Jump to content
Acne.org
Search In
Find results that contain...
Find results in...

Recommended Posts

this is long so if you dont feel like reading please answer the bold...

ive fallen into this awful cycle where i am obsessed about my looks and hide from people for months/years at a time. i barley even talk to my family. for some reason i finally find a combo of treatments that work and a make up combo that looks great. then i am super charged and ready to face the world :dance: i end up doing alot of crazy stuff and people comment about "getting out of my shell" which i hate but thats another story. then all of the sudden my acne comes back full force and i obess away,become extremely anxious,barley talk etc. its awful.

as time progressed my depression episodes last longer and more severe. the happy time are shorter but more intense.

sometimes i read things like its not how you look on the outside but what you are on the outside but

what happnes when there is nthing on the inside? i have pretty much no intrests or hobbies except trying out new beauty products or washing my face. im trying to think real hard but i cant think of anything that makes me ME anymore. im just the "shy girl who had bad skin." i cant even have a decent conversation anymore. i dont have many experiences in life in general and i dont do many things normal people do. ive become unrelatable to the extreme. i cant even laugh anymore. my sense of humor is gone. i feel like everything is gone! except my skin and poor self esteem.

i wish i could get over this but i have no idea where to start.i feel like i dont have any support because i no longer have friends due to pushing then away during my down phases or creeping them out on my high phases.my fam doesnt really say much unless i am coming close to my "breaking point"

during my lowest point my doctor recommended drugs. my mom refused.she took me to a "spiritual" phyaitrist who was recommened by a family friend. i hated it. only went for a few sessions. first time she talked for most of the time and told me to get a journal.she talked alot. i kept waiting for her to let me talk but it never came. second time again she asked if i prayed and how my relationship was with god.she was indicating that was the reason i became depressed.(i am a very spiritual person but even this made me extremeley angry and frustrated) she also told the details of my session to my mom afterward.(no confidentiality) third time she offered homeopathic pills and told me to get a seperate evaluation to see if i was really depressed or if i was gifted and just bored in class.she could not continue treatment without it. after that i could not let my mom continue to waste her money.

i never bother to tell anyone about how i really feel because they can never handle it. i had also spoken to the school psychatrist and she gave me 2 options the hospital or my mom. im still trying to figure out if i had made the right choice...i had to get some of it out. i hope you dont mind...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No hobbies is your biggest problem right now. You're stuck inside all day obsessing over your face. Right after you read this post, I want you to compile a list, a LONG list of things you might like to do...then I want you to do them. Try to get some things on that list that you have to do with other people....something that you can get better at.

Life is nothing without relationships or having hobbies/activities that you strive to get better at.

Look for a job...you'll meet people at your workplace who you can hang out with. You don't have to have a ton in common with someone to chill with them. I hope this helps.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No hobbies is your biggest problem right now. You're stuck inside all day obsessing over your face. Right after you read this post, I want you to compile a list, a LONG list of things you might like to do...then I want you to do them. Try to get some things on that list that you have to do with other people....something that you can get better at.

Life is nothing without relationships or having hobbies/activities that you strive to get better at.

Look for a job...you'll meet people at your workplace who you can hang out with. You don't have to have a ton in common with someone to chill with them. I hope this helps.

you know i have a list of goals(i love making lists) but looking on them they are not really specific. i think i will make a list like that.

i also have a job. i have no friends there and talk to no body except my manager when its time for my break. sometimes people say hello(rarley) i either freeze up or be confused that they are talking to me and some kind of social blunder ensues. ive been working there 9 months.there were 2 times i cliked w/ people but then their days/hours shifted

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No hobbies is your biggest problem right now. You're stuck inside all day obsessing over your face. Right after you read this post, I want you to compile a list, a LONG list of things you might like to do...then I want you to do them. Try to get some things on that list that you have to do with other people....something that you can get better at.

Life is nothing without relationships or having hobbies/activities that you strive to get better at.

Look for a job...you'll meet people at your workplace who you can hang out with. You don't have to have a ton in common with someone to chill with them. I hope this helps.

you know i have a list of goals(i love making lists) but looking on them they are not really specific. i think i will make a list like that.

i also have a job. i have no friends there and talk to no body except my manager when its time for my break. sometimes people say hello(rarley) i either freeze up or be confused that they are talking to me and some kind of social blunder ensues. ive been working there 9 months.there were 2 times i cliked w/ people but then their days/hours shifted

Getting more specific would really help.

Try to start really caring about other people. The next time you see someone at work ask them what they did so far today (outside of work) and what they're doing tonight. Ask them what their hobbies are, etc. People LOVE to talk about themselves. You'll have no problem getting in great conversations if you just ask people about themselves and you don't even really put much effort in it.

