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sanjoseskin

Am I just insensitive?

So I really would like to know. Am I just a complete insensitive person, or am I being real?

So here is what ticks me off. Having facial scars is horrible, and through the years I have done my best to fix them. However, over the years many people trying to console me have told me that soceity is not as judgemental, superfical and beuty driven as one might expect. That scars are no big deal.

So here is the problem. Over the years you see people with no acne scars on their face logging on here and freaking out. Some freakout because they are bruised from a laser they did to perfect their already flawless skin. Another person recently did a peel, and was freaking out from the healing process, again another person with no facial scars. Then this college kid from india is here about body chicken pock marks and says something to the effect of "thank god I have no face scars." There is another guy flipping out about his back marks also. The chick with the facial peel, and freaking out she might have caused a scar on her scar free face is classic too. Gee thanks you are so worried about 1 scar, but I have like 50 on my face.

Is it just me or are these people freaking clueless. Lets say I cut my pinky finger making dinner tonight, cut a nerve, and now my picky is paralayzed. Would I ever in heavens sake log onto a quadriplegic forum, and freak out to quadriplegics because my pinky wasn't functioning? I know you all cant walk, you cant use your legs or arms, you are in wheel-chair for the rest of your life, but please for the life of god help my pinky. Someone would have to slap me if I did that right?

By these individuals coming on here with their acne scar FREE faces and freaking out, isn't it sending the message that socieity is in-fact superficial, socieity is in-fact judgemental, and socieity is infact beauty driven. Sadly for us we got the shitty end of the deal and have scars on our faces. The rest of you can hide your body, lucky you.

Maybe I'm insensitive but I don't care, those type of people piss me off.

Edited by sanjoseskin

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lol mate you are in no way insensitive. from your posts you're intellegent and know what you are talking about e.g from your research and the treatments you've had in the past. stop questioning yourself mate. you seem like you are doing your very best.you are friendly too and its what we need on these boards. its infact the other people who are being insensitive. some people here have really bad scarring and i think the people with less scarring need to be mindful as to how they ask questions and phrase their answers. i suppose its like if i found an obese person i wouldnt complain about putting on a kilo or two as i would realise it would simply hurt the person. i know i dislike people showing minimal scarring and going on about it. I also understand that the quality of most photos also hides a bit of the scarring.

i often wonder if im insensitive as well. i find im less likely to help people who i dont feel have scarring. im also less likely to want to help when i dont feel the people would do the same for me. i guess i often wonder too, if i really found the answer, would i tell anyone and would they tell me. to be honest, i think i would. everybody has feelings and deserves to be helped.

Edited by cartwheeling_monkey

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I don't know if you can say "society" is that superficial or not, because everybody is going to be different. Some people might look at a person that has terrible scars and not give a crap. Someone else might look at the same person and be horrified. Most people are probably somewhere in the middle... Not really horrified, but maybe still noticing. But one thing that is guaranteed is that most people are focusing on one thing, and that's themselves. Whether you're a person with one scar or many, you are most likely here for you... Not somebody else. So in that sense, we are all selfish to a certain extent. But I understand what you are saying... Some people don't think stuff through before they post stuff. I had a girlfriend who was mad the morning of the Northridge CA earthquake, because the mall was closed. Meanwhile people were laying under their homes crushed to death. What can you say... Each of us lives in our own little universe.

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I think everything's relative and it's how your appearance makes you feel that really matters. You may think your scars are bad but compared to someone who has had their face bitten off by a dog, I guess you shouldn't complain either. I think we should all be sensitive to everyone's situations... one person may be completely unaffected by seemingly severe scarring while another with low self esteem may get depressed over one small scar. I don't think we should give compassion on a points system... it shouldn't be a case of "my scars are worse than yours so quit complaining". We should all just support eachother however mild or severe the scarring is.

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I remember back in high school when my face was covered in red marks, not scars, and I felt so bad and ugly. Then they cleared but I started slowly getting real scars as I aged and I guess my healing deteriorated. I wished for my old skin. However, I would have hoped people would have given me compassion back then as well, even without scars, because I was in a lot of pain. Pain is pain. You could be Seal with his facial scars and be completely happy, because you have that mindset, and someone else has one zit and can't go on. The world is superficial but most people are really only worried about themselves and are not as judgmental on others appearance as you might think.

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Yep. People do suck.

This is how it is:

People will say one thing...but do another.

People think things and don't say it. What people really think and feel and talk about outside of you will always be a mystery until someone bluntly tells you the truth.

Family and friends are supportive...but full of crap. Those who don't have it and sympathize are full of it.

Life is short enough as it is but to live with this stigma and have to deal with it is very painful and makes lot's of people live a "half-life" and a good analogy is that people will have a black cloud over their head following them around.

