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brighteyed

Yeah, my skin sucks. (With pictures)

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A little bit about myself: I'm 16, I've struggled with bad acne for five or six years, but only in the past year has it gotten to it's worst. At first, it was okay because I could cover it with make up. But now, I have many, many huge cysts along my jawline and cheeks, not to mention lately I've been getting tons of small bumps ALL over my face. My skin is SO bumpy it looks horrid even with make up on. Looking in the mirror has become depressing. I've been feeling extremely hopeless about my complexion, and I hope that in the next 6 months that will change. I never felt like a person who suffered from bad acne, I always thought you could be okay by just washing your face and covering it up etc. But lately I've felt so helpless, I've tried everything and it hasn't worked. This is a last resort.

Edited by brighteyed
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Welcome to the boards and good luck with your journey!

Everyone is so supportive here so it definitely makes the journey easier.

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calabi Thanks for your welcome!

Just made this log about twenty minutes ago.

But I need to write and just vent, because I'm feeling increasingly depressed about my skin situation. I'm going shopping tomorrow, and I would honestly rather be in bed with the flu than go. I'd rather bungee jump or have head lice than have to clump some make up on my disgusting, ugly face and walk around to be judged by thousands of good looking, clear skinned people.

Ugh.

That's how I feel right now. I'm sick of tryng to hide my face, trying to get people to understand that no, I am not pretty. I'm pretty under all my scabby, inflamed acne. But that's not good enough. I feel like absolute shit right now. I'm repulsive. I'm the bumpiest, most disgusting looking person I have ever seen. I want to crawl in bed and never get out.

I know, I know. :boohoo: Cue the violins, right? I'm just sick of this insecurity. No one else I know has skin problems. It's like..why me?

Moving along-I've seen multiple 'tane logs on here, and all of them have a dosage of 40mg or higher. I've been started off with a measly 20mg, once a day. I think my skin is deserving of at least twice a day. Annoyed.

Edited by brighteyed
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Hey i am on day eight now and the begining is rough, i am going through it now, but it will be well worth it.. i read ur post and i know how you feel. You need to be positive through this and keep ur head held high becuase you are in fact doing something about it becuase you care enough about yourself to do something, GOOD LUCK and check out my log if you want to find out how the begining is going for me...

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Good luck to you!

My son is on 20 mg a day. He weighs 120 so he could go as high as 55mg and his dr feels a lower dose for longer is the way to go. I wouldn't worry so much about your low dose. I have found several people on this website starting at even 10mg. My son responded so well his first month the dr decided to keep him on 20mg again for the 2nd month! His skin has never looked better and he is only on day 44!

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Thanx for popping in on my log, and welcome! Good luck on course. Its a looooooooooong road ahead, but Im sure it will be worth it for you in the end. Keep us posted w/ your progress and check on ours for info and encouragement.

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Thank you EVERYONE!

I really appreciate the responses. I'll be checking in on all of your logs.

As for me, I popped my fifth pill this morning. 25 more to go until month 1 is down! It feels so far away but I feel more positive today. It's less far away than it was yesterday, and it'll be even closer tomorrow. I bought foundation yesterday that covers the redness very well (Make Up Forever HD Invisible Cover), so once some of my larger pimples heal it won't be as horrible going out in public.

For now I'm staying on the hermit side of life, my face is still looking like a train wreck.

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Thank you EVERYONE!

I really appreciate the responses. I'll be checking in on all of your logs.

As for me, I popped my fifth pill this morning. 25 more to go until month 1 is down! It feels so far away but I feel more positive today. It's less far away than it was yesterday, and it'll be even closer tomorrow. I bought foundation yesterday that covers the redness very well (Make Up Forever HD Invisible Cover), so once some of my larger pimples heal it won't be as horrible going out in public.

For now I'm staying on the hermit side of life, my face is still looking like a train wreck.

Hi brighteyed!

I'm starting accutane tomorrow, so our courses are very close! Hopefully we'll both have clear skin very soon :)

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Thank you EVERYONE!

I really appreciate the responses. I'll be checking in on all of your logs.

As for me, I popped my fifth pill this morning. 25 more to go until month 1 is down! It feels so far away but I feel more positive today. It's less far away than it was yesterday, and it'll be even closer tomorrow. I bought foundation yesterday that covers the redness very well (Make Up Forever HD Invisible Cover), so once some of my larger pimples heal it won't be as horrible going out in public.