Example:

You: Hey Jake, what are you doing tonight?

Jake: I'm going to the tennis courts

You:That sounds like fun, do you play on a team or what?

Jake: Yeah, I play in an adult league in ______...it's a lot of fun.

You: Cool, I've always been really interested in tennis (even if you're not), but I've never really had the chance to play. I'd like to learn sometime.

And there's a social opportunity, or you could continue just asking about him and his league, how long he played, etc. After this conversation, "Jake" will absolutely love you as I doubt anyone cared to hear about his tennis playing league and he got the chance to rant and rave to you about it.

I highly recommend for you or anyone to buy the book by Dale Carnegie called "How to Win Friends and Influence People." It teaches you a lot and it's a great read. You can buy it at your bookstore or pretty much any other place online.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hey ello, i can totally relate to what you're going through. when i had acne breakouts i would avoid going out with friends, avoid talking to family, just avoid "living". seriously, i would come home from whatever it is i was doing that day and just go straight for the acne meds, slather my face with bp, etc. and just lounge around the apartment for the rest of the night. after awhile, especially with persistent acne, i'd just get used to hiding away and waiting for my skin to clear up. i would only go out with friends on those rare days when my face was relatively clear. other days i wouldn't wanna do anything fun because i knew that i'd just be self-conscious and uncomfortable so why bother?

right now i'm pretty much clear but i still get the urge to just hide away sometimes. i guess that i got used to being self-sufficient and learned how to be "alone". i have friends of course but it's hard to all of a sudden be that super social person, always wanting to go out just because my face is cleared up after so many years of acne. it's a really terrible situation but you basically just need to take baby steps and learn how to reconnect with society and the people in your life. this doesn't mean that you need to be fake and pretend that you're so happy and social when you're really still devastated by what acne's done to your self-esteem. but maybe start going out a little more than usual. i don't need to go out everyday but i try to always have something planned for the weekends. start laughing more at life. do you like comedy? maybe watch a few stand up comics perform. laugh and try not to take life so seriously.

it's not anyone's fault to feel like this though, and that's very important to understand. the world we live in is just very unforgiving for people who don't meet this unspoken physical standard of clear skin. and someone with acne can get torn down pretty harshly, even by their "friends". my advice is to just look inward and find peace with yourself, and hopefully whatever regimen you're on will clear you up - not for any other reason but to make you feel more comfortable in your own skin. now that i'm clear i still have social issues like you, but i'm hardly bothered by it because i know that i'm still getting used to this new me.

i'm sure you have a beautiful personality so don't let the world break you down! you have nothing to prove to nobody but yourself.

Edited by lightersUP
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have been in a similar situation as you are in right now (though maybe not as severe, or maybe since I am on the other side now it doesn't seem as severe). I would NEVER take someone's depression lightly or say things like "you just need to come out of your shell" because I know that it is not that easy.

I am a naturally shy person, so my acne problems have only made it worse. Even though I am clear now, I still catch myself acting as though I still have acne. I'll avoid people and situations that I don't need to avoid at all. What I'm trying to say is that even though it is SO hard to believe when you are in the rut of having bad breakouts, becoming clear doesn't automatically make the mindset of hiding from the world disappear. I wish that I had started to work on my personality "issues" sooner rather than just focusing on my skin problems. I found that when I was obsessed with my skin and focused on "getting clear" was when I was the most selfish. Not that there is anything wrong with trying to treat the disease, it's just that it can't control your life. This goes for anything in your life. No matter how severe your acne is, it cannot be what controls what you do and where you go in life. Some people's lives are controlled by their jobs, exercising, tanning, chihuahuas, whatever... There cannot be one thing that takes over who you are. I know that it sucks to have a disease be that thing, but there is no way that it can make you any less beautiful of a person. I have known absolutely beautiful, wonderful people with acne and "no talent".

Anyway, as far as feeling like there is nothing inside, I completely understand what you are feeling. The best way that I have found to cope with this, is instead of focusing on what you can offer people (in conversations, etc.), is to focus on how the other people may be feeling. Believe it or not, people who don't have acne have other insecurities. I used to think that as soon as I was clear, I wouldn't have a problem, but I was very wrong. I will ALWAYS find something else I hate about myself. Invest your time in other people. Ask them questions. Help others. Volunteer. Listen to people's problems. Think about what other people may be struggling with... I don't know about you, but the most interesting people TO me are those who are interested IN me. Humans are selfish beings and despite having issues like diseases, the best way to get over those issues is by investing in people.

