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DAY ONE-HUNDRED-AND-NINETEEN

It's been about a month since I began this horrific and unintended hiatus from Accutane.

And although my past 'cyst scares' were only false alarms, it is with extreme disappointment and anxiety that I inform you all that I DEFINITELY am not hallucinating at my face this time. I do, indeed, have a nasty cyst forming right above my cheek scar area. And it SUCKS. I am going to get my lab work done tomorrow and then SUPPOSEDLY on Monday I can get my freaking prescription finally, but I'm not holding my breath for it. I thoroughly expect to get there and have them smugly shatter my dreams and tell me I have to wait another month or something just because they hate me and think I'm a complete dipshit.

So who knows.

In other shitty news, my computer is pretty much broken and I will most likely end up having to get a new one... long story. Also, apparently I can't graduate with my AA until I pay back my fines or whatever for my overdue books... which I COMPLETELY forgot about. Becaaauuusse I SUCK. And the fine is probably going to be like 300 dollars, which is way more than I make in two weeks. And I can't get any more hours at work because apparently there 'aren't any hours left to give'. I have to get a new phone tomorrow because my mom says I have to (long story fucking again)... annnd yeah.

Things suck. And my husband is annoyed at me for being upset all the time but I can't help it. I just want things to work out for once.

I'll probably post pictures tomorrow of the cyst, whom I am christening 'Monstruo'.

fmylife.

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Alright. So. I kind of got distracted and deserted my blog... but it's been about a month now since stopping Accutane and I'm checking in.

I'm breaking out. Already. I am extremely upset. I've already got cystic acne popping up again and I feel completely hopeless. Not even two rounds of Accutane could cure my ugliness. It's truly hopeless. I was clear for the last two months and for a few weeks afterward, but now the acne is back in full swing. I can't believe I'll never get to have NORMAL skin. Not perfect, just normal. That's all I wanted. :( I hate to be such a downer, but it's the truth. I guess I'm stuck this way. I feel so bad for my husband, who has been away in Texas for months and will be until May. I hate that he will have to come home to me looking like a piece of shit.

This is SO frustrating. Once we have Tricare I'll probably try to go back to the derm and demand they do SOMETHING for me. Maybe I'll just have to be on a constant cycle of antibiotics, creams, and Accutane for the rest of my life. But... who am I kidding? No dermatologist is going to prescribe Accutane that many times. Nope, I'm probably just fucked now.

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Guest Timehealsall

you have cystic acne? why were some complaining it as mild?

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Guest Timehealsall

on a side note, its amazing how some lucky people can pick all they want and get no scars. Others get scars by not doing shit..

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Hey sareliz!

I'm sorry to hear that you're breaking out again. I was clear for about four months after finishing my course of accutane. After suffering from breakouts for a month, I went to my derm and prescribed a topical. I mean, I thought I took Accutane to get away from topicals... I will say, however, that my acne right now is completely diferent than the acne I had pre-accutane. Luckily, my derm said it's non-scarring acne.

Wishing you the best!

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@Timehealsall: I get some of every kind of acne, including cysts. For me, it's just a very, veryyy persistent thing that resists topicals and most oral medicines, as well. In fact, the only medication that has ever given me any noticeable results at all has been Accutane. It just doesn't last. : (

@faithinhim: I remember reading your log awhile ago. You cleared up faaaast! Yeah my acne didn't even wait a month before starting to break out again. UGH. And it isn't mild, really... I've still got cysts. So I'd count you as lucky! Thanks for checking in on me, though. : ) And good luck to you, as well!

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Hey I just read your log, your wedding photo's were beautiful!

I'm sorry to hear you're breaking out again, have you tried anything topical like Differin?

Accutane can be prescribed up to 3 times and apparently by the 2nd or 3rd time acne doesn't come back?

Good luck!

