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Mercs22

Just fucked up my chances with a girl

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Somewhat unrelated to acne directly but has to do with my horrendously low self esteem... Anyway, so theres this girl ive been flirting with for awhile and shes REALLY cute and i honestly think i had a chance with her before i completely fucked it up. Basically, she herself has really low self esteem and has body dismorphic disorder where u think you're really ugly and you obsess over it, im pretty sure i have something similiar due to acne/scarring. Today she posted a status on myspace about how much she hates her face and really needed someone to talk to so i decided to call her... thats when I made the worst mistake ever...

I proceeded to awkwardly tell her that i have low confidence issues myself and obsess over my appearance in an attempt to make her feel better and let her know shes not the only one going through what she goes through. I succeeded in that and I think I genuinly made her feel better but I also shot myself in the foot in the process when I thought about it afterwards. She obviously needs a confident guy that is there to comfort her, not someone just as low if not lower than she is, she needs someone to look up to and I think I just locked myself into an unescapeable friend zone... this really sucks any advice? =(

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Don't dwell on what you said. She will consider you someone she can trust now which is a really good thing! Just be outgoing and confident in your behavior and it will make her realize that although you do have insecurities, you are a strong person and are able to let your personality and charisma show through.

You sound like a really great guy!

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Don't dwell on what you said. She will consider you someone she can trust now which is a really good thing! Just be outgoing and confident in your behavior and it will make her realize that although you do have insecurities, you are a strong person and are able to let your personality and charisma show through.

You sound like a really great guy!

Thanks! And I agree with what you said, maybe this isn't hopelessly doomed after all. If I act confident I think I can salvage what chances I have left haha... my friend who gets tons of girls thinks i really fucked up on this one though

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You don't want tons of girls right? You want her. Game changer because you aren't trying to get tons of girls. It's better to emotionally connect, just be confident now and keep acting the way you did before. don't get shy ;)

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Nah, you're not fucked yet -- at least.

Just change your attitude, don't talk about your 'issues' so much, and let this time be a one time show of your inner self... After you bang her a couple of times and make her your "gf" then, you might have an incentive to talk about these "issues."

Don't stroke her ego from now on, just play it cool and confidently from this point on.

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Personally, if a guy told me deep feelings like that I'd swoon :)

Yes, but, you wouldn't sex him or keep him.

Why would you want an emotional mess banging you? Does it turn you on if a guy is crying about his problems to you while performing in the sack? :think:

Edited by Le Cols 20
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Sharing your feelings and struggles with someone who has similar ones is not being an emotional mess.

I wasn't referring to said poster.

But let's be real real, OP:

What kind of girl is this? Very low self-esteem yes? You gotta play the nice guy for a while, get her comfortable. You're probably going to have to initiate 99% of all conversations and body language and then you could initiate some negging.

Stay strong and never remember the theory of Social Proof.

Edited by Le Cols 20
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Somewhat unrelated to acne directly but has to do with my horrendously low self esteem... Anyway, so theres this girl ive been flirting with for awhile and shes REALLY cute and i honestly think i had a chance with her before i completely fucked it up. Basically, she herself has really low self esteem and has body dismorphic disorder where u think you're really ugly and you obsess over it, im pretty sure i have something similiar due to acne/scarring. Today she posted a status on myspace about how much she hates her face and really needed someone to talk to so i decided to call her... thats when I made the worst mistake ever...

I proceeded to awkwardly tell her that i have low confidence issues myself and obsess over my appearance in an attempt to make her feel better and let her know shes not the only one going through what she goes through. I succeeded in that and I think I genuinly made her feel better but I also shot myself in the foot in the process when I thought about it afterwards. She obviously needs a confident guy that is there to comfort her, not someone just as low if not lower than she is, she needs someone to look up to and I think I just locked myself into an unescapeable friend zone... this really sucks any advice? =(

It's possible dude but don't shoot yourself down here. Keep going and see what occurs

However two people getting together who both have low self esteem issues is a one way ticket to being hugely unhappy.

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Sharing your feelings and struggles with someone who has similar ones is not being an emotional mess.

I wasn't referring to said poster.

