overnight mean having to remove makeup.

His bossy mother sure keep negging at me to remove them to sleep.

I am sure i rather sleep on streets.

The most crucial problem is they (his family) has seen me for 2 years, and had NEVER EVER seen me WITHOUT MAKEUP.

That's the problem.

I cant tolerate being mentioned by others at all, i dont have such a big wide strong heart.

They his mother, sister, all female cousins have perfect vibrant skin without makeup. They are not going to understand nor accept a vision of troubled skin.

Even with makeup on i already get LOADS of "advices" from them.

I mean who? None of us appreciate a great skin LECTURE especially in a crowd where there is so many people.

Is not about pride issue does anyone understands?

It's about face and heart and esteem.

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I understand. I really do. I nearly skipped a big event with my boyfriend's family this spring because I was really badly broken out, right before I started Accutane. I ended up going anyway, and I did have fun, but it was really hard to stay positive and keep my mind off my skin. If there was an overnight, no way would I have gone. I almost skipped just the one-day event. And though I've gotten plenty of unwanted "advice" from people about skin issues, thank God my bf's family never mentioned it. I think I just would have sobbed.

Is there any way you can go to the party without going to the overnight? That seems like it could be a good compromise. I'm sure your bf wants you there to celebrate, but I totally get why you wouldn't want to sleep over. People say to just be confident, but it's not easy, especially when we have bad skin problems. How about going for the party/dinner/whatever, then leaving and going home before everyone goes to sleep? You can say you have somewhere to be the next day. I think that's how I would handle it.

I highly doubt you're ugly, by the way. I know how bad skin can make you feel, because I lived with it for a decade before getting on Accutane. I grew up thinking of myself as hideous, but now that my skin is clearing up somewhat and I'm looking at my actual face instead of just sore skin, I feel so, so much better about myself. Try to look past the skin at the rest of your features. I bet you'll be surprised.

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hey, i think you shouldnt worry abt what they think....the fact is you have a partner that is not afraid to introduce you to yr parents....moreover you have a boyfriend...and i believe me being a boy, an say that boys are very particular to how good their partner looks.....(at least forthose without acne)...

take me for eg...i have been made fun of cause i have terrible scars and what not....i get hurt....throw tantrums to my parent (am 17 btw)....and worst of all...am in this all alone....i have spend tons on medications etc.....the one thing i ve always wished for is to have a partner that understands someone with acne....and never had a partner before...

but in aa way i believe my acne was a perceptive change...i looked at people not with disgust but with respect....least i can say is tht you are fortunate n dont let yr partner down...

REBEL

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How come everyone is ignoring, what I feel, is an equally important issue here? ...How can your boyfriends mother MAKE you remove your make-up? Honestly, if my boyfriend's mom said anything to me about my face or my makeup (especially what to do with it) I would tell her to shut the hell up. Maybe you can excuse yourself to the bathroom at night, do your regimen (whatever that may be) and just use light cover-up on your darkest spots to feel a bit more confident? I wouldn't recommend sleeping in make up on a consistent basis, but it would probably be ok for one night. Best of luck to you, and don't worry too much about your boyfriend's mom...she sounds like a piece of work.

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STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. You're important enough and you deserve to treat yourself with respect and expect the same from others. Don't just ACCEPT what others say, put out your own opinion.

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Thank you for anyone who cares and bother to reply trying to help me. :)

Thankyou so much cos these replies gave me some support and confidences to decide to carry on with the plan of turing up for that dinner. (:

I just "passed" that worrying nightmare.

I wasnt critisized or asked about my skin.

Thus my day wasnt so much spoilt.

As usual i have some "bad luck".

These few days i am having PMS which means oily red sensitive MORE acne sikn. One of those days where yolu skin is the most sux and wouldnt feel lik showing up.

I had some little acne on my chest which wasnt there in the morning until evening but i didnt bother to put foundation cos my dress is black, if it stain onto that black dress i know it would be the worst thing ever cos everyone would know i even know foundation on chest. Thats kinda embarassing aww.

Well i am really quite glad and relieved.

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@KitKate

Special thanks to KitKate for giving such good advice and suggestion. *hugs*

If you didnt mention about the compromise of me turning up for dinner but excuse for overnight, i would never thought of it. Let alone having such a sigh of relief and heavy guilt and worrying burden.

After struglling over this problem for weeks i decided to let my bf know about whats troubling me that he says he actually thought about it too and perfectly alright of me skipping the overnight.

I never know there are plently kind soul hearted people around that i would feel supported. ):

I am thankful and gladful the way you understand totally exactely how i felt. :):-*

Thankyou :)

It's definately not for granted that we could just oversee the skin problems which is so obviously on our face. Especially there are always people adding on to your pain by mentioning it out loud.

Even after i have get over the event, i never forget the advices and support you gave thus i came back just to update you about it. (:(:(:

I wish both of us could carry on endure through all this difficult journey.

Though i found a way to greatly reduce my acne problems but every month i 1 week before period i would outbreak again. We shouldnt give up, even it means hardwork of 29 days but 1 day of clear.

This is just how strong our desire and desperations are.

Hope you and your beloved are doing fine and well. :)

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