You're beautiful whatever you do.

xx

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Alright, checking in again- with more bad news, I'm afraid. : (

So for awhile now I've been breaking out with whiteheads and stuff, just regular zits, mostly. It hasn't been great but it wasn't cystic so I was able to just deal with it. However, tonight when I got out of the shower, I was putting my Atralin gel on (I still have a teeny bit left over that I've been rationing out until I can get back to the derm*) and noticed a quarter-sized lump under my skin... on my left cheek, of course. That is ALWAYS the bad side. The lump is hard and achey to the touch. It's also quite red around there, too. I honestly don't know how I didn't notice it there before : ( but lately I have been trying VERY hard not to pick or even touch my face at all except for washing it, putting on gel, and applying makeup (most of which I do with my powder brush), so I suppose that's why it slipped under the radar this long. I literally felt sick to my stomach the second my finger passed over it. I knew the day would come when my luck would run out, and now it's here. A couple weeks ago I phoned my derm's office to get them to call in an Rx for prednisone, because I was going on a weekend trip and I wanted to have the steroid JUST in case I had a massive breakout. I picked up the Rx but never took it, deciding to save it for a dire situation. Well, now that situation has arisen. If it still looks as threatening and hideous in the morning, I'll start the prednisone. I was hoping to hold onto it for awhile longer, but I guess I'll have to deal.

I'm fairly certain that this cyst has something to do with the fact that my period has suddenly decided to show up again, after a long hiatus. I hate hormones. I have to work tomorrow and Monday, too, with this giant cherry of a cyst on my cheek in plain view. I already hate my job with a deep abiding passion, even on a GOOD day. Ugh.

I had put a big glob of Atralin gel on it, and I was waiting for that to kind of dry up a bit before I checked it again...

...and it's still there. Not a tragic mirage, but a tragic reality. Outlook, bleak.

** ANYWAY. So about going to the derm... I have been going to the SAME one since I was about ten or eleven. A long time. But recently, my husband and I were enrolled in Tricare Standard automatically. So now, if I'm understanding this correctly, I have to go to the doctor on base to get a referral to go to my derm in order for Tricare to cover any of it. I haven't been on base even once since getting my dependent ID made, so I'm very unfamiliar with the system of all this. Do I go on base to schedule an appointment with the on base doctor? Do I call for an appointment? Do I NEED an appointment, or do I just call the on base doctor for the referral to the derm? I have no clue. Either way, it has to get done ASAP. My face is not going to let me wait any longer. : (

And btw, thank you, Hello_Kitty_89, I really hope things turn out okay. I would hate to do a third round of 'Tane, but realistically I'll do whatever I have to do in order to have normal-ish skin.

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Hello,

I just wanted to say that I really enjoy reading your logs, not only for it's informative side but for the side that makes me LOL really hard! :) in a good way. I wish you all the best with your treatment, your situation with your husband and your life!

Will continue to read your log!]

Cheers ;)

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Sorry to hear about the new cystic breakout. I just don't understand why some people are blessed with perfect skin while others have to struggle so much. I hope you get everything figured out with Tricare. I've heard a few people talk about it before, and I hear it can be a hassle. Sorry I couldn't be of any help on that topic.

Good luck!

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Thanks guys! It's nice to be... read. haha : )

Well, to start off, I was feeling surprisingly positive about my face today, actually, until tonight. All day I thought, "Wow! Maybe the cyst isn't going to really rise up or anything after all!" I was thinking perhaps I had misdiagnosed it. The spot is very close to, or perhaps even on top of, an indentation I have from a former cyst that I got injected a couple months ago. So I was thinking that maybe it was just red because the indentation was filling in and was just inflamed as a result of that. Or that perhaps it was NEXT to the indentation and just seemed like a raised lump in contrast to the impression bordering it. Or maybe the indentation was simply growing a little whitehead in the center of it because of unresolved pore issues stemming from the injection. (If you are totally comprehending what I am describing, you are A. suffering from the same overly-analytical, micromanaging complex I have; B. extremely well-versed in the art of deciphering convoluted descriptions; or C. a true acne-sufferer who has personally experienced the mind-boggling act of "feeling" for bumps and "categorizing" them.)

Anyway, the point is that I was desperately trying to talk myself out of believing that it is indeed, a cyst. However, after my shower tonight, I noticed that it is much redder than before, and decidedly hypertrophic. (As a side note, I must mention that my computer does not think 'hypertrophic' is a real word. It is underlined in red. Silly computer. But I suppose it wouldn't know, seeing as a computer does not have to suffer from acne, meaning thus that it has no need for recognizing such a term. lol) Along with that realization, I also took notice of several other suspicious spots, all of which are centrally located towards the middle of my face, conveniently noticeable to all who look at my face. I also have a pretty painful whitehead on my nose, in the crease... above... my... nostril? (Nostril is a weird word. A gross, weird, awkward word that I do not like.) I have no better way to describe that particular location. lol But as usual, I dabbed some of my dwindling Atralin gel on the spots and called it a night. OH, and I failed to mention the cyst-like recurring whitehead that is hanging out just above the end of my right eyebrow. I squeezed it a bit last night in a moment of weakness, and this morning it had seemed to have shrunk considerably. But by tonight it had re-spawned into an even more obnoxious form. So there's that.

