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axtine8

Sharing Faith and Courage: An Accutane Log

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Hey it could just be the IB and nothing to do with internal stuff. I got like the biggest pimple of my life underneath my right eye, during the first month of accutane. Actually not the biggest since it wasnt raised that much, but it was long like almost 2inches and hard, i dont think it was inflamed though. I dont really know what type of pimple it was, and yeah I dont think i've ever gotten one in that area before. Also my IB though not that bad mainly happened in an area with occasional breakouts, which were my cheeks, where my frequent breakout area forehead/chin didnt suffer much. Active wise my skin was better after the 1st month, tho i did suffer one more breakout in month 2, redmarks and stuff persist though, but thereafter only got really little like pinhead small and infrequent stuff for the remainder of the course. I was on bactrim (an antibiotic) to help with IB onemonth prior and during that first month though, so that might of contributed to my IB not being that bad. Since my IB occured in like a day, where i got like 8 new pimples, and thereafter no new pimples at all untill that second breakout i mentioned in month 2 with like 3 pimples.

Edited by brandish

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Almost day 29

Thanks for all the support—it meant a lot to me! Things looked up today, like they always do eventually. I’ve discovered my new best friend: EMU OIL. I ordered some like a week ago, and last night I just mixed some with my moisturizer (CeraVe, another lifesaver which I highly recommend). It was unbelievable how much the redness went down overnight! As we speak, I am sitting in my bedroom with more emu oil on in the hopes that it will work some more magic before I have to go to work tomorrow.

I am in a much better mood today. My face is still terrible, but I got to see my mother today! Apparently, my dad knows I’m sad because I'm all alone and far away from home, so he suggested that my mom drive two hours (each way!) to spend the afternoon with me! Yes, sir. This day has shaped up to be quite the turnaround. :)

I will be starting my third month of Accutane about a week before fall semester starts. I am on my knees praying that I will be somewhat decent by then, so I don’t have skin stress on top of new-roommate-stress, new-classes-stress, new-apartment-stress, and just-about-everything-else-stress.

I decided to be brave today, and I attached a pic. Granted, I’m wearing makeup, but I had gently washed my cheeks when I got home because I didn’t want the cosmetics to irritate the cysts. So: cysts = real. Skin tone all over = not real. Savvy?

Good night!

Amy

vintagelover: you are the absolute sweetest! you made me tear up a little when I read your post! i'm glad i could make someone feel better and inspire them to start a log! please, keep in touch. I would love to hear from you more, and read your log, if you want to create one! :)

brandish: hello again! i think you are right, it probably is just the IB. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that it does not last much longer. i'm on an antibiotic too-- erythromycin. the only problem is, it's the same one that stopped working for me back in december/january. the derm said it might be different now, but who know?

Edited by axtine8

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Oops! I forgot to upload the picture... so here it is!

EDIT 8/22/2010: Removed attached pics for privacy reasons

Edited by axtine8

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I just started my 5th month! Only 2 (so 6 total months) to go! My skin definitely started to look better by the 3rd month. My derm said that month 4 was supposed to be the miracle clearing month, but I feel like I looked about the same as month 3, which was pretty clear. I'm crossing my fingers for you that you will be comfortable with your skin by school time so you don't have to worry about that along with all the other new (and you'll find wonderful!) stresses in your life.

Take care! You're gorgeous, and you seem like such a great girl! Good luck with everything!

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Hi amy! thanks for replying, i saw your picture, it seems to me that your skin is starting to dry up, isn't it? i think that's good! same thing is happening to me, and you are so pretty btw!, also I wanted to ask you what makeup do you use and what do you put on? and does it cover all the redness and marks?

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Hi amy! thanks for replying, i saw your picture, it seems to me that your skin is starting to dry up, isn't it? i think that's good! same thing is happening to me, and you are so pretty btw!, also I wanted to ask you what makeup do you use and what do you put on? and does it cover all the redness and marks?

Yep, parts of it are starting to dry up. But there are always a few pimples ready to take the others' places. :( But all in all, I know I look loads better than I did one or two months ago. Hopefully I'll see some good results in this next month!