For now I'm staying on the hermit side of life, my face is still looking like a train wreck.

Hi brighteyed!

I'm starting accutane tomorrow, so our courses are very close! Hopefully we'll both have clear skin very soon :)

Hello :) Congratulations, and welcome to the club hahaha. I hope we do!

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Skin Changes:

I haven't noticed much except that my current acne has started to dry up and instead of looking like it usually does, it's scabbing. There are little scabs and even on places that didn't have a break out. I've seen someone write about this before so I'm not concerned, just interested. Has anyone else noticed this? Other than that, it's been kind of itchy but not dry. I moisturize twice a day and reapply lip balm often. I've neverhad extremely dry lips before, and I'm going to try my best to keep it that way.

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Heya! You have the ideal skin for Accutane. You're really going to love it!

As for that weird scabbing, I've had that too. Sometimes for me it was over an area were a zit had healed fairly recently (within two-three weeks) and left a faint red mark. Once the "scab" comes off, the mark is lighter. It's VERY strange, but nothing to worry about. You'll find out that a lot of things that happen to you while you're on Accutane are very strange.

As for the dry lips--I, too had never had dry lips before taking Accutane. However, that was my first noticeable side effect. Aquaphor is the best thing by FAR for dry lips. It's especially helpful if you wash your face or put a hot rag over your lips for about 2-5 minutes then wipe your lips dry and apply Aquaphor. However, if you're in an area where Aquaphor is not available, petroleum jelly is a very close second!

Good luck to you on your course! You're going to love it. I promise you.

[[Every time a person regrets taking Accutane, God kills a kitten.]]

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Hey Jaina, I'm Allison :) I'm nearing the end of my course and I can say that it is completely worth it, you'll be so glad you did it. I had scabbing too and it just seemed to speed up the healing process. Keep your head up and know that no one can alter your beauty besides yourself. You'll be clear in no time! Best of luck with your course :)

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Allison: Thank you so much!

I realized today when taking my pill that I'm actually on 40mg. (HOW DID I NOT NOTICE THIS BEFORE?) I guess I misheard my derm when she told me what I would be starting on, and I assumed it was 20. Imagine my happiness when I realized it was 40! That made me feel a little better, knowing that these pills have been packing more of a punch than I thought.

Otherwise, nothing very new. Feeling extremely self-conscious around ANYONE, even with make up on, my face looks like a mountain range. It's so cute.

But I've got to keep my mind off of it, because it's going to be worth it in 5 months.

My lips still aren't very dry (knock on wood) because I've been regularly applying some sort of balm. My face isn't THAT dry either, but there's so many drying out pimples that it's hard to tell what is my actual skin and what is just another pimple. Blech.

Bye guys! Thank you so much for your support <3

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Jerichoa, I forgot to thank you too. THANKS. So much for your support.

I'm in a particularly foul mood today. Does anyone else compare their skin to every single person they see? I've been doing this more and more lately. I am the ugliest person I know. I haven't seen a single person who looks half as bad as I do. Even with make up on. This is definitely the worst day I've had in a while. I'm feeling very defeated.

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Hey! I just wanted to wish you luck on your Accutane course! I started on 6/21.

And yes, I compare my skin to practically EVERYONE. I didn't used to, but once I started I couldn't stop. Now, it's like this compulsion that drains the happiness out of me. Is it just me or does it seem like everyone wherever I go has great skin except for me?! I know this isn't true... But still.

Keep us updated!!

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Jerichoa, I forgot to thank you too. THANKS. So much for your support.

I'm in a particularly foul mood today. Does anyone else compare their skin to every single person they see? I've been doing this more and more lately. I am the ugliest person I know. I haven't seen a single person who looks half as bad as I do. Even with make up on. This is definitely the worst day I've had in a while. I'm feeling very defeated.

You are not alone! I never really noticed people's skin before I had acne, but now it's all I seem to look at. Whether I'm talking to a person or just passing them on the street, I'm constantly looking at their skin and comparing it to how shiteous mine is.

We just have to keep reminding ourselves that it will get better, it will get better! :)

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I hope you are feeling better! Good luck with your course! I admit that my acne is not as bad, but it was back when i was your age... now i am almost 30 and only wish i had started earlier...

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@ hop3 - thanks for your comment!

