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californiaEstie

I think I am driving my boyfriend crazy.

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I have a lovely boyfriend of 3 1/2 years. I know he loves me and all that good stuff...

YET- I am still SO painfully insecure. I hate my nose and my acne. It's not fun cuz on our date nights, I don't want him to touch certain parts of my face because he might rub off my concealer. I love it when he touches me and I don't want to be that girl who's batting his hand away, because that's not how I really feel!! Anytime I see a pretty woman I automatically tense up, and if he looked at her.... war is on.

Does anyone have advice? I feel really bad :(

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I have a lovely boyfriend of 3 1/2 years. I know he loves me and all that good stuff...

YET- I am still SO painfully insecure. I hate my nose and my acne. It's not fun cuz on our date nights, I don't want him to touch certain parts of my face because he might rub off my concealer. I love it when he touches me and I don't want to be that girl who's batting his hand away, because that's not how I really feel!! Anytime I see a pretty woman I automatically tense up, and if he looked at her.... war is on.

Does anyone have advice? I feel really bad :(

lol /// i can tell that he reallly loves you because..hes been there with you for that long time...maybe try to tell him about your acne...and im sure hell understand :surprised:

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I have a lovely boyfriend of 3 1/2 years. I know he loves me and all that good stuff...

YET- I am still SO painfully insecure. I hate my nose and my acne. It's not fun cuz on our date nights, I don't want him to touch certain parts of my face because he might rub off my concealer. I love it when he touches me and I don't want to be that girl who's batting his hand away, because that's not how I really feel!! Anytime I see a pretty woman I automatically tense up, and if he looked at her.... war is on.

Does anyone have advice? I feel really bad :(

lol /// i can tell that he reallly loves you because..hes been there with you for that long time...maybe try to tell him about your acne...and im sure hell understand :surprised:

Hey!! My private messages ran out sorry. I didn't know there was a limit!!

Aww and thank you. I do tell him, he is so good about it. I just feel guilty you know?

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I have a lovely boyfriend of 3 1/2 years. I know he loves me and all that good stuff...

YET- I am still SO painfully insecure. I hate my nose and my acne. It's not fun cuz on our date nights, I don't want him to touch certain parts of my face because he might rub off my concealer. I love it when he touches me and I don't want to be that girl who's batting his hand away, because that's not how I really feel!! Anytime I see a pretty woman I automatically tense up, and if he looked at her.... war is on.

Does anyone have advice? I feel really bad :(

lol /// i can tell that he reallly loves you because..hes been there with you for that long time...maybe try to tell him about your acne...and im sure hell understand :surprised:

Hey!! My private messages ran out sorry. I didn't know there was a limit!!

Aww and thank you. I do tell him, he is so good about it. I just feel guilty you know?

haha yeah is alright ...hope it goes well with him peace

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I agree with acnevsme. Obviously he loves and doesn't care that much about your acne. However, I completely understand what you're feeling. Seriously. I always want to push away the people who care about me and who couldn't care less about my terrible skin. Please don't push way your boyfriend. I know it might be hard, but just try to let him touch your face, because you may realize you're making a bigger deal out of it than it really is.

I also feel bad for your guy. You're a pretty girl, Bekah. There's an obvious reason he wants to touch your face! :)

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I agree with acnevsme. Obviously he loves and doesn't care that much about your acne. However, I completely understand what you're feeling. Seriously. I always want to push away the people who care about me and who couldn't care less about my terrible skin. Please don't push way your boyfriend. I know it might be hard, but just try to let him touch your face, because you may realize you're making a bigger deal out of it than it really is.

