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Vicious Lyss

Even the best fall down sometimes.

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Collide - Howie Day.

Alright, so I've finally decided that I wholeheartedly want to stop picking. Enough is enough!

--->my skin.

⌦I've got mild acne. I've had acne for four years now, and it drives me crazy! Being the perfectionist I am, I've got that crazy state of mind where I tell myself - "If I pick this, I'll feel better, I'll look better, and it'll just go away." I try to terminate the acne by taking it into my own hands. As you can guess... bad idea.

I'm sick of tearing my face apart. I think my acne would probably be a lot better if I just stopped, but it's so damn hard! I'm going to put this bad habit behind me and stop for the sake of my skin before it gets even worse.

⌦I do not have a dermatologist. I use a facial mask twice a week and I cleanse in the morning with a Clearasil scrub. I use a Murad Acne Gel on spots at night, which does seem to help a bit - but it's pretty damn pointless when they're scabs from picking and only make them worse. The face mask I use is ANEW Dramatic Smoother facial mask. I use Murad Exfoliating Acne Gel for spots.

⌦My skin type Combination I guess. Dry once I get out of the shower and in the morning; it's like the freakin' Sahara. But once I come home, it's oily as heck. Bleck.

⌦I use Custom Creations foundation by Revlon for foundation. That's about it. I currently use Olay Regenerist cream for moisturization (although I SWEAR by Daily Regenerating Cream from Rite Aid. See here.)

⌦I'm a total bad food junkie. I think I'll put myself on a diet just for the heck of it and see if it makes my skin any better. Couldn't hurt, right? I want to try fasting but as I said earlier I quit so easy! I tried today and as soon as I woke up I was starving and ate a sandwich and two bowls of cereal! LOL! But that's gotta stop. I also drink soda about every single day (2-6 glasses!) which I will have to cut out. :( Blurghhh.

⌦I have tried Zinc and drinking tons of water. Both I stopped. Zinc, simply because it made me so physically and mentally ill - I had headaches every day, I was weak, tired, I got dizzy, nauseous, the whole nine yards. Water I just kinda quit on, but I'll work on incorporating that back into my life. Today I had three cups. :proud:

--->pictures.

Hah! My most least favorite part. I'm so tempted to photoshop the hell out of these and make myself look beautiful. But, without further ado... :doubt:

post-79351-1266391192_thumb.png

I'll be counting tomorrow as day one, seeing as here it's 2:22 a.m. and I'll be going to bed shortly. So, there isn't much point in this being day one as I just started. =] I can't wait to get started! I just hope I'll have the will power to keep this going. I quit easily, so it will be interesting to see how this goes.

Now I'm gonna go spend some quality time with my pillow. :wiggle:

See ya tomorrow, folks!

post-79351-1266391192_thumb.png

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you will be fine, you know that .... ;)

keep fighting and fuck the shit out of acne ,....

hakuna matata :cool:

Haha, thanks. I'll try.

--->day one.

"You can call me ugly, but can't take nothing from me..." Forest Whitaker - Brother Ali.

I woke up today and I immediately looked in the mirror. I didn't pop any pimples, but I did brush away the dead skin with one of those exfoliating brush things. I'm so tempted to pick this big one, but I'll have all I can not to! :doubt: My skin looks red and tender. Urgh. I'm NOT going anywhere today, it's too much of a hassle. Not that I have plans anyways. ;_;

Just as I went to get a second cup of water I looked into the mirror and caved in. I popped two tiny zits (not the big tender ones, I know better at this point!) but they each had a head. That shouldn't be too bad looking now.

Alright, it's 7pm and what I just did was slosh off dead skin, moisturize, and apply Bacitraycin so they won't scab over. I haven't popped any zits all day :proud: (aside from the two small ones, but they don't matter.)

--->food diary.