But let's be real real, OP:

What kind of girl is this? Very low self-esteem yes? You gotta play the nice guy for a while, get her comfortable. You're probably going to have to initiate 99% of all conversations and body language and then you could initiate some negging.

Stay strong and never remember the theory of Social Proof.

Yea she has really horrible self esteem like probably lower than anyone ive ever known besides probably myself... which is ridiculous because shes honestly one of the cutest, most attractive girls ive ever seen also and im not just saying that. Her complexion is crystal clear, I can't imagine what she'd be like if she had acne problems to deal with on top of it all... basically its borderline insanity that she thinks shes "ugly and disgusting".

It's possible dude but don't shoot yourself down here. Keep going and see what occurs

However two people getting together who both have low self esteem issues is a one way ticket to being hugely unhappy.

I'd disagree, shes one of the sweetest, nicest girls I've ever met and I think we'd make a great couple not just saying that either haha

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Sharing your feelings and struggles with someone who has similar ones is not being an emotional mess.

I wasn't referring to said poster.

But let's be real real, OP:

What kind of girl is this? Very low self-esteem yes? You gotta play the nice guy for a while, get her comfortable. You're probably going to have to initiate 99% of all conversations and body language and then you could initiate some negging.

Stay strong and never remember the theory of Social Proof.

Yea she has really horrible self esteem like probably lower than anyone ive ever known besides probably myself... which is ridiculous because shes honestly one of the cutest, most attractive girls ive ever seen also and im not just saying that. Her complexion is crystal clear, I can't imagine what she'd be like if she had acne problems to deal with on top of it all... basically its borderline insanity that she thinks shes "ugly and disgusting".

It's possible dude but don't shoot yourself down here. Keep going and see what occurs

However two people getting together who both have low self esteem issues is a one way ticket to being hugely unhappy.

I'd disagree, shes one of the sweetest, nicest girls I've ever met and I think we'd make a great couple not just saying that either haha

I wish all the best mate. I'm speaking from experience. Then again we all have to find our own and make own mistakes in life, it's only then we can fully understand the pitfalls of that situation.

If you choose to persue something with this girl then great but try not to use each as emotional props because that is destructive.

Keep us updated i wish you all the best :)

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Maybe a person who also has lowe self esteem isnt good for you. Maybe saying you have low self esteem, believing it and saying it to yourself, is what really gives you low self esteem.

Good luck

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just dont bring it back up again and you should be fine. She wants you. no im kidding, i dont know the situation. Its really good that you were honest with her and made her feel better on a touchy subject. do you know how hard that is? lol

anyways,

CONFIDENCE bro.

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Hey man. I feel you.

I am a professional PUA and I also have acne scars from younger. Rounds of accutane later I found a solution in Duac and Atralin gels.

Anyway, the vulnerability you expressed is a very positive thing. On one hand she sees your flaws but on the other, you were brave enough to express them. Just don't dwell on it. A girl is attracted the way you think about things in life and the way you handle life's various challenges. As long as this is intact her attraction for you should still be there.

A word of warning on dating low self esteem girls though - it gets old really quickly. I prefer girls who are high on life and enjoy life and have an inner quiet confidence about themselves. I do think this type of inner self love comes from within and also from early childhood.

Edited by alpha.wolf
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There will be more girls and more chances to get in. Don't worry about it

just learn from the mistakes you made and move on. She's not the only semi hot girl you can knob.

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There will be more girls and more chances to get in. Don't worry about it

just learn from the mistakes you made and move on. She's not the only semi hot girl you can knob.

Thats the thing... shes not just "semi hot" shes fine as fuck and I'm really hoping this didnt ruin my chances. I haven't really spoken to her since but we'll be seeing each other this saturday at a house party and I'll let you all know how that goes down, should be interesting :dance:

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I don't see how you screwed things up. I understand what you're worried about but it's not a big deal. You have shown her you are a caring person but now don't overdo it. If you keep bringing up your problems you probably will lose her.

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She hit me up on myspace today and we hit it off pretty well, there were some boring parts of the conversation but we wrapped it up pretty well... I honestly don't think I've fucked myself over anymore like I thought I did before. Heres some pieces of our convo:

Emily:

aww thanks for that comment (: (:

……………………………………………………………………

8:09 PM

Jesse:

no prob haha(((: you look really great in that pic

……………………………………………………………………

8:10 PM

Emily:

really?

