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lebporsche911

acne, why do you destroy my life?

Here I am on what will be Day 9 within a 5 month treatment of Accutane and I am already at my wit's end. things had been going fairly well into the first week ... but yesterday I hit a wall. After encouraging signs and no new acne forming I woke up with 3 new actives, one being a pretty inflamed cyst on my cheek. I got in an emergency visit with the derm in hopes of a shot of hydrocortisone, etc. to take down the swelling. because of fear on the healing time of my skin since I am on accutane he recommended cold compresses and gave me some trial samples of aczone to apply to the affected areas. impatiently, i went after the other two actives to pop them (horrible, i know) and now they are red and worse than before :cry:

I have dealt with acne the last 10 years, but as of late (the last couple of months) it has really been affecting me quite hard. my social life, finances (derm visits, prescriptions), work performance (missing work usually a day evey couple of weeks due to horrible cysts), and overall mental health seem to all be crumbling around me. if it were up to me, I would sit in my room alone without having to see anyone until my skin were completely cleared 5 months from now!!! these effects have turned me into a completely different person ... depressed, irritable, completely unmotivated and I feel like I can't do anything to pull myself out of it. I'm sure there is many of you out there that can understand.

I am also a perfectionist and believe that I may have a mild case of BDD with regards to my acne. Although my marks may not seem to be anything too bad to others, in my head I walk around feeling as though my face is completely disfigured. it doesn't help when you're also visiting the mirror multiple times a day and devoting all of your free time outside of work to spot treat these areas in hopes that it will miraculously clear these spots overnight. i wish i could just go on vacation for a month away from this stress .... away from my life ... away from mirrors and judging people. how can i get out of feeling "stuck"?

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You just have to hang in there. I am just about to start my 5th month and my face just now has one break out every few weeks. It takes time but in my personal opinion it is totally worth it. I am beginning to forget what its even like to have acne.

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Here I am on what will be Day 9 within a 5 month treatment of Accutane and I am already at my wit's end. things had been going fairly well into the first week ... but yesterday I hit a wall. After encouraging signs and no new acne forming I woke up with 3 new actives, one being a pretty inflamed cyst on my cheek. I got in an emergency visit with the derm in hopes of a shot of hydrocortisone, etc. to take down the swelling. because of fear on the healing time of my skin since I am on accutane he recommended cold compresses and gave me some trial samples of aczone to apply to the affected areas. impatiently, i went after the other two actives to pop them (horrible, i know) and now they are red and worse than before :cry:

I have dealt with acne the last 10 years, but as of late (the last couple of months) it has really been affecting me quite hard. my social life, finances (derm visits, prescriptions), work performance (missing work usually a day evey couple of weeks due to horrible cysts), and overall mental health seem to all be crumbling around me. if it were up to me, I would sit in my room alone without having to see anyone until my skin were completely cleared 5 months from now!!! these effects have turned me into a completely different person ... depressed, irritable, completely unmotivated and I feel like I can't do anything to pull myself out of it. I'm sure there is many of you out there that can understand.

I am also a perfectionist and believe that I may have a mild case of BDD with regards to my acne. Although my marks may not seem to be anything too bad to others, in my head I walk around feeling as though my face is completely disfigured. it doesn't help when you're also visiting the mirror multiple times a day and devoting all of your free time outside of work to spot treat these areas in hopes that it will miraculously clear these spots overnight. i wish i could just go on vacation for a month away from this stress .... away from my life ... away from mirrors and judging people. how can i get out of feeling "stuck"?

Man i feel like i just got done writing this lol. I feel the very exact same way, but hey at least your on accutane, i was denied it since mine wasnt declared severe enough. I on the other hand beg the differ and see other ppl on here with the same mild symptoms get prescribed accutane. Oh well im gonna keep trying, im breaking out again and feel absoulutely miserable because like you, i feel like a walking piece of shit right now and it does make it worse when you have always been self concious way before acne like i was.

Hang in there though, you are just beginning and it is suppose to get worse before better. Post up some pics too in your log if you make one. Good luck to you!

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Reading these posts is simultaneously saddening and reassuring, its good to know that I am not the only one taking my acne to heart and that others are just as emotionally and socially affected.

People tend to forget the psychological aspects of it, I have been on accutane for 2 months now and its still miserable with spots, dry skin and scarring to deal with together, fun fun eh ?! I have to say I have continued to spiral from my once happy outgoing self into a bit of a recluse and it is a sad state of affairs, but optimism is the key, and with other people clearly feeling the same way it definately a boost.

