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Has come true. Whenever someone would ask me how severe my acne was, my answer was always "mild to moderate". Even being so depressed about my acne I was still so optimistic that my skin would get better. I thought I had seen the worst of it and that things would start getting better slowly.

As I was getting ready for bed tonight I went into the bathroom, with my glasses still on. I usually take them off so I can only see a blurred, good looking version of myself in the mirror. Instead, I thought that it'd been a long time since I gave myself a "reality check" and wanted to see how I really looked. I was horrified to say the least, as soon as I looked at myself I started crying. I don't know how this happened...I don't know if I developed severe acne or if I just have a shit ton of red marks but all I know is I look like a complete fucking monster.

This is NOT a suicide thread, so don't close this please. With that said, I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I haven't gone out in public in over a month. The most I do is walk my dog and I will ONLY do this when it's pitch black outside. I wake up, brush teeth/shower, and then the rest of the day is filled with eating/watching tv/sitting at the computer. The amount of time I sit at the computer disgusts me, makes me feel like a complete fucking loser. I'm on this thing from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep which is like 12-15 hours a day.

My life is pointless and to top this off with a cherry I'll be homeless very soon :dance:

Fuck.

P.S - sorry for making threads where all I do is complain. I must be really annoying. Add it to my resume.

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Boy, I remember those days *sigh*. It took one week of living in my car before I decided to make some major changes in my life... I hate to hear that you are unhappy, and I want you to know that in a few years your current problems might not even matter. Please keep your chin up.

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Thanks for the post Dee. Only one small problem with that though, I can't see a few years from now. I see now, I see possibly a few months, and then I see nothing.

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Oh dude thats really rough, Im sorry.

I know that you have been eating healthy and everything so it is not fair.

From reading the post I can gather that your getting a bit much sleep and not outside enough, I know thats the hardest part but my life got so much better when I started going out, it doesnt have to be with people yet but like sunlight and fresh air will help heal.

I hope everything works out dude

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Thanks for the post Dee. Only one small problem with that though, I can't see a few years from now. I see now, I see possibly a few months, and then I see nothing.

Its a view on life I taught myself as a child. I remember crying in my room after being sent their for something (don't remember what) when I realized something; I was the one making my punishment horrible. I thought about the last time I was grounded, and how it didn't even matter the next day. Then I thought about what I had done and imagined that in a few days I probably wouldn't remember being punished, so why focus on it and make myself miserable right then? So I took out a book and read till dinner.

Punishing me didn't do any good after that that though...

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Acne sucks and life is a bitch. But the important thing is to be strong.

I can tell you, you're not the only one going through this sh*t, I get so angry sometimes, I used to hurt myself, I even stopped eating... but when everything is falling apart, the worst thing you can do is hating yourself.

Face it. You'll get old and eventually die. So, live now. Go out and have fun. People can go to hell (I'm sure people made you this insecure).

Be strong. Good luck with everything :)

P.S. Oh, and by the way, we all complain! Don't say you're sorry xD haha.

It is relieving.

Edited by Toni Lavigne

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Adam, I hate to say it but I fell off the healthy eating wagon awhile ago. I was seeing minimal results and was really missing my delicious unhealthy food and said fuck it. I was actually planning on trying again and even asked my mom to buy me some liquid chlorophyll since I've read so many good things about it but she's done with helping me so that makes me feel like giving up too. I will say that back when I lived in Arizona I tanned a fair bit and my face was decent back then, so I probably should start doing that again and see what happens.

Toni, it's nice that you have that attitude and sometimes I even give that same advice to other people but despite all that it doesn't change the way my mind works. I know we're all acne sufferers here but we're definitely not all suffering equally. This is the one place I can turn to where people can understand me, but even here there are very few people that actually do.

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Depression is a very serious matter. Even if your skin cleared up, it probably wouldn't get rid of your unhappiness. Depression can literally be a chemical imbalance in your brain. I was reading some of your other posts, and I know what you mean by not being able to work. I had quit a job that I loved because I found myself not being able to cope with anything, and I literally had a mental breakdown... The best way I can explain it is my eyes and my heart went completely black and I could not function. I would burn myself to be able to feel something, anything!

I finally realized that I really needed help, and was on an antidepressant for a year before I started to feel any better. Now I am trying to transition to natural means of treating depression with daily fresh air, exercise, sunshine, eating more healthy, meditation and a strict sleeping schedule (which obviously I am having trouble with because my bedtime was two hours ago).

Anyway, I hope that you will be able to love yourself and be happy. Don't be afraid to talk to a doctor or a therapist about whats going on in your head, and if you ever need someone to talk to I hope you will message me.

