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aliass

The last 3 years of my life have been hell...

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Right now my life is at a loss, I have so many metal / physical problems that I find it hard to have a positive outlook in life. Firstly, my arch -Nemesis, acne.

Whilst some might see my acne as very mild the truth is, its soul destroying. I admit that I don't often have more than 2/3 pimples at a time that bother me, but when I get a bad pimple it's disastrous, they are often huge under the skin boils that take 7-10 days to heal. I've also not once had a clear face in the past 3 years, there's always been some kind of spot/imperfection on my face. This leaves my metal state in ruins, I'm constantly worrying about that pimple, and it gives me huge anxiety symptoms with regards to what people think of me.

The worst thing though is my mental state, this is constantly on my mind. My first thought in the morning when I wake up is to brush my hand across my face to check for any more pimples, then I run to the mirror and have a look. Throughout the day acne probably goes through my head 200/300 times, I'm always thinking about what might break me out and how to deal with current pimples I have.

What also makes it hard, is that everyone else in my life doesn't seem to have the problem, why me? I'm now 21 and have had the issue since at least 18 from what I can remember. I've read that growing out of acne usually takes 4/5 years so I've got my eyes set on 23, the thought of being clear in 2 years is absolutely breathtaking. The thought of no longer living in a cage, a cage that keeps me from living life. A cage that stops me from attending events, going on holiday, having a girlfriend, playing sports, going out with friends, having a confident persona etc.

This also effects my job prospects, I want a God damn job, I want to be out there earning money and not sitting at home watching countless TV shows. I have some days (such as today) where I get a pimple that's so embarrassing that I decided to literally hibernate within my house.

Another thing that upsets me is that I can never make commitments. Why? Because I never know what condition my skin is going to be on any given day. Most days I'm fine to go to work etc but if I've got a breakout I'll never go out clubbing etc. I only work 1 day a week but I'm always wondering, so how is my skin going to look this week for work?

After reading this some of you might put forward the thought that I am depressed, whilst I can understand this, I think it's an incorrect diagnosis, why? Because if I didn't have acne I would live life so differently. Acne is a Physical condition and not a mental one and that is the reasons that I base my argument on this.

What have I done to try and combat the acne? Firstly I tried all the over the counter face washes from your local supermarket, these did absolutely nothing and most likely only worsened the problem.

From there I had a breakdown and went to the doctors and was prescribed dalacin T. After only a week I was clear, I though that this was going to be the answer to all my problems. Unfortunately it is a topical anti-biotic so eventually I became immune to the effects of the drug and developed a horrible side effect which was hundreds of small bumps under my chin.

Then I decided to give Benzoyl Peroxide a shot, once again this worked brilliantly but after a years usage my skin started to randomly flush. I would flush terribly so had to stop using it.

From there I tried doxycycline which I believe might have given me a yeast infection (I have a horrid stain on my tongue which doctors have now incorrectly diagnosed 3 times. This cleared me up but eventually stopped working. (I also didn't wan to take a drug that I knew was a temporary fix)

From here I went on to differin + terycycline, once again worked but made my face SO oily. I now suffer from the oil still and have to use a mattifyer every day to keep my nose from dripping...

I've also had to give up dairy for the last year, dairy gives me huge breakouts and it's so depressing not being able to eat the food you love. No chocolate, no pizza, no desserts...

I'm at a loss, i really am, I fucking hate my life. The only good thing about it is that I have a degree and good qualifications.

I currently do nothing but use tea-tree oil on my face as I'm on a less is more regimen. That and the fact that I don't want to be taking anti-biotics / using BP....

I don't know why I'm even bothering posting this to be honest. Meh...the real reason why I'm so down at the moment is because I wanted to go to a part tomorrow but can't go because of this tragic pimple on my nose and the fact that I decided to give dairy another shot last week which broke me out terribly.

Edited by aliass

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Right now my life is at a loss, I have so many metal / physical problems that I find it hard to have a positive outlook in life. Firstly, my arch -Nemesis, acne.

Whilst some might see my acne as very mild the truth is, its soul destroying. I admit that I don't often have more than 2/3 pimples at a time that bother me, but when I get a bad pimple it's disastrous, they are often huge under the skin boils that take 7-10 days to heal. I've also not once had a clear face in the past 3 years, there's always been some kind of spot/imperfection on my face. This leaves my metal state in ruins, I'm constantly worrying about that pimple, and it gives me huge anxiety symptoms with regards to what people think of me.