Believe me, this isn't easy, but it gets easier and it will make you feel better. As far as hobbies and talents, I know (without knowing you personally) that there is something that you are good at. It may not be a sport or a musical instrument, but everyone can't have that type of talent. Just because you don't know what that is now, doesn't mean that you won't discover it later. It may be that while investing your time in someone else that they will point out what you are good at or your strong points.

I think that you need to find someone that you can confide in and befriend. It doesn't have to be a counselor or a doctor. Just someone that you can talk things through with. Even if they aren't a professional, sometimes it helps just to talk with someone.

(Sorry for the length...)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hey ello,

I think you and I have a lot in common, in fact, I was contemplating writing a similar post as this earlier this evening. Anyway I, like you, find myself hiding from social situations and avoiding friends (tarnishing relationships) because of my self consciousness regarding my acne. What I really found interesting about your post was that you talked about the rare occasions that your skin was clear you would "go crazy." I have done the same thing my whole life and especially this year (my first year in college). I feel like I can't be the "me" I want to be without clear skin. It would be easiest for us both if we would just clear up and then people would be able to see our real personalities. I empathize with your plight of both scaring people away going too crazy as well as hiding and missing out on social situations which also hampers your ability to connect with people. Not only did I skip the last week of partying at my school because I was embarrassed about my skin, but I practically ruined my basketball season because I randomly had perfect skin for a month and went out constantly.

is this the same kind of situation ur facing or did I misunderstand? I haven't heard of many other people experiencing those same feeling.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Ello,

I just want to let you know that there are a lot of acne sufferers who are facing psychological problems, same as you do, including me. I'm also obsessed about my look and avoid looking into any reflections(mirror) of myself whenever I can, because I know that I will get more depress over it. I would also blame god and my parents for the acne...but still I would have to accept the way I am. Currently I am researching intently on the various methods to cure acne, hopefully finding a miracle cure for me, well its better than sitting at a corner and getting depress over it.

However, as a result of my acne, I was also diagnosed with acute anxiety and depression by a psychologist. I would also avoid the crowds as I feel shameful of my acne, as a result I have only a few friends,no girlfriend and bad family relationships. Despite this, I still try my best to be more sociable, though I know its hard, I hope you will do the same.

Regarding your interest, I would say if you are not interesting at all, then make a list of things of what makes other people interesting, and pick up on those skills or activities. I can understand how social shyness can take away your interest in laughter and life. And Ello, I'm sure you can still laugh, go watch a couple of comedy movies and you will be surprised that you can still actually feel laughter.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I recommend you cut all contact with your mother concerning your problems of depression. She obviously has no idea what she's doing. The only way to deal with this at the moment is to get to a real doctor and go on antidepressants.

The only other option would be to continue trying acne treatments until you resolve your skin problem, and then wait the ~8 months it usually takes for the average case of depression to resolve itself. Don't think that once you clear up your skin you'll suddenly be back to normal. It always takes time.

Edited by Beautiful Day
Link to comment
Share on other sites

hey ello,

I think you and I have a lot in common, in fact, I was contemplating writing a similar post as this earlier this evening. Anyway I, like you, find myself hiding from social situations and avoiding friends (tarnishing relationships) because of my self consciousness regarding my acne. What I really found interesting about your post was that you talked about the rare occasions that your skin was clear you would "go crazy." I have done the same thing my whole life and especially this year (my first year in college). I feel like I can't be the "me" I want to be without clear skin. It would be easiest for us both if we would just clear up and then people would be able to see our real personalities. I empathize with your plight of both scaring people away going too crazy as well as hiding and missing out on social situations which also hampers your ability to connect with people. Not only did I skip the last week of partying at my school because I was embarrassed about my skin, but I practically ruined my basketball season because I randomly had perfect skin for a month and went out constantly.

is this the same kind of situation ur facing or did I misunderstand? I haven't heard of many other people experiencing those same feeling.

its very similar! i think you summed it up nicely in the bolded. my patchy facial sunburn isnt helping. i have a skin tone similar to beyonce and now its red/brown and patchy in addition to my acne and hyperpigmentation.(max bp and lactic acid...i was desprate) it looks awful and makeup cant cover it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I recommend you cut all contact with your mother concerning your problems of depression. She obviously has no idea what she's doing. The only way to deal with this at the moment is to get to a real doctor and go on antidepressants.at this point i dont want to take drugs either. they didnt go too well for my cousin.also, whatever my issue is i dont feel drugs will stop the real cause. im not really mad at my mom though. people in her day and country dont really "belive" in depression but thats a whole nother issue.i think talking to someone would help because even though i have attempted to talk to people, i never can get it ALL out. just the tip of the iceberg and they cannot handle it or feel some need to interject constantly

The only other option would be to continue trying acne treatments until you resolve your skin problem, and then wait the ~8 months it usually takes for the average case of depression to resolve itself. Don't think that once you clear up your skin you'll suddenly be back to normal. It always takes time.things always take time. i know this too well

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey Ello:

What did the school psychiatrist mean exactly by your 'two choices, the hospital or your mom?' If she thought you were severely enough depressed to need hospitalization, that is quite serious. Please follow up further with the school psychiatrist. It does sound as though you really need to be evaluated by someone who can prescribe medication for you, and you do need to get some counseling. I highly recommend cognitive behavioral therapy as it can help a person stop the cognitive distortions that cause loss of self-esteem, feelings of disinterest in self and others, feelings of inadequacy, etc.