By the way, Happy Valentine's Day everyone. I hope the day went better for you guys than it did for me. I got my schedule wrong for today, so I ended up missing the first hour of work (which was okay because I didn't want to be there anyway). But it still kind of threw off my whole day because I hadn't expected it. And then there's the fact that my husband is several states away, in Texas, while I am lonely and depressed here in the Sunshine State. I didn't get to see my Valentine at all. : ( And I only got to talk to him for about three minutes on the phone before he had to go back to sleep. (He is at tech school for the Air Force and he is on the night shift. His classes begin around 8:30PM, so during the day he is sleeping. This makes it very difficult for us to catch each other at the right time.) I miss him. A LOT. I wish he was here. But this is the life we chose, and I knew what to expect, to some extent. I have to get used to being alone, but that doesn't make it any less painful to be away from him.

On another note, I have to ask... DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW TRICARE STANDARD WORKS? Hahaha. I know that I could probably contact the Tricare people and ask them. But I'd rather get here it from your perspectives first. I'm very new to the system and I need all the help I can get!

Wow, this is a pretty long post. I'd better shut up now. Alright, time for bed. I hope. 'Night everyone.

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ALRIGHTY. It's been a minute, guys. And even if nobody's reading, I really want to keep better track of how my breakouts go, for my own future reference and such. : ]

So... let's dive right in. I look like SHITE. This is the worst it's been yet since I stopped Accutane. I want to upload pics but I don't think the site will let me. I think I've hit the limit. Argh. So for now I will just describe my hideousness with WORDS.

I have lots and lots and LOTS AND LOOTTTSSS of whiteheads. Which are getting better by the day. At first, I was just getting the little itty bitty tiny ones you don't even see without looking up close. But now they are developing into nodules which are farrr bigger and more noticeable. Also, I have a really, really big, deep zit on the left side of my chin area which I can tell is going to just get worse. It may even be cystic. Sigh. After my shower tonight I will have a better description of what exactly is going on.

And I have some other issues going on. My shoulders/back are also breaking out a bit now too, again. : ( I think my sudden terrible breakout is due mainly to the fact that the Accutane is now totallyyy out of my system, but the other potential exacerbation is that I am on my period. As I have been for about six weeks straight, now. NOT COOL, MOTHER NATURE. NOT. COOL. So my hormones are obviously veryy out of whack, and this has to be detrimental to my skin condition to some extent. Also, I am ridiculously stressed out, what with my job, the things I have to do for the overseas clearance for the Air Force, wondering how/when/if my husband and I are going to Alaska, what day my husband will be home (sometime in May, we hope?), how I'm going to get back into school, etc... bah! Everything is hanging in the air right now. I don't like it.

Phew. There's the quick update. I'll be back.

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BAD. DAY.

Okay, so my six-week period seems to finally be ending. I went to the GYN today and was prescribed Loestrin24 and progesterone pills, which I'll be taking for ten days. The latter will undoubtedly induce ANOTHER PERIOD to occur. : ( And I also got some generic Augmentin for my head cold/sore throat/earache/swollen lymph node. ANNNDDD when I got home from work, I went into the bathroom to find a ginormously huge and disgusting pus-filled sac in the between-the-lip-and-chin area. Yep. A cyst. I am so upset. This is dime-sized and red and visible and already feeling achy. I mean, I figured it would only be a matter of time before the cysts came back after the 'Tane, but I had HOPED maybe I'd be wrong. I guess not. : ( In the morning, I have my derm check-up so HOPEFULLY they will agree to inject it for me, even though I have to go to work afterward, and I always bleed foreverrr after an injection. I am seriously crushed by this. I'd been doing so well... but it had to happen sometime, I suppose. I dearly hope that Tricare Standard covers injections, otherwise it's back into debt I go. At least when they see how bad my skin has gotten they will be more likely to prescribe me something. That's just about the only upside I see to this.

post-91045-1301008312_thumb.jpg

That's a terrible picture of the offending cyst. : ( But there it is. In all its hideousness. Actually, in this picture you can't tell at all how big and red it is... thanks, cell phone camera.