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i didnt go 2 my prom because of my chest acne SCARS they ONLY make dresses now that expose ur chest ,back ,EVERTHING there was no hiding or covering up im african american and i hav black scars EVERYWHERE that seem impossible 2 get rid of i wish i could go bak in time wen i had that perfect skin but i cant i can ony blame myself for theSE scars rite? i made them! even though its not MY fault i naturally hav bad skin! uuugh i hate myself believe it or not i hav 2 kids and been with my husband almost 3yrs and he has NEVER seen me nude he gets mad wen i lock the door wen i shower i feel sooo sorry for him because i think he deserves better he has no idea wats going on under my shirt i alwayz make excuses wen he tries 2 b sweet and run my bath water and wants 2 join me intha tub and it kills me b/c i want us 2 b close I WANT 2 WALK AROUND THA HOUSE IN JUST A BRA AND PANTIES HELL! but i cant im scared that if he sees tha true me he'll feel very diff about me even tho we've known each other for almost 5 yrs and with him seein all my scars i kno he will feel disgusted but wont show it so he wont hurt my feelings I WANT 2 GET MARRIED!!! but no where in tha hell am i gonna find a CUTE wedding dress that will hide these secrets! NOWHERE ..I WANT 2 WEAR I BATHING SUIT cant do that instead i wear a tshirt and bikini bottoms SO UNCOMFORTABLE i get SOOO mad at myself wen i seein other gurls in a bikini and cute dresses and v-neck shirts becuase THAT SHOULD B ME!!! uugh i hate this LIFE! and no one knows I WISH THERE WAS SOME MIRACLE THAT WOULD SAVE ME FROM THIS NIGHTMARE I MEAN IM WASTIN MY LIFE FEELING LIKE THIS I WANT 2 GET OUT AN DO THA STUFF I LUV AND LUK GUD DOIN IT BUT I CANT! IVE TRIED EVERYTHING NUTHIN FADES THE SCARES OR ANYTHING GOD WHERE IS THIS MIRACLE DRUG!!!! I NEED IT SO I CAN LIVE THIS LIFE TO THE FULLEST!!!!!

AND PLEASE NO ONE SAY "OOO GURL GET OUT THERE AND WEAR WUT U WANNA WEAR WHO CARES ABOUT WUT PPL THINKS"!! WELL SORRY BUT THIS WORLD REVOLVES AROUND JUDGMENT AND PLZ I DNT WANA HEAR " IF UR HUSBAND REALLY LUVS U HEWOULDNT CARE ABOUT HOW U LUK" B/C HE WOULD EVEN THO I KNO HE LUVS ME IF U SEEN WAT I HAV 2 LUK AT IN THA MIRROR EVERYDAY U WOULD UNDERSTAND!

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i didnt go 2 my prom because of my chest acne SCARS they ONLY make dresses now that expose ur chest ,back ,EVERTHING there was no hiding or covering up im african american and i hav black scars EVERYWHERE that seem impossible 2 get rid of i wish i could go bak in time wen i had that perfect skin but i cant i can ony blame myself for theSE scars rite? i made them! even though its not MY fault i naturally hav bad skin! uuugh i hate myself believe it or not i hav 2 kids and been with my husband almost 3yrs and he has NEVER seen me nude he gets mad wen i lock the door wen i shower i feel sooo sorry for him because i think he deserves better he has no idea wats going on under my shirt i alwayz make excuses wen he tries 2 b sweet and run my bath water and wants 2 join me intha tub and it kills me b/c i want us 2 b close I WANT 2 WALK AROUND THA HOUSE IN JUST A BRA AND PANTIES HELL! but i cant im scared that if he sees tha true me he'll feel very diff about me even tho we've known each other for almost 5 yrs and with him seein all my scars i kno he will feel disgusted but wont show it so he wont hurt my feelings I WANT 2 GET MARRIED!!! but no where in tha hell am i gonna find a CUTE wedding dress that will hide these secrets! NOWHERE ..I WANT 2 WEAR I BATHING SUIT cant do that instead i wear a tshirt and bikini bottoms SO UNCOMFORTABLE i get SOOO mad at myself wen i seein other gurls in a bikini and cute dresses and v-neck shirts becuase THAT SHOULD B ME!!! uugh i hate this LIFE! and no one knows I WISH THERE WAS SOME MIRACLE THAT WOULD SAVE ME FROM THIS NIGHTMARE I MEAN IM WASTIN MY LIFE FEELING LIKE THIS I WANT 2 GET OUT AN DO THA STUFF I LUV AND LUK GUD DOIN IT BUT I CANT! IVE TRIED EVERYTHING NUTHIN FADES THE SCARES OR ANYTHING GOD WHERE IS THIS MIRACLE DRUG!!!! I NEED IT SO I CAN LIVE THIS LIFE TO THE FULLEST!!!!!