I realize I haven't posted in a while, as I've been lazy but also quite busy at cottages and doing other summer things.

ANYWAYS, down to the important stuff: I took my 25th pill of 40mg isotretinoin this morning, hard to believe the first month is almost over. I have a blood test tomorrow and a derm check-up next week. Once you distract yourself, it really does fly by. As far as my skin, it's looking pretty horrible.

I've definitely been having the initial break out-still having it. Weird places on my forehead/temples/chin/face are all breaking out. Most of the pimples are medium sized under the skin, painful things. It sucks, not gonna lie. I have a huge section on the right side of my face that's half drying out-but there's some new big pimples underneath it. It's absolutely repulsive. But I know that this is what happens, and it's to be expected, and it's worth it. Right? Ugh. No amount of makeup can cover the small mountain range on my face.

I have a question for people finishing their Accutane treatement: When did you start to see improvement? How long did the IB plague you?

Well, I'll be on later to check on this thread! Thank you everyone for your support.

Edited by brighteyed
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I just started my IB about three days ago, about day 27. It was really bad for the first day and a half, but it's calmed down some. I don't know if it's over or onlyin remission. Either way, I just want to get it over with before school starts again.

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I just started my IB about three days ago, about day 27. It was really bad for the first day and a half, but it's calmed down some. I don't know if it's over or onlyin remission. Either way, I just want to get it over with before school starts again.

I know what you mean, I'm really hoping the rest of July/Aug will finish up my IB so I can be a LITTLE less monster-esque for school ._____.

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I thought I'd list some of the side effects I'm experiencing, for anyone interested in Accutane or how it's been taking a toll on me.

  • Dry/flaky lips
  • Dry/scabbing acne
  • Long healing process for pimples
  • Dry nose/nosebleeds
  • Sensitivity to sunlight
  • Initial break out in random places
  • Dry eyes

Luckily, I haven't experienced joint pain or other severe side effects. I've been sleeping well and feeling pretty well over all, except for the painful cysts on my face. By regularly reapplying lip balm (I use Bath & Body Works Shea butter lip balm or Burt's Bees cooling wax), moisturizer when necessary, and sunscreen, most can be aided. The dry nose thing has been pissing me off especially though, because I have a nose piercing and it makes it even more uncomfortable.

Bye for now! :)

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I've been looking at the thread where people talk about the psychological/emotional effects of their acne, and how acne has maybe changed them for the better, and I've become very inspired.

I'm being a post whore, but I had to put up this one quote because it made me smile.

A user named Rooth said: "Let your acne pre-screen shallow persons!"

I think this is so, so true. My acne has allowed me to filter out the people who maybe were around me based on who they thought I was, or because they thought I was attractive. (This is before my intense break outs started). In fact, the past few years have included many shallow people, using me. (Oh hey, high school). Luckily I'm not stupid and for the most part avoided them. Now, I don't have to ignore/reject them because they don't really come around. I consider myself a self-conscious person, but I have the ability to really turn my attitude around and become proud of who I am. It's weird. It's like Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in a way.....except less creepy.

ANYWAYS- It's true. Bottom line: We have inner beauty. Because of our acne, we're able to access that and really harness it. We can also sense it in others more easily than we could if we were flawlessly beautiful. Also, we're more likely to have long lasting and meaningful, real relationships because we know the importance of the soul. I'm saying this because I believe it's true, not for a quick boost of my self esteem.

I hope anyone reading this can know that they are wonderful, despite their struggles with acne. There's so much more to life.

Well, I'll get off my soapbox now. By the way, I'm posting more photos very soon! G'night folks. <3

Edited by brighteyed
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Very nice post. What you say is definitely true. I find myself more humble and more sympathetic because of dealing with this. It is hard remembering this on a day to day basis though. Well, for me anyway. I find myself being so obsessed w/ skin, and no progress, and whoa is me, that I dont take the time to take a step back and realize the things you just wrote about. I make my skin be the end of the world and I dont want to live in it until its better instead of tapping into all the other good things in my life.

I hope that you, I, and anyone else suffering thru this can learn to really take what you wrote to heart. Its hard dealing on a daily basis, but I think when this is over and I can take an objective look back, I might be able to say thing about being grateful that I had to overcome this because it made me the person I am. Im not there yet to be able to say that, but Im hoping.

I love reading the blogs where the poster waxes philosophical. Like reading into a person's soul. Thanx for the post.

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