I guess the issue is your perceptions of others peoples perceptions of you isnt it? You go around thinking I look an absolute mess, when in reality people arent looking only at your skin. Hopefully treatments can help us all deal with the superficial and psychological barriers this hellish acne has put up! ;)

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Part of me wants to say that I feel for you as I sometimes feel the same way. But when I do, I feel so selfish and realize how ignorant and how fortunate I really am.

It's a disorder and it's hard to change it but you just got to get over it, everyone has there imperfections and if someone is judging you on acne, then you shouldn't want them in your life either way.

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Here I am on what will be Day 9 within a 5 month treatment of Accutane and I am already at my wit's end. things had been going fairly well into the first week ... but yesterday I hit a wall. After encouraging signs and no new acne forming I woke up with 3 new actives, one being a pretty inflamed cyst on my cheek. I got in an emergency visit with the derm in hopes of a shot of hydrocortisone, etc. to take down the swelling. because of fear on the healing time of my skin since I am on accutane he recommended cold compresses and gave me some trial samples of aczone to apply to the affected areas. impatiently, i went after the other two actives to pop them (horrible, i know) and now they are red and worse than before :cry:

I have dealt with acne the last 10 years, but as of late (the last couple of months) it has really been affecting me quite hard. my social life, finances (derm visits, prescriptions), work performance (missing work usually a day evey couple of weeks due to horrible cysts), and overall mental health seem to all be crumbling around me. if it were up to me, I would sit in my room alone without having to see anyone until my skin were completely cleared 5 months from now!!! these effects have turned me into a completely different person ... depressed, irritable, completely unmotivated and I feel like I can't do anything to pull myself out of it. I'm sure there is many of you out there that can understand.

I am also a perfectionist and believe that I may have a mild case of BDD with regards to my acne. Although my marks may not seem to be anything too bad to others, in my head I walk around feeling as though my face is completely disfigured. it doesn't help when you're also visiting the mirror multiple times a day and devoting all of your free time outside of work to spot treat these areas in hopes that it will miraculously clear these spots overnight. i wish i could just go on vacation for a month away from this stress .... away from my life ... away from mirrors and judging people. how can i get out of feeling "stuck"?

Try to be patient. I know it's hard believe me. I've been suffering from acne for WAY more than 10 years. Finally started accutane 2 months ago. I am female and due to birth defects issues, never committed to it before this time in my life. I was never clear. Always broke out before prior acne cleared. At the start of month 3 I am still breaking out and clearing, but I wouldn't even call these breakouts. Unfortunately because I went so many years, I have a lot of old scarring, I wish I had done this before and could have prevented that, but you can't look back. I am so THRILLED that it actually looks like I may not have to worry about this any more. It IS going to get better, just hang in there.

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Same way of thinking here .........

I'm extremely depressed and avoid eye contact too

sometimes i think about suicide

but still hang on

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Well if you take accutane, you'll also have to worry about going bald.

That's a load of BS. If you are meant to go bald, you will go bald regardless. If you have nothing to say in relation to the post then don't fucking say anything at all idiot. Back to topic. I felt the same way you did man. I was totally a perfectionist just like you are and one pimple would keep me in for the weekend. I would shelter myself in my room for days without doing anything except trying to make my face look better. You just have to know your face is going to be clear soon and you will feel the best you have felt in your entire life. It's such an awesome experience to not have to worry about what you eat, washing your face, applying BS at night time, ect. Trust me, it's a great feeling when you hit the particular month when everything starts clearing up and nothing new comes up. I feel your pain. I was on accutane twice now for almost a year and a half. I spent about 2300 between my prescriptions and derm visits (this was because my derm would not use generic). Just relax and know in 2 weeks or 4 months your face is going to be completely clear, you will walk around with your head high, and you will feel like a new person. I did.........

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You just have to hang in there. I am just about to start my 5th month and my face just now has one break out every few weeks. It takes time but in my personal opinion it is totally worth it. I am beginning to forget what its even like to have acne.

thanks az 0889, I know for a fact that in the end it will be worth it but that 5th month seems so far away right now!!! it is great to have these boards to have people who know what I am talking about ... I try to explain it to my family and they just say things like "haven't you tried proactive" or "it isn't that bad". but all of them walk around without blemishes! i know that this day will come for me too

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Thanks Jay Q, sorry to hear that you did not get an Rx for accutane ... but I really believe things do happen for a reason. even if your acne is not entirely severe, chronic persistent acne warrants accutane as a possible treatment so you may want to seek the second opinion of another derm.

i'm taking it day by day, its been humbling for someone who used to absolutely brim with confidence which I am working to slowly rebuild. I am working on getting a log/blog started ... just have a demanding career (70/hr work weeks) so just gotta sneak some time in for that. hang in there brother

Edited by lebporsche911

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Reading these posts is simultaneously saddening and reassuring, its good to know that I am not the only one taking my acne to heart and that others are just as emotionally and socially affected.