The worst thing though is my mental state, this is constantly on my mind. My first thought in the morning when I wake up is to brush my hand across my face to check for any more pimples, then I run to the mirror and have a look. Throughout the day acne probably goes through my head 200/300 times, I'm always thinking about what might break me out and how to deal with current pimples I have.

What also makes it hard, is that everyone else in my life doesn't seem to have the problem, why me? I'm now 21 and have had the issue since at least 18 from what I can remember. I've read that growing out of acne usually takes 4/5 years so I've got my eyes set on 23, the thought of being clear in 2 years is absolutely breathtaking. The thought of no longer living in a cage, a cage that keeps me from living life. A cage that stops me from attending events, going on holiday, having a girlfriend, playing sports, going out with friends, having a confident persona etc.

This also effects my job prospects, I want a God damn job, I want to be out there earning money and not sitting at home watching countless TV shows. I have some days (such as today) where I get a pimple that's so embarrassing that I decided to literally hibernate within my house.

Another thing that upsets me is that I can never make commitments. Why? Because I never know what condition my skin is going to be on any given day. Most days I'm fine to go to work etc but if I've got a breakout I'll never go out clubbing etc. I only work 1 day a week but I'm always wondering, so how is my skin going to look this week for work?

After reading this some of you might put forward the thought that I am depressed, whilst I can understand this, I think it's an incorrect diagnosis, why? Because if I didn't have acne I would live life so differently. Acne is a Physical condition and not a mental one and that is the reasons that I base my argument on this.

What have I done to try and combat the acne? Firstly I tried all the over the counter face washes from your local supermarket, these did absolutely nothing and most likely only worsened the problem.

From there I had a breakdown and went to the doctors and was prescribed dalacin T. After only a week I was clear, I though that this was going to be the answer to all my problems. Unfortunately it is a topical anti-biotic so eventually I became immune to the effects of the drug and developed a horrible side effect which was hundreds of small bumps under my chin.

Then I decided to give Benzoyl Peroxide a shot, once again this worked brilliantly but after a years usage my skin started to randomly flush. I would flush terribly so had to stop using it.

From there I tried doxycycline which I believe might have given me a yeast infection (I have a horrid stain on my tongue which doctors have now incorrectly diagnosed 3 times. This cleared me up but eventually stopped working. (I also didn't wan to take a drug that I knew was a temporary fix)

From here I went on to differin + terycycline, once again worked but made my face SO oily. I now suffer from the oil still and have to use a mattifyer every day to keep my nose from dripping...

I've also had to give up dairy for the last year, dairy gives me huge breakouts and it's so depressing not being able to eat the food you love. No chocolate, no pizza, no desserts...

I'm at a loss, i really am, I fucking hate my life. The only good thing about it is that I have a degree and good qualifications.

I currently do nothing but use tea-tree oil on my face as I'm on a less is more regimen. That and the fact that I don't want to be taking anti-biotics / using BP....

I don't know why I'm even bothering posting this to be honest. Meh...the real reason why I'm so down at the moment is because I wanted to go to a part tomorrow but can't go because of this tragic pimple on my nose and the fact that I decided to give dairy another shot last week which broke me out terribly.

Dude i totally feel you. I know its hard to admit to depression as it was for me because i thought the same as you and still do. If i could have the skin that i use too i would feel great again like i use to and not have an ounce of depression. But trust me its depression, the physical aspects of acne is what wrecks havoc on your mind which causes depression. I am seeing a psychologist now about it because not only did it bring along depression for me but anxiety symptoms and the whole nine yards.

I was pretty much clear the last couple of months on Bactrim but my anxiety was still at a heightned state and im sure the antibiotic was contributing to it. So even when i had clear skin and should have been enjoying myself, i was still dealing with the 1000 physical and surreal symptoms anxiety can give you.

I was on Bactrim for 90days and i started breaking out again aruund 60day mark and consistnetly again but the bactrim kept the inflammation away so it still was not bad. Now i have been off it for 10days and guess what? Yep the fn cystic shit is coming back. I have to monsters right now, one on chin and one on cheek. It fn sux. Anxiety, depression, and acne i deal with now on a daily basis. Never ending cycle. I work 5 days a week though but it is having an affect on my job because i should be doing more than what i am now, but it kicks your motivation to the curb. I am trying to work on that by seeing my psychologist but its very fn hard.

So man your not alone, and i know everyone else here can chime in with the same story and reasoning.

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