As soon as I woke up, I had a glass of water. I'll have to do this every day and keep myself hydrated. Ewe gross. Water tastes so nasty in the morning. I'd rather be thrown into a woodchipper :X I am completely cutting soda out of my life for the next... hmm, let's say, 3 weeks? To see if that makes a difference at all. No coke, how will I live! :(

Breakfast - N/A

Lunch - Alright. Since I woke up at 3am, my first meal is lunch. No breakfast. I'm having Spaghettio's and a side of popcorn chicken. Mmm! Oops I didn't heat it well enough. It's still cold. LOL! Oh well. Arghhh I just spilt this on my lap. Wow. :| Must... not... have... any... sugary snacks.... ;_;

Had some peanuts as a snack. They were dry & roasted, and little sugar in them, so I hope that's alright. ^_^

Dinner - I'm having two eggs right now. Mmmm. ^__^ I love eggs.

Total Water Intake - 9 glasses.

--->video.

I made a new YouTube account dedicated just for this log. I'll wrap up everything about the day (I'll try to make them daily, but that isn't really a promise) and I'll put them on here so you guys can watch them. I figure it makes for more entertainment and it definitely won't be as boring as just reading through this all day =]

(It's long, beware!)

So, all in all, today seemed to be pretty successful! Hopefully this will last. :)

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Just walked to the store. As much as I wanted a Coke and a huge bar of chocolate, I opted for some Green Tea and cheddar cheese on crackers instead. ^_^

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Yo good luck Lyssa. I stopped picking about two weeks ago and the difference it has made it perplexing haha. I've picked maybe three spots in that two week span and I wish I hadn't because it truly does make a HUGE difference. FIGHT THE URGE!

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Have you gone on the regimin???? I mean I'm pretty sure you've heard all sorts of advice and had all sorts of suggestions preached to you .....but your face seems like it would be easy to clear as long as you stop doing what your currently doing...Isn't the SA scrub + brushing+ SA pads like really irritating?

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Yo good luck Lyssa. I stopped picking about two weeks ago and the difference it has made it perplexing haha. I've picked maybe three spots in that two week span and I wish I hadn't because it truly does make a HUGE difference. FIGHT THE URGE!

Thank you, I'll try! It's soooooo hard, lol.

Have you gone on the regimin???? I mean I'm pretty sure you've heard all sorts of advice and had all sorts of suggestions preached to you .....but your face seems like it would be easy to clear as long as you stop doing what your currently doing...Isn't the SA scrub + brushing+ SA pads like really irritating?

I haven't gone on the regimen simply because my skin is horrible with BP. I tried the Proactive BP and it made my skin burn like no tomorrow.

The scrub doesn't really make difference in how my skin feels.. but the brushing helps me with the dead skin. As for the pads, I don't use them where the picked skin is. Only around the clear areas just in case. (I hardly use the pads anyways, though, because it's such a hassle.) So it doesn't do much irritating if any. I don't brush every day though. Only on days where I can't use the actual scrub, like today, because I'm running out. :wall:

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Well, aren't I one pissed off person right now. :| My computer plug pulled out and everything I wrote in here from earlier is GONE. :( I wrote so much. I'm so mad. Argh. I'll try to write everything back as I remember.

--->day two.

"I'm a walking travesty, but I'm smiling at everything... Therapy - All Time Low.

I woke up due to my bladder feeling like it was going to explode. Of course, I wouldn't get back to sleep after this, so I laid in bed for about an hour snuggling with my kitty. I examined my face with my fingers - slowly going over each spot; feeling for dry/dead skin. I picked off the flakes which I regret. I hate doing that. But I guess I should feel accomplished enough for not popping any of these large zits. That's the main point of this, anyways.

Around dinner time I went to wash my face off (I went to the store for stuff, so I had makeup on.) I used water, some soap, and the brush. I'll be using my spot treatment later.

This has got to be the second worst breakout I have ever had.

--->food diary.

I'm really terribly sorry to say that last night I had two sips of coke. It was just so damn tempting. I said to myself, "ALYSSA, DON'T DO IT. DRINK WATER INSTEAD. LISTEN TO MEEEEE." But of course, I rebelled against my own mind. Realizing I couldn't do this to myself, I stopped at two. That was it. I'm such a failure. Hah!

