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I'm sorry I just really need someplace to vent and there is really NO other place I could do that where other people would understand, but I just wanna start by saying thanks to all the people who post here on acne.org. I've been lurking here for awhile reading all types of posts and this place has helped me deal with my acne TREMENDOUSLY. So again thank you to everyone here just for sharing the most private of your thoughts and different ways and tips you deal with acne.

Been dealing with acne since I was 11. I really don't know what the fuck happened. When it first started it was just little bumps... nothing I really cared about. I think when I was 13 it started getting a lot worse. I'd get some white heads, blackheads, and occasionally a cystic bump. I started to feel the insecurities and finally wanted to do something serious about it. I tried a whole bunch of generic acne products with the highest hopes. Back then I had NO idea what acne was about since none of my family members really talked about it with me or had much experience with it either. I know my older brother had some acne as a teen, but his went away swiftly, but yea after using generic acne products with no success I research a bit and try and use more expensive brand name products. You know, Oxy, Clearsal, Proactiv even. None of them really worked. Some helped I guess... but I still continually got bumps and the cysts kept getting worse. When I was around 15 I had my mom take me to a doctor since it was getting to the point where I'd become really insecure and acne was beginning to take over my mind and my happiness. It was only lower moderate then, but I was the one who always got that cyst in the worst damn place. The doctor gave me some antibiotics and some topical cream or whatever it's called. After several months the medicine seemed like it was working. I had less acne and break outs were less and less and it got really good at a point. My family went through some shit though and we lost our insurance... so I had to stop using the treatment. I thought no big deal I'll just buy some new expensive acne products. I start using these different failing products all while not using a moisturizer or sunscreen... ever. I used to go out a lot when my acne was somewhat low so I was out in the sun a lot. I didn't take notice but after awhile I noticed my face was becoming redder and I had developed all these dark marks on my cheeks. I didn't know if they were burns or something, but after reading about the topical cream I used it said how it made your face extra extra sensitive to sunlight even months after you stop using it. Being the idiot I was I didn't take it seriously while I was on it or after while my face was still extra sensitive. I was 16 and my acne had come back full force and on top of acne it I had all these dark patches on my face and the redness was crazy. I remember I saw this pic of me while my acne as at its worst and I was just shocked to where I couldn't even recognize me, literally. It felt like my sense of self was raped. That's when I hit the low point. Now acne is all I ever think about and it holds me back from so much and has crushed and spit on my self esteem and ego. From then on I've tried dozens and dozens of methods, products, lifestyles, all just to try and clear my face. From lemon juice to hot bolong tea to Murad. You name it I've most likely tried it or something very similar. I've tried changing my diet, exercising, endless bp products, sal. acid products, taking vitamins, steaming my face, putting a fuckin clean shirt over my pillow every night ( I still do that.) and so much more. I've washed my face twice a day for the last 5 years... I haven't missed a single day. I hate mirrors now and the first thing I do when I wake up is think "I wonder how my face looks." Whenever I go out I only notice people's skin. I can't have a normal conversation with anyone without thinking of how horrible my face looks. I think everyone is always thinking "Wow his face is bad." Whenever I do look in a mirror idk what I feel but I just know that face isn't mine. I used to be that kid that people always remembered and people loved to be around, always joking. I used to talk to girls all the time and had just enough ego to still be charming. I had a lot of friends and loved to go out and just bullshit. I wish I can just enjoy life now... I'm tired of dealing with acne day after day after day after day after day after day. I wanna be a normal person like other people.

I'm 17 now and things are gonna get better I hope. Luckily I was able to visit a derm a few months ago and he put me on Accutane. I really don't give a fuck about the side effects cause all I know, I'm NOT about to suffer from acne my whole life. I'm sick just plain sick to my stomach of it. I'm in the middle of month 4 of a 5 month treatment. 1st month was 40mg a day and I've been doing 120mg a day since month 2. I guess it's gotten a lot better than when it was at its worse. I'm greatful for that. It's still no where I'm happy with though. Overall it has gotten better but it seems like now I'm getting acne in the oddest places I never used to get it all, and it's really frustrating. The whole time I've been on Accutane it's been like a rollercoaster. It will get better for a few days and then BAM I'll break out really bad and then it will go down and seem like it's clearing up then BAM hits me again. The side effects I can deal with but they are really annoying. Dryed out lips, face, everywhere is just dryed up, and it feels like my bones need some WD-40 or something. I still got a month and a half to go with this bullshit and I'm hoping this is the final chapter of acne for me but then again I don't really have my hopes up because I don't wanna get let down if it doesn't work. Plus, this medicine is hella expensive. Even with my families crooked insurance it still costs $100+ for each refill so overall this treatment has cost my family $500+. It's crazy the things acne does to our lives.

Edited by thizzles
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It's extremely crazy what acne does to our lives...amen. Man, your words resonate perfectly with me. Lemon juice, proactive, antibiotics, cucumber mask, I've done all of it just like you. I hope the Accutane helps you achieve what you're looking for, but I assure you people are NOT thinking "Man his skin looks terrible" every time they look at you. I think that way too sometimes...or I used to. Over the past year I made a resolution to go out on weekends, say "yes" to social events when I don't want to, etc...it's made a huge difference. My friends still call me daily to hang out even though my face is imperfect.

Honestly, just do what makes you happy man. Go out, have a good time, and screw the rest. Stay true to your Accutane regimen and just enjoy high school. God knows I didn't. I skipped school on days when my acne was bad, and was just REALLY depressed. I regret it in some ways. In other ways I learned from it.

Learn from your challenges!

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