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So a quick story about my acne...

Never had it aside from the occasional spot, it usually formed a scab, healed, and left very minimal scarring.

Cut to now: This entire year I have been getting open wounds from acne, whether I pick or not. Every spot turns into a big nasty wound, or worse, an infection. So I saw a derm who said I have adult onset acne, and gave me perscriptions which didnt do much. I started to get the idea that I'm allergic to something because of the way my spots arrive literally overnight and in patches. I just pinned it to possibly my shampoo after getting a nasty series of bumps all over my face and chest after a shower. So today, one of my new spots from this rash coincidentally was right on/next to a hypertrophic scar I have on my chin (from this horrific ordeal)

I asked my mom to get me some silicone sheets for the scar so when it heals again, I can try to diminish its appearance. and that I would pay her back..

She comes home, tells me I'm being a baby, I deserve to get fired from calling out from work from these outbreaks, saying I just have acne, and it sucks. (Which is partly true, but CONFIRMED by by derm I get infections and reactions as well) and basically called me stupid and worthless. Telling me I'm letting my skin become too important and that I'm vain for letting these hives on my face bother me.

As if I don't feel bad enough, ugly enough, worthless enough, I really dont need my mom confirming all of this. I am fully aware of how this is affecting me, how much this is destroying my life. But I cant help the way I feel. I cant help that this is hurting me so bad. I know I have issues I need to work on, but being called lazy for being insecure, and being called stupid for trying things I read on the internet such as the silicone sheets, just makes me wish I wasn't me even more. Hating myself is hard enough without my own mother making me believe it even more. I know I am being overly sensitive, but people dont understand unless things like this happen to them. I know I need to not let this ruin my life. But being told all my worst qualites to my face just makes me hate myself more.

I also have been instructed by my derm to always wear a bandaid to prevent infections, which have been documented!!! And my mom still makes fun of me when I wear a bandaid. Saying I look ridiculous and should just wear makeup like a normal person. The fact is, when i wear makeup and dont protect the wound, I GET AN INFECTION. And I'm embarassed all the time anyways, being told I look stupid just makes me feel like never going outside. My mom said her patience is running thin, and I deserve to be depressed.

I'm not asking to be babied, but some support would be nice.

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i am so sorry this is happening to u. u really need to talk to ur mom and tell ur EXACTLY how u feel and how much she hurts u. she can't say those things and get away with it. shes ur mother. shes supposed to love and support u no matter what. not make u more insecure and down about urself. thats not right. she needs to know what shes doing to u and she needs to stop. its not fair to u. ur just trying to deal with ur problems and the acne. and u don't need her rude comments on top of that. have a serious talk with her. stand up for urself. u can do it :)

Edited by X3Kell3X
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I can't right now, because I feel like everything she says is true.... which is the worst part. If you feel ugly and stupid and someone else confirms it, its really hard to see otherwise. And I'm trying really hard to do that.

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omggggggggggg no. u are not ugly and ur are not stupid.! don't let her put that messages in ur head. please. u r far from all of those things. shes not being the kind of mother u need her to be right now. please don't take her words seriously.

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Set aside your mom for right now.

You are braving something that could crush people. It's hard on everyone, and you're looking for ways to fix it, and you're doing your best about it by doing your research (ex. the silicone sheets). Sure you feel insecure. Anyone would. You'd be inhuman not to. This is a hard thing to deal with and you're a tough person for doing it.

Back yourself up. Support yourself. You are, bluntly, the only person you can rely on to have your own interests at heart 100%. Love yourself and trust yourself.

Go look at yourself in the mirror. Don't look at the marks, and don't look at the wounds. Just look into your own eyes for a good solid minute or two. You owe it to yourself to be supportive.

And heck, if all else fails, adopt a sense of humor. It's hard, I know, and it's uncomfortable, but really, a sense of humor is probably your best asset in these kinds of situations. Tell your mom you understand she's jealous of your beauty, but you deserve support from her right now, not scorn.

Chin up, kiddo.

Edited by white tea
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I know she is trying to help, my mom is not generally this spiteful, and I'm sure my bouts of depression are annoying, but this tough love is just making me hate myself more. I never thought I was pretty, but I was comfortable with myself. And my boyfriend thinks I'm pretty, as do my friends, and that was enough for me. But now, with all these infections and wounds and bumps, I just feel gross all the time. I'll admit i am overly sensitive, but I feel like I'm falling, and the fact that my symptoms get worse, makes me lose hope everyday. If I feel and look like this for the rest of my life, I dont want any part of it. My 21st birthday is coming up soon, and I hate the fact that I'm spending all me time hating life instead of enjoying it.

It's my fault, but I cant seem to get out of this hole.

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The hole you're talking about is your mindset. Quit looking for negatives and limiting yourself. Look at it this way:

You have a supportive boyfriend and friends who love you and see the best in you. You're up against a pretty hard challenge, but you're fighting it and looking for ways to win. You're not going to look like this the rest of your life. You're still young. You're still only 20 years old. You have young skin and you're nice 'n healthy, so chances are your body will do a lot more healing than you give it credit for. You've got some pals here at Acne.org, no strangers to how you're feeling, that are trying to cheer you up because you're down!

Keep your eyes on the positive, Beady. That's key.

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Thanks you guys, I really appreciate it. I have considered talking to counselor, but to be honest, I find this site more helpful because you guys have ACTUALLY been where I am. I dont need some quack telling me I have Body Dismorphic disorder. I need others like me. And some love. :) And you are right white tea, I'm incredibly lucky to have my friends and my boyfriend. So lucky sometimes I dont feel I deserve it.

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Everyone on these boards is behind you :) We're all here.

I get the "You're vain...you shouldn't be so bloody vain..." talk from my dad at least once a week.

Your mum doesn't understand, so don't take things she says to heart, just try to ignore it as much as possible because you know that what she's saying is wrong, so believe in yourself.....

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Some mums, dads etc do this thing called 'tough love'. They think if they are hard on you, you will toughen up. Doesnt seem to work when your feeling crap from having acne! I know, my parents can be the same. They tell me you can hardly notice my spots blah blah blah but the fact is.... I CAN!!!!!!!!

Stay strong, keep your chin up and remember that parents arent always perfect. Sometimes they are just trying to help although it doesnt always seem that way.

Im 25 now and have just realised that lol

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Happy people make me even more depressed, I know I won't have that happiness, ever.

Lifes NOT fair :(

Couldn't agree with you more.

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Life isn't fair. This may be one of the worst weeks ever too.

My face is covered in wounds right now, right before a big wedding. And I just got another "you look stupid with bandaids" talk.

So sick of being ugly...

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