I'm sorry that your counseling experience turned out so badly! That woman violated the canons of her profession if she is indeed a professional counselor by talking about your counseling session with your mom! Even if you're a minor, you have to sign that it's okay for information in the session to be shared with anyone else.

You do sound like you feel lost and alone. Please realize that there are lots and lots and lots of people on these very boards who understand your feelings and can empathize. Also realize that you do have more worth and interests and even

'interesting-ness' than you give yourself credit for. Your writing ability is excellent; you have a good way of expressing yourself and getting your feelings across. Kudos for that! :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Ello,

I just want to let you know that there are a lot of acne sufferers who are facing psychological problems, same as you do, including me. I'm also obsessed about my look and avoid looking into any reflections(mirror) of myself whenever I can, because I know that I will get more depress over it. I would also blame god and my parents for the acne...but still I would have to accept the way I am. Currently I am researching intently on the various methods to cure acne, hopefully finding a miracle cure for me, well its better than sitting at a corner and getting depress over it.

However, as a result of my acne, I was also diagnosed with acute anxiety and depression by a psychologist. I would also avoid the crowds as I feel shameful of my acne, as a result I have only a few friends,no girlfriend and bad family relationships. Despite this, I still try my best to be more sociable, though I know its hard, I hope you will do the same.

Regarding your interest, I would say if you are not interesting at all, then make a list of things of what makes other people interesting, and pick up on those skills or activities.its funny becuase i used to be very eccentric but now its like im nothing. i cant even remeber what i used to be like. people who havent seen me in a long time always comment on how i am "different" now. I can understand how social shyness can take away your interest in laughter and life. And Ello, I'm sure you can still laugh, go watch a couple of comedy movies and you will be surprised that you can still actually feel laughter.yes i need to go watch some thing that always makes me die laughing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey Ello:

What did the school psychiatrist mean exactly by your 'two choices, the hospital or your mom?' If she thought you were severely enough depressed to need hospitalization, that is quite serious.yes at that point i was literally dangling off the cliff.i wanted to talk to SOMEONE i was so desprate. that was a nightmare i will never forget. the words i got from my family were so cruel. i wished i had just "went on with it" it was THAT BAD. maybe if i had went to the hospital i might have gotten real help...i dunno. Please follow up further with the school psychiatrist. It does sound as though you really need to be evaluated by someone who can prescribe medication for you, and you do need to get some counseling. this was about 3 years ago. i never got that bad again but i never felt i got the help i had seeked in the first place.most people think i had just gotten over it over time. i feel as though nothing has changed in my head I highly recommend cognitive behavioral therapy as it can help a person stop the cognitive distortions that cause loss of self-esteem, feelings of disinterest in self and others, feelings of inadequacy, etc. i would look into this but i have n idea where to start. one it probally cost $$ which working minimum wage for 2 days a week i dont have much.my mom is very against getting help("its for crazies" and a host of totally inane and incorrect reasons), and she would not support me with that finacially or transportation wise.it took alot of coaxing for her to get the one i did get(not from me)

I'm sorry that your counseling experience turned out so badly! That woman violated the canons of her profession if she is indeed a professional counselor by talking about your counseling session with your mom! Even if you're a minor, you have to sign that it's okay for information in the session to be shared with anyone else.looking back she was so unprofessional! i want to go look her up. i will give her a bad rating as well, if possible.i felt like her and my mom talked about me behind my back because she would always say things like:" so you mom said such and such happened to you as a child". they were trying to connect my depression to a traumatizing childhood event, but the matter of the fact was the event did not effect me as much as the slew of other things(most of which my mom has no clue to the this day occured).

You do sound like you feel lost and alone. i am Please realize that there are lots and lots and lots of people on these very boards who understand your feelings and can empathize. Also realize that you do have more worth and interests and even

'interesting-ness' than you give yourself credit for. Your writing ability is excellent; you have a good way of expressing yourself and getting your feelings across. Kudos for that! :Dthank you i always think my writing style is odd lol

Edited by Ello
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.



  • Personalized Advice Quiz - All of Acne.org in just a few minutes


×