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First of all, please don't judge me or give me some self empowering speech about my self esteem, or my value amongst others - I've been there. It sucks.

Here's the thing... My boy is finally getting extremely irritated with me for never coming to visit him. He lives 2 hours away and it's harder for him to take time off to come to me for weekends, than for me being a student and on a flexi schedule to see him. He comes, he's been the only one coming for a year now!

Now I love him. Want to marry him. Have his children lahlahlah... He knows everything but he does not know the barefaced me. I cannot let him see me.

Why?

When we met I had perfect skin (so it wasn't perfect, but seriously 'mild acne' is perfect to me these days) we hung out as friends then. Soon after we started dating adult acne, came like a plague. EVERYWHERE.

I saw a dermatologist, and did my best to keep all this from him, it was early stages I was insecure.. And honestly, I thought I will be fine, back to normal in a month. The treatments I have been on, like the ones everyone else is familiar with (I have lurked here for a year) have left my skin dry and peeling. WORST of all, because I have dark skin, I have crazy hyperpigmentation.. So even on my best days, when there are no massive 'bumps' I still can't go makeup free, my skin is very uneven patchy and ugly.

Now we're working on a way to treat acne and hyperpigmentation simultaneously (ideas? please share).

When he's here for long weekends, i wear foundation all the time - only off when I'm in the shower, and yes i have a bottle in there to put on before i come out.

It's not like i'm a girly makeup girl, I dont worry about blush or eyeshadows etc.. Just my skin. I even wear makeup to the bloody gym!

I actually hate my skin.

It's so bad now my roommates are always fighting with me, they think i must hate them cos I'm always in my room - what can I say to that? I need to stay as makeup free as possible for these treatments to work - and i cannot be seen by ANYONE when I am makeup free. The moments they catch me, seriously I cannot make eye contact and have a conversation - I am beyond insecure, i cry about it and I think I have ruined my self image in a very big way this year, but now no one knows what i really look like - you know?

I try to be as good about this as possible. Treatments, then cover fx primer, and recently the clinique anti blemish foundation. I considered tinted moisturiser - but ha to that coverage, it's nothing. I don't even care how much it cost, all my extra money these days seem to be spent on buying makeup - considering the laura mercier tinted moisturiser now for every day sanity (will I be able to sleep in that?)

No one understands this. If I even try they think I am vain - i am not in any other aspect of my life. And maybe because i had a 'before' this feels so much harder than it is, i stopped gettig auditions and jobs as my skin went to shit.

When i saw that girl blacq vixens blog for the first time i felt so sad, on a 'good day' my skin is like hers, and she's ballsy to be able to show it off, but i know somewhere in me i was a bit turned off - obviously I wont want to date me either... Perhaps thats why this distance works for me.

This has turned into rant, I'm sorry.

I just wanted to know... Since i am not going to stop anytime soon, does anyone have any suggestions... Best 'acne' fighting foundations out there? Or creams / primers to use in collaboration with a good one?

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I don't let anyone see me without makeup on either.

Normally I just go straight to my room after the shower to put it on. Or if someone is staying or I'm sharing a room with someone for whatever reason, I always take the makeup to the bathroom with me.

I use mineral makeup, and although I wear makeup near enough 24/7, I don't think it has much of an affect on my skin.

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I don't let anyone see me without makeup on either.

Normally I just go straight to my room after the shower to put it on. Or if someone is staying or I'm sharing a room with someone for whatever reason, I always take the makeup to the bathroom with me.

I use mineral makeup, and although I wear makeup near enough 24/7, I don't think it has much of an affect on my skin.

Thank you so much for being honest!:)

I know my self esteem is awful and I am working on that, it's just hard to even look in the mirror at myself when I'm makeup free, and can't imagine anyone else wanting to.

Could you please share some advice on the mineral makeup you use?

You're in the UK I see so recs from you will be appreciated. Do they give decent coverage?

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Mineral makeup! Oh god, mineral makeup!! If you MUST sleep in it, wear mineral makeup. My recommendation is Jane Iredale, though it might be a canadian product and purchasable online. It gives great coverage, and is super light, soft, looks natural and GOOD for your skin. When I started using it, it seriously cut my acne in half. I've had moderate to severe acne since I was 11 years old (am now 24) and this stuff covers up the scars I have from that many years of acne. Do not sleep in liquid foundation, seriously. Having it on your face in the daytime is bad enough for your skin.

Also, have you tried any hormonal or anti-biotic treatments for your acne? Sudden onset of adult acne may need something more than topical treatment.