People tend to forget the psychological aspects of it, I have been on accutane for 2 months now and its still miserable with spots, dry skin and scarring to deal with together, fun fun eh ?! I have to say I have continued to spiral from my once happy outgoing self into a bit of a recluse and it is a sad state of affairs, but optimism is the key, and with other people clearly feeling the same way it definately a boost.

I guess the issue is your perceptions of others peoples perceptions of you isnt it? You go around thinking I look an absolute mess, when in reality people arent looking only at your skin. Hopefully treatments can help us all deal with the superficial and psychological barriers this hellish acne has put up! ;)

thanks ARC1992, I know that you, myself, and countless others are going through the same battle on a daily basis. it is almost alarming how much my mood corresponds with whatever condition that my skin happens to be in that day. I definitely try to stay optimistic ... but I think its other areas of my life that drag as well.

Around 5 months ago my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years broke up with me, my parents announced they

were divorcing, and I entered a high pressure career in banking/finance all simultaneously. I am sure this is what set off my skin and unfortunately the condition of my skin with the events listed above wear me down daily.

other people's perceptions are big ... I'm 23 in an office with all 40+ year old men who are really too old to have blemishes. in addition, my age is already a challenge as I manage investments for wealthy clients so my acne certainly does not help!! good luck with your course of accutane and hopefully we are on the road to clear skin

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Your skin will be clear in just a few months! Hang in there, the IB will be over soon enough and you wont even remember it. Time really does fly. Best of luck!

thanks HereComesTheSun. I wish I would have went after my acne when I was your age!! it may seem rough now ... but having recently graduated college, looking back high school was [email protected]#$% anyway so I bet you'll easily be clear by the time you hit college.

yes, I am hoping that this is just the IB and that it doesnt last long. in the meantime, i applied the aczone to the actives last night and it seems to be helping. good luck with your course as well!

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Part of me wants to say that I feel for you as I sometimes feel the same way. But when I do, I feel so selfish and realize how ignorant and how fortunate I really am.

It's a disorder and it's hard to change it but you just got to get over it, everyone has there imperfections and if someone is judging you on acne, then you shouldn't want them in your life either way.

thanks BrazilianJJ, i know exactly what you are saying. i have worked really hard my entire life and have become relatively successful for being the mere age of 23 and know that I really am fortunate.

i just get so stuck/centered in my head on acne and it severely affects my confidence level and in my job .... confidence = clients = $$$ in the bank so it has been killing my work performance.

im doing the best i can to get over it. i think one challenge has definitely been how gorgeous my ex-gf was (literally a 10 ... Victoria Secret model status) with perfect skin. naturally i want to show her up as being the best men that i can be and having made a horrible mistake when she left, but as shallow as it is the next time she ever sees me I want her reaction to be "wow, why did i ever leave him?" and that includes having flawless skin

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Try to be patient. I know it's hard believe me. I've been suffering from acne for WAY more than 10 years. Finally started accutane 2 months ago. I am female and due to birth defects issues, never committed to it before this time in my life. I was never clear. Always broke out before prior acne cleared. At the start of month 3 I am still breaking out and clearing, but I wouldn't even call these breakouts. Unfortunately because I went so many years, I have a lot of old scarring, I wish I had done this before and could have prevented that, but you can't look back. I am so THRILLED that it actually looks like I may not have to worry about this any more. It IS going to get better, just hang in there.

thanks enaid, it is good to have an adult perspective on the issue. I can certainly understand the birth defect issues ... I am sure that if you have had children that they bring you more happiness than clear skin (although frustrating not to have) ever could.

Ive gone back and forth on just controlling it with topicals thinking i should outgrow it, but after reading several posts from those in their 30's/40's as yourself i realized that this could very well be me looking back and to fight it now

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Same way of thinking here .........

I'm extremely depressed and avoid eye contact too

sometimes i think about suicide

but still hang on

hey KRESHEH, thanks for the reply. its definitely tough and I have my daily struggles, but I never have really had a thought of suicide. I'd encourage you to possibly talk to someone about this. at the very least, i journal sometimes and this helps to put things into perspective. keep your head up

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Well if you take accutane, you'll also have to worry about going bald.