Makeup?? Hmm, that's interesting. Everyone has a different way of doing it. Normally I just use Bare Minerals, which is fantastic when I'm not so broken out like I am now. When I'm like this, I put on liquid foundation first over the red areas with a damp makeup sponge (THIS IS KEY!!! I never use my fingers to put on liquid foundation), and then I set my whole face with Bare Minerals. Currently, my liquid foundation is Almay Clear Complexion Foundation in Buff. I don't use it because of the Salicylic Acid. Salicylic acid has never helped me, but I like Almay and the consistency of this makeup is light enough so I don't feel like I'm wearing a mask all the time. This system works pretty well for me, though it's easy to go put too much powder on, and then I just look cakey.

I can't wait for the day when I can just go back to wearing Bare Minerals. It takes about 20 seconds to put on and it really does look like you're wearing nothing! THe added liquid foundation makes it look like I have makeup on, but it's a necessary evil if I want to cover up all the redness.

talk to you soon! I just love hearing from you! :)

Amy

Edited by axtine8

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I just started my 5th month! Only 2 (so 6 total months) to go! My skin definitely started to look better by the 3rd month. My derm said that month 4 was supposed to be the miracle clearing month, but I feel like I looked about the same as month 3, which was pretty clear. I'm crossing my fingers for you that you will be comfortable with your skin by school time so you don't have to worry about that along with all the other new (and you'll find wonderful!) stresses in your life.

Take care! You're gorgeous, and you seem like such a great girl! Good luck with everything!

HI mandirose!

Whew, it's good to know that I can probably expect improvement in the next 60 days or so. :) I've heard it both ways about the "magic month:" some say month 3, others say month 4. Either way, I should be happier by October! Apparently, I'll reach my cumulative dosage of 120 mg by October 15th. That's not very long at all!

I'm glad that Accutane has worked so well for you! It's inspiring to talk to people who are ahead of you. If you don't have this line of support, I guess it would be easy to second guess everything and wonder if you'll ever see any change at all.

Keep in touch! You seem like such a wonderful person yourself, and I'd love to hear about the rest of your Accutane course! (btw, your profile picture seems to be channeling Regina Spektor. Mad props, I love her! :) )

Amy

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Yeah I remember when I only put on powder and that was it, it was great, now last year I started putting concealer and then liquid foundation and then other brand of liquid foundation on top and then powder and then blush, I was ignorant about the fact that it was making my skin worse, and back then it wasn't even that bad, as it is now, I don't know what I was thinking really, but now I put on mineral foundation and dermatologist tested powder, and sometimes blush, but that's it, also, do you eat healthy? Last year I used to not do that, because my skin wasn't like it is right now and I thought food had nothing to do with it, and because I'm skinny I wanted to gain weight and started eating so horribly! I had so much fast food and greasy food, now since january I try my best to avoid greasy food and I only drink water, it's pain but I think it's better I don't know, but even if I changed my diet and my makeup and everything I feel it got worse :( maybe it's not our fault but our skin is destined to get worse even if we try everything? I guess that's what accutane's for, I'm glad it exists! thank god haha, I hope it does wonders for us! :D I just want the first three months to be over don't you? You said salicylic acid or whatever it's called breaks you out? me too! last year a dermatologist I hate now, prescribed me that and my skin wasn't too bad and it broke me out and it hasn't stopped since then, it sucks, I'm sorry I feel like I wrote a lot I hope you don't get tired of reading this!, hope everything's going well! :D

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Hey!

I'm on my 25th day of Clarus right now, and everything you're mentioning keeps making me go 'ME TOO' inside my head, so I thought I'd post a reply.

It really bothers me when people make rude, insensitive comments about my acne. I haven't had many, because I'm a pretty fierce person so if they did make a quip about it, I think they'd be aware of the stony cold stare about to go their way. Hah. The other day, my best friend said 'there's some blood on your face' and she tried to rub it off without asking me. Obviously, it was part of a pimple which a) hurt and b) was trying to heal. I got really embarrassed and annoyed, mostly because she only gets about one pimple a month and because if I was her, I wouldn't want to point out something like that. Don't people understand that we look in the mirror? I had an ignorant girl ask me 'Do you wash your face every day?' Like no, I never wash my fucking face. I didn't notice that it bleeds on my pillow, that it hurts to talk from my cysts, and that no amount of make up conceals my lumpy complexion. Note the intense sarcasm.

Oy, the ignorance. Some days it's enough to bring me to tears.

Anyways...enough of a novel there. Luckily, acne has brought me far from being shallow. I literally appreciate when I see other people with imperfections/blemishes because I know that they go through a struggle similar to mine. I've realized there's more to us than our acne.