Breakfast - N/A

Lunch - I'm not even hungry but I feel like I HAVE to eat. I'm just used to eating. So I'm having some Spaghettio's with a side of a handful of popcorn chicken. It's kinda an accomplishment considering yesterday I had like two. ^_^ I've got water to drink with it. Bleck. Water is so gross in the morning. I'd much rather be having a green tea!

Dinner - It's almost dinner time but for right now, I'm having a nice snack. Mmmm. Chex Mix and a White Tea (Raspberry flavored.) I'm surprised by how much less sugar is in both. It's amazing. Now I'm limiting my sugar intake fo sho'. This Chex Mix only has 3 grams, where as the Smartfood I ate every. single. day. had 32 grams. It's great! :dance:

Screw dinner, I'm full from so much water. Hah. I probably won't be eating any. Maybe an apple later. I'm going to bed early tonight anyways.

Total Water Intake - 8+ glasses.

--->pictures.

These were taken shortly after waking up.

--->video.

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Yay Lyssa log ^_^ lol, I wish I could stop drinking pop, too. But your not a failure! It is a hard temptation to resist. Grr. I do think it's great that you drink tea though. I could never/can't stand drinking it. Anyways, I'll be looking for your updates. Keep at it, little sister! =)

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Amandaaaaaa ^_____^ I've missed you. <3

The coke thing is sooo hard. But I remind myself and I'm thinking, well, it'll be great not only for my skin, but for my weight and teeth too. So I'm happy.

Thanks big sis<33 :D

--->day three.

"It's only in your head you feel left out, or looked down on..." The Middle - Jimmy Eat World.

Like I said, I probably can't do much today seeing as I'm going out with my aunt, maybe for the night. So I'll do what I can now. =]

The marks are pink now and that's what I've wanted. This means they're fading. The ultimate prize. I've got a big zit under the skin that decided to pop up last night. It's close to my hairline. Ah well, it isn't visible yet! Once more when I woke up, my bladder was full. It feels like someone is sitting on your stomach. Ugh. :doubt: But I'm proud that I've been drinking so much and I hope this lasts.

--->food diary.

Breakfast - N/A (I keep waking up in the afternoon! :doh:)

Lunch - Not hungry. I'll probably have a sandwich before I leave. Turkey, mayo, and cheese. I hate slice cheese. I only like block cheese. But whatever. lol

Dinner - ??? The big question I'll have to leave open because I haven't a clue!

Total Water Intake: 0 glasses so far. LOL. I'll have more though, I can reassure you. My day just started! In fact, I'll go get a glass now.

Alrighty folks.. I'm off to straighten my hair and get clothes on. BBL. =]

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hey right here with you on the skin picking spot popping thing, i dont no why the f i do it but what you said >>

you pick it in hope your feel better and it will look better

WRONG it always looks worse dont it lol.

well argh i want to smash something.

i told myself not to pick but i just do.

so really gota try now. cuss my face will never look normal other wise. but what do you do when you know you can pop it and get that crap out? cuss i dont like the marks it makes but i also dont like the shit under my skin

will follow ur log and good luck. really try

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hey right here with you on the skin picking spot popping thing, i dont no why the f i do it but what you said >>

you pick it in hope your feel better and it will look better

WRONG it always looks worse dont it lol.

well argh i want to smash something.

i told myself not to pick but i just do.

so really gota try now. cuss my face will never look normal other wise. but what do you do when you know you can pop it and get that crap out? cuss i dont like the marks it makes but i also dont like the shit under my skin

will follow ur log and good luck. really try

I knoooow, and that's the thing. I tell myself that, but I know it only makes it worse. :( When I know I can pop it I can because red marks are so much easier to cover up and less noticeable than a big zit. But that's what I'm trying to stop; popping :doubt: Arghh.

Thanks =]

good luck lyssa im trying to stop picking myself

Thanks Eric! I miss you! =]

Ugh. Last night I did something horrible.