I also feel bad for your guy. You're a pretty girl, Bekah. There's an obvious reason he wants to touch your face! :)

You are right I should just try and let him touch it... It takes me so long to get through these steps. I JUST recently... in the past month or so stopped wearing makeup when I go to see him sometimes. I guess part of it is, I don't want him to get bored. I want to try to be pretty all the time. Haha what a joke right? I'm glad someone understands though, thank you so much for posting! And thank YOU for the compliment, how sweet :)

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bek, I know it's hard to keep the jealousy down when a pretty girl walks in the room, but think about it...if you notice her, how can you fault your boyfriend for looking at her too? Even if you didn't have acne, would you still get so upset? Trust is a major issue in relationships. Do you trust him? If you do, cut yourself some slack and stop being so hard on yourself. Eyes can look at whatever and thoughts can go wherever they may roam, but actions are what counts. If he's looking at you with adoration and keeping you in his heart, what's the big deal? Don't you ever look at some eye candy and think, "Damn, he's hot!"?

As for him touching your face, I totally understand - the rubbing off of concealer, the scratchiness of a kiss that might make you break out, the embarrassment of perhaps a blemish popping in the heat of the moment. It's awful, but make your concerns known. You two have been together a long time. If you've not told him how you feel yet, maybe now is the time?

eta: I agree. If that's y'all in your avatar, you are a beautiful woman. We acne sufferers can be so hard on ourselves. I bet he doesn't notice your acne as much as you do.

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bek, I know it's hard to keep the jealousy down when a pretty girl walks in the room, but think about it...if you notice her, how can you fault your boyfriend for looking at her too? Even if you didn't have acne, would you still get so upset? Trust is a major issue in relationships. Do you trust him? If you do, cut yourself some slack and stop being so hard on yourself. Eyes can look at whatever and thoughts can go wherever they may roam, but actions are what counts. If he's looking at you with adoration and keeping you in his heart, what's the big deal? Don't you ever look at some eye candy and think, "Damn, he's hot!"?

As for him touching your face, I totally understand - the rubbing off of concealer, the scratchiness of a kiss that might make you break out, the embarrassment of perhaps a blemish popping in the heat of the moment. It's awful, but make your concerns known. You two have been together a long time. If you've not told him how you feel yet, maybe now is the time?

eta: I agree. If that's y'all in your avatar, you are a beautiful woman. We acne sufferers can be so hard on ourselves. I bet he doesn't notice your acne as much as you do.

First, thank you! Trust is an issue with us. I think it is based on the fact that we tend to see social interactions differently sometimes. He was a total commitment-phoebe when we first started dating so that kind of bothers me too. (Even though he's done a 180!!) Haha what is the big deal? I don't know! Sometimes I feel disrespected but he doesn't overly ogle at them so what he is doing is normal I know. I think if I was more self confident it would be way less of a problem.

Oh yes, I have told him this stuff. I think I am really lucky. He is amazing with handling my issues about this stuff. But I am sure he is still annoyed that he can't touch my face or other things like that. And I can't blame him. I'm trying to figure out a way to simply let it go. He is too special to lose over silly things like this.

And thank you so much- I truly appreciate that. I don't think he does! LOL. What a godsend right? :)

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I don't know how to build your self esteem for you, but I can understand where he's coming from. How frustrated would YOU be if he didn't look you in the eyes, let you touch him, etc? He's with you for a reason hun, you gotta accept the fact that he loves you. If he didn't love you for who you are he still wouldn't be around. He'll get tired of trying to convince you that you are beautiful some day; anyone would. I hope you realize that.

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I don't know how to build your self esteem for you, but I can understand where he's coming from. How frustrated would YOU be if he didn't look you in the eyes, let you touch him, etc? He's with you for a reason hun, you gotta accept the fact that he loves you. If he didn't love you for who you are he still wouldn't be around. He'll get tired of trying to convince you that you are beautiful some day; anyone would. I hope you realize that.

I look him in the eyes. I understand what you are saying. I know that there will be a day when he is just done with it. That's why I am reaching out here for advice and to people who have gone through something similar (and possibly came out the other side a more confident person). I deserve a healthy relationship in all aspects and so does he.

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I don't know how to build your self esteem for you, but I can understand where he's coming from. How frustrated would YOU be if he didn't look you in the eyes, let you touch him, etc? He's with you for a reason hun, you gotta accept the fact that he loves you. If he didn't love you for who you are he still wouldn't be around. He'll get tired of trying to convince you that you are beautiful some day; anyone would. I hope you realize that.