Here's a link to the product website. www.janeiredale.com/conceal.html

First, use Absence Oil Control Primer on your oiliest spots, followed by spot concealing with Zap&Hide, then use PurePressed Mineral Powders as your foundation. Use a soft sponge followed by kabuki brush for heavy coverage.

Hope this helps, and good luck.

Edited by zeerobots

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Thank you so much for being honest!:)

I know my self esteem is awful and I am working on that, it's just hard to even look in the mirror at myself when I'm makeup free, and can't imagine anyone else wanting to.

Could you please share some advice on the mineral makeup you use?

You're in the UK I see so recs from you will be appreciated. Do they give decent coverage?

Lily Lolo mineral makeup is good, and they are UK based. That is what I use.

I can't really compare the coverage to that of regular makeup, as mineral makeup is the only type I have ever used (I'm a guy and only wear makeup to cover up my redness/acne), but it definitely makes a lot of difference for me. I have tried other brands of mineral makeup, I like LL the best though.

If you do decide to try mineral makeup (which you should), when applying it, make sure your face is as well moisturised as possible as otherwise you won't get a good application. Also remember that you are trying to buff it in, not brush it over your face.

Edited by mx123

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Thank you soo much for your tips!

The Jane Iradele does not seem to have shades for darker skin tones.. :(

Actually neither does Lily Lo. Sigh.

Need to do more research on the clinique one and stock up I think.

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Just wanted to say ditto on all the recs for mineral make-up. I sleep in mine one night a week when my bf spends the night, and it doesn't break me out.

I can so relate to what you're going through. I never let anyone see me without make-up. I live alone so it's easy for me, but I worry about how hard it would be moving in with a guy and trying to always keep the scars covered. You could always let him know you feel embarrassed because your skin gets really "red and irritated." To me it sounds better than saying you have acne scars. Try not to let your skin stand in the way. :)

First of all, please don't judge me or give me some self empowering speech about my self esteem, or my value amongst others - I've been there. It sucks.

Here's the thing... My boy is finally getting extremely irritated with me for never coming to visit him. He lives 2 hours away and it's harder for him to take time off to come to me for weekends, than for me being a student and on a flexi schedule to see him. He comes, he's been the only one coming for a year now!

Now I love him. Want to marry him. Have his children lahlahlah... He knows everything but he does not know the barefaced me. I cannot let him see me.

Why?

When we met I had perfect skin (so it wasn't perfect, but seriously 'mild acne' is perfect to me these days) we hung out as friends then. Soon after we started dating adult acne, came like a plague. EVERYWHERE.

I saw a dermatologist, and did my best to keep all this from him, it was early stages I was insecure.. And honestly, I thought I will be fine, back to normal in a month. The treatments I have been on, like the ones everyone else is familiar with (I have lurked here for a year) have left my skin dry and peeling. WORST of all, because I have dark skin, I have crazy hyperpigmentation.. So even on my best days, when there are no massive 'bumps' I still can't go makeup free, my skin is very uneven patchy and ugly.

Now we're working on a way to treat acne and hyperpigmentation simultaneously (ideas? please share).

When he's here for long weekends, i wear foundation all the time - only off when I'm in the shower, and yes i have a bottle in there to put on before i come out.

It's not like i'm a girly makeup girl, I dont worry about blush or eyeshadows etc.. Just my skin. I even wear makeup to the bloody gym!

I actually hate my skin.

It's so bad now my roommates are always fighting with me, they think i must hate them cos I'm always in my room - what can I say to that? I need to stay as makeup free as possible for these treatments to work - and i cannot be seen by ANYONE when I am makeup free. The moments they catch me, seriously I cannot make eye contact and have a conversation - I am beyond insecure, i cry about it and I think I have ruined my self image in a very big way this year, but now no one knows what i really look like - you know?

I try to be as good about this as possible. Treatments, then cover fx primer, and recently the clinique anti blemish foundation. I considered tinted moisturiser - but ha to that coverage, it's nothing. I don't even care how much it cost, all my extra money these days seem to be spent on buying makeup - considering the laura mercier tinted moisturiser now for every day sanity (will I be able to sleep in that?)

No one understands this. If I even try they think I am vain - i am not in any other aspect of my life. And maybe because i had a 'before' this feels so much harder than it is, i stopped gettig auditions and jobs as my skin went to shit.

When i saw that girl blacq vixens blog for the first time i felt so sad, on a 'good day' my skin is like hers, and she's ballsy to be able to show it off, but i know somewhere in me i was a bit turned off - obviously I wont want to date me either... Perhaps thats why this distance works for me.

This has turned into rant, I'm sorry.

