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I just need to have a bit of a 'vent' because there's no one that I can vent to who truly understands what's going on, other than you guys, and if I ever do complain about my skin to my (mainly or moderately) clear skinned friends all they really do is give me a look of sympathy which I get sick of… so here it goes…

Okay, screw this. I hate my face. I hate how much acne affects my confidence, self esteem and well being. I hate how vain it’s made me. I have severe acne, a handful of painful cysts that have come along the way, a b*tch load of red marks and a nodule and occasional pastule popping up at least once every day/night – not to mention my huge pores and looovely blackheads.

It affects my life in so many different ways. It’s physically and emotionally painful to do everyday things – eat, talk, laugh… be my usual bubbly self that I am when my severe acne goes into its moderate stages; such as after 8 month of antibiotic use (last year, the year of extremely painful severe cystic acne, I don’t remember most of last year as I blocked it out of my mind- and I was too afraid to go on accutane), and those 2 lovely years after my topical ointment stage (but even during those 2 years of mild/moderate acne I’d complain about my red marks that were nothing compared to now and that occasional painless zit. And those 2 years were over 2 years ago). I’m a girl so I’m thankful that I have cosmetics to ‘sort of’ cover this stuff up – but it’s still very visible under there. If I had ONE wish, it would be to have clear skin. I feel so selfish and blargh for saying that but screw it, it’s completely true. Whenever I see skincare adverts on the television, I want to punch the screen in. Whenever I see slincare advertisements on billboards or posters, I want to kick the paper in. Heck, when I see products on shelves in stores, I want to throw them on the floor and jump around on them (that would be quite fun actually). I hate that acne has made me into this aggravated, pained adolescent. I hate that nowadays, the first thing I notice about a person is how clear or how unclear their skin is and how I compare my skin to theirs. I hate being 16 and not wanting to go out (at all), unless I’m guaranteed to be sitting in a dimly lit or completely dark room. I hate having to avoid mirrors… and when I do get a glimpse, my eagerness for the day completely plummets. I hate how this affects me, I hate how it makes me unhappy, I wish I could over look it all – and believe me, I’ve tried. I’ve tried focusing on other things… but when you’ve got some throbbing mountains on your face, it’s kind of hard to focus on anything else.

One of the main things that I hate – that I loathe – about having acne, is feeling like I’m being judged by others… or knowing that I’m being judged my others. What must they think of my face? Do they think I’m dirty? I wish it was acceptable to go up to people and scream in their faces explaining all of those stupid ‘treatments’ that don’t work, all those creams and pills. I hate over hearing girls talking about their stupid skin regimes “I use proactiv, it works so well†WELL THAT’S GREAT ISN’T IT. If that shit does so much as touch my skin, I’m phucked. I hate feeling like nobody will ever like me sexually because of my wonderful skin… something I fear more though, is having nobody like me even when I will have clear skin (which better bloody come one day). I don’t even want a boyfriend, I’d just like some validation.

I’m waiting for my blood tests to come back from the dermatologist so I get the a-okay to go on accutane. In six to seven months hopefully I’ll be happy with my skin, and hopefully I won’t feel the need to avoid mirrors and all that jazz.

Sorry for all the negativity. I try to be as positive as I can at all times, but as you can tell… I really needed to let this out.

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Bad news: ACne sucks and your going to have to deal with for the next few months because..

Good News: Hopefully you get accutane and hopefully it will help....Also, you are ONLY 16 which means you can live the prime of your life hopefully acne free.

Try to make some positive with all the negative, ya know. Girl, I been there......I know that shit sucks. Hell, we all do. We are all here for you to whenever you want to rant....

You feel a little better after that much needed rant?

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