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Sorry in advance for sounding like a whiny little prick :)

About me: im twnty-two this month, Pakistani/Greek mix, light brown skin, had acne since i was ten, there was no grace priod, it was severe right from the start, try going through sixth grade looking like you lived in a beehive, that you kicked, yeah...kept getting worse, spread to my back and chest, finished elementry school at home cuz i kept running away from the building, confidence therapy, started high school, FINALLY made some friends (who im still hanging with for almost ten yrs now, they rock)had intestine surgery at 15, left a GIANT scar down my entire front and sides, confidence therapy went right out the window after that one, and the second surgery that follwed couple months later. Barely finished high school (i got really good marks, staright 80s-90s student, but no confidence left and was always afraid to get up and talk so presentations were shit-and-a-half cuz everyone could see me and talk about me), lost my beloved dad to cancer right out of high school so suddenly i was incharge of a family, at 19! my then 20 yr old older brother is very nice but hes extremely lazy and irresponsible and i cant count on him, my mother is still distraught over my dad and has difficulties making decisions and im very very overprotective of my younger sister, but im seriously cracking under all the responsibility...school, work, family, friends (im told im quite funny, always making my friends laugh, and lately theyre alarmed cuz its just not in me anymore), and im the guy everyone goes to for advice, but i cant find anyone to give me advice...my face i think is healing, too many depressions and scars for my liking, and honest to god i do not even look at my chest or back anymore, it makes me wanna scream, and now summer's coming around and nothings different its all just worst! once again my friends will plan beach trips and ill run to hell to prevent myself going cuz im out of convincing excuses, horrible luck with girlfriends something always goes terribly wrong and just no confidence left none at all, just feel totally and utterly empty, i miss me! i miss my life! i miss A life! i know that this is the one place i have left where i can probably put my feelings into words without sounding like im shallow and totally desparate about my looks, and i just couldnt keep it in anymore, ive become a shut-in, increasingly grouchy, and im tired, not psychotic! just tired, have no idea what to do anymore...

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