Jump to content
Acne.org
Search In
Find results that contain...
Find results in...
clarky2

just getting all my thoughts out

Recommended Posts

So I went to the orthodontist today and was told to look in the mirror while she showed me how to do elastics. This wouldn’t have been such a big deal had I not been hiding from real mirrors for quite a while. I didn’t look horrible, but I have this illusion of myself that is different from what I really look like. In the morning I only look at myself in the microwave (sad, I know) and in the evening, I put the bathroom light on the lowest dimmed setting possible. During the day, I look at myself through my phone because it blurs everything out, and I don’t have to see how I really appear to others. I got a glimpse of the truth today, and to be honest, I have to say I’m happy to know what I really look like. I’ve been lying to myself for quite a while and I was getting pretty sick of it. When I looked in the mirror, I looked red more than anything. Where I apply BP (nose, chin, between eyebrows) looked like a dry, red mess. I had thought for quite a while that if I didn’t see any bumps, the BP was a miracle cure. But this is not the case, and the redness looks just as bad as any acne would anyway. I’m kind of at a loss now, because I don’t really know what to do. I thought the BP was working, but it kinda makes everything look like shit. Neither my mom nor my dad had acne as teenagers, so I don’t know what genetics led me to have this problem.

Just a brief history: my brother got an Obaji acne kit last summer (I was 14 at the time), and although I had hardly any acne whatsoever, I wanted a kit too. I used it a bit, but it wasn’t really working, so I stopped using it. In the fall, I got some spots on my chin, and my mom told me to use her salicylic acid twice a day. This made everything a lot worse and I got really dry skin, but the spots kept coming. I tried stupid homemade masks that only made things even worse. I resorted to benzoyl peroxide, and I’ve been on and off this (the regimen) since early winter. I feel like if I just stop everything, my skin will go back to normal, but when I try this, I freak out and go back to BP.

I would love to just stop caring about my skin completely and let everything fade away, but I know it’s not that easy. I just want that whole aspect of my life to go away, and I want to be the happy kid I used to be again. I know I haven’t even had this problem for very long, but it’s changed me in so, so many ways. I look at my school picture from last year and can’t believe it’s the same person. I never washed my face or even thought about my skin, and my face remained completely spotless. I want that more than anything right now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.



  • Personalized Advice Quiz - All of Acne.org in just a few minutes


×