I just wanted to know... Since i am not going to stop anytime soon, does anyone have any suggestions... Best 'acne' fighting foundations out there? Or creams / primers to use in collaboration with a good one?

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I just wanted to say I've been with my boyfriend for almost three years now, and for the first 8 months I NEVER could bear to be without at least concealer. Even then I was horrible insecure, but he never noticed a problem or anything. I mean, he did notice acne or red marks or scars but not like I did, and he just didn't care. At all. After awhile, I stopped wearing any make-up in the mornings around him, and he still didn't care. I still have a hard time not wearing make-up around other people, but if a guy truly cares about you he wont be scared off by acne or scars or whatever!

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heeey I was like you ... I am always insecure about my skin and loath my fate all the time... I never used to let my boy see me without makeup for 3 years but last month we were together in a hot really really humid day... ın th morning I put my makeup on and went to see him but the weather was awful, because of excessive humid my makeup smudge and slowly dissappeared and guess what? I was looking like a zombie :surprised: so I went to bathroom and washed my face, my makeup bag wasnt with me so I couldnt reapply.. this was the first time he saw me bare face and he just said: " what have you done there baby? I dont know but you look much more pretty ..." :)

I wish the same luck for you ... but you should know you are not alone ;)

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heeey I was like you ... I am always insecure about my skin and loath my fate all the time... I never used to let my boy see me without makeup for 3 years but last month we were together in a hot really really humid day... ın th morning I put my makeup on and went to see him but the weather was awful, because of excessive humid my makeup smudge and slowly dissappeared and guess what? I was looking like a zombie :surprised: so I went to bathroom and washed my face, my makeup bag wasnt with me so I couldnt reapply.. this was the first time he saw me bare face and he just said: " what have you done there baby? I dont know but you look much more pretty ..." :)

I wish the same luck for you ... but you should know you are not alone ;)

Edited by smartie

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I completely understand what you're going through! I would hide in my room for entire DAYS just to avoid people. I never did sleep in my foundation though.

I know how hard having an intimate relationship with someone is with this "plague."

I honestly and truly believe that you must tell him what you're going through no matter how hard it hurts you.

I also believe, based on my experience, that the more you wear make-up to cover up...the more harm you do to your skin. It's a horrible vicious cycle. Sleeping with any make up on prevents your skin from repairing itself while you sleep which in turn makes your skin worse.

Talk to your boyfriend about your insecurities. It sounds pretty cliche, but if he's right for you, he won't care what you look like without all that concealer on. Before I married my husband, I was so scared he would dump me if he saw me without make up. He was brutally honest with me and told me he could see the acne, however the irony is that he could still see the acne WITH the make-up on even though I thought I was doing such a good job hiding it.

The more I tried to hide, the more I was emotionally hurting myself. I encourage you to take a leap of faith and talk to your boyfriend about what you're going through. Your skin won't clear up, but you can begin to rebuild your self-esteem, and your relationship will be that much better.

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Thanks for your support!

It feels so nice to have come back here and read all of these messages. You have no idea, I was worried no one really understood, especially as I know the pigmentation issues that come with treatment is really something that affects people with darker skin in a big way.. I honestly did not expect the majority to be able to relate.

Honestly, in the beginning when I had milder acne, and the pigmentation issues hadn't really taken control of my life, I was still insecure about it and was still wearing corrective makeup most of the time - However, of course I used tinted moisturizer when we went to somewhere very hot, and I was a lot more open (err.. sexually?) because I didn't retreat when he touched my face.

I know if we move to the next level he would have to see me, I pray there is a miracle cure. Now. However. Hmm...

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OMG I am so shocked to be reading a response from you. I have been following your blog for ages, we have the same problems and skin tone, so much so that YOU actually are the reason I knew about Clinique anti blemish, and also CoverFX cream I use b25 as a concealer.

Not to sound like a fan girl but the brave way in which you have shown yourself is inspiring.

First of all, I did not know you were married! :) Its probably dumb to say that I am definitely moved by that fact, I feel like this has been the big barrier between me and my life for so long, especially in this regard as he now wanders if I am afraid of too much intimacy, when in reality I crave it.

Jesus do I relate to spending days in your room (I dread the weekend in my shared flat for this reason), I know I am emotionally hurting myself and will definitely take your advice to do better.

Thank you so much for reading and replying to this! xx

I completely understand what you're going through! I would hide in my room for entire DAYS just to avoid people. I never did sleep in my foundation though.

I know how hard having an intimate relationship with someone is with this "plague."

I honestly and truly believe that you must tell him what you're going through no matter how hard it hurts you.

