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Hello,

These are just some things I've been keeping to myself for too long, and I just need to let it out ...

Like everyone here, I suffer from acne, pretty severe in my case. I've had it since I was 13, and still have it (19 years old now), worse than ever. I've tried so many different methods, creams, foods, anti-biotics, ... Nothing has helped. I don't touch it, I don't scrub it. I don't eat greasy/sugary foods. I don't overwash. It just won't go away.

I've always felt ugly because of it. It made me afraid to talk to people, because I figured they would just be grossed out, and wouldn't even listen to me, just stare at it. I was often late for school because I was busy in the morning popping the worst pimples, and waiting for the redness to go away. When a girl looked at me, I knew it wasn't because she liked me, but because she was disgusted.

I've read the line "it's ok, most adolscents get acne" so many times. But I hate it, it's a lie. All the adolescents I meet have perfect skin. It makes me feel even worse about myself, makes me feel very lonely at times.

People have told me I'll grow out of it. But what if I don't? i've read stories of people having acne till they were 25,26,27, ... I don't want the best years of my life ruined because of this crap.

Every time I go outside, people look at me. They either make a painful face expression before looking away, or they stare at it. Even when I'm talking to people at school or elsewhere, I see their eyes looking at it, instead of my eyes.

But even so, I managed to stay pretty optimistic, I kept hoping it would go away. I tried not to let it bring me down too much. I hoped for people to be understanding.

Well, this is my first year at university now, and I've found out a while ago what people truly think of me. I found out that loads of people, have been talking behind my back, calling me the worst things, "freak", "the guy with the monstruosities on his face", "Tomate face". Even people that I thought were good and mature people, have been saying such things.

I have become completely depressed since. I don't feel like doing anything, nothing amuses me anymore. The tv-shows that used to make me laugh out loud, make me want to cry. The music that I used to love, sounds worse than a police siren. I don't want to eat, I don't want to sleep, I don't want to stay awake either. I haven't gone to school since, because I hate the way people see me. I wish they would see me for who I really am, but they don't, they can't. I find myself wishing them to get massive cysts all over their face, or develop a strange skin disease, so that for once I could make fun of them.

I feel like I'm going insane. I feel like I have no future, like I'm stuck. *moderator edit* I've started taking accutane a few days ago. I didn't want to take it before, because of the possible side-effects. But I rather have clear skin and maybe some side effects, than go through life forever with this hideous skin. I have all my hopes on this medicine. I don't know what i'm going to do if this doesn't help either.

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i know how it feels :/

accutane can really help though. although it only kept me truly clear for 6months or so.. i have to say that those were the best 6 months of my life. i still couldnt bring myself to make any real good friends or be social and outgoing like i had hoped.. but it gave me a feeling of selfworth i hadnt felt in over 6 years.

accutane CAN induce some pretty bad scarring.. but to be honest i dont even know if my scarring is purely from the accutane or from the 7 years of severe acne ive been fighting.. regardless, its a step forward from the severe acne i had. its just too bad that the scars will last forever..

i dont know to what extent of acne youre dealing with. but just look on the bright side.. whatever that may be.. and hope for the best.

maybe even work towards getting a girlfriend. if you do that then youre a good 100 steps ahead of me. i cant even bring myself to make any sort of eye contact with anybody.. let alone actually TALK to someone..

hang in there.. and make the best of what youve got.

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