We have to remind ourselves of this. We won't be suffering all our lives.

I hope you're doing okay, and keeping your head up. Keep posting too! Cheers Amy :)

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Hi just wanted to share this with you, you know I told you I avoid mirrors right? I know now why, I always know the state of my face only when I wash it and I touch it to see how it's doing and I thought, oh well I guess I'm doing good the pimples from last week are drying up and I think they'll be smaller on a couple of days, but i just saw my face and analyzed and I have A LOT of red marks :( because I only get pimples in the cheek area near my nose, (right now i have one on my chin and one on my forehead and i never get them there, i guess it's the accutane i don't know) so it looks like i have a lot of pimples :( makes me so sad that's why i never see myself i get so depressed, makeup is godsend, so i look like my skin is horrible or maybe it is :( and i have this REALLY red marks all over the place and they never go away, i've had them since last year and they don't go away, i guess it's because new pimples always come, does this happen to you too?

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1 MONTH!!!

And it went by so fast, too! Tomorrow morning I have my dermatologist appointment to get my refill for Claravis. I don't know if he'll bump me up... part of me is hoping he will just so I'll see quicker, if not better results. The other half of me is completely ok with 60 mgs a day because a) it corresponds with my weight the closest, b) I don't want to risk another IB and c) I don't want more intense side effects. (My side effects so far are a nuisance sometimes, but they don't get in the way of life at all. If it was like this until November, I would be just fine)

Isn't it funny how skin can just change overnight? Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. I'm praying for the former now. My skin isn't at it's worst, but I had another breakout. This time, I'm sure it's food related. I'm normally very good about eating a healthy diet. I keep a food diary and calculate all my calories, carbs, protein, fat and vitamins for every meal. I eat between 1300-1500 calories per day. I know it sounds really OCD, but it's the one thing I'm really protective about. Like, if I can't control anything else (ahem, ACNE), I might as well be militant about what I eat. So it's a control issue I guess.

But this is not an eating disorder! Jeesh, everyone jumps to this conclusion when they hear me say that. Trust me though, my mom is a dietician, so she has verified that my plan is completely healthy. BUT... I have skipped breakfast these past few days because of extremely early work days, and this throws my whole day off. Yesterday, I did something I haven't done in months. I craved sugar so badly during lunchtime that I basically inhaled a pound of candy. I kid you not. Same thing today. So... this might account for the sudden breakout. Sugar does spike insulin levels, and this can affect hormones. My derm says sugar doesn't cause acne, but what you put into your body is what you get out of it. And mine might just so happen to react badly to sugar. **sigh** I will have to make an extra effort to be healthy these next few days.

On the bright side, my boyfriend is coming home the first week of August!!! He has been studying abroad since January, right before my big breakout. So, in a nutshell, he hasn't actually seen me since I changed, though he has heard aaaalllll about it. Hmmm... I guess I'm just worried about when he sees me for the first time. He's a good guy, I'm not worried he'll break it off. We've been together since he returned from his mission a year and a half ago, and he has the strongest set of values of anyone I know. But I'm still really self conscious. **sigh... again**

Well, I'll stop updating everyday and let other people on this board get bumped to the top. haha :) Talk to you all within the next week!

Amy

angela: YES, IT'S FINALLY HERE!! I woke up today so completely excited! :):):)

vintagelover: I don't get tired of reading your posts! you are very insightful and curious and i always look forward to seeing what you have to say. If you decide to start a log, I will be the first one to read it! :) (And if it makes you feel better, I avoid mirrors too! My apartment has a full length mirror at the end of the bedroom hallway, and I have to get within 3 inches any time I want to go to the kitchen. I have to close my eyes so tight every time! haha)

Hope: Well, that is indeed by wish! The sooner this is gone, the better it is for my sanity, as far as I'm concerned. I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes. The only thing keeping me going is Accutane. If this fails, I will most likely be admitted into the nearest institution. For reals.

brighteyed: Hey, thanks for dropping by! I've read your log too, and I wish you all the best. I hate people like that too. There's just so much ignorance out there about acne. The worst thing is is that it's taboo to talk about, so people think you're odd if you bring it up. Grr, we just can't win. Either way, this will be over for us soon! Keep in touch, I like what you have to say and how you say it. Very eloquent. :)

