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I am broken... and need to vent...

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So I've been reading on this site for a while and just wanted to say you are all wonderful people and you give me a lot of strength.

I feel broken. Totally broken. My story goes as follows... I used to have acne, and it went away with bc, and I was happy and everything was great... and I moved to Europe for a while and haven't seen my family and friends for two years and a few months, and I am going back home soon. Of course, a few weeks before going back I got the worst outbreak ever in my life... my face is all covered, cystic acne, my skin is flaky and red...

and it doesn't end, it keeps getting worse, and I try to explain to people that when they'll see me it'll be like this, that I have a lot of acne now, and a lot of people in my family are very judgemental and will make fun of me, even if they're just kidding around, it hurts, and the looks and smiles.... I am going to feel so judged :(

I don't look at mirrors anymore, I cancel outings, and now I will be around people 24/7... and I look terrible... I saw a picture of myself "from before" and started crying...

I want my face back and my identity back... I feel like I am alive but I'm not myself, it's complete misery and people that have not experienced it will never understand...

and for some reason I feel GUILTY... I don't know why... like I did this myself.. people look at me like I did something wrong... life is not fair :(:(

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In no way is acne your fault. Never let anyone tell your or make you feel that way. It isn't anyone's fault at all. Is there anyway you can tell your family it hurts for them to poke fun at you? They have to understand acne is a painful experience.

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Of course it has nothing to do with you. There is no rhyme or reason to it. But the fact that it started happening as you were getting ready to go back sounds typical... Moving is stressful... Stress often is the cause of breakouts. I had the same thing happen numerous times. I had the worse damage when I was moving back to someplace after being on the road for a year. The constant traveling really took a toll. Go back... Ignore the stupid comments. Look into accutane or whatever else you can do. Get it fixed. Everything will work out. The only reason why people make fun is because they want to see somebody squirm. If you take that away, they have no motivation

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this isnt your fault, you've done nothing wrong, and yeah people who havent experienced it will never understand....but you shouldn't expect them too, however if they're just plain mean, that's their insecurities coming up, they'd have to feel pretty shitty about their lives if they're putting someone else's down

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