AND PLEASE NO ONE SAY "OOO GURL GET OUT THERE AND WEAR WUT U WANNA WEAR WHO CARES ABOUT WUT PPL THINKS"!! WELL SORRY BUT THIS WORLD REVOLVES AROUND JUDGMENT AND PLZ I DNT WANA HEAR " IF UR HUSBAND REALLY LUVS U HEWOULDNT CARE ABOUT HOW U LUK" B/C HE WOULD EVEN THO I KNO HE LUVS ME IF U SEEN WAT I HAV 2 LUK AT IN THA MIRROR EVERYDAY U WOULD UNDERSTAND!

I wish I knew what to say. I'm glad to hear that you have two little sweeties, happy mothers day :) My body is much different than it was just a few years ago, heck my life is entirely different than it was a few years ago (which is a good thing), but sometimes I really miss wearing what I want, and making reckless choices that were always an adventure waiting to happen...

Now I have a baby girl and a husband, and they both love me very much, and that is how I'm at peace with myself. However, I can change my weight, but scars are another matter. I am sorry to hear that your scarring is bad. It may never fade :(

A woman in her fifties said something to me the other day about her acne scars. "Some day you will have so many wrinkles that it won't even matter!". She is a happy woman with a husband, children, and grandchildren who love her.

I remember watching a scary moving with my eyes closed, and I was completely terrified for weeks after. I finally found myself at a friends house watching the same movie, only this time I made myself watch every Minuit of it, and you know what? It wasn't nearly as horrific as what I had seen In my head... I am sure that by now your husband is imagining something far worse than what your body actually is, and he loves you anyway.

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Dude.. I usually don't reply on posts.. But after reading yours.. you certainly have no idea.. NO IDEA.. that what you are going through.. it's just not you... but ALL OF US.. suffered from some among of depression

I might not be the one who should be advising you.. and no matter how much i can advise you.. the end only DEPENDS on YOUR INNER STRENGTH.. Before i explain this particular thing i wanna tell you.. just let me share what I had gone through.. and you will certainly find that it is pretty smilar to your cases..

I am also a bespectacled guy.. just like you.. And i had NVR.. i NVR dare to look at my mirror reflection with my specs on.. Cause I know it will certainly break me down.. I had stopped contacting with my friends face to face for over more than two months... And i had just stopped my degree studies.. cause I just felt terrible of myself and I JUST DON'T WANNA SEE ANYONE.. AND i am NOT LETTING anyone see the UGLY FACE of MINE!!! And to top that.. I ground myself at home and move back staying with my parents..

There was once.. accidentally.. i looked at myself in the reflection with my specs on.. and just like you.. I started breaking down and cried... and I even blame god.. WHY DID he DO THIS TO ME?? FML FML FML FML FML!! No words can express the pain and depression of ONLY acne sufferers know...

And now.. i still NOT going anywhere.. I feel more secured being at home.. and even I fucking hate everything.. My acne isn't going to go anywhere.. and will just stay there nicely on my skin..!

I am currrently drinking liquid chlorophyll.. and it seemed to help bringing out the toxicity of the body.. just to let you know.. there might be some breakouts gonna occur with it.. since you might go through the purging stage..

I also using BP.. and i stilll push on even there is a CRAZY breakout period i am still having..

I dunno if this will end anytime sooner.. But dude.. don't give up hope just yet.. I just want you to know.. I am sry.. and I hope you will cure soon.. God bless dude!

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bro i dont look in the mirror without my glasses either, i would never ever even on my best days.

i hate my appearence even without acne..

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The only person who thinks you look like a monster is you, Jay. I guarantee you other people on this forum wouldn't think that at all. I know I wouldn't.

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YOU TEARED ME UP WHEN YOU SAID THIS MAN :boohoo: AND NO YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE GOING THROUGH IT...YOU SAID THAT STILL HERE YOU CANT RELATE TO PEOPLE BUT THE TRUTH///IS THAT IM GOING THROUGH THE SAME SITUATION...AS YOU ....WELL MAYBE NOT THE SAME BUT ..IM SUFFERING DEEP INSIDE.///AS I HAVE TOLD YOU BEFORE....I CRY EVERYDAY....I STAY ON THIS COMPUTER JUST AS MUCH TIME AS YOU DO...I THINK AM A MONSTER WHEN I LOOK AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR...I ALSO DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TO DO ...MAN IM SO FUCKING LONELY EVEN THO I HAVE ALL THESE PEOPLE SUPPORTING ME ///IS NOT THE SAME AS HAVING A REAL FRIEND THAT YOU CAN AT LEAST CRY ON....MONDAY COMES AND I HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL AND LOOK LIKE A COMPLETE MONSTER....BUT I GOT TO GET COURAGE TO DO IT...BACAUSE REALLY SUCCESS IS THE ONLY THING I HAVE LEFT////SO MANNN I REALLY DONT KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU AS AM IN THE SAME BOAT AS YOU.....PEACE THO BRO...AND STAY STRONG