Edited by axtine8

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I'd start a log but I don't think people would read without pictures cause believe me, I don't plan on posting them lol, but I've been keeping a private blog just to see my progress, also congratulations on completing the first month! I can't wait to finish my second month haha today I started the second half of it, it's funny about the candy cause a kid went by my house yesterday selling ring pops and my mom bought one for me and I was like "mom i don't wanna eat that" and i left it there and today i took a nap and woke up with a dry mouth and a crave for candy and I ate it hahah and now I feel bad but oh well, once in a while can't hurt. Also don't worry about your boyfriend, this might be your ib so by august maybe it's gone, I hope mine's gone on august :S, and at least you have a boyfriend, i've been avoiding dates and saying no to guys asking me out due to this stupid face haha also I think 60 mg is perfect, I'm on 40 i wanna be on 60 i'll talk to my dermatologist about it, and i know what you mean by the eating disorder, since i don't eat greasy foods and don't drink sodas or juice, every time i'm with my whole family that don't know it's cause of the acne cause I don't talk about it, they look at me like "what the hell you are so skinny" when I don't want grease or sodas hahah but whatever they don't understand, I just hope i can eat like I used to when accutane is over, or at least not THAT healthy cause it's boring

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Just read thru your blog and hope things start getting better for you this month. It sounds like you had a pretty tough first month. Its a difficult road but you'll make it thru. I prolly woulda punched that director guy right in the face to give him some matching red marks. Azzhole. Anyway, chin up and keep us posted how you're coming along. I started just before you and its nice to be able to compare progress, or lack thereof. You made it to 30 and ev1 says that is the hardest part. Im not seeing improvements yet either, but I guess you just have to tell yourself that every day gone by is another day closer to the end. Good luck :)

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Congratulations on the one month mark! Mine will be on Sunday. Just think, we're that much closer to the third month where all the magic happens. I hope you're having a fantastic week and keeping a smile on. If that director dude makes another comment, I think a bunch of us could come over there and bully him. He would probably be flabbergasted by the amount of people with acne surrounding him. Imagine! People with acne! It's not like it's common or anything. He probably thinks it's contagious. Bastard.

Anyways, keep in touch :wiggle:

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Congratulations on the one month mark! Mine will be on Sunday. Just think, we're that much closer to the third month where all the magic happens. I hope you're having a fantastic week and keeping a smile on. If that director dude makes another comment, I think a bunch of us could come over there and bully him. He would probably be flabbergasted by the amount of people with acne surrounding him. Imagine! People with acne! It's not like it's common or anything. He probably thinks it's contagious. Bastard.

Anyways, keep in touch :wiggle:

:clap: Seriously, that just made my entire night!!! haha I laughed when I thought of a bunch of people from this forum bombarding him from all angles. He would have a heart attack!!! He is indeed one of those people who has plastic skin. The type who would call in sick from work if he got so much as a blackhead on his stupid nose. God forbid. :lol:

Thanks for dropping by! You just gave me a much-needed laugh.

Amy

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Congratulations on the one month mark! It is always exciting to reach a milestone.

Also, very exciting news about the boyfriend coming back. I am sure he will be so happy to see you that he won't even notice little imperfections. I don't blame you on feeling self conscious though, I have been overly conscious about my appearance lately. It is hard not to be somedays. Just have a wonderful time. Keep us posted!

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::high-five for college-aged accutaners::

Just stopping by to send some encouragement. Your story sounds very similar to mine. The acne kicked in at the same age (12-13), but by the time I started college, it was pretty much clear (my freshman fall pics look nice and fresh like yours). By the end of freshman year, however, the stress and change of pace threw it all out of whack. I had ups and downs with a series of prescription meds before finally resorting to accutane.

Anyway, the good news is, in a few months, your skin will be good as new. So don't get discouraged! We've all been there.

Take care!

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Hi how've you been! hope you are doing good! :) I've been stressed about my skin but I think that's all the time, I love going out but hate it that I'm always thinking my face looks like crap and trying to cover it with my hair, it sucks, and the itchiness has been horrible! I don't know why :( hope in a couple of months we can chat about how good our skins is!

Edited by vintagelover

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Day 34!