That's a load of BS. If you are meant to go bald, you will go bald regardless. If you have nothing to say in relation to the post then don't fucking say anything at all idiot. Back to topic. I felt the same way you did man. I was totally a perfectionist just like you are and one pimple would keep me in for the weekend. I would shelter myself in my room for days without doing anything except trying to make my face look better. You just have to know your face is going to be clear soon and you will feel the best you have felt in your entire life. It's such an awesome experience to not have to worry about what you eat, washing your face, applying BS at night time, ect. Trust me, it's a great feeling when you hit the particular month when everything starts clearing up and nothing new comes up. I feel your pain. I was on accutane twice now for almost a year and a half. I spent about 2300 between my prescriptions and derm visits (this was because my derm would not use generic). Just relax and know in 2 weeks or 4 months your face is going to be completely clear, you will walk around with your head high, and you will feel like a new person. I did.........

hey acnesobad, thanks for the words of encouragement ... and dismissing that outlandish statement that was completely unrelated to anything i had to say. thats how my weekends have been, i always have alot of attractive girls that think im a great time and want to hang out ... but I dont think many have seen me with horrible blemishes, i tend to go into hiding whenever i get a breakout

the other things that you mention too that I am so looking forward to is NOT WORRYING ABOUT EVERY LITTLE DETAIL!! thoughts ive had "is my weightlifting making me break out", "what supplements to i need to be taking", "do i spot treat with SA, BP, ... maybe neosporin will make this heal faster and ill apply it 3x a day". its a total mindf%ck.

as for walking around with my head high and feeling like a new person, I CANNOT wait for this day

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im doing the best i can to get over it. i think one challenge has definitely been how gorgeous my ex-gf was (literally a 10 ... Victoria Secret model status) with perfect skin. naturally i want to show her up as being the best men that i can be and having made a horrible mistake when she left, but as shallow as it is the next time she ever sees me I want her reaction to be "wow, why did i ever leave him?" and that includes having flawless skin

i feel you on that... acne kills my confidence

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Well if you take accutane, you'll also have to worry about going bald.

That's a load of BS. If you are meant to go bald, you will go bald regardless. If you have nothing to say in relation to the post then don't fucking say anything at all idiot. Back to topic. I felt the same way you did man. I was totally a perfectionist just like you are and one pimple would keep me in for the weekend. I would shelter myself in my room for days without doing anything except trying to make my face look better. You just have to know your face is going to be clear soon and you will feel the best you have felt in your entire life. It's such an awesome experience to not have to worry about what you eat, washing your face, applying BS at night time, ect. Trust me, it's a great feeling when you hit the particular month when everything starts clearing up and nothing new comes up. I feel your pain. I was on accutane twice now for almost a year and a half. I spent about 2300 between my prescriptions and derm visits (this was because my derm would not use generic). Just relax and know in 2 weeks or 4 months your face is going to be completely clear, you will walk around with your head high, and you will feel like a new person. I did.........

hey acnesobad, thanks for the words of encouragement ... and dismissing that outlandish statement that was completely unrelated to anything i had to say. thats how my weekends have been, i always have alot of attractive girls that think im a great time and want to hang out ... but I dont think many have seen me with horrible blemishes, i tend to go into hiding whenever i get a breakout

the other things that you mention too that I am so looking forward to is NOT WORRYING ABOUT EVERY LITTLE DETAIL!! thoughts ive had "is my weightlifting making me break out", "what supplements to i need to be taking", "do i spot treat with SA, BP, ... maybe neosporin will make this heal faster and ill apply it 3x a day". its a total mindf%ck.

as for walking around with my head high and feeling like a new person, I CANNOT wait for this day

Ok first off, it's a true fact that accutane is known to cause hair loss, and don't give me this BS about if you're meant to go bald, you'll go bald regardless. If you have MPB, it'll speed up the process, if you don't have MPB, it'll give you pretty shitty hair regardless. I think the way I typed it up it made it seem like I'm being a jerk so I apologize for that.

What I'm trying to point out is that it appears the topic creator seems the type who has low self esteem and whose outside appearance is a huge factor in how he socially interacts with people. I'm just trying to tell you that if you're that worried about acne affecting your self esteem, don't you think by taking this drug and possibly losing your hair that this will only makes things worse?

I mean for god's sake before this drug, I too suffer from low self esteem from acne, and I had super thick hair at the time. Now even though my acne has gone away after quitting Accutane 3 months early (mainly through cutting out milk and not being stressed I guess), my hair looks like absolute crap, it's super thin, you can see bald spots, and the worst part is my family does not have MPB history and this is happening to me. I mean seriously after what it did to my hair, i will NEVER EVER touch this drug again, the # of side effects you get is not worth it, and the hair loss thing really upset me. If you want to control the acne, you should maybe consider other treatments first.

