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The title says it all. I'm skipping school today and until my acne goes away because I cant lie to myself anymore. When I look in the mirror all I see is my F'ed up face and I cant take it.

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I know what you mean. Today i grabbed a little hand held mirror, and positioned it in the bathroom so i could get a look at my profile. omfg it was so bad i was hyperventilating.

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Same here.. I skipped so many days because of my acne.. and I just recently had a breakout all over my left cheek and chin.. I always eat a lot after I breakout to help cope, not a good habit.

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Yes im in australia its winter here we only have like 3 weeks holidays between terms. In summer we have a longer holiday which is like december to february.

so yeah today is a school day. and im not going.

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I know the feeling, try to aviod mirros as much as you can.

Man... i hate those handheld mirros SO MUCH, it makes ur face like 10x worse sad.gif u just wanna die after seeing ur face in it.

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handheld mirrors head on are okay for me BUT I look ay my face and profile in a big mirror that I prop up UNDER the bright light over my bed, so the light casts down and I position a smaller mirror to see my profile. That is some terrible lighting, you could have a small pore and it will cast a shadow, and where the skin texture is uneven and where I have some shallow scars, the little facial hairs don't lie flat as on some really smooth areas of my face and it's like gross, I didn't know the face had all these little f-ing hairs too? If I just looked in my regular mirror on the drawers I wouldn't be compelled to stay home, depressed : (

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I understand that completely. I missed so many days of school due to my acne. And work, too. You catch a glimpse of your skin in a certain light and don't want to go out and face the world.

GettingThere, just like your name you will get there. Try not to look in the mirror too much if you can, try to just focus on things you enjoy doing and being a good person. Treat your acne and try not to stress too much.

Easier said than done, but every little bit helps. If I look in the mirror too much, I just don't want to go out. Ignorance is bliss.

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Thanks mischief...

Seriously I used to lie to myself without even like conciously knowing it. I had this like subconcious urge to avoid all bright like and used to get ready in the dark. But lately I have faced the facts and I turn on the lights and look in the mirror. What i see shocks, disturbs and saddens me to the point where i just get back into bed and pull the blankets over my head. It doesn't help that I have these giant splotches on my face that hurt like all crap I think they are emerging cysts.

It f'ed up i seriously cant keep living like this but I cant face the world either. I dont know what to do anymore.

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Also another thing I am so damn paranoid 24/7 and I hate living my life with all these restrictions that I place on myself. Like I dont eat any fatty or sweet foods anymore because I'm too scared I will break out. I also feel so constricted by having to take my medication 2x daily and also do my facial regimen 2x daily. It's like I have no control over my life.

Another thing i hate is the false hope I get every time I start a new med, and the way I have to wait like 2-3 months to see results! In those months ALL i can think about is whether the med will work tomorrow or the next day or whatever. I think I have like obsessive compulsive disorder or something, and I KNOW I have depression. It's fucked.

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1 More thing I am scared of myself at the moment. Every day I think about suicide and every day it seems like a better and better option. I don't think I could do it but Im honestly not even sure any more.

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Please, don't give up hope just yet. Just keep fighting, you will be clear one day ok? Just keep saying that to yourself; "I will be clear one day, I will be clear one day." I know it's really hard walking through life, always having to be insecure and self conscious about your skin, I've been through that too, and I'm still sort of going through it...But I JUST couldn't stand it anymore! I was loosing so much valuable time in my life, and my social life was just going downhill, and I found myself in isolation, against all my friends and family. One day, I just thought SCREW THIS, I'm going to live life to the fullest, no matter what. I know it's a hard thing to do, but atleast the happiness that you get from this, keeps you alive, and gives you better hope that you will be clear. Don't let acne defeat you, there's so much more to life. Trust me, okay? It will probably take time to get back out there in the big world, but try not to focus on your acne so much, this includes thinking about it, touching your face, thinking people are staring at you, and most of all looking in mirrors! It's not so much avoiding the truthful fact you have acne, just repelling the thought, so you can move on with your life. Okay? I hope this helps you, even if just a little, because each little bit helps. God bless you, I'll be praying for you ok.

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