I also believe, based on my experience, that the more you wear make-up to cover up...the more harm you do to your skin. It's a horrible vicious cycle. Sleeping with any make up on prevents your skin from repairing itself while you sleep which in turn makes your skin worse.

Talk to your boyfriend about your insecurities. It sounds pretty cliche, but if he's right for you, he won't care what you look like without all that concealer on. Before I married my husband, I was so scared he would dump me if he saw me without make up. He was brutally honest with me and told me he could see the acne, however the irony is that he could still see the acne WITH the make-up on even though I thought I was doing such a good job hiding it.

The more I tried to hide, the more I was emotionally hurting myself. I encourage you to take a leap of faith and talk to your boyfriend about what you're going through. Your skin won't clear up, but you can begin to rebuild your self-esteem, and your relationship will be that much better.

Edited by Tilly87

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oh my god. this is exactly what im going through right now!!!!!

I have also had really bad acne but now ive been on accutane its cleared but I have really bad hyperpigmentation left behind so I can't go a second without make up exept before I go to sleep as thats the only time im alone. Im in the same position as you even considering wearing makeup to sleep these days :( just incase i have to get up in the middle of the night for an emergency. But i always keep my foundation right next to my bed just incase i have ot get up in the middle of the night and face anyone. the foundation im using is dermablend which is pretty good at covering up marks.

anyway i wish you goodluck. ;)

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heeey I was like you ... I am always insecure about my skin and loath my fate all the time... I never used to let my boy see me without makeup for 3 years but last month we were together in a hot really really humid day... ın th morning I put my makeup on and went to see him but the weather was awful, because of excessive humid my makeup smudge and slowly dissappeared and guess what? I was looking like a zombie :surprised: so I went to bathroom and washed my face, my makeup bag wasnt with me so I couldnt reapply.. this was the first time he saw me bare face and he just said: " what have you done there baby? I dont know but you look much more pretty ..." :)

I wish the same luck for you ... but you should know you are not alone ;)

my boy is also like that...he always forces me to not wear makeup...but i always wear makeup...he keeps telling me that my skin will be fine as before...he loves me more than any skin prob etc etc...

lucky me thank GOD

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I completely understand what you're going through! I would hide in my room for entire DAYS just to avoid people. I never did sleep in my foundation though.

I know how hard having an intimate relationship with someone is with this "plague."

I honestly and truly believe that you must tell him what you're going through no matter how hard it hurts you.

I also believe, based on my experience, that the more you wear make-up to cover up...the more harm you do to your skin. It's a horrible vicious cycle. Sleeping with any make up on prevents your skin from repairing itself while you sleep which in turn makes your skin worse.

Talk to your boyfriend about your insecurities. It sounds pretty cliche, but if he's right for you, he won't care what you look like without all that concealer on. Before I married my husband, I was so scared he would dump me if he saw me without make up. He was brutally honest with me and told me he could see the acne, however the irony is that he could still see the acne WITH the make-up on even though I thought I was doing such a good job hiding it.

The more I tried to hide, the more I was emotionally hurting myself. I encourage you to take a leap of faith and talk to your boyfriend about what you're going through. Your skin won't clear up, but you can begin to rebuild your self-esteem, and your relationship will be that much better.

YOU are 100% right...discuss your problem with him...if he truly loves u...he would never care about any skin problem and actually he would support u...

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I think you should let him know how you feel....or just try going around him without makeup.....I tried to wear make-up around my crush all the time, hes my friend and hes slept over many times and eventually I couldn't keep up with it, I knew even with make-up he could still see the acne and I'm really only covering the redmarks (Well some of them) and I just stopped wearing it at night it was making me break out more anyways which was making things harder (I was using Bare Minerals at the time -__-)

I know the first mineral make-up I had ever used I loved and it was just too expensive for me to order again which is why I tried BM which I hated. The make-up was called Demure it actually made my skin better, even after I took it off I could tell my skin looked better and it covered great. They also make eyeshadows and stuff....its funny because I didn't think I'd like it because I found it because of the LA county fair....which is also how I found my favorite moisturizing that worked better than anything else too sucks these things are so expensive........

I know that were not suppose to link so just google Demure Mineral Cosmetics if your willing to spend money for good make-up I'd look that one up

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I think you should let him know how you feel....or just try going around him without makeup.....I tried to wear make-up around my crush all the time, hes my friend and hes slept over many times and eventually I couldn't keep up with it, I knew even with make-up he could still see the acne and I'm really only covering the redmarks (Well some of them) and I just stopped wearing it at night it was making me break out more anyways which was making things harder (I was using Bare Minerals at the time -__-)

I know the first mineral make-up I had ever used I loved and it was just too expensive for me to order again which is why I tried BM which I hated. The make-up was called Demure it actually made my skin better, even after I took it off I could tell my skin looked better and it covered great. They also make eyeshadows and stuff....its funny because I didn't think I'd like it because I found it because of the LA county fair....which is also how I found my favorite moisturizing that worked better than anything else too sucks these things are so expensive........