You really have to ask yourself, is the acne really that bad that you're willing to possibly lose a significant portion of your hair for it?

Edited by csmike

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When i first started accutane i was like "oh my god 5 months is going to take forever". But think of it this way, you should start clearing within month 3. Not fully clear, but hopefully a lott better to the point where you don't have to skip work days.

Hang in there!

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You just have to hang in there. I am just about to start my 5th month and my face just now has one break out every few weeks. It takes time but in my personal opinion it is totally worth it. I am beginning to forget what its even like to have acne.

thanks az 0889, I know for a fact that in the end it will be worth it but that 5th month seems so far away right now!!! it is great to have these boards to have people who know what I am talking about ... I try to explain it to my family and they just say things like "haven't you tried proactive" or "it isn't that bad". but all of them walk around without blemishes! i know that this day will come for me too

I totally know how you feel. Since I've been on accutane everyone thinks that I'm crazy for putting up with all the side effects. I don't blame them. If I was them I would think that I was crazy too, but then again I wouldn't know what it was like to have acne if I was them. Good Luck though on your journey to clear skin :)

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Here I am on what will be Day 9 within a 5 month treatment of Accutane and I am already at my wit's end. things had been going fairly well into the first week ... but yesterday I hit a wall. After encouraging signs and no new acne forming I woke up with 3 new actives, one being a pretty inflamed cyst on my cheek. I got in an emergency visit with the derm in hopes of a shot of hydrocortisone, etc. to take down the swelling. because of fear on the healing time of my skin since I am on accutane he recommended cold compresses and gave me some trial samples of aczone to apply to the affected areas. impatiently, i went after the other two actives to pop them (horrible, i know) and now they are red and worse than before :cry:

I have dealt with acne the last 10 years, but as of late (the last couple of months) it has really been affecting me quite hard. my social life, finances (derm visits, prescriptions), work performance (missing work usually a day evey couple of weeks due to horrible cysts), and overall mental health seem to all be crumbling around me. if it were up to me, I would sit in my room alone without having to see anyone until my skin were completely cleared 5 months from now!!! these effects have turned me into a completely different person ... depressed, irritable, completely unmotivated and I feel like I can't do anything to pull myself out of it. I'm sure there is many of you out there that can understand.

I am also a perfectionist and believe that I may have a mild case of BDD with regards to my acne. Although my marks may not seem to be anything too bad to others, in my head I walk around feeling as though my face is completely disfigured. it doesn't help when you're also visiting the mirror multiple times a day and devoting all of your free time outside of work to spot treat these areas in hopes that it will miraculously clear these spots overnight. i wish i could just go on vacation for a month away from this stress .... away from my life ... away from mirrors and judging people. how can i get out of feeling "stuck"?

Acne destroys lives!!, I feel you man dont give up. I had acne for 4 years now it wasnt to bad up unitil 1 year ago then the dermatologist prescribed me all that crap Im sure you know what im talking about - bp cream, differin, gels you name it i used it lol. So i finally got tired of all that crap and decided to use accutane. Iam on my third week my oil if gone but Im breaking out alot in certain spots. Everybody says it gets alot worse before it gets better so keep your head up. I know how you feel when it comes to missing work and things like that. I get so mad when I have to make up some STUPID excuse to not go out or not go to school. I have also stayed in my room alone thinking wtf did I do to deserve this shit lol. I know people have bigger problems but to me this is like having a deadly disease. I wish there was an acne city where only people with acne lived there and I could stay there until my accutane treatment is finished hahaha sounds crazy i know.

good luck, stay+++ :dance:

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I am with csmike on this topic. I dont think he means any harm by what he is saying, but just giving a warning. Lebporsche, dude, I was in the exact same position as you are right now. I was so out going and all that, but whilst in tane, I didnt just think about it, but I became a prisoner in my home. I stopped going to university for 4 months and ended up losing my job. But, just keep your chin up, and think of that clear skin you are going to have bud......

And coming back to csmike's comment I agree because if I had been told before I started my course of tane that I could be bald in certain patches of my head at such a young age, and continually finding thinning areas like I do at the moment.......in all honesty I wouldnt have taken the tane. Thinning of the hair is a side effect of accutane, especially isotretion. I finished my tane in November thinking I would be free of the imprisonment but I now have worse insecurities regarding how my hair looks to people...Balding in random places isnt a good look. Maybe csmike is just giving a warning?

Danny

Edited by dannym

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