It really doesn’t seem like I’ve been on Accutane for almost five weeks. It’s gone by relatively quickly, and time should pick up even more once I have other distractions. Like school. I’ll tell you what, nothing makes time go by slower than having an empty apartment and a (practically) empty schedule that is filled with me surfing Acne.org. Common sense tells me that if I don’t focus so much on Accutane/acne, it will go by loads quicker. But I. Am. So. Bored. :wall:

I’m not completely useless. My job keeps me sort of busy. I’m working for the Theatre department. The other day, I found out how Accutane will adversely affect this. So I was moving some old props on Thursday and such, and I kept bumping into everything. No big deal, right? I’m a resilient woman… right? Hahaha. No. I came home to find myself bruised all over and I have scratches up and down my arms that aren’t healing like they normally would have done. My skin is so delicate it’s ridiculous. I look like I’ve been beaten or something. Lol

My derm appointment went rather well. I didn’t actually see my doctor, but his Nurse Practitioner (whom I like a LOT better. But don’t tell him I said that!). She got worried when I mentioned back pain was a side effect and was totally about to bump be down to 40 mg, but I did some serious convincing. Once she was sure that it wasn’t interfering with my day to day life and it wasn’t keeping me up at night, she kept me at 60 mg. Now, I’m not so sure. I like higher doses, but the back pain has crept up a notch. It’s not getting in the way… yet. But I don’t have to be lying down to feel it anymore. It comes and goes. But it’s more of an ache than a pain. Ugh, I don’t know. But if it gets worse, I might have to go down to 40.

She also pegged my duration on Claravis to be about 5 months. Unless my skin informs me otherwise, I will definitely be pushing for a full 6 though. But I’m pleased with the idea that I should be good by Thanksgiving... and for sure by Christmas! That will be the best material Christmas gift I could ever receive!

I had THE best blood drawing experience. I use the term ‘best’ loosely. :lol: The silly medical assistant did something to my arm, and it looked like a mottled checkerboard for half an hour afterwards. And it was numb and fuzzy. It didn’t bruise (thank God) but something was poking the inside of my elbow for about a day afterwards. It feels better now, thanks to multiple icings and being extremely careful with what I pick up (re: moving props. Accutane will make this difficult, I think). At least I’m not traumatized. I’ve never really been afraid of needles. I don’t like them, but I don’t have panic attacks when I go in for blood draws, shots and so on.

And on my last point… I think I’m going through a second IB. There are tons of mini-cysts, but only one big one showed up—it came up last night under my right eye but it spontaneously popped about an hour ago when I was in the shower. When I feel the area gently, I can tell everything came out because it’s flat and not hard. I am pro at diagnosing the state of pimples by now. I can tell when one will come up, how big it will be and how long it will (roughly) stay. And I can always tell when they’re fading away and when they’re here to stay.

What can I say? It’s a gift. Haha

Over and out for now!

Amy

goodz19: thanks so much! I hope you're doing better too. We're both at hard stages in our courses, but it's for a limited time! It's the only thing keeping me going at this point. :) Thanks for the support!

calabi: Thanks! I'm pretty excited for him to come back too. It will be an exercise of willpower. I can hide from my boss, my coworkers, my friends and my roommates. But I refuse to hide from him! And he gives good moral support. I will definitely stay in touch! I'll be keeping up with your log

Clear-as-Day: I read your log just now, and it looks like you had great results! It's nice to see you are still around to give support even though you're done. Most people just zoom out, and I can't say I blame them. It was good to hear from you!

Vintagelover: I've been doing okay! Summer is boring right now, and I'm just counting down the days until I don't have to deal with this silly skin nonsense anymore. If your skin is itchy, try switching moisturizers. I've had great success with CeraVe. My face doesn't ever feel dry or itchy and i'm already a month in! And yes, I can't wait for that chat. :) One of those is definitely in order. We will feel normal again!

Edited by axtine8

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I can totally relate with you on the borring summer !! I just moved to FL for an internship and although my job has not started yet, I don't know anyone so I'm pretty much just staying in this house all alone !! :( I wish I had roomates! Plus it has been it's pouring out all day (and is forecasted to for the rest of the week!) AND the cable company needs to come and hook up the Internet. Yesterday I had to go to mcdonnalds and use their free wifi. (and just days before my friend and I were saying to each other "why would anyone want to use a mcdonnalds wifi hot spot that's so dumb" lol) at least I have my phone iternet to communicate with people !! But I'm doing the same as you to handle my bordum... Read acne.org. When i get bored of that, I play sims 3. Repeat cycle lol

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