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Dee, that's what I've been telling other users here and that's what depresses me even more. It is so unlikely that I'll clear my skin up anytime soon, but even if by some miracle it does clear up, I'm gonna be so fucked up mentally anyways I'm not sure it would make that much of a difference. I'm so glad someone can relate about the whole job thing...too bad my mom can't, that would make my life SO much easier. I've tried an anti depressant once before, about a year ago (i'm not much of a pill taker) and while I was on it I couldn't sleep at all...like zombie mode or something I don't know but I stopped taking it because of that. I've been asking my mom to see a therapist ever since I was 16, she always told me that she can't afford it. Now that I'm 19 she's finally agreed because she said I can sign up for free health insurance. It's nice to know that she supports me going to therapy JUST because it's not money out of her pocket. Thanks again for the post :)

Reboiy, thanks for posting. It's good to know there actually IS somebody going through something very similiar to what I am. So I'm guessing you don't have a job either? How do your parents handle that?

Khagema, well thanks...but it's true. I do look like a monster. I know people on here are more acceptable of acne but unfortunately that isn't most people in the world.

Edited by Jay326

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you should pick up eckhart tolle's "a new earth" and read it through at least once. it may just in fact be the guidance/help you're looking for.

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Hi Jay! I'm sorry you feel like this, man. Good thing your mum now realizes that seeing a therapist is no unnecessary luxury. I hope you'll be able to have an appointment soon. Considering where you come from it's gonna be a long and bumpy road, but you'll get there. I only hope your family will see that forcing a job onto you is not an option now or anytime soon, but I'm sure your therapist will see that too. At least that will take some load off your shoulders. Try to keep your chin up in the meantime, bro. Take care!

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I think you missed that the part about my mom/therapy was sarcasm, AKL. I don't know if I'll end up going to therapy or not. She said I would have to go to some building and fill out papers all day...and be around people. It all sounds not too pleasing and so I doubt I'll make it to see a therapist.

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Oh, bugger... You said you could sign up for free health insurance and see a therapist. I totally missed the sarcasm in it. :comfort:

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Is it red marks or active acne? I know you mentioned both but sounded unsure. Maybe you should look in the mirror with your glasses a couple days in a row and see how it looks. One thing i know is you have bad days, really bad days and some ok days with this acne shit. Maybe when you glanced in the mirror it was a bad day and not really as bad as it seemed

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I wish it was just a bad day, but unfortunately this is my face. I have both active acne and red marks. Every breakout I have now leaves a red mark and my face looks completely destroyed. So yeah.

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man i would never look with my glasses on, thats like suicide for the day.. just takes everything out of me.

I cant find a clear place :(

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I be feeling just like you...Just 3-4 days ago i wanted to jump off a bridge because i got some type of rash acne shit on my chin and some pimples like right under my lip. Scared me even more because my chin area is when all this non sense started and i thought i was done with active acne, which i think i am..just a random thing happened...Anyway i just have to try and push through it , Couple days pass and it doesn't look so bad...Not feeling like i need to jump off a bridge.

But i been going through this for 3-4 years now...Idk how long you been dealing with it . You tried any treatment ? Aloe Vera Gel helps with non cystic acne and red marks if you're interested. That's what i've been using and it seems to be helping

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I've been there. Sh*t just a few months ago man. And for the past 10 fn years on and off. Tried every fn topical there is. 3 dif oral meds. Now Im on accutane and I couldnt be happier. Have you considered it, bro?

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Masg, I know! I'm not usually stupid enough to look in the mirror with my glasses on but I was thinking to myself...I think my skin is getting better, I should probably put on my glasses and check it out. Then BAM. I won't ever be doing that again :/

Kraven, I've been dealing with this for about 4-5 years now. It's only become a major problem these past 1-3 years. I've tried alot of different diet changes, topicals, supplements. Some things worked better than others but nothing worked enough to make it worth sticking with. I actually have some Aloe Vera gel here...I guess it won't hurt to start putting it on my face.

Realtalk, unfortunately...no. There's a few different reasons. I've been told that my skin isn't bad enough for Accutane (although I know people will say there's ways around that). Also, I have an extreme phobia with taking pills. I've never been able to swallow pills and I don't see that changing.

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