I look him in the eyes. I understand what you are saying. I know that there will be a day when he is just done with it. That's why I am reaching out here for advice and to people who have gone through something similar (and possibly came out the other side a more confident person). I deserve a healthy relationship in all aspects and so does he.

Sorry, I didn't mean to come off as a bitch lol. I'm just trying to push you to get better!

As for the looking in the eyes thing, it was an example.

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I don't know how to build your self esteem for you, but I can understand where he's coming from. How frustrated would YOU be if he didn't look you in the eyes, let you touch him, etc? He's with you for a reason hun, you gotta accept the fact that he loves you. If he didn't love you for who you are he still wouldn't be around. He'll get tired of trying to convince you that you are beautiful some day; anyone would. I hope you realize that.

I look him in the eyes. I understand what you are saying. I know that there will be a day when he is just done with it. That's why I am reaching out here for advice and to people who have gone through something similar (and possibly came out the other side a more confident person). I deserve a healthy relationship in all aspects and so does he.

Sorry, I didn't mean to come off as a bitch lol. I'm just trying to push you to get better!

As for the looking in the eyes thing, it was an example.

Haha that's alright. I will admit at first I was like.... HMMMPHH, but as I was reading through it again I got the real message. So thank you :)

Yes you do, bek. :)

THANK YOU :)

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I LOVE my hubby, been together for 10 years. But one thing he knows not to touch is my face. And yes of course its because more than liukely I will break out from him touching it. I of all people don't even touch my face unless I'm washing it! LOL He knows all about my skin and how I'm insecure about it so he just touches another part of my body instead. If I were you, when you goes to touch your face grab him hand and kiss it, or place it somewhere else on you. Just because he can't touch your face certainly doesn't mean you don't love him lol. As for the jealousy thing. Its hard and even I struggle with it. I tell myself that if I had clear skin I wouldn't be jealous, but even I know I'm fibbing to myself. Just remember you're a pretty girl, but confidence and personality are what makes a person "HOT". He wants you... accept it, accept yourself. Believe and know you're awesome!

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wow, i feel the EXACT same way as you. i feel so insecure sometimes because of my acne, and the fact that i have to cover it up all the time, my bf will reach for my face and ill quickly back away or grab his hand so he cant touch me. i feel like a b*tch, because i really would loveeee to have him be able to touch my face all the time !!but i have to act like i hate him touching me and its a real problem . and when he does manage to touch my face somehow, all im thinking is OMG oh no, i wonder if my makeup came off, i wonder what he can see. its like torture!

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wow, i feel the EXACT same way as you. i feel so insecure sometimes because of my acne, and the fact that i have to cover it up all the time, my bf will reach for my face and ill quickly back away or grab his hand so he cant touch me. i feel like a b*tch, because i really would loveeee to have him be able to touch my face all the time !!but i have to act like i hate him touching me and its a real problem . and when he does manage to touch my face somehow, all im thinking is OMG oh no, i wonder if my makeup came off, i wonder what he can see. its like torture!

TOTALLY. Usually I just gently remind him. Haha or: I direct his hand to my cheek(s)- I usually don't break out there, tell him the free areas, hold his hand, cuddle, something to make up for it!! It's so sad. Makeup man. If only no one in the whole world wore makeup- a lot of problems would be solved. Also created, but in this case- solved.

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I LOVE my hubby, been together for 10 years. But one thing he knows not to touch is my face. And yes of course its because more than liukely I will break out from him touching it. I of all people don't even touch my face unless I'm washing it! LOL He knows all about my skin and how I'm insecure about it so he just touches another part of my body instead. If I were you, when you goes to touch your face grab him hand and kiss it, or place it somewhere else on you. Just because he can't touch your face certainly doesn't mean you don't love him lol. As for the jealousy thing. Its hard and even I struggle with it. I tell myself that if I had clear skin I wouldn't be jealous, but even I know I'm fibbing to myself. Just remember you're a pretty girl, but confidence and personality are what makes a person "HOT". He wants you... accept it, accept yourself. Believe and know you're awesome!

