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cyien

I feel so fragile with acne

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I'm new to this board and just read through so many posts describing emotions that I really identify with.

Living with bad acne for 5 years has really changed me. I'm a 19 year old girl and I feel so much older than my peers; I just can't relate to a lot of what girls my age talk about. They'll tease each other about guys that supposedly like them and judge others heavily on appearance. Its like why can they see past the exterior? and guys and girls my age seem to move from one person they like/ like them to another so quickly, whereas I've never liked anyone or had anyone like me.

Acne has hit me really badly expecially since I was never very confident or outgoing to start with. Now I am the person with the lowest self-esteem and confidence that I know. Part of it stems from within me, but mostly it is because of how others treat me. They treat me like I'm invisible, as though an acne sufferer has no feelings or no entitlement to them. I really feel like I'm worth crap, I don't deserve to be loved (especially by a man) and if I ever say that I like a guy I can't help but think that people would say "who does she think she is that she is worthy of even liking him?" I'm insecure around others, especially guys, cos I can't help feeling that they are scrutinizing my skin (which many do). I could never be like those girls who flirt and act all giggly with guys I'd just be so awkward and ridiculous-looking if I did that since, of course, I have zero attractiveness.

Peers, family and relatives comment on my skin or try to 'help' saying things like "what do you have on your face?", "eat less fried food and wash your face". As if I didn't know that already! And I have a mirror I don't need to be further reminded of how bad I look when I'm trying not to dwell on my acne. People really don't realise how hurtful their words can be. I also developed disordered eating habits, I used to eat like a rabbit hoping to help my acne but had little results. Now I binge emotionally and feel so sick about myself.

Acne has really hindered me from fully living my life. I'm have zero social life and am barely doing well in college because I can't focus on my studies and skip school when my skin is especially bad. I feel so fragile now and am constantly on the verge of tears. Its difficult because small things in my school day trigger tears but I can't have a crying session in front of others so I fight to hold it in. Like when I feel snubbed by a new person I try to make friends with. Even if I try to tell myself its not worth it and the person does not mean anything to me it doesn't help. I've fallen into this hole of depression and I don't know how to get out of it.

I've tried to think positively about my situation. Acne has really opened my eyes to many things I would never have known. I have learnt unbelievable sensitivity, to be more resilent and I feel like one of the few do not judge others on appearances. Posts on this board have also inspired me, but I can't help but be somewhat cynical. For example, I'm acting more confident and it has improved others' responsiveness to me but I still get disregarded often. I try to listen intently to others to really get to know who they are but they seem so disinterested in opening up to me, much less getting to know me. I'm starting to think that what I fear is true: Acne is an excuse for me to avoid social situations and I use it as a shield when I feel someone has snubbed me. Like "oh its cos of my bad skin that X dislikes me". I'm afraid to confront the terrifying possibility that I'm just different and won't be loved for who I am. Its easier to blame it on acne.

And guys are never interested in me, they can't see past my horrid face.

All I want is for someone to tell me that I'm wonderful the way I am, to tell me I'm worth something. The few friends I have often treat me like I'm worth little, they place their other friends above me. Loneliness is ever-present and pervasive. I feel so isolated and cannot express any of this to anyone. Its hard for me to believe that I have a wonderful future. I pretend that I don't but I really yearn for true love, but I just don't see how anyone can love me for who I am. Seems like I'll be lonely forever.

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Welcome Cyien! I can totally relate to what you're saying. Everything you said in the post really hit home, because I feel the same way about myself. I highly doubt you're unattractive and no one likes you. Yes, I know its hard to feel attractive when you have acne but there are some guys that wont care about skin imperfections. Even if a guy doesnt like you because of your acne, then its his loss because I'm sure you're a beautiful person. (Im sorry if Im being cheesy) I know its easier said than done because I do it myself, but try not to let your acne control your life. If no one has told you this before, then Im going to say it. You're a wonderful person and don't let you peers, family, relatives let you think otherwise. Im also in college and not doing so well myself, but if we keep letting this happen then we wont get anywhere in life. We wont overcome the issues that we face. It is a lonely feeling, especially when the majority of the people around you have clear skin! I know I am not much help because I'm going through the same thing, but I just want to let you know that you're not alone and I really hope you find a way to get the help.

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Girl, you are wise and you are very self aware. However, i can tell you that a GOOD man will love you for who you are and not what you look like. I understand that perhaps your self-esteem may be playing a role in not giving off a vibe that youre at all looking for someone. I will tell you this, i had a girlfriend who has stuggled with severe Acne for the last 10 years, she finally got on accutane and she has always been so insecure, however, all my friends have crushes on her, she is super funny and has been able to make friends with people. Open yourself to people, let them know what your fears are. Everyone has insecurities but i will tell you that if you arent already on Dans Regimen, get on it, it will take time but it will be a step towards clear complexion. Dont skip any days, take this time to tell yourself that if a man will judge you for your looks then hes not a man worth loving. BUT at the same time, open yourself up to get hurt, you will find people who disregard you, men who may not call you back BUT that happens to the prettiest of girls. TRUST ME. I also would suggest exercising as it releases endorphins, please please dont let any one elses perception of you change you or make you feel worthless, if you give them that power then you are just as bad. No one can love you until you love yourself. We all support you!

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This post I can totally relate to. being a girl who has also battled with acne for most of her life. and hasnt had a bf bc alot of guys judge girls on physical appearance is soooo hard to take...i was talking to a friend last night, whic told me her bf said he would rather date a fat ugly girl than a girl with acne. how much did that hurt...i also feel like i have negative self esteem and have become a huge hermit and have avoided as much social interaction as possible to reduce the chances of being humuliated. i too, have had friends, family friends, or relatives go, arghhh whats wrong with her. tell her to stop eating fried food, chocolate, etc etc i also, dont need to be told that i have bad skin. its already bad having it. u dont have to tell me that i have it. i also cant leave the house without a full face of makeup. i hate this. im starting roaccutane soon which my dermo prescibed me and im scared of the side effects and inital breakout, but ill try bc i really hate my skin. i want to have a little hope :( i also cant flirt and be all confident around guys like my peers. i also have learnt to learn and make friends with ppl with personalities and not only good looks. i never juge ppl on their appearnace or insult anyone bc i know how it feels to be jugded. and it hurts. anyway, ur not alone cyien!!! and yes, being a female with acne in her teens is difficuly :( all my friends have partners except for me. i hate being the only person i know with bad skin. its quite embrassing being in the minority...and yes, some ppl have told me, its ur personality that counts, but sometimes, peple dont even want to get to know me, so how would they know if i havfe a good personality????? and even if a guy did like me, i would wonder, why wouldnt they like someone with nicer skin ?!?!?!

Edited by gday123

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