I know that were not suppose to link so just google Demure Mineral Cosmetics if your willing to spend money for good make-up I'd look that one up

i think she should start by using less makeup in front of him..and slowly letting him know...then gradually start showing your bare face!!

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I tried this for a long weekend, less in the sense that mufe mat. velvet but no concealer on top...

He didnt say anything, i think he noticed but perhaps i am paranoid.

HOWEVER my roommate said I looked sick and tired.

So.

It's just because as a teenager, a young adult i was fine without this.. it's hard to accept if that makes sense.

More treatments. Prayer.

Thanks :) x

I think you should let him know how you feel....or just try going around him without makeup.....I tried to wear make-up around my crush all the time, hes my friend and hes slept over many times and eventually I couldn't keep up with it, I knew even with make-up he could still see the acne and I'm really only covering the redmarks (Well some of them) and I just stopped wearing it at night it was making me break out more anyways which was making things harder (I was using Bare Minerals at the time -__-)

I know the first mineral make-up I had ever used I loved and it was just too expensive for me to order again which is why I tried BM which I hated. The make-up was called Demure it actually made my skin better, even after I took it off I could tell my skin looked better and it covered great. They also make eyeshadows and stuff....its funny because I didn't think I'd like it because I found it because of the LA county fair....which is also how I found my favorite moisturizing that worked better than anything else too sucks these things are so expensive........

I know that were not suppose to link so just google Demure Mineral Cosmetics if your willing to spend money for good make-up I'd look that one up

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Use bareminerals, or some sort of mineral makeup. Personally, I have a makeup by maybelline called "24 hour makeup". It's really great coverage, and the concealer is great. I hate drug store makeup, because I'm always afraid it will clog my pores, but this one is oil free and I have no problems really. If you get the chance, wash your makeup off in the bathroom than re-apply just in case.

I completely understand where your coming from, it's a nightmare I have yet to face, for me to be makeup-less around anyone but my mom, but now I started prescription gels, taking precautions, ect. it's just the stupid red marks I have to deal with!

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I tried this for a long weekend, less in the sense that mufe mat. velvet but no concealer on top...

He didnt say anything, i think he noticed but perhaps i am paranoid.

HOWEVER my roommate said I looked sick and tired.

So.

It's just because as a teenager, a young adult i was fine without this.. it's hard to accept if that makes sense.

More treatments. Prayer.

Thanks :) x

It's only because your roommate isn't used to seeing you with less makeup. You just look different because you're not covering them as much... which isn't a bad thing. If you keep doing what you're doing, you won't look "sick and tired" because that's just how you normally are. After I started breaking out, I felt like I always needed makeup to look "normal," and now I miss those days (years ago) when I never wore makeup unless I was going out (and even then it was minimal).

But at this point, the farthest I'VE gotten to showing my face without makeup is two layers of tinted moisturizer in dim light right before bed when I sleep over at a girlfriend's house (no concealer/foundation/mineral foundation). And even then I'm embarassed because my friends MUST notice that I'm wearing makeup to bed, which must just seem stupid to them since they all seem to have perfect skin that never requires covering up. PLUS wearing makeup those 2 nights or so in a row usually leads to a bunch of plugged comedones/whiteheads/breakouts later in the week.

All this stuff is easier said than done =/

but know that you're not suffering alone

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heeey I was like you ... I am always insecure about my skin and loath my fate all the time... I never used to let my boy see me without makeup for 3 years but last month we were together in a hot really really humid day... ın th morning I put my makeup on and went to see him but the weather was awful, because of excessive humid my makeup smudge and slowly dissappeared and guess what? I was looking like a zombie :surprised: so I went to bathroom and washed my face, my makeup bag wasnt with me so I couldnt reapply.. this was the first time he saw me bare face and he just said: " what have you done there baby? I dont know but you look much more pretty ..." :)

I wish the same luck for you ... but you should know you are not alone ;)

This guy deserves an award and major brownie points!!! It makes me want to cry.

I'm also afraid for my boyfriend to see me without makeup. He's seen me without it last year, but for some reason my skin wasn't as bad. I'm going to give it a shot when I stay overnight with him in November on vacation. Wish me luck!

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