Jump to content
Acne.org
Search In
Find results that contain...
Find results in...
Cassie88

I can't stand this anymore

I managed over a week of being pick free. But then I got really ill and have been in bed for last few days as a result i've had one of the worst breakouts. Even worse my internet was down that time for days so i couldn't distract myself or go on these forums and picked a few spots. My face is a mess and i'm so disappointed with myself. I feel like s**t and been crying all day. Its pathetic i know why the f**k did i do it!!??? There is absolutely NO-ONE else i can talk to about this problem, i've run out of food in house so have got to go to a huge supermarket full of people who are all going to see my face and its making me even more depressed - this is an all time low where i'm fighting the urge to pick my face because i'm going to the shops! Haven't been outside for days and gone a bit aggraphobic. I'm sick of this. I just want to curl up and die...

This is it. I'm going to stop picking. Its so difficult especially being ill because its that continuous feeling like crap. I wasn't picking when on these forums and its made me realise how much they helped, i can do it if i know there are people out there who understand how awful this condition is.

Right, had my rant. To anyone who is trying not to pick read above and i hope that helps you to stop. I'm not miserable because my face is covered in spots from illness, its because i picked and they've got infected and the picked ones look x1000000000000000000 worse than those unpicked. They'll take weeks to go, they hurt and i've got to muster all the energy to go to shops looking like a pizza face.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

hey Cassie--

I'm so sorry you relapsed and are feeling bad right now. :(

Guess what though...Do you know how many of those kind of days I've had? I couldn't even count if I wanted to. Ive been trying to quit for almost 3 years now. those days have happened far too many times to me. but guess what else? I am 24 days pick free. You can be too. I know it

but you have to take it easy on yourself! If you get too discouraged every time you relapse in the beginning, it only leads to more picking. You deserve better than that?

You might find it helpful to read my post in LoveNLipgloss's thread about mentally preparing yourself to stop picking: it details the whole battle that has to happen before you can even think about stopping picking for good. I know youre ready to undertake the mental journey. Dont get discouraged! remember that you can do it and that you are ALREADY perfect AS YOU ARE.

--taylor

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Cassie. I know what your going through. I've tried to quit many times, and know how awful it feels to relapse. I haven't picked in 4 days though! You need to realize that your skin WILL heal if you leave it alone. Picking has never helped you. I know, easier said than done. Everyone on this forum is here to support you. I encourage you to try to quit. Picking really isn't worth it. If you want you can keep a log of your progress on here and I'll definetly follow it. You should read some of the other users logs on here. They're going through the same thing you and I are.

Good luck on this, stay strong!

Here is the thread taylorobvi was talking about: http://www.acne.org/messageboard/I-m-starting-t275508.html

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Guys I can't thank you enough for your replies I am so grateful for the support and advice on these forums. There is no-on else i can talk to about this and you guys are truly giving me the strength to stop picking.

Taylor your posts have been invaluable - when i wrote that list of why i wanted to stop picking it was like some sort of...well....enlightenment! I'm mentally prepared now and you're right i was waiting for the magic bullet, it's going to be difficult but just remembering how disappointed and fustrated i was when i picked yesterday will be a reminder.

And most important of all, taylor & lipgloss congrats on all your days of being pick free. you've inspired me so much. Thank you!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Glad I could help you :)

you could try taping your list of reasons you want to stop next to your mirror. Read it first if you want to pick!

You can do this! The power to stop already lies within you!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No problem. :) It's great we could help and it really means a lot to me. You can do this! Sounds like you're ready to break this habit!

Have you been to stoppickingonme.com ? It was really helpful to me. I also keep a calender by my mirror and cross off all the days i haven't picked. It helps to remind me that i'll break my streak if i pick!

Good luck! Sorry to bring this up, but down get too down on yourself if you relapse. You just have to pick yourself back up and start again!

:)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks again guys! the taping thing sounds like a good idea, have left notes around house too!

loveNlipgloss i did actually come across this site some time ago but never actually read all of it shamefully, but this time I have and its really helped thanks so much, was pretty scary as well!

My face is covered in spots atm and i'm no where near wanting to pick, when usually i'd be checking skin every 2 mins - i'm just so tired of it all so will try let my skin do the 'fixing' from now on. In the meantime going to do another shameful habit and watch some star trek (yeah i'm a closet geek

So picking myself up again sigh! :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

yeah i should probably go read stoppickingonme.com again as well because i need something to convince me not to touch the couple spots ive got right now :confused: its amazing just how delicate our skin is. we just have to remember that your skin will repair itself!