Aw thank you. This is a great reply. I really appreciate you taking the time to think and respond so affluently! I need to practice just being comfortable with myself. Acne, no acne, crooked nose- whatever. Do you think it's possibly an age related issue too?

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I have this same problem too. I can't let people touch my face or certain parts of my body without getting all self-conscience. What I do is just remember that if someone is touching my face or parts I'm not comfortable with, they are actually able to see beyond my imperfections. As a matter of fact, some people are attracted to certain imperfections (and in their eyes, it's not an imperfection at all).

As other users have mentioned, your boyfriend likes you for you! He is able to see past the acne. There's more to a person than just the color of their complexion. He's not going to dump you because your face is broken out....(and if he does, then he's no good for you.) He's seen you on your best days...on your bad days...and he knows what to look forward to. (If you intentionally let yourself go to waste, then that's a different story.)

Just remember, he wants to touch you to let you know how important and how much you mean to him in his life. So when you are getting self-conscience, you have to tell yourself, "he's comfortable with who I am, so I should be too."

It's different in public, but when it's just you and your boyfriend, let lose, you're with someone who genuinely cares about you as a human (and not the superficial public.)

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I have this same problem too. I can't let people touch my face or certain parts of my body without getting all self-conscience. What I do is just remember that if someone is touching my face or parts I'm not comfortable with, they are actually able to see beyond my imperfections. As a matter of fact, some people are attracted to certain imperfections (and in their eyes, it's not an imperfection at all).

As other users have mentioned, your boyfriend likes you for you! He is able to see past the acne. There's more to a person than just the color of their complexion. He's not going to dump you because your face is broken out....(and if he does, then he's no good for you.) He's seen you on your best days...on your bad days...and he knows what to look forward to. (If you intentionally let yourself go to waste, then that's a different story.)

Just remember, he wants to touch you to let you know how important and how much you mean to him in his life. So when you are getting self-conscience, you have to tell yourself, "he's comfortable with who I am, so I should be too."

It's different in public, but when it's just you and your boyfriend, let lose, you're with someone who genuinely cares about you as a human (and not the superficial public.)

What's crazy is when we first started dating my acne was much worse! I thought self confidence was supposed to improve as we get older. : / LOL. What the heck? What is SO WEIRD- he came over earlier tonight and he was touching my face ALL OVER... he usually doesn't do that either (he knows better). Very odd considering I just posted this topic today... haha. I think it was a sign. I just let him do it. It was hard but it's such a loving gesture. I thought it was funny he would choose today of all days to flout the rules ;)

Thank you for your response. Every single one helps me. And coming from a guy it's really good to hear:)

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I LOVE my hubby, been together for 10 years. But one thing he knows not to touch is my face. And yes of course its because more than liukely I will break out from him touching it. I of all people don't even touch my face unless I'm washing it! LOL He knows all about my skin and how I'm insecure about it so he just touches another part of my body instead. If I were you, when you goes to touch your face grab him hand and kiss it, or place it somewhere else on you. Just because he can't touch your face certainly doesn't mean you don't love him lol. As for the jealousy thing. Its hard and even I struggle with it. I tell myself that if I had clear skin I wouldn't be jealous, but even I know I'm fibbing to myself. Just remember you're a pretty girl, but confidence and personality are what makes a person "HOT". He wants you... accept it, accept yourself. Believe and know you're awesome!

Aw thank you. This is a great reply. I really appreciate you taking the time to think and respond so affluently! I need to practice just being comfortable with myself. Acne, no acne, crooked nose- whatever. Do you think it's possibly an age related issue too?