[hours later]

Alright well I showered and was all hopeful that maybe I would see/feel a 'head' on the cyst (named Mortimer, btw)... but I unfortunately did not. So tomorrow morning, I will beg my derm to inject it, and then hope that it won't bleed and swell up allll day when I am at work talking face-to-face to hundreds of people... ugh. I just know that this cyst has got to be caused mainly by my fucked up hormones. I hate you, womanhood. I hate you so much.

I suppose if worse comes to worst I can take my prednisone pills I've been saving for an emergency. But I'd rather keep them for awhile longer... : /

PS: I attempted to upload 5 more pictures of my skin but it won't let me. SIGHH.

Edited by sareliz
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Alright, it's been awhile but this is definitely time to update. =/

I... look... BAAAD. I have been steadily getting worse and worse but it hadn't been unbearable until now. I started taking Loestrin 24 last Thursday and since then I have been so messed up. As I type this I am resisting the urge to run to the restroom and throw up. I'm nauseous, dizzy, moody, overemotional, and my face looks the worst it has since before Accutane. I have about 25-30 zits on my face right now, the majority of which are on my cheeks. I also have a cyst forming on my lower left cheek near my jawline. And I'm fairly certain that at least one of the spots on my cheek is cystic as well. This is terrible. I'm off of work till Monday, luckily, but I highly doubt that it will have miraculously cleared up by then. I am at a loss as to what I should do... I refuse to sit here and let my face revert to how it was pre-'Tane. That just isn't okay with me. My husband is coming home in 35 days and I am NOT going to let him come home to a hideous wife. : ( If this isn't any better within a week, I'm probably going to just stop taking the Loestrin 24. I would rather have irregular periods than have this level of acne on my face.

One thing I am wondering about... I've read about people taking Spironolactone with a BCP, some with success and others without. I'm tempted to look into trying it myself, but I'd really like to get more information and feedback first.

Gosh I am so miserable right now. : ( I hate to complain like this, but I am truly disgusted by the effects Loestrin 24 has had on me so far. Ten minutes ago I was lying in my bed sobbing because I feel SO sick to my stomach and SO self-conscious about my face. I can't deal with it. I have got to figure out some way to make this stop...

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Alright, I think I might attempt to make another log... but I don't know where I would place it, seeing as I am post-'Tane, on topicals, BC, and OTC products too. Whatever. We'll see.

Anyway, I am still really, really disappointed in Loestrin24. I think I'm going to quit taking it, already. I can't sit around and wait to see if this miraculously improves my skin in 'a few months'. That's not going to cut it. I have cysts ALL over my cheeks and I literally cry when I look at my face. It's DISGUSTING. To go from mild-moderate to SEVERE in a week's time is ridiculous. This birth control is like poison for my skin. It's been one week on this pill and I am dying... apart from the obvious tragedy of my face looking like shit, I am also still dizzy and nauseous with insane mood swings and depression. This SUCKS. I would rather have my period for six weeks straight again than look like this.

I still am just in complete shock at how quickly and drastically my skin has worsened on this pill... gosh. : ( This sucks so bad. All I want to do is look pretty and normal and feel happy, especially during the next couple months of excitement with my husband coming home and traveling and relocating... this is the WORST timing ever.

I've got to find a way to fix this hellish situation.

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Still on the Loestrin24. For awhile my skin actually got considerably better, with no cysts, just small bumps on my cheeks and chin. So I was thinking that maybe my body was getting accustomed to the BCP and was balancing out. Howeverrrr... yesterday afternoon I noticed a new spot coming in on my right cheek (normally the 'good side') and after some unsuccessful wishing and hoping that it would turn out to be harmless, I awoke this morning to find that it is, indeed, morphing into a cyst. : ( It's terrible timing, too, because my husband is hopefully going to be coming home from tech school next week... so now he's going to come home to me looking GROSS. I'm debating my options... I haven't called the derm for an injection yet but it still might happen. I also have prednisone left to try and clear it up. I think I'm going to try and wait until I know for sure when my husband is coming home before I make a decision. In the meantime I'm just going to hide in my house. :X

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