Edited by loveNlipgloss

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

woo two days...sort of...

omg this is so difficult, got this massive 'ripe' (disgusting i know) spot on cheek and its taking so much not to touch it ahhhhhhhh was literally about to pick it but did the count to 10 and still got a scab from relapse to remind me its not worth it.....still.....ahhhhhh

at least they're all coming to head better than the cysts i use to have....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

it is hard at first. but you gotta push through it. hey, your doing good so far! you didn't pick that spot! it's difficult to leave those big ugly things alone. but if you pick it you'll just be pushing all the bacteria back below the surface, and get another spot in it's place!

you need to let your skin heal on its own, like it's supposed to. it's hard, i know.

i'm rooting for you!! ;)

Edited by loveNlipgloss

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks so much guys! re-read that site again and have put baind-aid over the bastard but didn't pick it yay!!

though there are times when i keep touching skin and its so easy to just lose control go into a frenzy and start attacking my face like i use to - this hasn't happened yet but I feel the signs and just have to get away. ahhhhh whats wrong with me

guys i really hope you all overcome this picking, none of you deserve this...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

you definitely dont deserve it either! I'm glad the bandaid helped you

do you mean that you sometimes catch yourself scratching at your face wihtout really meaning to? this happens to me plenty. I hope we both lose that nasty habit SOON

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

yup i'm still doing it way too often, like sitting on sofa watching tv or on computer i just find myself rubbing my face feeling for bumps or 'flaky bits'.

what use to happen is i would start rubbing and as soon as i felt a light bump i would start picking that area on skin then move on to another bit and if i felt something i couldn't get rid of, would run to the mirror and spend literally hours destroying my face, look at the end result and just cry. Same in bed when i couldn't sleep...

But the fact that i'm still touching and rubbing my face without realising just shows how deep this condition goes. i'm prepared to believe that it will take more time to not touch the skin, but by realising what we're doing is defintly way forward; By wanting to stop picking and addressing it like doing research, finding/offering support, keeping logs, that in itself is a big step. We can do this.

Five days!!! and spots are FINALLY starting to go down. whew. omg i've babbled a lot, lol sorry guys but i'm feeling better now!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

well ain't written for a while so thought i might update. I haven't picked for TWO WEEKS!!! WHOOP WHOOP!! And FINALLY my skin is looking better! A week ago i had so many huge red monsters on my cheeks and they've pretty much buggered off!!!

ok i'll be honest too, one was just so big, i think it was a result of being ill but i hardly squeezed it and it just exploded - so gross i know sorry guys! but it was all clean and put one of those silver healing plasters and its pretty much healed!

still got red marks and discolouring but its fades more everyday. finally seeing results!

When i was feeling down and depressed, people told me not to be so hard on myself. I never really realised how valuable this advice was until recently but its so important not to feel so negative after squeezing/picking.

thanks guys!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
yup i'm still doing it way too often, like sitting on sofa watching tv or on computer i just find myself rubbing my face feeling for bumps or 'flaky bits'.

what use to happen is i would start rubbing and as soon as i felt a light bump i would start picking that area on skin then move on to another bit and if i felt something i couldn't get rid of, would run to the mirror and spend literally hours destroying my face, look at the end result and just cry. Same in bed when i couldn't sleep...

But the fact that i'm still touching and rubbing my face without realising just shows how deep this condition goes. i'm prepared to believe that it will take more time to not touch the skin, but by realising what we're doing is defintly way forward; By wanting to stop picking and addressing it like doing research, finding/offering support, keeping logs, that in itself is a big step. We can do this.

Five days!!! and spots are FINALLY starting to go down. whew. omg i've babbled a lot, lol sorry guys but i'm feeling better now!

see i dont touch my face ever.. only after ive washed my hands completely. im scared to spread bacteria or oils from my fingers into the skin.

i have moved my small mirror away from the light, and next week i have a free house, so i can avoid mirrors, cover them up etc.

but yeh its hard. i hate seeing raised bits or small red spots coming through. hate hate hate it when will it end

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@loveNlipgloss you all helped me to do this so be proud of yourself too!

@Jack, I'm hardly touching my face now, and yeah thinking about the bacteria on hands does help. I found out a keyboard can have more bacteria than a toilet seat so imagine after typing and touching your face! Urgh!

I still occassionally do it though lol sigh old habits die hard... but they do go!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

yeah i've been reading! We're sick of this goddamn cycle and there's no good in picking. When you think differently about your skin it really opens your eyes; there's so much out there that we're missing! See past your skin, its healing every day you leave it alone.

You're setting yourself free!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey guys, haven't been on here for aaaages so thought i might update; been on holiday and have been sorting out my return to 4th year at university, now in student accomodation with 3 other students omg after 14 months of being a recluse its difficult adjusting to the social aspect again.

The stress of holiday/family situations/university did cause me to pick again. This was over two weeks ago I just snapped and attacked a deep down cyst on cheek. Its was different from my normal picking because I knew what i was doing and I could stop it but I chose not to, i just had to pick to get out all the stress. Afterwards I was just so.....well....i don't know but i just didn't care what i had done. Afterwards I didn't even touch my face again apart from washing briefly.

Apart from that I am going to make sure i actually go out this year - looking back I've missed making good friends and grabbing opportunities because of my skin. Its time for a new start.

i still see red marks, dark marks and a few scars but actually no spots. The marks should fade with time, and i always tell myself my skin has never looked better which is true.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Personalized Advice Quiz - All of Acne.org in just a few minutes


×