I think as we grow older, most of us grow more secure, and even wiser. I am definitely more secure with myself than I was a few years ago. I think the longer we have to "live and be with ourselves" the more accepting we become. I never thought in a million years that I would be where I am today, wearing no foundation. I used to have to put makeup on just to step outside the front door, for over 10 years! This, I am proud of. I have had time to reflect on personal accomplishments, and who I am as a person. I still have some insecurities, but not like I did back then. When I was in elementary school, I didn't like my nose. I like it now though, sometimes, people even say I have a cute nose? lol but that is not an issue with me anymore. I think we judge ourselves harshly because we are comparing ourselves with other people. (maybe for me, those that have a flawless complexion?) You are pretty, and don't have a thing to worry about, you have a great personality. Stop comparing, and start accepting. (I knnow its easier said than done, but don't be so critical on yourself, and when you are, STOP)

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I think as we grow older, most of us grow more secure, and even wiser. I am definitely more secure with myself than I was a few years ago. I think the longer we have to "live and be with ourselves" the more accepting we become. I never thought in a million years that I would be where I am today, wearing no foundation. I used to have to put makeup on just to step outside the front door, for over 10 years! This, I am proud of. I have had time to reflect on personal accomplishments, and who I am as a person. I still have some insecurities, but not like I did back then. When I was in elementary school, I didn't like my nose. I like it now though, sometimes, people even say I have a cute nose? lol but that is not an issue with me anymore. I think we judge ourselves harshly because we are comparing ourselves with other people. (maybe for me, those that have a flawless complexion?) You are pretty, and don't have a thing to worry about, you have a great personality. Stop comparing, and start accepting. (I knnow its easier said than done, but don't be so critical on yourself, and when you are, STOP)

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The only thing that I'm guilty of comparing to others is my skin. The thing you have to realise is that just because YOU may think that these people have better (hair, nose, eyes, are hotter, etc etc), definitely does NOTTT mean that your boyfriend, or even other guys think that way! There were a couple times a few years back that I thought a person was more attractive than me, but my husband didn't. He actually thought the opposite, that they were unattractive! I have this girlfriend who has been around since I was about 8, and now I'm 28. I've told her about my insecurities in regards to my skin, making me feel ugly. And she always says, "you are absolutely STUNNING. Even on a bad skin day, how ugly could you ever possibly be?" And I "get it" when she says that. It actually makes me laugh. WHen you see a pretty girl, remind your boyfriend of why he thinks "you're" the prettiest one, by the way you act: Strut, or make him laugh, or walk in a way that makes you feel sexy, or flip your hair. But don't voice anything to him about your jealousy about the Girl. It's not fair, he chose you, and wants you. I didn't ever seek counseling for my insecurities. I don't know if it would help but it might put things into perspective for you.

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The only thing that I'm guilty of comparing to others is my skin. The thing you have to realise is that just because YOU may think that these people have better (hair, nose, eyes, are hotter, etc etc), definitely does NOTTT mean that your boyfriend, or even other guys think that way! There were a couple times a few years back that I thought a person was more attractive than me, but my husband didn't. He actually thought the opposite, that they were unattractive! I have this girlfriend who has been around since I was about 8, and now I'm 28. I've told her about my insecurities in regards to my skin, making me feel ugly. And she always says, "you are absolutely STUNNING. Even on a bad skin day, how ugly could you ever possibly be?" And I "get it" when she says that. It actually makes me laugh. WHen you see a pretty girl, remind your boyfriend of why he thinks "you're" the prettiest one, by the way you act: Strut, or make him laugh, or walk in a way that makes you feel sexy, or flip your hair. But don't voice anything to him about your jealousy about the Girl. It's not fair, he chose you, and wants you. I didn't ever seek counseling for my insecurities. I don't know if it would help but it might put things into perspective for you.

it's a good point that he chose me. That makes a lot of sense. I just have to live it!! Yeah I was thinking that they have had experience with treating this in a lot of different people... and maybe that they could have specific things for me to do, I have gone to therapy in the past for other things and find it refreshing. And how lucky for you to have a friend like that !:)

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I have a lovely boyfriend of 3 1/2 years. I know he loves me and all that good stuff...

YET- I am still SO painfully insecure. I hate my nose and my acne. It's not fun cuz on our date nights, I don't want him to touch certain parts of my face because he might rub off my concealer. I love it when he touches me and I don't want to be that girl who's batting his hand away, because that's not how I really feel!! Anytime I see a pretty woman I automatically tense up, and if he looked at her.... war is on.

Does anyone have advice? I feel really bad :(

break up with him and get with a guy who has the same insecurities as you do, make things 100% better imo.

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