……………………………………………………………………

8:10 PM

Jesse:

yea

you really stand out from everyone else

id bet that if u showed that pic to somebody you'd be the first thing theyd notice(:

……………………………………………………………………

8:10 PM

Emily:

(: your really sweet

like

no guys talk to me like that

……………………………………………………………………

8:11 PM

Jesse:

just bein honest(: ur a really pretty girl, keep ur head up u have nothing to worry about i mean that in all honesty

……………………………………………………………………

8:11 PM

Emily:

awwww (:

haha i wanna give you a hug!

^^^ That part had me worried a little bit only cuz I think I was being a nice guy, plus getting "hugs" is friendzoneish and too nice guy, so I followed it up with this:

Jesse:

it fuckin blows having ur license revoked ):

like

i have to depend on everyone else to get me places now cuz of it

for the next yearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr uggh

……………………………………………………………………

8:24 PM

Emily:

howd that happen! D:

……………………………………………………………………

8:24 PM

Jesse:

street racing lol

long story

well not really

……………………………………………………………………

8:24 PM

Emily:

haha nicee (:

sounds fun

……………………………………………………………………

8:24 PM

Jesse:

yea i used to do it a lot

with my dads benz

at least i never totalled it or anything

……………………………………………………………………

8:25 PM

Emily:

thats sickk

next time take me with you (;

……………………………………………………………………

8:25 PM

Jesse:

yea haha its a rushhhhhh

when i get my shit back its game on baby!!! (;

……………………………………………………………………

8:28 PM

Emily:

haa (: sounds fuckin good to me

Let me know what you guys think!!

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Nice, you could have been friend-zoned but you upped your game with some DHV -- i.e. you said some shit about being a street racer. Even if this isn't true...good job, fake it 'till ya make it homeboy.

Im sorry but the Social Proof is garbage, intelligent girls do not go for dudes like that.
Edited by Le Cols 20
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Nice, you could have been friend-zoned but you upped your game with some DHV -- i.e. you said some shit about being a street racer. Even if this isn't true...good job, fake it 'till ya make it homeboy.

Im sorry but the Social Proof is garbage, intelligent girls do not go for dudes like that.

What you say is different from what you do and how you act and what you're creating by this statement is a "bitch shield" by branding yourself as "intelligent" and unapproachable -- albeit on the internet.

A lot of girls do this IRL -- they say a lot of things like "I'm into nice guys only" and create this shield that pushes away inexperienced guys.

Yea bro thanks a lot for posting that link... I've always had average-below average game with girls and I actually learned a lot from those videos, I watched all of them lol good stuff. My only potential downfall here is that she sorta knows me sister, they have drama class together and if she asks her if I'm a street racer I'm royally FUCKED haha... anyway I was genuinely surprised when she told me that "no other guys" talk to her like that when she posts pics of herself on myspace and facebook and gets flooded with comments from guys about how hot she is, I'm not lying when I say this girl is drop dead gorgeous.

Edited by Mercs22
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Your comment was pretty generic except that you went into detail about "she being the first one to stand out" without directly saying "you're hot", which I think is ok game for highschool / college and the fact that she already has come trust and comfort with you worked. Just make sure she isn't saying that to all the guys that msg her online (i know girls who do this).

Just get a day 2 and meetup with her and see how it goes. Your performance in field is what matters.

Again, try to judge on personality rather than looks. Good looking girls are aplenty once you have high passive value.

-AW

Nice, you could have been friend-zoned but you upped your game with some DHV -- i.e. you said some shit about being a street racer. Even if this isn't true...good job, fake it 'till ya make it homeboy.

Im sorry but the Social Proof is garbage, intelligent girls do not go for dudes like that.

What you say is different from what you do and how you act and what you're creating by this statement is a "bitch shield" by branding yourself as "intelligent" and unapproachable -- albeit on the internet.

A lot of girls do this IRL -- they say a lot of things like "I'm into nice guys only" and create this shield that pushes away inexperienced guys.

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