We went to Chuck E Cheese. ARGH. That means I had pizza. I wanted to get tea with it so I'd at least have something healthy, but there was NOTHING healthy. I mean, some stuff was probably healthier than others in matters of sugar and shit, but I said fuck it and drank a Coke anyways. Then when I got back I had two oreos. :( And that one cup of water I had before I left? Yeah, that was the ONLY cup. Completely forgot.

Wow, look at me making up excuses. :wall:

--->day four.

“You can turn off the sun, but I'm still gonna shine.” The Remedy - Jason Mraz.

When I got home this after noon I picked off that scab thing on my cheek, you can't even notice it now! Ahhh so happy. And the marks on my forehead are fading. But now I've got that zit still by my hairline and a couple above my eyebrows and some on the left side of my forehead. I'm betting my skin is affected by stress and sugar. I can't imagine anything else. At least I can stop the sugar thing. (or maybe not considering the Chuck E fucking Cheese :| incident)

--->food diary.

And it's funny how sugary sweets make me FEEL like shit, too! No wonder. Healthy ftw.

Breakfast - Homemade french toast. ^_^ with syrup.

Lunch - N/A. Wasn't hungry.

Dinner - Chex Mix. Wow I'm amazing. But I'm not hungry! Arghhh.

Total Water Intake: 6 glasses.

--->pictures.

I don't think I'll be able to upload them as attachments much longah cuz it's using up my attachment space. I'll upload them to tinypic in the future.

--->video.

New cam. :)

Sorry I fidget a lot :shy:

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--->day five.

“Send some guidance from above, these people got me questioning - where is the love?" Where Is The Love - Black Eyed Peas.

Uhm... It's 5pm. :shy: I just woke up. Ooooops. Then again, this IS the last day of my vacation. So it works.

Everything looks really pink! I'm happy. Definitely better than red, and definitely easier to cover up. I just wish I didn't have these huge zits still popping up. :( And to top it off, I've got a sick :mad:

Feeling over my skin I can feel some dryness. I'm going to go wash my face and use the towel, then I'll put on some spot treatment on the zits I haven't popped. :D

...

Kay. Just applied moisturizer and I'm applying the spot treatment as we speak. My marks are barely noticeable now, yay! (well yeah, now they are, thanks a lot Olay Regenerist :doubt:) but I hope they'll stay this way for tomorrow. ^_^ We should be all set.

--->food diary.

Breakfast - N/A :shy:

Lunch - N/A :shy:

Dinner - I'm having Chicken Breast w/Gravy and mashed potatoes. :) Mmm.

but oh no, I had two cups of blackcherry soda. :wall: this is HARD.

Total Water Intake: 3 glasses. (so far)

--->video.

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--->day six.

"After all these failed attempts I'd thought I got wise, but instead, I leave it at this and say no more goodbyes." - Colin Andryc :wub:

I've got a new zit on the side of my face. Just flippin' great. Argh. I'm on no sleep right now. This cycle is gonna start again?! REALLY?! Urgh. :(

Not much to say but I look clear with makeup on. If only that were the reality. No picking done so I'm happy.

--->food diary.

Breakfast - Cereal.

Lunch - Turkey, cheese, lettuce, and tomato wrap with mayo. :) And a green tea. MMMMM. But Sobe's green tea is FILLED with sugar! Just about as much as coke. Snapple's are better.

Dinner - Not sure yet.

Total Water Intake: 3 glasses. (so far)

No video or pics tonight.. I'm too tired. I think I'll take a nap. ;_; Probably gonna get some green tea if we have money.

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I love your videos lol : ) how come you haven't been updating? i think you should get on that, because i really enjoy reading what you have to say and then watching the videos : ) you're funny.

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Tbh you have worse spots than i had when i was put on roaccutane., I`d see a dernatoligist - fighting acne topically just isnt worth the time and money. Im in the Uk so the pills were free. Im completely clear of acne and its only day 17. I dont want tot be mean - with makeup on your beautiful - but without makeup... This treatment would solve it for you it did for me.

Edited by Macbeth
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