I've seen people on here with mild scarring thinking it's the worst thing and people with terrible scarring being more cheerful than those with mild.

I am in the middle I guess...as my scarring is localized on my right cheek. It is good to see that some people realize the truth and that it is bleak sometimes...but what can you do really?

You have to go on living or just eventually life ends anyway. You may as well do your best with what you have and slowly phase it out. Seek treatment and get everything out there that is possible.

Do your best to improve your life in all areas not just your facial skin.

As far as people that are superficial and all that...I guess that's just the way it is. It sucks but we are not lucky as far as other people.

I definitely notice a difference in my behavior over the years and how I just don't give a fuck sometimes...about anything.

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I agree with all the posters here. For me it's the fact that I only became this self-conscious because people started treating me differently due to my acne scars, NOT the other way around. I am a product of their treatment towards me, and now friends and family tell me that I need to cheer up because I give out a negative energy if I don't. Yeah I agree, but how am I to be all happy when its the other people who keep bringing me down? I need a miracle VERY soon because it's really hard to live like this any more than I've already had...I feel like I'm having a midlife crisis at 27 and life is becoming increasingly claustrophobic...

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societal may be superficial but that doesnt mean that one person should worse than another. we all care for our bodies and love to see it in its best condition so when something happens to it, no matter how big or small, it will affect our mindset. its also nature as well. no one can live care free in this world. there is too much stress that is constantly around us. if we didnt have "stress" (whatever it may be) then we would live an utopia. but i understand if you get frustrated about others complaining about their little marks while other people on the site have multiple scars. its just life. cant change it. just have to deal with it...somehow.

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so the real question is what do we do?????

I mean we are kind of stuck... I don't want to say for life because maybe some people have gotten proper therapy/surgery for their scars...

I have had 2 treatments so far:

subcision+ tca cross = better rolling scar, and new linear scar :(

Dermbrasion = to treat linear scar and help appearance overall= slightly less linear scar...part of subcision treatment in rolling scar opened up a bit...and new tiny linear scar over rolling scar.

Overall skin does it look worse after treatments? Maybe not...Maybe not sure too early to tell...but it looks different for sure and maybe slightly less natural thereby causing me a new stress. I am fairly upset overall over getting these treatments.

I have scars on half my face...my right cheek. It isn't fair, some people have it all over, some poeple just have a couple.

We all suffer in a different way. It is a disfiguring thing and only a small amount of people seem to actually get help by treatments.

It seems like dermarolling is working though maybe we should look into that?

As far as emotionally, what are we supposed to do in the mean time really? Think about the ways it attacks you:

-confidence...big downer

-dating-wise...insecurities and maybe avoidance of dating/meeting new partners

-workplace--worrying if someone is looking

-looking for treatments that may cause you MORE scarring

That is a pretty hefty list and I would say this equates to the stress of people that have extremely stressful lives.

It is saddening, maddening and stressful. Does anyone have any good coping advice?

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I agree with all the posters here. For me it's the fact that I only became this self-conscious because people started treating me differently due to my acne scars, NOT the other way around. I am a product of their treatment towards me, and now friends and family tell me that I need to cheer up because I give out a negative energy if I don't. Yeah I agree, but how am I to be all happy when its the other people who keep bringing me down? I need a miracle VERY soon because it's really hard to live like this any more than I've already had...I feel like I'm having a midlife crisis at 27 and life is becoming increasingly claustrophobic...

You are right... It's a viscous circle. But the same thing can happen to people without anything wrong with their face, and it does all the time. People are unhappy for all sorts of reasons. And yes, other people don't want to be around unhappy people, so that makes it worse. It's a difficult situation. But you just have to try and find a way to lift yourself above it. Look to other people who have gone through a lot worse and use them as an example. Lance Armstrong almost died of cancer... Some people would have, but not only did he not die, he came back and won a race that most perfectly healthy people could never even finish. If you think you feel bad now, trust me... it will be a lot worse if you let it get to you for the next 20 years or something. Because in the end, you're going to look back and really regret letting that happen. Just take little steps. Go for walks. Do things you like to do. Don't assume somebody looking at you is looking at any problem you think you might have. There's a good chance they are not. And if people have some problem with it, that's more about them than about you.

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Dave is kind of right. Great post Dave. I give you a bravo with that comment.

It is a viscious circle...and it can make you feel helpless if you let it.

There are days that I'll feel better because I'll feel like my scars look better and then vice versa.

I am 23 years old and sometimes I feel claustrophobic with all this and I know the mid-life crisis feeling because I feel emo a lot of times due to my anger/sadness because of this. I am sure a lot of people have it worse. I am just goin to take care of my skin and slowly try and improve it. I am going to focus on making my life better in every possible way and not worrying if someone is looking at my scars or face. I will be carefree about it and maybe just maybe one day I'll let it go.

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